Mr.Procrastinate

At work today (American Eagle) - the last shift of my non stop day after day week of A/E - and now on to my week off.... Not going to lie - I wish it was a little more spread out. But knowing my manager - she'll call me in for a couple of shifts while I'm off - so I'm not too worried. BUT if not - today was memorable enough to last a week of no work. I'll remember it for one specific reason..... A lady.... And not one of those times when you think "AND WHAT A LADY!" - but an elderly lady whom had one heck of a mind to her.

Now to inform this story I need to tell you that American Eagle has signs and other stylish assortment of things inside with really suggestive sayings on them. Now our motto is not - "Live your Life @ American Eagle". And along with each new collection of clothes for each season comes a special saying. We get a sign with the saying on it to post in front of our store with a model on the front of it wearing our new clothes in sexy ways that a lot of us only dream of being able to sport from day to day. But this sign simply says.......... "Free Your Legs"........... Now this little old dust bunny comes waltzing in with a little old grin on her wrinkled face of stories, comes straight up to me and asks "nooowwwwww what does free your legs mean?"

Innocent? You would think so... But if it were not for quick eyebrow twitch raising upward to assume the worst of this question - this little old nanny went from Mary Poppins aged 65 to Granny from next door on search for her last hurraaaahh...

But of course I kept my cool. No sense being creeped out openly - especially since this woman is lookin for some happy times.... SO professionally I begun to talk about our deal on selected "shorts" as part of our Summer collection..... She didn't care for it. She looked at me and said - "Oh, this doesn't look like a store for a woman like me" - she turned away and exited my life. Farewell you old bird!

-Mission 21- Procrastination Sensation

It has become a cycle of mine - Where my mind fully shuts off and I just can't bring myself to finishing anything until I see something finished.

I got into this blog deal from my role model - a Mr. Jason Mraz... His philosophy of life and gratitude and happiness encouraged me to begin writing again after a long Hiatus.

In high school I took a course called "Writers Craft". It was one of the most rewarding courses I took throughout my high school years. Except sadly and PAINFULLY there is a portion to each class where everyone has to take time and write a journal entry.

AFTER hundreds of these damn entries I couldn't take it. The stories started to lack and the haiku's begun to suck more coo then a pigeon whose lost it's voice.

Soooo I stopped it very quickly.

But it's been refreshing to write a few times per month to talk about what ridiculous moments I encounter that add up to my life.

Among all the scripts for plays and screenplays and musical ideas that have come round through my thoughts and RANDOM writing moments - I turned to music. Last Christmas my parents rocked my world with a Tenor Ukulele as my gift. I play that guy ALLLLL the time... I called her Tabitha - I've spoken about her a few times. She's my world haha. I have gotten pretty good. Nothing to go touring around the world with - but I have written music and come up with melodies with Tabi that therapeutically help chill life down. She's been a real doll.

BUT alas - I have never finished a song. I get the opening of a song and I write down a few dummy lyrics but for the LIFE of me, I just can't seem to finish a song. I have about 5 killer songs of mine that I play constantly - but I repeat the same ridiculous verses about heart break and the search for love sooo many times I'm just aching to find the end to at least one of em...

But I come close. Yes, yes I do. I really do come close to finishing those suckers. If it weren't for my RIDICULOUS procrastination! For most of the people who read this - you find times where you WANT to do something - anything - except for the one thing that you are supposed to be doing? You know what I'm talkin about - Don't act like I'm preaching to the choir - they will stand there in their robes and LISTEN AND ENJOT IT!!!!!!

Since I have been off of school for a couple of years now it is human nature to live your life the way you like and just fill in the blanks. Y'know - for example - when I would have homework - HA- and I would procrastinate and just pull off the art of "sitting" for most of my nights. Now that there has been no option too ignore homework for me I have lost my effort at writing on this blog.

It's not because I don't want to -But rather - I haven't done too much excluding the constant working. And as WACKY as that may seem to a few of you lifeless swines - it hasn't been adventurous.

