Just Smile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLZMCKWweJA

Selling Myself Short

There are things in this world that will bring us down.  They will bring us  turmoil and hurt.  Confusing pain that makes us think that this is somehow a dramatic real life creation of a soup opera - it will cause us to be forever bamboozled with life and it's deeds.

One day :  Such an ordinary day --- You find yourself walking through the streets of your chosen city doing some errands and all together just frolicking amongst the world.......  You arrive at a grocery store -- and as you are looking through the produce section trying DESPERATELY to convince yourself that you are a healthy person and that maybe someone will see you eat some fruit and comment at how amazing you look --- you see someone.  They (to you) are absolutely nobody.  But there is something about them.....  It could be the hair, the distinct features of their face, or perhaps even the sweater they are wearing...... This one person (unintentionally) has now brought you back to that time in your life where you weren't soo free going.  Where you were not as happy-go-lucky as everyone defines you as.

what do you do?

It's the hardest math question you will ever try to figure out.  It's the question that even Einstein goes "Where the hell do I begin this equation?"

So......  Where do you start?!  WHERE does your mind go?  Do you fall into an immediate depression and lifelong doubt?  Or do you continue on with your day?

What gets you there?  Where is your E=MC2??

What is the equation to your answer?

There are a lot of people in this world - some of which philosophize that we CHOOSE to be depressed.  Sure there are moments where we will become sad.  Where we find loss, feel it, watch it.  But full on depression is a word that STRONGLY amounts to a person and how they can NOT carry on in this day to day living the world is running on......  Words like Love and Depression are over run and over used.....  People will tell each other they Love each other but later on that day discuss how so and so told you that person you "love" did something you don't like and then all of a sudden you no longer love them.......  Some/a lot of people talk about being depressed because they didn't have enough change in the morning to buy their extra large double double coffee - yet then we find people living on the streets who sit with their heads down as the snow covers them and their sadness as they give up and no longer open their palm to receive even a nickel from people who don't even care if they spend their money on booze or not - but just as long as they find some sort of joy or peace in any single second of the day.

How do we bring ourselves back?

-Mission 39 - 69th blog

I found myself writing blogs shortly after I read one being published my Jason Mraz.

Anyone who knows me well - or even follows my blogs - know that I am a big fan of Jason Mraz.  Though I do not glorify him and follow him as if he is the end all and be all - I do find peace in his music and his blogs.

He speaks about gratitude and love.  Things that are important to him like surfing and water consumption in the world.  A Green Earth, about saving all the children of the world and creating peace and harmony and equal rights amongst EVERYONE in this world - black/white/gay/straight/rich/poor....  EVERYONE.

I was talking to a friend tonight - her name is Colleen - I met her through my partner in crime.   We had a moment where we talked about the "WHY".  And the "WHAT" - And the "MRAZ" haha.

Why do I find myself walking towards meetings in my life - towards moments I don't want to be in - towards times when I know someone is going to be leaving me (even for a short while) - and I hum - or tune in to a Jason Mraz song......  Is this an obsession?  Is this some sort of gross fetish?  GOSH NO.  It is some sort of PEACE....  Thats what it is. 

It is a few minutes in my life that I find happiness - love - joy-gratefulness.  Its in a lyric or in the inspiration of knowing I am being encouraged to be me and to love, and to create joy.  That is "SKATS OF ANOTHER NATURE".....  I almost forgot that for a while there.....  Sure I began this blog to be silly and to cause a few laughs... But that's just it....  Laughs - smiles - joy.....  I began this to spread joy amongst even a few people.  Even if it is in just the 3 friends I inform to every time I finish an entry ----  If I know I have added a smile to their day - I know the hours I spend on this computer are worth it.  

I don't expect or believe I will get more then 8 followers on my blog - but since I HAVE 8 people who receive a message every time I make an entry - it is my spiritual/human/writers obligation to bring that smile or thought to them.....  They have committed to me - and I them.

I find joy in the musical stylings of Jason Mraz -- I find inspiration and joy in the words written and sung by another......  How about you?

Where do you find it?!!  I encourage you to find it.  PLEASE!  -- When you lose it - You can STILL find it.  Trust me.  We all have done it.  Even if you can't explain it - find that moment in your life and just hold on to it.  Try to find it every day of your life.  YOU DESERVE IT!  Why would you find joy in a moment and then toss it away?!  It's like throwing away friendship or in some peoples cases money....  Those moments bring smiles and joy --- Your smile makes someone else smile....  Why can't we have a "National Smile" day?  We have all these days in the world where we recognize things and give recognition - but we then find ourselves sitting down and finding a reason to turn on the Coldplay and sulk into those times where we think we have felt the most emotion.

