With the Lights - It was Broadway!

"New York Taxi's, man! You have to like - go on the street and wave them down!" - Jeremy Boyd. (the skat man's brother)

My brother has no sense of how New York is. In any way. He wishes he did due to his new phase of "New York is the best place ever" because one of his favorite Wrestler is themed as a tough New Yorker. This is the more sensible of the phases he has been through.... I wont get into the details -- but lets say "TY Beanie Baby's" were a big thing in this house hold.

-Mission 16- Catch my Playbill up in Lights!

New York. I didn't have a clue what to expect either. But over the last week I have gone and experienced what has always been a Hollywood idea - a dream sequence of bohemian ideals based in a business world if I may - (If I may say that is... And seeing how I can say what I choose here..... I'll just go ahead and stop explaini................... haha)

4 of us - Jordan - Katie and Ashley including myself hit the road for the big apple last Thursday morning. The excitement came quickly. Even in the early hours of the morning when all I thought was going back to sleep. This was a new adventure with some really fun people where hours of laughter were inevitable.

The drive is 8 hours. Not including the moments where we would stop to relive ourselves from both hunger and exploding bladders. But this drive went by quite quickly due to the endless comedy and entertainment between us all.

We entered New York with sweet dre...........................................................................................................................................................

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Sorry... I felt a little sick, had to go find some medicine........................................ Now when I say medicine, I mean Turkey Bacon... MMM mmmm Finger licking good... Literally -- Have you ever tried to type with greasy fingers? If the answer to that question is yes....... Then you disgust me.... But then again - I am the one curing what I think to be malnourishment with 3 slices of great Canadian Bacon.... But judge me not!!........ I cry easily ......

Any way - We entered New York with sweet dreams of musical numbers and the smell of street hot dogs dancing through our heads. Little did we know that this would be a FANTASTIC trip where we could just unload and become lost in what I like to call Tourist-Itus (sounds Greek)

We didn't hesitate when it came to hitting the town. With our hotel being just off Time Square - we were in the excitement. We were in the game. And from a small misconception - New Yorkers? C'mooooooooooooon - Whad'yah talkin about?! I didn't run into any one of the rude nature. Excluding the people who worked at The Majestic theater. Always with the pushing and the shoving and the hippety and the hoppety - you just don't know where you're going @ The Majestic.

The Majestic... Oh did I mention I went to The Majestic?

3 Musicals this week. On Broadway....... BROADWAY musical. Amazing.

Now for those who don't know whats playing at The Majestic. THEEEEEEE PHANTOM!!!

-But that's another story.... that I will get to.... In a second or two......

PPPPPPHAAAAAAAAANNNNNNTTOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!!!

So the first night we walked Time Square like true New Yorkers. Taking photo after photo - livin up the lights and the environment and just sinkin it all in. And after a brief sit in one of the most American restaurant's we could think of (McDonald's) - we headed off to our first show.

BILLY ELLIOT.

Now for those who have not seen the movie - This is a story of a young Boy who stinks completely at boxing but after a life changing happenstance he switches from boxing to Ballet. Let's just say he is very good...... So If you are in New York - I suggest seeing it. Music written by Elton John and the most impressive dancing you will find. With the lights - It's Broadway!

We got to our hotel shortly after a quick stop at Ellen Stardust. This food emporium was FANTASTIC. All the waiters and waitresses are aspiring musical theater actors. While they are not serving you food - they are up on the tables singing to you famous show tune numbers and other hits known through many genres of music. Then of course back to the hotel for a little sleep sleep and Conan O'Brien.

We woke up extra early so we could catch the town in its busy early morning wonder.. HA!... Not really. But that sounded nice right?

There's just sooo much to do. So much to see. So in order to hit the town and catch it all Poke'mon style - early was necessary.

First off was Central Park.

It was sooo nice. I can see how people can just walk through there and just get lost in thought. There's soo much beauty in there. And I only saw about 25% of it. It's HUGE -

And amongst all the tree's the rivers and the Ducks who oddly run in packs of 3 males to a female - there was the John Lennon memorial.

Over the years I have had many music phases - One big one was a Beatles one. I love the Beatles still. In fact if someone were to ask me to sing a song - any song, a song that means more to me than just a song. A Song that shows a feeling. A song that would show my past - present and future of emotions.... It'd be a Beatles song............................. Hey Jude.

Now seeing the John Lennon "Imagine" circle was huge. The feelings and thoughts of seeing that and of course the building to which he was murdered in front of a mere blocks away was quite emotional for me. Heck. I ask you to Wikipedia his death and his killer. I know the name of the guy - but I'd like to think of this place as a happier place on the blog - and when you read up on the death - I think you will understand the disgust I feel in my stomach when I hear of the movie Chapter 23. Or how I have a lot of trouble picking up what used to be one of my favorite books without tearing up just by the cover and imagining (hah - excuse the pun) John Lennon. (The Catcher and the Rye)

It was a beautiful mark he left on the world and a beautiful mark New York has left in his honor in the middle of Strawberry Fields within Central Park.

After the ol' Johnny mark - we took to the streets to find Americas Tim Hortons (Starbucks) and relieve our caffeine needs before hitting up the American Museum of Natural History.