And of course - along with my MALE cycle -ha!- There haven't been too many blogs written by the J-man himself to encourage/remind me of a theme to write about. This euphoria that has been my blog has been on some sort of shut down because of my lack of bloggage. It's like writing baggage - on the interweb........ ahem.... any way....

Finally the one I look too for some sort of release from this world wrote a blog.............. It was about Procrastinating........

C'mon!!! hahaha - I'm trying not tooo procrastinate any more myself!! Toss a brotha some inspiration!

But when a fan - such as myself.......... Not a spinning piece of plastic but rather someone who idolises someone AS WELL as God..... Yes yes, the bible tells us all not to idolise anybody but him - BUTTTTTT C'mon!!! As a human I try not to stress and to feel about certain things as if it were the Pirate Code ----- more guide lines.......

And soo ladies and......... MORE lady ;) - I ask you this .......................... I've got nothing.... But I wanted to give a shout out any way.................................... A Shout out to the laaaadies :D......

HA!

So amongst the last few days of my schooless - lifeless - life - I salute you all for reading this. I have gotten into a school as you have learned - for Musical Theater Performance. NOT BAD - but as much sd people would assume it'll get to my head - (just because of my humor) - I am terrified - It feels like I will constantly be at an audition - I'm really anxious to get in there and get comfortable - But it has all sunk in - and I will go in there open heatedly and feasting out some humble pie...... I think nervousness is overrated. Not to sound like a southern mother who lives on an alligator farm - "nervousness is the devil!" - haha.

C'mon folks...... Here it is... This is life... DO NOT try to show up other people.... It's hard not to be accepted or acknowledged when you work uncontrollably hard. But one thing that I took from how I held myself at my audition for my new school was that I went and I was myself.... If they didn't want me - then they didn't need someone like me. It's hard to take but why be someone else JUST to go somewhere? Will you REALLY have a good time? I went there and I was myself - there were guys singing triumphant opera tenor notes - They could overwhelm a moose - but that's not me..... I brought who I am to the table. I didn't go to beat anyone. I went to showcase what I have. I wasn't going to try to be someone else.... And yes - I got in. It's overwhelming and terrifying and amazing all at once....... But hey - this is life isn't it?

Procrastination is something I would love to put into the past with that sickly lady from the mall - and Thug masta G' from my audition - but things just somehow sneak back up to you - and sooooo Mr.Procrastination - I salute you - and ask you to get the CRAP outta my life - pJ's got some livin to do.....

-rock on folks - and hey! Go live your Life -

-pJ

Sense of Play

Do you ever find yourself being REALLY bored, then within an odd series of events you find yourself being oddly humoured with the SAME EXACT activity that you were doing that caused you to be so bored?

HERE is an EXACT rundown of one of my bored days.

Wake up around noon... Usually find myself forcing open my eyes as I feel a subtle sunlight spotlighting my face from the curtain cracks of my window. I like most society driven young people ---- sleep beside my laptop... Of course this being my mothers lap top - I usually swipe it and fall a sleep as I additively check to see if someone writes me that last minute "hello" at 3:30 in the morning.

And as I awake and find that within the last 7 hours no one has yet sent me a "hello" - I lay and stare at what is the fantastic Funk - shway of my bedroom... Now I don't spell it correctly because of two things.... The first and most important reason being - My room is in fact the single most Funkiest place in the world..... The second and most obvious reason being that I lack the knowledge of it's correct spelling................... yeah...... shut up!.. how about that?

As I continue to lay I turn on a movie to which will entertain me as I continue to lay..... Yes that is correct - amidst the funk is a dresser beside my Queen size bed... On this dresser is my favorite 20 DVDs - and at the very end of my bed is my brothers television and DVD player to which is tooo big to fit in his room.... In any case - a simple roll from my pillow to where my feet make rest night after night is all I need to do in order to begin my next DVD adventure.

Of course this lasts for only about an hour before I grow weary, and welll....... greasy... So I take my 1st of many showers. After this ends I take rest at all this moving on one of my rest days ;) - and I lay back in my bed and take ease as I continue to stare endlessly at my computer... Of course here is where the boredom becomes un-livable, so in hopes to feel better about my lack of anything to do. I get dressed.... But no no - not the clothes of the day.... I get Dee-ressed!