I only really listen to soft acoustic style music.  I know slow depressive tunes as much as the next person - but as long as you CHOOSE LOVE and JOY - you will be alright.

I want everyone to find a moment everyday where they can express love.  Sincerity is the greatest weapon we have --- don't fake love - don't pretend to feel.  You won't move forward - you won't find what it is you are looking for.......

I have found moments when I have been caught into a depression.  ESPECIALLY when it's like you have been forced into it...  I know I have found myself even now struggling with life and depression and trying to deal with the turning of the globe as I wake up day to day trying to think of a reason to get out of bed.....  But I do.  And though I find myself getting back into that bed in a less then satisfactory way -- I do.  I do because I know when that sun gives me that good morning kiss to wake me up - I will be able to get up and experience love... Because that's what I search for.  Not even so much in the romantic sense....  But I find gratitude and peace in sitting in a guest bedroom of my parents house watching a DVD of Jason Mraz singing a song that tells us all that "you got soul" - even if he is implying that you turn him on hahaha.

All I'm saying is ............  I don't even know anymore...  It isn't for me.  It's for you.....  I'm not speaking a specific message and I'm not trying to give off a moral we should all live by.....  All I'm trying to say is that there are people out there who love you - and you should love in the new year....

These blogs don't give one thought.  We all have our own - whether it is "wow, I should do that!"  or "Oh my god, what a loser!  Who writes like this?!!" 

I don't care.

Don't enter this New Year alone.... Please...  Hug someone and embrace them tightly as you hit midnight and remind yourself that without you this world does NOT spin the same way...  Without you - peoples lives will no longer be the same....  

And so for my New Years -- I am entering it ....... With you.

Happy New Years

-pJ

Lets leave this world looking better then how we found it.

On This Very Christmas Night

And so it begins.

Yet another Christmas eve I claim to my own.  In spirit of not only the holiday season but more in  a certain Broadway hit to which is gracing the streets of Toronto - I wish to raise my arms and in a NON christmas celebratory gesture - raise my arms and shout TRADITION!!

In previous years I make my night by a drink and a candle lit room as Christmas specials brighten my night as I darken it with deep thoughts and philosophical in put in what I have learned this past year.  And this past one has been an adventure and a half.  One where when I think back - I dream of living back in those moments where I just looked at the sky and said - "this is me.  this is my life.... way to go PJ!  You've done it!"

I had great moments this year.

For starters I started off this year being a musical production of Guys and Dolls playing opposite my best friend.  It was like going on stage each night and being myself and being applauded for it.

Around that time I went with 3 of my most amazing friends to New York City.  I wont forget that trip.  It was amazing.  And if I ever make my way back - in any form - I will remember those kodak moments.

....................................

Before I go any further....  I am stopping this New Years flashback to a year which I can think of beautiful moments filled with joy - happiness given by others, and even pain -----  I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of dreaming over the last year.  And as I find myself on the same couch I have found myself on the eve of Christmas Day celebrating Christ's Birthday in my style of drinking myself silly while watching "White Christmas" and writing what ever comes to my mind - I have discovered something.......  It's now December 26th.....  Christmas Day has come and gone and I wasn't able to finish my train of thought.

HERE'S WHY

I found myself - for the first time in a long time - COMPLETELY lost......  Though I have had moments in my life and in the past year where I have looked at myself and questioned where is my place in this world - what am I doing?  Why do I feel in such ways ---- I have discovered something about myself.

Like the Grinch I have learned over the last few years not to care what comes out of packages, boxes or bags.  It has been in my friendships where I have found great joy.  So over the last little while I have been able to go out to celebrations where giving is involved and just being able to find joy in the idea that someone is finding just as much joy watching me hold the thing that they bought to put a smile on my face.......

Though a very important thing to learn and feel when in a Christmas mood - I have wanted something......  This Christmas I have wanted something for the first time in a long time.

As I found myself sitting in the candle lit room as Bing Crosby in White Christmas filled the air ultimately having me miss a phone call from my Brother who has been un able to call home in Two months due to being on the Ocean with a failed satellite on his ship --- I have found the Christmas gift that I really wanted was......  A lady to share my moment with.