This Museum is most recently known through Ben Stillers "Night in the Museum" movie - which is releasing it's sequel with Amy Adams in it as Amelia Airheart. (OHH BABY) - But this Museum in it's own was fantastic! All the Dinosaurs - the ridiculous amounts of History about many cultures and the beginning of our own - it was great. Not to mention a quick stop by a picture to relive a past "Whose Line is it Anyway" joke.

Leaving the Museum after hours of learning and endless amounts of picture taking left us in a disarray of this fine city. But we were not dwelling to long in the past - (HAH! get it? Dewlling in the past....... because we were in a history museum? Ge-Get it?........sigh)

BACK TO CENTRAL PARK!

We found THE fountain. That's right. THEEE fountain. The one that Amy Adams sang at near the ever so amazing not so usual to be loved by any one movie "Enchanted"!!!! haha. Obsessed? Me ? Get outta here!

I think this is where I took the most pictures of the trip. Honestly. It was great just walking and loving the atmosphere and just taking in one another and the calmness of it all. I honestly suggest going and just spending days and days inside Central Park. Katie - said as we sat and just looked out over the rising sun shining over one of the ponds - "I would waste all my money in trying to live here - and I would not even have to be worried about going to a gym. I'd just come here!"


Honestly folks. I may not have got that quote spot on - but she had a point. You can run around and not feel stupid in what ever it is you may be sweating through. Hell - you may catch a group of joggers in the park and become instant friends. It could be a magical beginning of a new friendship for all you know. Just because you put on that Gym Building Exercise sweat shirt from '99. GO TO THE PARK!
But leaving the park - as the world picked up that Friday morning and the musician begun playing for a buskers pay cheque and the skaters came out to the rink at the front of the park - the PLAZA hotel gleaming with the afternoon shine. OH man.. The Swank in that hotel! Well - with the main enterance and Lobby. I took a ton of pictures as well...... I like to think the receptionists thought I was cute taking all these photos/ getting Kate to do some of the pictures because I was nervouse about making people mad. But I know the workers there didn't mind......... maybe...... Ahh well. I wouldn't have noticed if they did. I was too busy looking for Tim Curry........ Home Alone 2?? Anyone?? FINE!

From that fine array of rich folk - well not rich folk - If you really wanna see something rich I suggest shooting down to a pet store and finding a Funny Beast eating all of the Bunny Feasts! HAH! Now that's RICH!

So we walked along 5th avenue. Spotted a huge church and just went inside and sat. Looked up at the gigantic Organ and just thought. Or at least I thought. Thought about life. Thought about the city. Just bliss - y'know? I bought my mom a I heart New York shirt with Mickey Mouse ears instead of a heart there.... Well... not THERE there. As in the Church... That'd just be silly... There is a huge Disney Store right across the street.


From there - we headed down towards -



30 ROCKefellar!




It was cool. Looking at the tall building to which soo many jobs bring us endless entertainment. I walked through the NBC store and was QUITE tempted to buy me a "Dwight Schrute" Bobble head. Yes they have them.. Yet they oddly enough didn't price them. Jordan brought up the point that this was their way to make you take it up to the cash and get awkward when you learn the price to you just go ahead and buy it.



Heading straight back to our hotel room for a quick sit - we quickly jetted to the Square of Time to have some complimentary Birthday Dinner before we went to see our next show. Complimentary on Katie - She is also great at complimenting me in the many things I am good at....... :) ..... The many....... I like it when she says those things! haha


But unfortunately due to it being a Friday night - Time Square was packed tighter than one of my Pitas in Peterborough -- (haha you'll understand if you see me get one of those bad boys. It's like a fat man trying to fit in a Childs sleeping bag... Danger zone!)

We also managed to get into the Museum of Modern Art to see a few Origional paintings by such artists like Picasso and Warhol! It was PREEEEETTTTTY sweeet. Although some of the titles for the art were not very fun so Jordan and I took the liberty of renaming everything we saw. Worked out quite nicely for a few dozen laughs.

Not to mention of course the statue that I personally felt resembled Jordan.

(I have a nack with this Art Interpretation.... Spot on with the Jord-Man!)





And now ladies and gentlemen........... PPPPPPPPPHHHHAAAAAAAANNNNNTTTTOOOOMMM!!!!!
Mercey me. The Phantom of the Opera is the most amazing thing I have seen. I just sat. I just sat and stared. It was amazing - I teared up a ton during "Music Of The Night". And during the title song "Phantom of the Opera" I was in a form of shock that is only found in moments where worlds change. Oh man. I am over blowing this huge - but it was by far the best show I have seen in my life. It is incomparable to any other production of Phantom.... Sure you can see it somewhere else and compare it any which way you like. But the Broadway version will always come out on top. I couldn't have asked for a better night. Met up with Jordan and Kate after Ashley and I watched magic happen. We ate at Ellen's Stardust again - and with the lights - It was Broadway.
.............................................And of course we rushed back to our room to catch the very last New York production of Late Night with Conan O'Brien.














We got up for our finale day in excitement yet fear for the end. Dangerous as those feelings are in a combo - We headed off to the Subway and went off to see one of the wonders of the world. The rare things on my list of things to see before I die......... The Statue of Liberty.