Now this is a particular study of style-class- and freshness... As I bust down to some "Beggin" the recent remake of The Four Seasons "Begging You" by hip hop artist "Madcon" I begin the process. I dress in my best Tux..... NOW although I just got a new one - Let me remind everyone of the 'style' aspect to it... No suit jacket for me. No no. Number 1 - I like fit. And in fitting clothes not only do I hope to look fit - I hope to keep that aspect of style hahaha :D.

Enough of that....

Today on this special of Toronto warm days - I took to the streets.. Keepin to the philosophy "Going to get a cup of coffee? Dress to impress" - I have mentioned this before - but honestly - Why not? It isn't fully intentional now that it has become a regular habit and what has slowly eased into my day to day style - But it was a nice day to rock some nice dress pants with a nice sweater.

And yes - when I walk - I walk with the same purpose.... Extra Large Double Double - Double Cupped..... Tim Hortons coffee $1.65 -- afternoon on the town to encourage my sense of play. :).... Of course on this particular afternoon walk I bumped into a good pal named Zach Correia. Yes - that would make his Zacharia Correia. Fun name... His initials spell out "ZAC" - Think his parents thought this over? Witty folks.

But alas on my walk home with "IIIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMM BEGGIIINNNN YOOOUUUU" burning through my thoughts I begun a text message blitz to folks in Toronto who may want to accompany me to an Art Gala tonight....(Fundraiser for mr.correia) And on my way home a gentlemen making a right hand turn honks. I look over - being unaware of what his problem was and I notice - that although I am on the opposite corner of the street - he is BLATANTLY waving at me...... Now I don't know this guy in ANY way.. Didn't recognise him and I knew that there was no way I could know this guy... It was a Truman Effect.

What is that you may ask?................... Glad you asked. :) How considerate of you to play along..... OF course you have no choice in the matter - this is my Blog and I can write what I want so go piss off will yah!..... No please don't ... Keep reading..................... Well not PLEASE don't ahem... I'm not desperate or anything.............................................................. OKAY FINE!!!!!! Just keep reading.

-Mission 20- The Truman Effect

Now the Truman Effect is based off of the 1998 Film "The Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey.

Now for those of you who don't know what this movie is about I'll give you a quick synopsis.... And I mean quick... This is my blog, there for the spotlight is on me..... AND NO ONE ELSE GOT IT!?!!!!! ahem..heeheee, anyway.

The Truman Show - Truman Burbank lives a happy life. However, what he doesn't know is that his life is actually the focus of a reality TV show aired since his birth. He's the star, his hometown is a giant set piece, and everyone around him is an actor going by a script. And as Truman is older he begins to discover this Studio life he has been living, and tries to discover the truth about his life.

It's actually quite the incredible tale. Now one of the things that proves to Truman that his life is some sort of conspiracy or something is how eventually people begin to "slip up" in their characters and call him "Truman" when they are supposed to be playing complete strangers. Or little children pointing or staring at him. And of course "the wave".

It begin 4 years ago.......

I was walking to a friends house for a band practice when I heard an EXTREMELY loud honk and the scream of someone yelling "hey". It through me off. I called my partner in crime and told him how I felt like Truman. He laughed it off and told me I was just crazy........ JUST like they did in the movie...... hmmmm.

I can't recall when but there was a time soon after when a car of girls did the same. I shrugged that one off. Because AS MUCH as I wanted to continue my strut a tad more cockier - I had a funny feeling they may have been teasing me. I couldn't put my finger on it. So my Strut although proud - turned into a confused - yet content driven swagger.

A few weeks ago.... As I was driving to hang out at my friend Kate's place in Oakville (the soon to be town residence of myself) I was turning off of the highway when a Large Truck pulled down his horn. Now I love these horns - so I slowed down to see what he was honking for. Perhaps a young chilled doing the traditional Tiger Woods elbow swing in order to get him to honk? Or perhaps an elderly gentlemen driving 20 below the limit in front of him with his blinker going non stop. Either of these options would humor me greatly. So I looked...... And of course, no little boy... And from my vantage point - no elderly gentlemen. In stead he was leaning over - looking out of his passengers window - WAVING to me!