I wouldn't call myself a lonely guy, I am though of as a happy-go-lucky guy amongst my friends and though I don't have any woman in mind - I found myself really truly wanting someone to snuggle up to on this holiday and just sort of squeeze me all the harder as a way to say "Happy Christmas".  

I understand I have passed up opportunities this year to have a chance to be with some amazing people in a romantic way - it wasn't meant to be.  Who knows - I may find my way back into the life of one of my past heart throbs - but whom ever it is - I know the first thing I will do is embrace them all the tighter to show them how much they mean to me.  Every day.  That's Christmas...  Every day do I feel we should take the person that we hold closest to our hearts and just squeeze em something fierce. 

To those of you who are apart of the lucky world of love - I tell you this - hold them - and love them, any, and EVERY chance you get.  

Even when they are being complete ARSES!  You'll find that life is still worth while - when they are in your arms.

----------------------------

I have left my place of study.  I am taking on this world head first and trying to get into a business of acting/singing/ entertaining by a means of just simply making someone smile - and perhaps even shakin their hips side to side with a funky tune.   If I don't find success - I hope I find joy and love.  If when I find myself performing perhaps one of my songs on a bar stage somewhere in a dodgy stage in the greater Toronto area - and I find the eyes of another connect to mine --- I hope for strength...  Life's too short to pass up excitement and adventure.

Hold those close to you.

(I'd be holding my cat right now if he were not licking himself AS WE SPEAK)

But hold those - and love those around you.

The greatest gift you can give this holiday season - is love.

-pJ

(as a special shout out - the greatest part of my Christmas this year is to watch my friends Liane and Ken give themselves to each other through Marriage.  Congratulations to them!  I have been SOOOO excited for them for a long time!) 

Brotherhood of Man.... one love.

To begin this next Skat - I'd really just like to take it as a hat tip - a high five - or in their case some times - a salute - to Americans of the United States.

Like butter - you find them in every country.  Sure some may not be as dignified as others.  And some you may just want to order them to sit in the corner within the circular gym you are standing in.

Though I am proud of being Canadian and wouldn't imagine my life any differently.  I do admire how much in love with their country they are.  At least every other house on every other street has a ton of American national flags on their houses - or up a personalized flag pole.  It's admiring to see how (though unnecessary in my eyes) they will continue to fight without end in view of their war against........ something.....  I'm sure I'll read "America vs Iraq for dummies" sometime in my life.  But for now - I'll sit blissfully twiddling my thumbs still bummed out about the lost of our King of Pop.

So right on - and keep it going.  I only wish us Canadians - though known as the country of peace - could find identity and love in our own country while we bring in others and call them family.

-Mission 38- Night of Flames.

I have been one of the luckiest people in the world to be able to study at Sheridan (soon to be University) for musical theater performance...  Though I have been blindsided with the amount of work I have had to do - I couldn't have it any other way.

There is usually nothing I miss about my old life.   But thinking back to the summer - I have been feeling that drain - the lack of CITY in my life :D.  

If love was interpreted by electric fixtures - when it comes to Toronto.... I'm a big fan :)

And I LOVE Toronto - and Canada.  So to 

have to move just a few driving moments outside of Toronto - I have been very sad not to see the glowing lights of the CN Tower light up from a smoggy distance.  Still soo close - but yet - just far enough.

The last couple of nights I have had the amazing chance to go watch some friends from my program perform in one of Toronto's most well known gay bars.  Buddies in Bad Times.

I don't have a television - and rarely find myself looking at news stories on the internet - and NEVER find myself walking somewhere to find a newspaper - so let's just say I'm in a closed box taped together with stickers of the Phantom of the Opera.

So as I frolicked amongst the streets of Toronto last night before retreating to the pub - I noticed quite the commotion.  People were lining up all over Young Street in the downtown area.  Here I had no clue what was going on so I simply sat with some friends - ordered some fries and enjoyed a quick meal.

THE OLYMPIC FLAME?!!??!?!

In a flash I was outside on the street freezing my butt off and awaiting the lucky runner of the torch.  This was completely a THRILL to me!  Who knows if I'll ever get to see it again?!  Rather ironic to seeing how I kept trying to sneak a smile across to someone I seem to be feeling quite a flame for and the fact that my friends were performing in a gay pub tonight... Brilliant!

I was standing with my good friend James waiting anxiously until we saw the crowed getting bigger and bigger just down the street.  In the excitement of it all we wanted to be a part of this crowd.  This is a celebration right?!

guess not....