(Now I didn't take this photo. The photos I took look like they are farther then they really are.)


We didn't want to fork out the money to take the expensive fairy to the Island - so we stood spooning on the cold free one as it drove past headed towards Statton Island.... We didn't spoon. But it completed my fork spoon joke by saying it.. But it was terribly cold there. In comparison to the warmth of the city these last few days. It was incredible. Yet cold haha.


After the Statue - we hit the town to "Soho". A nice little shopping district if you may. With tons of similar shops selling the same I heart NY shirts and fake Prada bags along with the many find gangsta-gentlemen yelling out "I got Rolex - You need Rolex? I got Rolex!" - It was nice.


But we skipped down a side street of real swanky shops. Walking up towards Prince st - we took tons more pictures - it was nice. Although I never did find that Fedora I had dreamed of so ruthlessly.


Lunch time. Kate bought us all food. And Jordan and I - being huge obsessive Kristin Chenoweth fans - ate in her favorite restaurant with her favorite dish - "Tour of Italy" in "The Olive Garden". It was quite elegant - although enough food to feed South Indonesia.


And on a side note - To those of you who have been in New York - HAVE YOU NOTICED all the Revolving doors!? Every store - revolving door. It was insane! All the times I ran in behind Jordan to share the same, I guess you could call door space - man! People would either think we were married or tell us to get a room! - we are and did both........... No I'm just kidding............ Or am I???

So the final show we saw was GUYS AND DOLLS. Starring Oliver Platt and of course Lauren Graham from the famous television series to which I have never seen befor "Gilmour Girls."

There were soo many things about this show that made me just laugh and laugh and laugh. But a few things where I was able to nudge Jordan and know how much better we did it in our Production hahaha. Not a cocky thing - But when "Fugue for Tinhorns" was lame on Broadway - we need to evaluate ourselves and think "Hmmmm dang this show is ready!" - Honestly folks - The Guys and Dolls show I am in may not be a Broadway performance - and we may not all be trained - but the heart you will find in this cast is outstanding. The presence you get from them on stage surely is a present ;) - and sorry - I wont call you Shirley.

This Grand trip to New York City was of course now at its end. We were now to take that steady 8 hour trip home..... WAIT....... Lets go check out - Grand Central Station!!!!!!!!!

And so we did.... and with the lights...... It was Broad........ well .... It was a gigantic beautiful station... But the world I was in ... Was...... Broadway......

Quick-y get the bags!!

"When you go to a show you know you want to get down. Everyone wants to get down. But you get there and that voice in your head goes "Be cool! Don't act like a fool!


Be as crazy as you want because you may never see these people again. Well I say - be as crazy as you want in HOPES to see them again. They'll see you one day and go - hey that's that CA-RAZY guy, he is L.I.V.I.N. He is cool with me."



-Jason Mraz



There's no stoppin us.


I was going to write about my recent decision to go back to school. To apply to a university and begin a study that will ultimately lock me into a directional life. And then of course the story that comes after it where I find myself needing a random bit of help which send me down a spiral of phone numbers that sends me to a random apartment in Downtown Toronto and later on a lucky coincidence brings you to a show of a great friends and then the after party which would have made one great story.



But then again one great story could be how Charlie Chaplin entered a Charlie Chaplin Look-a-Like contest in Monte Carlo and came in third..... That's a great story.


Instead I look to the future. This week is a big-un. Now big-un is my excited word for BIG week. That and I heard it once at Scrubs on have been saying it since. Nothing better than stealing some sort of word that suits me better than an Armony suit. It's finding my own way really.
But this week has been one I have been waiting for, for a long time. Now there's a lot to look forward to for this week. The happenstance is that I am not only celebrating my own Birthday on Sunday - but the last few days leading up to it I will be in New York City - the big apple - the fast paced streets with the politely crude vocabulary - for the first time.



Exciting as all that sounds - I will have to dig deep and look at what makes this scenario something from a dream?


Lets begin from the Ending. Like a clever movie consisting of an all-star cast that is humorously written from the critically Cohan Brothers - I like to make it artsy. Know what I'm sayin?
Well come Sunday - I will have my birthday. One year older - wrapping up what has been an interesting year. And I mean interesting. Filled with adventure - lust- love and even a few quirky events with the same lanky friend to keep me on my toes. I can not recall the very moment (midnight) of last years birthday - but from what I know of this years - I will be in a car driving home from New York with 3 great friends and the knowledge of how tired I will be the next day during rehearsal.



New York - as I have just mentioned will be a first time for me. I begin to remember past trips. Most of which were to the same place - Orlando Florida or Myrtle Beach South Carolina. The times I have walked through the gates of Disney World and picturing the famous Cinderella Castle doesn't even phase me any more. It's always fun - but the trip leading up to those first few steps has far from vanished out of my mind as being an exciting anticipation. I love the trips don't get me wrong. The experience of being out in the world and seeing it for the many wonders it contains.



