My Cavity Search

A lot of people take pride in their appearance.  Of course it is natural for a person to feel self-conscious about something or another.  For most it is how they look.  In fact for all.  Even those who are completely comfortable with their body.  

I used to be very self-conscious about my large toes.  heehee.  Not like most people who find their toes unattractive - no dice.  Mine are very sexy - BUT - as unfortunate as I was when it came to be in a decline when it came to sports at the age of 13 - I begun ------ (hold on to your hats folks) I begun to have ingrown toe nails.  ---- GOSH - some boys have puberty issues and growing pains! -- BUT ME! - I get stuck with freaking Ingrown Toenails! 

Pretty gnarly right?  And I mean that in of course the raunchy idea of those bloody sausages balancing me up from day to day.....  And not of course in the surfer term I use quite religiously.  Especially when it comes to certain cooking.  It's fun in that case due to no one really knowing what I am truly thinking about their cooking...... :)  "I assure you it's good!" - I will laugh as I gobble down what is left of the sour dough cupcake left on my plate........  ahem ..... any way.

So these ingrown toe nails were killer.  They hurt soo bloody much (disregard all the puns I may make with "bloody"  I use this in connection to show how much they hurt - and also to explain how bloody in fact they were every day of my life)  It wasn't long before my mother took me to a doctors office and he recommended me to another doctor just across the road to do an operation on me in North York General Hospital.  I went to the operation which was no more than just him freezing my toe and pulling out the nail.  (what is this the dentist!?!!! =for-shadow teehee) -  But what was done was done and I was off to live my life again as a rambunctious grade 8 student thriving for a skateboard and a coca-cola every 10 minutes.

Of course - with my luck - the nail grew back in a brutal strike of revenge, spanning on both sides of my big toe!  - This was pain folks!  Stairs were nazi torture for my feet.  Non stop - every step I take - every move I make - those freaking toes would hurt like hell!!!!!

Back to the doctors - back in the bed - froze the toes - and then .......... YANK!

Marching out in a hobble only familiar to a penguin and half of the white hip hop population - I was not in a happy mood.  --- These bloody bloody freaking toes I would think!  God I hated them.  - Ever "damn" your own toes?  Or feet for that matter?  I was a pro at this.

Thinking this was the end of the battle - my toes decided to strike down into a war again Poland (my other big toe) and tore apart both sides of it as if it owed it child support!  - WHAT did this toe do to deserve such a beating?!  It was the other one that had the problems with the toe nails!!!  What the heck!?  

So - Back to the Doctors - back in the bed - froze the toes - and then.......wait..the toes wouldn't freeze..... hold on a second doc... WAIT... Just hold on a second Doctor!!!!............ TEAR!

bastard.

I assured myself in that pain - "I would never be back there again".

As if I had any choice in the matter.....  After that last bit of Sweeny Todd for the toe - I was back to get a check up on my toes.

And sure enough Skat Cats - Both big toes were now becoming infected once again and becoming ingrown on both sides............................  This was now personal!

I went to extreme measures for this one.  No more was I to wait hand and....ahem... knee?  for these feet!  - I was sick of praying to the heavens for an easier day (or perhaps an elevator) when ever I saw stairs in what was now my highschool - 2nd year in.

I was sent to a foot specialist............. Ahem --- a Foot Specialist...... Sorry I had to repeat that to myself because of how obtuse it really does sound to me.  A man - staring at feet.... Alllllll day/every day.....  I guess it's not soo obtuse to me seeing how a friend of mine is a special doctor who looks upon a Gentlemen's .....ahem..... I apologize - there are ladies reading this!

Anyhooven ---  I was in this special office - covered in footprints on the walls and oddly shaped shoes on little shelves placed all around the room.  A man and his wife it appeared ran this office.  They explained to me how this would be a laser surgery - and after this surgery - These toe nails will never be able to grow back - again..............  MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT NAILS!  VICTORY IS UPON THE ALLY'S - MUAHAHAHAH!!!!

Before beginning - the Doctor looks at me.  "We will not allow you to watch the surgery - so we will have a curtain up over top of your ankles blocking off your vision to your feet..... Is that alright?" - "Do your thing Doc!" - I smiled......  He responded with.... "No before we begin I need to ask you a few questions........ Do you feel this? (poking my toe after freezing)"  - "nope" - "How about this?" - "No sir!" -  "Good good - now last question............  Do you like Comedy?"

Ahem........ WHAA?! hahaha I laughed and assured him I was definitely hip and with it and down with the comedy.  "Good!" he said.  "Well I know it is a bit offensive, but my wife and I are quite partial to the comedy stylings of Robin Williams!  Do you like him?"  - HELLLS YES! - "Well I hope you don't mind if we put it on and play it during your surgery - you can just lay back and watch it!"

God bless this man!  Bless this man and his disgusting little feet fetish!  - What a great guy.  Told those toe nails who was boss - and treated me like a king!  All I had to do was lay back and watch some television as someone else went off and handled my problems!!....  For that hour and a half -- I was George W. Bush.

The war was done.  I became champion.  I smiled at myself in the mirror in a victorious manner.  I was triumphant!  I was the big cheese!  I was......... I was....... I ............ What is that???......................... A CAVITY?!!!!!!  Oh SCREW THIS!

-Mission 29- My Cavity Search

Not gonna lie - my dentist has always been a REAL ass!  Although I would always walk in to the office looking like a real bum - he sure didn't hesitate to begin my cavity search and cause a real shit of my day!

