Eyes of Gratitude

While I lay here in bed - the clock has long past midnight - and the cheers to not only a new day - but the new year of my life has begun.

February the 22nd is by Birthday.

I am a proud baby of an early Birthday! - That's right Suckas! When we were in school - I was most certainly one of those kids who led the crowds because I played the "oldest card" ---

But now that I'm pretty and scared of damaging said face - I thank God I have lived this far.

Life is a blessing. And though I find myself sad an awful lot lately --- Today - I find myself looking at the world with the eyes of Gratitude.

-Mission 46- Twas the light before Gratitude

I woke up today at the home of some of my soul sistah's! Now I say that not in the meaning of the song "soul sista" where the lead singer of Train is most certainly singing about a lover --- I speak of the 3 most awesome Ladies that have befriended me through God's plan for me. Namaste to them! Our souls were most intended to meet - and through our friendship ..... I continue my story hahah.

It was the day before my birthday - and I woke up Sad as heck - I wont beat around any bush - not only am I not a gardner - but what drunken drummer plays a bush?? -- any way -- I woke up sad at the thought that I continue another day without a lady whom calls me their own - and relies on my "hello" to help them start the day with a smile - and I from theirs.

But (the most miraculously stunning word - wether blasting from ones mouth or from a pair of genes - "But" ;D) But I went to my favorite Coffee franchise and grabbed myself a joe before I hopped on my under ground subway train - bypassing the city and exiting closer to my home - knowing nothing of the world I had just shot passed like a 1985 Delorian.

But before I hopped on the subway - I began to smile at a near by Pub - whom reaches out to people in the morning by playing pleasant music by their entrance. Though I am not a middle aged single male looking to drown my sorrows - I smiled at this bar from its choice of the song "Sweet Child of Mine". It was stuck in my head all the way home --- but before I reached that comfort - that safety - that point where you settle in your contentment - I saw that gorgeous point! hahah - oh STOP IT!!! -- I live in Toronto - -and beyond the breach of a most architecturally gorgeous medieval church I saw the face of the CN Tower.

It's over done and seen more frequently then my shampoo bottle - but to me.... It represents soo much more. The color pink represents freedom. It means "Purity". The downtown Skyline looks like freedom to me. The CN Tower - it represent beauty - it represents passion - it represents individuality - It represents Me. And there it was - the perfect amount of it was peeking through the opening of this church tower - and as if the sun was guiding me to my destination and wishing me a blessed day of love - I stopped............................. And for the first time in a VERY long time...................... I looked at the world through Gratitude Eyes - and I saw the most Beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I opened up my heart - my mind - my sight - my soul - and I thanked God for this. This sight - this beauty - This moment where I was able to find peace and welcome in Gods Love where I didn't need the love another being on this world. I surrendered to him and I gave in to the moment that I needed to smile..........

You NEED to smile. Please don't make me say it again. I pray - I wish - I dream - I LONG for a smile on you face!

Please don't read this and go on tomorrow thinking that you are nothing more then what you see of yourself! You are much more. And you are beautiful -- and though I haven't felt that in a long time - So Am I! Have a great tomorrow!

Believe in yourself........... Believe in Me!--------- I'm Yours

-pJ

Nice to meet you.

I'm not talking about my blanket atop of my messy unmade bed.... And I do mean messy - who else in this world sleeps each night beside his cat, his laptop and his ukulele.... Not to mention his really old blackberry under his pillow.

Allow this though to be my life's metaphor right now.

I do believe in many things.

First and foremost - there is a God.

Someday - perhaps - the Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup.... maybe.

You can't judge a book by its cover.... Really can't. Tease me as you wish - but "My Booky Wook 2" written as a sequel documenting the life of Russell Brand up to now- is a genius, brilliantly written, and most honest piece of work I have indulged in - in a long time. He speaks - the content is a perk. The brilliance, beauty and honesty that is in each page is a warm welcome into what he believes and what he loves. To speak with absolutely no irony is a thing I myself find hard to do.- This of course is excluding his silly joking.

I also believe that we all could help change the world if we begin to PRACTICE Gratitude. Not just say out please and thank you's. Thats the beginning. -- I learned this from Jason Mraz. Sure - you look at him - see him as just another singer. And I once shared a conversation with someone where she stated that he was disgusting and that he couldn't possibly have messages of goodness. This ignorance made me sad... But I do believe we all will become what he writes about. And I'm not just talkin of the love makin :D - that's the perk people.

And lastly. I believe that as the world spins - this progression is never ending. When it does - we'll all be dead! - but as the world continues to progress, so should we.

There is no life in pauses. Pain is easy to find.

As an actor - and as a believer and follower of Jesus Christ - I think the worst thing in the world is to be type-casted. Sometimes - for an unpaid - struggling actor, type casting could help pay the bills. But after that first initial step, you don't go anywhere.

Faith is growth. Satisfaction is poor choice to stop in both acting and faith.

You've got to move deeper. Deeper in faith, deeper into a character, and deeper into yourself.

I enjoy serving my time to volunteering. But alas, after years of doing so. I've lost that sense of giving. I can't feel like I'm expressing gratitude in it any more. I do still have a passion to serve like this. But at this point - I have given all I can in this role. In this way. As this person. The progression has stopped. The growth is paused.

I'm search for my progression. I'm not looking for a different role in life to play - or a character in a show to play..... What I'm looking for is to escape this type cast I have fallen into.

I have done soo many things with my life so far that I can feel grateful for. But people only see the small things that they witness. And after a while - as I struggle to break free - I am caught. Trapped. For far too long I have been seen as the silly PJ who acts in Musicals. I love acting in musicals - and the worst of puns makes me laugh. (ironically enough - though the bulk of my friends know me like this - I do have a select group of people I hang out with that would never see me like that. They have never even heard me sing.) ..... But it has come to the point where I fail to achieve work outside the Theatre world - due to this being all I have done with myself in the eyes of most people. I don't see this as a sign that I have to stay in theatre. I'd feel to sad about that to keep my passion going.

I sing. I dance. I write. I play musical instruments. I am a fair trampolinist. I edit films. I take pictures. I play sports. I have led teams. I have taught. I have directed and coordinated at Film Camps. I have gone on Service trips. I have handed out sandwiches and spare change late Christmas Eve's to people living on the street. I cut/dye/style my own hair. I can do impressions. I can put together an Ikea item like nobodies business! I have painted more walls then I can remember. I enjoy helping people move. I love driving friends long distances. I have helped with conferences. I never turn off my phone, and I'll answer it at any hour. I travel. I build things. I sketch things. I pray. I worship. I love.... And I hurt.

These are the things that I can look at my life and..... well...... Remember!

I have learned through schooling to be grateful and know any place any part in a show, is a good part.... But when it comes to all the friends I am grateful to have... There are few who know me. I am quite the surprise to most. And part of it being my fault - but I hurt, I hurt when I am that type casted friend. I even surprise my best of friends.

It has taken me longer then I have hoped to publish another blog. I have written 2 and a bit since last I posted. But those are for me. Those are for the moments where I feel more broken then I can express to anyone but God.

There is a song I remember from my days of Church dwelling - they went:

"I want to know you, I want to see your face. I want to know you more"

Who knows you? Who REALLY knows you? God :) - yeah that was the easy answer. But who else? Who truly knows you? Knows how you think? Knows how you feel? Knows how you cry, laugh, and dream?

IF you have that person - never lose them. IF you don't, - find that person who doesn't type cast you in this world. Find that person who unapologetically can finish your sentences.

Who knows me?

Well............... I'm pJ........ Patrick James.

It's nice to meet you.