Honestly. Even the smallest of things blow my mind. Looking out into the scenery - even a street of houses to which I have never walked down before. Being somewhere - living- it really blows my mind. I'd almost wish to never have to sleep so I can stare out of the window of the car or train and just see the tree's or the streets - or if I'm fortunate to see oceans and mountains --- I don't want to miss a thing. When I am there - I am there. Get it? The excitement shines through the moment I see the things that I have not. Not seen/experienced/smelled in any way.
But as I try to lose myself now in the bliss of this trip. My heart is heavy.
I end this entry with the thought and prayer for an Uncle of mine.


I call him Uncle Guthery. He isn't really my uncle. In fact he was always just a close friend of my family. Especially to my Mother when she was young. He walked her down the isle on her Wedding day and he has always been there as more of a Grandfather figure for me. I see him 2-3 times a year. Always saying how tall and handsome I'm getting... Pretty smart fella.... :).... But as he nears the 85th of his life - he is in the Hospital. From my knowladge when one breathes air- they breathe in Oxigen and breathe out Carbon Dioxide.... That carbon dioxide is not leaving his body and inevitably poisoning his body.



Now although I really have not seen him more than 3 maybe 4 times in a year -- I have lived with no Grandparents in my life. I had 1 grandmother (think I have mentioned that before) and she took her trip a long time ago. So thinking about it, Guthery and his wife Margaret have really been my Grandparents.


I wouldn't call it selfish - but I'm really crossing my fingers not to lose him on my Birthday. I don't want to lose the guy regardless - but that is not in my hands/plan or stars.
2 years ago - shortly after losing a fellow Ontario Pioneer Camp staff worker - on my birthday I lost what was my first ever camper I had ever taken care of. Kyle Lamb. I remember him very well. So you can imagine how much I REALLY don't want another Birthday like that. And I definitely would like to be in the Country if it happens.



But if Monty Python has taught me anything it is - Never trust the Spanish Inquisition- wait no.... thats not it..... "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" daa doo da do dadoo dadoo....


So as I take this excersion - and obtain what I hope to be a plethora of stories to write on here - I sit and think of not only my good ol Uncle Guthery - but also how thankful I am to be on this earth and going to a city where magic truly happens. Heck - if I think about it - It's really just a large Toronto.



So I'm off. I feel a tad un witty or talkative right now. It's a tad late and I'm watching Back to the Future. SO sleep easy with the amazing weather that you all get to experience and practice gratitude with every chance you get!

-pJ

"Why hello Officer"

How many cup's of Coffee does it take to get to the moon?

God would know I'm sure. Him and I would suspect Robin Williams. The energy in that man is well enough to get him to the moon and back a half dozen times. Not including Tim Horton stops in between.

I find comfort staying awake these days. This will be the 4th all nighter I have spent this month for the sake of being awake.

But here is the story I promised. And now when I say story I am bringing you back 2 years ago - The summer of '07.... yeah - 2007.... Gosh I feel like Grandpa Simpson... Now was it '07 or '06?

Either way - To fully bring you into this summer I need to bring you to the excitement and energy that I had as I found myself driving without boundaries - the wind blowing in my hair..... and a series of unfortunate events.

-Mission 15- "How to avoid the Police....... Without Really Trying"

I got my G1 license on my Birthday when I turned 16. This was almost half a decade ago now. And now for those playing the home game in the United States and or anywhere NOT in Canada - a G1 is a learners permit to drive a vehicle of the "Car and or Mini Van" form.

I quickly took it upon myself to take driving lessons and eventually fail once and pass my G2 (Drivers license with mega rules) - This would be in the winter..... Before THEE summer.

The beginning of the summer I went through training for a Camp called Ontario Pioneer Camp which took up half of my summer as I became a staff and Chalet led at the Boys side of the camp.

As I returned home there was a plethora of friends awaiting to hang out with me before I hit the road again back to camp. I had a 2 week interval before returning. One would think I would lay it low and take it easy - you know - relax...... But oh no. Me and my adventures.

One of the nights I decided to go and visit a friendly face - this face is named Montana. I went with a few other people. I think there were about 6 of us. At about 10pm I get a hankerin for some Gummie Bears. I love me some Gummies - trust me there. So from this craving we all pack in to my car and hit the pavement towards the closest store.

Unfortunately by that time - in that neighborhood everything was closed......... Now this just upset me. What was the world doing to a guy like me? All I wanted was some gummies. Whats a guy got to do? Jump in my trunk and scream as loud as I could!?................................. :)

alright then I will.

Don't ask me why I did it. But I did. I was in there screaming my head off being silly making everyone laugh at my over dramatics. Now as I lay there - the door to my trunk was still open. Now I drove (at the time) a white '92 Oldsmobile.... C'mon the word "Mobile" is in the name... How cool is that? hah. Now the door to it WAS open. But leave it to Beaver - and Beaver being my best bud and my best bud being Jordan - Slammed the door shut leaving me locked in the trunk and him with the keys and a gigantic empty parking lot.............................. oh boy...

As fast as I doubted this would be a good idea - the car had started and begun to move.