Protestors.......

Now - the point they had was this:  Eliminate the Olympics - take the money from there and put it into creating new jobs.

Good on them for trying to get the government to push harder to help find and create more jobs for this overpopulated world..... BUT!

disgusting how they have to interrupt something as beautiful as the running of the Olympic Flame.

THE OLYMPICS folks -- are NOT just about the games.  C'mon now!  Sure we send out best thought of athletes to compete in a world wide competition to bring home the championship gold medal.  But the OLYMPICS are much MUCH more.  

How dare people.  It sickens me.

The Olympics stand for PEACE.

CAN PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT?!

Peace and love is something we all are longing for in some capacity.  What a selfish protest to ask for the olympics to be shut down to create a job for them.

YES it is important for people to be working.  But there are other solutions.  One being pick your ass up off the ground and listen to what mamma s

aid when you were a teenager and just get ANY job you possibly can to pay the rent and get you by.  SURE you may not be happy with the job - but you will be in less of a rutt then you are in now.

Understand that jobs come and go - and it is us that have to pick ourselves up - find a suitable replacement and get your ass some money.  The economy is in a rutt - yes - but it is events such as the Olympics that offer thousands among THOUSANDS of people jobs over the next few months of competitions.  THATS SUCH A START!  C'mon.  Fight FOR jobs - not for eliminating something as proud driven and historically loved like the Olympics!

Im going insane with this topic.  I just can't handle how heart broken I am at the attitude and the disrespect for ones country someone can have then to cause what inevitably is blasphemy against ones heritage to ask for something soo selfish.  We need to understand that WE ARE THE HOSTS of this years Olympics.  C'mon people.  Does that not give you soo much joy in to think that the WORLD respects our country and tru

sts our country enough to allow us to host the worlds biggest competition.

Yes we have put a lot of money into building new stadiums and other sort of constructed plateaus for these winter events --- But could you possibly just take a second and think of how much money will be going back into our country with all those bloody freaking expensive ticket sales?!!!

So shocked and ashamed of my fellow Torontonians I walked back up the street to my original curbside and awaited the torch....

............  It never came...... The protestors marched bl

ocking off the entire street - police officers could do nothing but block them off from people who had come out with their families and their young children to watch a simple flame with hundreds and hundreds of years of history and beauty.

Breaks my heat to think of how the children standing there in their giant puffy coats missed out on something soo beautiful because of a selfish cause like the one last night....  I couldn't stand it.  Being myself - I began to boo as they marched passed me.  Ignoring the blatant screams coming from the marchers and all the fingers raised to express their anger towards me (someone whom was a form of little person) gave me the finger as well.  Though this broke my anger and turned to laughter seeing how she was rather hilarious in her "Hello Kitty" childrens puffy coat and giving me the finger while wearing mittens.... hahaha.  I understood what she was trying to get across - but it was like getting the fing

er from Frosty the snow man.... There are clearly not separated fingers there! haha

But I was back to my angered boo's and comments as they passed by causing a heinous act of rebellion....  I had done this for only a little while before I was spotted by a news team from CTV.  Quickly they ran and asked me for my opinion on the matter being one of the only people in my general area protesting against their hate.

I expressed to the interviewer (while being filmed) how insulting it was to see their hate against something that stands for peace and love in this world where we have close to none!!!  I couldn't say everything I wanted to due to it only being a quick word of opinion with them.  But as expressing their ignorant rampage as being one uned

ucated protest - seeing how there are ways they could get that without ruining something so beautifully romantic in this world as the running of an olympic torch.  

Our world is shaped with cynicism these days........  And it's sad.  Truly is.  Why can't people look towards beauty and light and love and peace rather than looking towards the dark and the need for greed and hate.

Truly am heartbroken by all of this.  Spending the afternoon depressed at how the love and excitement I have for these games - the games to which I remember going over to my best friends house to watch as many competitions as possi

ble over 4 years ago and cheering on my Country as we celebrated peace and love in games that celebrate greatness amongst athletes and humanity.

This year my best friend is living in Europe and only through internet chats do I get to speak to him.  This year I don't have a television set....  This year I will be online learning statistics and watching clips of these events.  That alone saddens me.  But never could I imagine people being as ruthless in their cause as to insult something so pure in this world.

I have been a Beatles fan for most of my life.  As I grew up it was only the songs of The Beatles or The Beach Boys that I heard.  And it took me almost 2

1 years to finally understand what John Lennon tried to tell the world through his song Imagine.