Now I understand the whole "Cottage" life where you wave at anyone and everyone as you pass by on your boat. But this was getting RIDICULOUS! C'mon. I love and appreciate the waves. Brings us all closer together as a humanity - but WHY ME!? And in the most random times?! Did he NEED to wave to me as I was turning off the highway? Did that gentlemen NEED to honk and wave to me from across an intersection? What is it about me?

At my recent audition I was told I look VERY familiar....

So all in all I can only establish one thing. And although I would want to end this blog with some deep conclusion to my life that really wraps up how I have felt about all this... But I'd prefer to leave us all with a Quote by my favorite New Zealand Folk Bands......... The Flight of the Conchords.

"I've just got one of those faces I suppose"

-pJ

For once in my life!

So -

In my mind - I have been replaying certain things over and over again. Things like opening phrase Stevie Wonder sings "For once in my life" - and also scenes from the Sean Astin movie "Rudy" where he dreams of playing football for Notre Dame and he tries for years and does everything to make his father watch him and just be proud.... I've been running through my thoughts lyrics of songs I've written - prayers - and other show tune lyrics that bring a smile to my face.

For once in my life --- I feel worth something. I feel like I have something. I look at myself in the mirror now and can see the things people compliment me on. I'd do a musical and think to myself "oh what ever - I was alright. I made people laugh" - to myself - I wasn't acting. I was just being a contained silly that people seemed to enjoy. Like watching a friend be really funny in a party situation.

I don't know if this is a part of my self conscious way toward myself. - It's funny, I dress to impress haha :D - My friend once said to me "Goin out for a walk? - Wear a tie! Dress to impress!"

Not only have I taken him seriously - but I found when I dressed in a nicer side of fashion I hid away all my self consciousness. I wasn't worrying how I looked without that designer shirt on. Or how chopped up my teeth have looked since this past summer. I go into "PJ" mode. This was almost a character..... But now - I've been finding that this was no character.. This was me - just coming more alive. It wasn't the clothes hahaha. That is just a small thing towards it.

Out of the many times I've seen a friend hurting over something - Over the past couple of years I have seen old friends pass away - Camp friends/campers and even family members all pass. I have had more than my own share of emotional trauma over relationships and breakups. Through depression and self implosion which like most stereotypical person - drowning themselves in alcohol..... Which is kind of a confession to some people who (one in particular) asked me how I know soo much about alcohol. It's easy to become a connoisseur when the very thing that you know soo much about used to be very close and personal with you while everything else in the world seemed dark and closed off. God I have been rejected from the same Film program every year I have applied and I just cursed the world not understanding what I was doing wrong. Honing my skills just wasn't good enough. But I wasn't meant for that as it appears.

And alas - I look in the mirror and I know NOW - that although I am just getting on my way - I feel something big could happen. My life is just beginning. Hell I am only twenty. I have so much more to do - and now I can. I am filled with gratitude and joy and I see the world as an obtainable goal. I'm running forward and to quote Freddie Mercury "you, Can't Stop Me Now"

I'm in. Acknowledge me now as a Theater student. No matter what happens in my life now - I am in the profession. Musical Theater - WOW - still blows me away.

-Next up for me - and something for you to look forward to - I am in the process of YES finishing my songs.

I'll keep you posted my beloved SKreaders. And as for now, of course ............................................. I dance ;D

-pJ

ps..... Practice Gratitude -

Thank you Warren for your amazing knowledge of this world of Acting and the hilarious monologue you handed off to me. All my wonderful camp friends whom I really don't consider "camp" friends but rather my BEST FRIENDS - all your support has pushed me to levels I only dreamed about. You all make me fearless as I step out into this intimidatingly horror film of a world. I love you all - and together you all make this a fresh world to live in! - power to you all - Live-Laugh-Love-Eat Kraft Dinner!