Now the most famous of Fast and Furious moves to do in a car is so named by the design it would make if the tires had paint on them and the ground was a canvas..... The Doughnut... Now it was if Jordan was catering to a fleet of Police officers - I swear we were doing doughnuts for a while.... But as long as a road through Texas could be by foot - there always comes an end that sure enough is going to leave you with nothing but a bunch of blisters...... The car finally stopped..... And Jordan's voice came silent through the car - "PJ - PJ!- a police car is pulling up to us!! He saw us! ***#%&* S*&^# Father ^#$%3 Son of a jackal! - Keep quiet! What ever you do just PLEASE keep QUIET!!!"

Now - for those of you who would piss your pants - I'm not the spoiling type - and I was wearing some nice jeans..... But oddly enough as I froze completely scared out of my life - because sure enough - if they asked to look in the Trunk - Jordan and I would be in the back of that police car VERY fast! But as they talked for a whopping 8 minutes about who knows what - I stay laying there trying to think of some sort of line to say if worst comes to worst and I am discovered like Long Johns Gold. Now I don't know what sort of situations you have been in but 8 minutes in a trunk hiding from a Police officer is about a life time and a half. So you can imagine the type of lines I was thinking up... I think the best one would have either been "Room for one more!" or "Don't let the light in!!!" --- So finally I hear Jordan whisper - "PJ, they just asked for the Registration"

Now this is my car - under my fathers name....................... We're screwed.

Now I whisper back... And I mean whisper - not this stage whispering where everyone can hear you. A dog would even have to have super senses to have heard me. But as I whispered "the glove compartment - in a light blue holder" he rummaged through and handed the officer a PILE of papers. Varying from maps to my mothers shopping list. But the registration was in there and he merely told the officer "y'know, funny thing...................... This isn't my car......... This is actually my friends car. He's having people over and was too tired to come out so we borrowed his car.".................................damn it... It's all done now.

The Officer pauses and says...... "Do you think this boy's father would want you to be doing this with his car?!" - Jordan answers no fast. The officer took his license and ran it through the system and gave Jordan a warning.

Now IIIIIIIIII think that he just must have assumed no one could be in the trunk because the other people whom were with us (nice of you to remember them) were watching from the corner in view of the Officer.

Now this is alright. It's not quite ten minutes yet. Jordan hops out of the car and yells to everyone to get in the car and let me out of the trunk. Jordan is how you say "quite spent" at this point. I can hear my other friends scrambling through my keys to find the correct one to let me out......... I had a lot of key chains.... It was cool back then..... Hell it's cool now - don't judge me! ---- But before they could get me out - I simply hear Jordan say again "STOP!...... Here comes another Cop!"

Yes folks - another cop. Mere seconds after the other had driven off. - This one pulled up to the lot of them and simply said "What are you guys doin out here so late?" ---- He was lookin for a drug bust.... Well sorry to disappoint yah Carl Winslow but there would be nothing of that sort round this group. He stayed for a few minutes talking to them and trying to pry something out of them. But Jordan being already quite terrified told this officer EVERYTHING!!!!!!!

No no ... Not that I was STILL in the trunk... Thanks for remembering me. But just that another cop had stopped him from doing the big circular Dough recreation by Car.

The Officer nodded and allowed us to be on our way. But Jordan wasn't letting me out just yet. Oh no. We were not recreating this moment - he got everyone into the car and begun to drive. I being in the trunk for at LEAST 15 freaking minutes am all but a mere frozen piece of nothing waiting to relieve this stress with something of the "Gummie esc" type..... Yeah don't think this little obstacle side tracked me in any way...... But amongst the giggling of my friends in the car asking me how I was doing - Jordan yells back - "Okay - we are going into the darker streets and letting you out in a residential area........... And that he did. Good lord........ And the worst part about the night. amongst the fear and stress - the police encounters and even Jordan and I almost being arrested.......... I never got my damn gummies!!!!!

But I slept it off. I was alright. And while driving Jordan home............. Take a wild guess...... I was stopped for Speeding..... bloody hell.......... Two days later I was with another good friend named Jackie.... Sure enough taking her home.... I was pulled over because the officer "THOUGHT" I wasn't going to stop for 3 seconds at a stop sign, but because I saw him - I did.... WHAT CRAP IS THAT?!?! Oh well................... That is alright. I was going to camp and that was the end of that..... It was a great two weeks to end off the summer at camp.

I got home and awaited school...... You know... Relax - Take it easy... Do it like the Romans would..... Lay about.....:)....Not get into trouble..... You know - things I usually do ;)

A week before school I went to pick up a friend and Drove right into the back of an older ladies car. Totalled both cars. She was taken in an ambulance with possible neck and back injuries. - Her and her husband sued me for about a year as well as I was being charged with Careless Driving by the Police and a possible 6 points taken from my license and a possible suspension of my license all together including the raising of my insurance.

But alas the case was thrown out - the woman dropped the suet and I walked away free of all charges. And how did I do this? ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That's another story :)

-pJ

Go !

There's not much that I have been willing to write about as of late.

I haven't done much. No random crazy-go nuttty adventures or even work as of late.

And I know after a long time of working someone would view that as the most AMAZING thing ever. But for me. No........... Simply. Just no. I don't use no in a negative way -- as hard as it is to not -- but when I say the word no I mean that in a sorry sort of tone but I can not do something or something just cant happen respectively.