I end this post with his song.....  Look through the lyrics.  I know we all know them.... But lets UNDERSTAND them now.....  More important.

Imagine by John Lennon :

Imagine there's no Heaven 

It's easy if you try 

No hell below us 

Above us only sky 

Imagine all the people 

Living for today 

Imagine there's no countries 

It isn't hard to do 

Nothing to kill or die for 

And no religion too 

Imagine all the people 

Living life in peace 

You may say that I'm a dreamer 

But I'm not the only one 

I hope someday you'll join us 

And the world will be as one 

Imagine no possessions 

I wonder if you can 

No need for greed or hunger 

A brotherhood of man 

Imagine all the people 

Sharing all the world 

You may say that I'm a dreamer 

But I'm not the only one 

I hope someday you'll join us 

And the world will live as one 

-pJ

Come again : Here and then

Tonight was spent eating cookies, drinking juice, listening to Christmas music and writing songs.

I haven't written a song since the summer.  I think I have added in a few of my own personal lyrics or new hop step jump to a tune I have already in my head established.  But I have yet to really sit down and just write.

Before I met my new life I walk day to day through I wrote a poem before I put down my pen....

Now I don't share my songs.  One - I am embarrassed by how ridiculously sappy I get....  But when I was younger I always ate my vegetables.  So I am a big fan of corn.  And thusly I write songs simply towards the moods I am in.  And in a simple subtle context and minor theme to my music -- I sing.. generically --- about Love.

For one time only folks --- If ever I become famous you MAY hear a line or two from this stolen and put into one of my songs -- but thats what my book here is for.  For writing simple lines down - a poem or two - and hopefully some days a song.  And when I come across a new strumming pattern in my head or a few chords that express how I am feeling - I may look back to my jotted skats and steal a line or two that best suit my poetical clauses.

This poem has NO name -- it simply came to me surprisingly and all at once just as fast as you can read it.....  Enjoy... 

(it may be a tad sad... depending on how you read it :D) 

:

The heart of nothing else 

The heart of ever more

My bliss of you spells out so true 

From shore to southern shore.

Out from the wind I know your name 

Out in the open I try to tame - 

Tame the light 

love

passion

and those secret glances.

How else could we be then in my dreams?

This.. My agony

:

A few lines in that sucker cry out for a hug I wont lie haha - But some lines make me think of sunsets and turtle doves - of moon beams and chocolate cakes.....  I don't know about you - but a good line could turn the page and deck my halls for many days.

Indulge in tomorrow----- you'll find life.

-pJ

My Chemical Bromance!

The wind brushing across my face in a cool autumn chill always gives its morning kick as a caffeinated hug from sister earth.  The odd thing about this autumn breeze is it's presence in a Canadian December.

Don't get me wrong - it could have been snowing and I would have thought it summer with the tranquil up downs of the Bob Marley tune streaming from my Ipod to my brain.  But it's this past monday - the 1st of our December 2009 - our first and last - where I found myself wearing flip flops to class.  Sure it was past it's time and anyone would "think me odd" to find me frolicking like a Rasta up and down the streets of this suburban town.  But to argue my place in this world --- it is the softness of the sun that kisses my skin that attracts me to this beach side fashion amongst the fall of the leaves....  But I kid you not - I have retired my flip flops for the season.  Somewhat by choice.  Poetically I had chosen to last to December the 1st and triumphantly shoebox them away for another summer - but as fate had it - My flips drew their last flop!!  They tore in two quite un-triumphantly.  I was sad.  REAL sad.  In my silliness I concocted their rebirth..... OR at least just a small catalyst to have them breathe one day more!  

Nails :)  With mine and the earth working together they rocked another day :D

I think I am a little mad to being bathing in this weather.  I hear quite often from my friend how cold they are to be walking outside.  I don't know if it is my choice in clothing or just my ability to take a cold chill after summers sleeping in northern Canadian forests.  I do enjoy a good morning dew - and I mean the mist covering an open field just prime for a quick toss of a frisbee type of dew.  I don't mean the muggy feeling of waking up to a moist bedroom - frozen - and knowing that when you open your door a wasteland of frozen tundra stands between you and a dance studio of sweat that only encourages pneumonia as you get out and mission it back to your apartment.  And of course I don't mean a puddle of Mountain Dew....  If I want that I can walk up the street to the Taco Bell and become their first customer in the last 7 years!