He was an older guy.  Always picking on me and telling me how bad my teeth were.  Never really helping me out or trying to baby me into getting it down... But rather putting me down and using me blindly like toilet paper - making a mess of everything!  What a real ass whole!  I'll tell yah!  - Man oh man!  Diggin away in that whole and finding a new reason to treat me like a real Donkey! 

I stopped going after a while.  I didn't like the ridicule.  Not going to lie.  Sure I brush my teeth- as much as a teenage boy (at that time) did every night after his shower then brief cry at how miserably awful his skin looked! 

But - the time had come.   I am an adult now - and as much as it pains me to go back to that pain in the ass for another check up - I needed to go.  I knew from that small cavity years ago I was in some deep doo doo if I didn't get it looked at any further.  

Heck - my partner in crime and at LEAST 3 other people whom I consider quite good friends of mine most recently got out their wisdom teeth! freaking idiots!  I'd be petrified!  haha But they had something I did not..... Well a few things for that matter.. 1 being their wisdom teeth.  The second being courage!  

But this cowardly Lion was going to march up that yellow brick road and bitch slap Dorothy back to Kansas!  I was going to suck it up and go for my --- what would inevitably become - my cavity search.

"Oh pJ!  There's a new Dentist there now.  The other one retired!"

OH Thank the Moons, tides and Mr. Clean!!! I was free from that jerk!  

This was a relief!  Really was!  Sure I would have to go under the drill no matter what - but at least I would get a clean start!

"WOW" - was the first word my new dentist said to me as he began to examine my teeth.

He speculated that these cavities I had were.......... Pretty shitty.

He brought me into another room and sat me down on the big dentist electronic chair.

"This is some real Dentist work!  You actually need real work done!  Wow, wow, wow!"

I suppose I was happy to make someone feel good that day.  Although I was sitting in the chair most recognized as the 2nd most painful chair to sit in - leaving the famous electric chair in a reigning first - I was happy to give this guy the pleasure of doing some real work in stead of the boring chore of cleaning peoples teeth day in and day out.

The first count... 3 fillings and half a root canal.  That was my first visit on a sunny tuesday afternoon...........  A mere hour later from then - another filling......  OUCH... I would think.  Sure I was sore - but more tired feeling..  This Root Canal thing wasn't soo bad.  I was feeling pretty good about myself.  My teeth were actually looking a lot better!!!

Wait what?..... I have to come in again on Thursday to finish the root canal?  sigh.....  At least then I'll be done...............  I'll be done right?.....  Finished RIGHT?!!!!!!

Now Skat Cats - BEFORE this day -(the dentist tells me)- I was strutting around with - 4 cavities - 3 of which were on the front 3 teeth.  AND another whopping 4 Root Canals!

Oh for the love of Ronald Mcdonald!  C'MON!!!!!  sighh..

Day 2 came upon me in a cloudy day - of course I thought positive - HECK cloudy days are my friend Jovi's favorite day!  -- I got on the bus with a positive attitude - listening to some Jason Mraz - and I was happy.  Generally and fully.  It was going to be a good day :D!

Hopped into the chair and said "Do yo Thang!" and within an hour I was out of the chair with that root canal all done.... Of course I was in the chair a tad longer due to the fact that during this root canal he actually didn't have much tooth left over - so he rebuilt me a new one!  He made it bigger - stronger - HE HAD THE TECHNOLOGY!

This was a good day..  It didn't even hurt!  I was feeling great!  - Marching out of the office with a grin on my face I hear - "Oh Patrick! --  I have a cancellation!  How about you come back in a bit more then an hour and I start on that 2nd root canal?!"

SURE!  - My happily blissful words returned as I continued on my way to sit amongst a city street eating Soft Green Apple Licorice.  I was having a grand ol time.  I made a ton of phone calls to friends who were in awe at how up and excited I was sounding!  It was great!  I assured my friend Katie who also needs to go in for a root canal that it wasn't soo bad!  She just needed to bite the bullet and get on in there!  The thought of it hurts more then the actual operation I told her!

And not too long later - I walked back to the office.  I got there about 45 minutes early so I could read a bit and listen to my Ipod.  

"Don't get too comfortable!  I can take you now!"

OH!  Convenient!  I suppose more Mraz Tuneski's will have to wait...................

OUUUUUUUCHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?!  This rotten bloody tooth (all proper adjectives :D) was hurting soo bad during the operation!  Why was it hurting soooo much right now!!!  AHHH what is Katie in store for?!  What have I done?!  Why didn't the first one hurt like this!?!!  By the BEARD OF ZUES This was hurting soooo bad!! YOWZA!

I got out of there and prayed to the heavens to pour down raindrops of Tylenol 3's.  - I met up with my father and picked some up quickly as I went home and passed right out.

This truly was a pain in my ass!  Man oh man!  

Tuesday June 23rd I leave for my job up north - I will be leaving with very nice teeth - and a few peaceful months away working with great friends and then moving into my new home in Oakville Ontario before beginning my new Musical Theater program..... But first.... Tuesday June 23rd --- before I leave at 1:30pm - I will return --- at 8 am ---- for my 5th visit within 1 week - to Dr.Hoppe (Hop-pee) and finish this Root Canal.......

I leave you now to no more then the sound of my heart beat pounding and the echo's of drills and scratching at a leather chair become closer and closer.

1 more step to go....  Not much of a leap - not even close to a sheep.  But I will drive through it to my destination of hope - joy - and happiness.

Think Gratitude!  - it's summer ;)

-pJ