But as I say it now - in my head. I mean it in the worst possible way to mean it. With all the pain and depression wrapped around it as if it were the newest crap advertised by Taco Bell. I haven't hated something in a long time. I ignore things that I would otherwise hate. I would become indifferent in every way - not even think about it - have no emotions towards the idea or topic and even person in some cases. I just wont hate. It isn't in my moods/philosophy... It isn't in me.

But over the last few weeks I haven't done too much to be proud of. In fact depression kicked in half way through and things that I would have otherwise been proud of to acknowledge - I didn't.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I don't think I have ever felt a sort of depression like this. One of those stereotypical cries for help. The sitting in the tub with cold water shooting down - the depressing music being played non stop - The point where no movie could be depressing enough for me to go..... Hmmm... That right there is heart breaking..... As I usually say out loud after most heart throbbing movies.

But don't read this and go - CAN I HELP YOU? haha please don't - Because as depressed as I am - There have been things in my life to sort of shield me from collapsing. To fully shut down has never been something I have been able to do. In fact the one thing in my life I am proud to say - is that as I reach the week where I become a 20 year old - I can say I have survived my Teen years and never once even for a second thought about suicide.

Now I know some people are going "so? Neither have I" - But in a world soo torn from sadness and grief - and living through some hard times especially over certain years that I can remember - this is HUGE.

But certain songs have been very Therapeutic for me. As my close friends would know - I grasp on to some form of artist and fully become indulged - almost intertwined with their art. From what I understand about myself this has always been my little escape.

From the music of the Beatles - transforming to the Works of John Lennon - to films by Johnny Depp - and now the Music and philosophies given by Jason Mraz.

Sure there have been tons other - some of which only I would fully remember - but these guys make the short list of recognizable stages in my life to which people would have called me a nut case in hahah.

Here's the thing folks - songs like "I'm Yours" and "Plane" by Jason Mraz pull me from reality and full out do their ...... .... blank...... You know what I'm saying - You have ALL been there.

But it is song's like these that cause me to go - hmmm why be sad? I can choose these emotions if I want - I can grasp this melancholy by it's throat and store it away for a rainy day. Or during that rainy day - listen to one of these songs and go - "It's time to dance".

You remember that? A blog and a half back I talked about dancing around in the rain and full out freeing yourself.

You just can't let your mind STOP you from having a good time. You may not think it's easy - because once you're in those mood's you think - I'm lost.

MAN. Remember those times when you were dumped by someone - or something just really hurt you? Remember that sadness? - The thing I HATE is when after sooo long of sitting and feeling sorry for yourself - you just sit and die inside. I once tried to help out a friend get over someone who had hurt her real bad. And my idea was to GET UP - let's hit the town - walk around - have some fun..... But having someone feel sorry for them was their only comfort or even want at that time.

Y'know I can dig that. You need comfort from someone. But after soo long you can not let that pain become you. I am a happier guy because of it. I haven't had someone close to me in a long time. I have had those nights where I just wished someone was there to cuddle up to and watch a movie - or go for a nice Scottish walk in the rain - but nope. So out comes those moments.

Tonight I gave in to one of those feelings hardcore. And then came the rain...... :)

Coming from the guy who has been wearing Flip Flops outside for the last 4 Winter February days in Canada - I saw my time to shine :D

Down came the rain - there I was walking. The plan was to just shake what my momma lent me. (I know I know the phrase is to shake what your mother gave you - But imagine pissin off your mother really bad........ I think she would have your ass on a silver platter by the time she is done with you...... moral - be nice to yo momma - even if she's a complete loon)

But after taking a few "Art" photos on the streets before my camera died. I just begun walking and talking out loud. Praying - singing - or just plane talking - I didn't know. My mind was all over. I had no clue what was coming out half the time. I walked around my neighborhood for about an hour just talking. I was dreaming to myself. Feeling adult at times - laughing about past things in other moments.

There's a song that has been circulating for decades I encourage everyone to look up. It's called "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin. Try to find a version of someone singing. It's a beautiful song. I really cling to it seeing how it really represents me as both a person and an actor. You can't bring your life on the stage. It can't work. An important lesson my Musical Theater teacher (Ann.M) taught me was to leave everything at the door. It was always really funny her speeches. She loves to rant. And that's why I like her soo much haha. She had some of the best speeches. One I titled "Fabulous" due to the fact that she marched up on stage with her usual angry face and just screamed out to the class "Look at me!!! I'm FABULOUS!" hahaha. Oh man - It had a point. haha. We were all looking slobbish and not really growing as responsible artists or human beings for that matter. I at the time was addicted to caffeine. The carbonated sort. So of course her knowing everything calls out to me. I stand and she yells "You're the Coke head! - Stop it!"

Of course written down you know I am referring to Coca-Cola. But when being shouted from someones mouth in front of a class....... sniff sniff... exactly that.. "sniff sniff" haha.

So today has been epic. A nice nap and a nice walk through the rain. Not to mention a shift at work where I was able to look at clothes and think - Wow - If I were dating someone - I would definitely buy those for her. Haha - I don't think it's a common thing to be attracted to clothes hahaha. I should refraize that............ should....

But everyone has their type of "mate". Whether it's a life mate - or one of the Prime family. But I always imagine my WOMAN (hah!) in clothes that I picture them wearing at Camp. The typical girl you would find in beach wear - polo's of the bright sort - you know - American Eagle type hahaha. It's awful - and that's in no way saying that I will only ever date someone of that kind...... In fact - I have never dated anyone like that. Sure I have only ever dated blonde's..... But - for those of us around the world who has dated from the blonde race realizes there are many forms of Blondes. You just have to find the one that works best for you :D. That sounds awful...... I should refraize that....................

Now I really want to leave you on a funnier tone. If you have followed this blog in any form then you would not have read anything of funny nature in a long while. Unless of course you know me - in which case you have never read anything funny. But As I think back to past stories to tell - MAN ........................ (That was me remembering a funny story. :) )

Tune in next time to learn the magnificent fabtabulous story of Mr.Honktory and his Miraculous Seven!

-pJ

------- as I was walking I though to myself... "Listen to my thoughts.. Listen for a voice - anything" ..... The word "Go" popped into my head. Take it as it comes to you. I did.

Go!

Laying in solitude - drifting through dreams.

It's time for bed.

Sleep is the first thought I would guess someone would think when headed off to bed......... I don't think that thought has been number one on my list for a long time now. Even as a child. A television is a dangerous thing to a person who doesn't know how to use it properly.

Going to bed for me is turning on a dvd and completely losing myself. Even if I stumble home from some sort of social shin-dig of sorts - I'll toss in something.

Most often it will depict my mood. It will keep me in what ever bliss I am feeling at the moment and all together keep my thoughts on something I probably wouldn't want to feel otherwise. Or perhaps not. I recall watching many movies to get out of a certain mood.

When a young child watches television I'm more than sure they watch some sort of cartoon. I'm beginning to become a strong believer in this whole "brainwashes the mind" myth strict religious activists used to pull out when their child did something questionable at school. I don't however think it turns the mind into some sort of evil. Television is no more responsible for creating evil then a gun is to killing. Sure - they may possess aspects that lead towards that final - but it is within the beholder that really makes the decision. Day to day you make decisions. What to eat? Is your spoon responsible for making you unhealthy? Healthy? Break your diet for just that single bite of Strawberry Cheesecake?

I wouldn't be down for someone telling me what to watch. I am a free going guy. This isn't a cocky remark to begin off my dating video..... (for that I'd begin to tell them how nice I am ;) ).... In a restaurant I will order something at random. In fact it's been a thing where I will walk into a restaurant of any sort and order the Soup of the Day. But as the waiterperson begins to open their mouth to inevitably tell me their daily soup(s) - I stop them...... I want the surprise. It's a simple joy. Nothing more. I'm not hoping to one day try every soup. I don't make bets with people to see if it will be the typical Chicken Noodle (which I love still as an adult). I do it for me. I do it for the mood I am in - and for that small adventure.

Getting into my teens I begun to watch late night television with the all too well known hosts of Connan O'Brian - Letterman - and Jay Lenno...... Not Crieg Furgison. Not for any reason. He makes me twitter with laughter. He's a gas to watch on the tube. But he unfortunately airs with Connan's time slot. Sooooo I chose the ginger host.

This got me into "movies". It made me knowledgeable of stars - films - and cheap comedy. Things to which I guess people would think I would thrive on. But other than Films - the other two I do not...... I'm more of the Dry comedian..................... Unless of course I slipped in a pool.

................................or if it were raining... ahem any way...

I think someone turns out the way to which they make their choices. If you honestly think "Today - I'm going to appreciate the outdoors." - sure enough you are going to. This isn't a trick. Unless of course it is raining and you get hit by lightning..... Then that's just bad luck.... But have you ever danced in the rain? Soaked your soul with a release of what ever the heck you have buggin your insides? Do it. I know everyone loves to one day write the saying"Dance as if no one's watching". I say dance in the rain. And hope people watch - and they do it too. The release this world will endure will be something quite pure.

I am a film lover and appreciater because I have chosen to release my mind to them and just give in to story lines. Some people sit in their rooms and watch South Park for the comedy and the entertainment they feel for those passing minutes. Some don't watch - Some read. The choices you make - make you. I choose to just be. Whether thats not shaving for a month befor I salute my last day as a teenager - or if I honk my horn for the first time at a passing car and feel bad about it and wish I had rather just flipped him the finger. I just do what ever it is I need to do. I'll plan ahead for my future. I'll sit back and take things as they come. And I will watch a movie about love to give myself that hour and fortyfive minutes of feeling what I had once or once thought I had felt. It's questionable when you don't feel the things you used to love feeling. Like moving away from home and missing that first fall of Autom. Or ................. (this is where you fill in the blank)

I think watching movies and not dummy t.v has made it's contribution to how I hold myself - release - relax & recycle..........ahem...... I think it's moments like these where I get into that quick mood and fall back into a song and just begin typing where I'm a viking..... :) hint of Ralph.

Wanna have a pJ moment?

-re read THIS blog while listening to Lisa Hannigan. http://www.myspace.com/lisahannigan Go to the very last song on her player. It's just simply called Sea Song Demo. It's a demo.. ha.. from her new album that just came out. I saw her live. Other than not hearing her because of her soft voice - This woman's got what I need tonight. Listen to the rest of the tunes. You don't even need to re read this blog again..... Just sit back.... And listen..... If you're in the mood.

-go dance in hopes people see you. Have them remember you. If they dance to - and even bump into you again - they'll remember the feeling of letting go - as you did.

I hear it's going to rain on Friday.........

-pJ

"OUCH! Me Arse!"

I'm refurnishing my mind right now.

I think that's why I have the lack of new Blog Entries since my last baffled mission to get a new passport. Which I did. And after awakening at 6:30 to get there early as to skip what was inevitably going to be a HUGE lineup. I was in and out in mere minutes......sigh..thats what she said.... :)

After getting home I just lay awake. I didn't fall back a sleep after only having 4 hours sleep. My mind was in a nice tired mood. And as we all tend to over think things while we are tired and not in a sane point of mind. I hadn't been thinking in a long while. So I took this as a good opportunity to sit in bliss.

After reconnecting with my Ukulele (Tabitha) - I sat with her and just played the same chords over and over humming to myself with my eyes closed and my head tilted back resting. Just falling into a sweet melody I begun to dream of a future of a calmness.

I soon took to the Internet to find some songs and chords to learn on Tabitha. Playing songs such as "Rainbow Connection" - "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" and less funny uke songs containing less of an "R" name - I begun to play the song "Lucky" given to us from Jason Mraz.

It was nice sitting and playing a song like that. Humming out the lyrics as if I were singing them on some small stage with a female accompanist doing the harmonies. It was nice.

.....................and of corse I just had to teach myself funnier songs such as "Baby on Board" from the Simpson's and "The Veggie Tales" theme song. :D haha. For those of you who do not know The Veggie Tales. It's a comedic Children's cartoon that show morals and faith in a simple vegetable driven way. It's a wild movie series to watch if you grow up in a Christian based home. Very Funny to even sing now while joking around with your friends.

Everyone has their own way of getting back into their own mind set. This "happy place" isn't even all that happy of a place. Not for me at least.

I dream of laying in a boat floating down the Venice canals hearing music and feeling a depressing love of wanting another. It's depressing yes. Hence "depressing love of wanting another". But I don't know. It's like the Sun on a weekend. Can't explain it better than just that. The Sun on a Weekend..... Don't act like you don't love the thought of a really nice day when you're free to frolic around without a care in the world.

In a recent blog by Jason Mraz he talks about Valentines Day and loving yourself. He makes more of a valid point than people would give him. As a fan like me - I'll take in anything the man says - but as a skeptic to his hippie ways I think even they could take in the simplicity of his ending thoughts and acknowledge he has the right idea for the day of love.

"This coming Valentine’s Day I invite you to love YOURSELF as much as you love your family or boyfriend or cat or vibrator or whatever. Treat yourself to a new empowering lifestyle. Be the change you wish to see. Try a colonic. Try a yoga class. Get a massage. Go see a movie by yourself. It doesn't have to be huge, just as long as you break from your routine and REALLY TREAT YOURSELF. Make it feel special. The joy you’ll experience will radiate from your pores and affect everyone you know. I promise. " http://freshnessfactorfivethousand.blogspot.com/

I have been to one movie by myself. I know people usually do this as to lose themselves. I don't think I could pull it off on Valentines day. But an almost equal remedy to your fright of a date by yourself to the movies on the big V - buy a movie. Sure you could rent one - but I say get out there and buy a movie you have not done before. I do this frequently - and what I do is I take home this movie - a few snacks - and I get into my room. Turn off all the lights and watch the hell out of it. Usually I have some sort of alcoholic beverage with me as I sit and watch, but thats just me. I emplor you to find your own. Go out there. Do something that you know you will enjoy. Do it alone if thats what it takes. The day is about Love - what hallmark card told us it had to be with another person? Love is supposed to be blind right? Well who says we need to see where it comes from any way? Sure I'm using that "Blind" phrase a taaad loosly. But if you care about someone and want to do something special like give a gift of sorts to another person. Do it out of the kindness of your heart and just send it to them as a pick me up - don't even leave your name on it. Don't do it to be thanked. Thats not giving. Giving never means recieving. We celebrate all this many times a year. But perhaps a day where we are not celebrating the life and death of someone or a commercially claimed day to spend with your family - go out and love. Yourself - another.

Don't be lame here. I don't care if you have work. I always have work on this day but I get out and enjoy myself. Nothing should stop you on this day. Rage through and stomp away the distractions and obsticles of this day.

by the by - dig the Facial hair? hahaha - I made an agreement with me best mate Jordan that I wouldn't shave untill my Birthday in a few short weeks. That photo was after I trimmed the junk out of the beard as to not look like a dirty Pirate while I was out on the town. But I like it a lot. :) Think I may keep it around as long as I can. I have a show at the beginning of March and an Audition at the end of March - so I'll be clean then. But I'm not looking forword tooo that AT all.

-Mission 14- Love - "Ouch some midget just shot an arrow in my butt!"

-go out and love.

-pJ