Weather is great here is all I am saying really.  I'm sure I could go on and on poetically extending the most famous small talk topic to a novel of heart felt nonsense... but when it comes down to it......... The weather up here is swell.... yes... thanks for asking...... 

There are a few titles this world has created that I disagree to....  Listen clearly now.  I don't mean to talk about what elementary school kids call each other when little white boys like rap music - or if a girl likes a girl.....  What I mean to talk to is the fairy tale titles we have poetically placed upon our home......  Earth.....  Let's stop calling it "Mother Earth".  I give great respect to which ever television producer at the BBC coming up with that for some Sunday morning programming -- but the time is really clear these days for us to take care of this earth.  I know we take care of our mothers.... But think about it folks.....  Imagine this earth as your sister..... You're younger sister.  You are going to take care of her, love her, shelter her and watch out for her even when she gets old and is doing alright.  You wont stop.  You expect your mother to take care of you more than you her.  I know we all love our mothers and will take care of them in any given circumstances.  But in the long run it is us we assume to be taken care of when mothers are involved.....  Let's take care of our sister and stop throwing things on her floor..... Thats step number one.

Now in a poetical sense I want to call the Sun my brother.  The sun gives.  Sure my brothers don't give me things unless it is on my birthday or something on those lines.  But in stead of calling it "Santa Sun" -- I'm going to imagine my sun - the one that makes sure I look slick in the summer - the one that is looking down at the top of my head all the time lighting my way in the world it appears to know so well.... That's my big brother..... I don't know - I'm going to call it the Sun all the time.... But thinking in terms of how we can truly love and find life - romance and poetry in everything -- let's start looking at things a little differently.  Who knows - it might turn out to be the right way for you.  I'm finding my way in this world.  You should too, you may learn something about yourself.

-Mission 37- Acknowledging 

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I care most in this world about.  Who I'd notice wasn't there in a group of people.  Who I could start a barber shop quartet with......... ahem... well.. not that last one.  But you understand where I'm aiming at.  

Part of my gratitude lately isn't just laying back and basking in the beauty of visual sites of the world.  But now as we approach a holiday of giving I begin to think of those that if I had any money (haha oh my) what I could really give them to show them that I truly appreciate them.  That's what giving is, isn't it?  

As we pack up the malls of this world and pack up the parking lots giving me the impression that you did this just to piss of my father and set him into a rant and make me realize that I forgot my wallet at home and have him drive me back and then return to the stampede of shopaholics that look to us as the inconvenient foreigners that are in their way of living and look absolutely stupid just standing there as a Gap Tourist.  Which I would be - if I ever stepped in Gap other than to play the "Gap Game" where you try to walk to all four corners of the store without being asked ONCE if you need any help.  Fun game and impressive salesmanship in a store that always gives me the impression that there is something they are not telling me.

But before we grow melancholy at our wallet sizes this season - let's look at the reasons.  We are getting sad because we feel as though we need to buy 

gifts for certain people.  That is never a reason.  Buying someone something because you feel the awkward obligation of having to hand them a bottle of lotion from "the body shop" just to say "hey... yeah... there you go".

Let's simply SHOW the ones we truly care about a happy holiday... And for me - that holiday is Christmas.  So in no attempts to offend those who don't celebrate it - I am going to cut out the political correctness and begin talking Christmas.

And this Christmas I want to acknowledge friends of mine who put a smile on my face and take care of me just because they want to see that smile on my face.  And when I think about it - those times a Christmas presents all in their own....  Interesting huh?  Any how...  Just a brief Thank you to my great close friend whom watches out for me like the sister I was never lucky enough to have in a house of all boys who somehow loved Boy Bands and Musical Theater....... cough***.. any ways......

Today I am grateful for many things.  One of which is my friend Jake.  I know a couple of Jakes.  But this guy is an affection guy who cracks up everyone from a baby who is laughing at what every voice he is putting on - or an elderly lady for the mystery in his eyes that he is giving them just to chipper them up on the other side of the bench 

with their caramels :D hahaha God Loves yah Somo!

So as I finish up what has been one of my more shorter blogs in the past year (HA!) - I'd just like to examine this year and acknowledge it coming to a close in a fashion of pure class.

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful... And so are you........  Today I am grateful for beautiful sunsets.

Enjoy Global warming while you can.  :)  - 

Happy tannnnnnn*ahem* Holidays!

-pJ

(on a side note... I have this tradition every Christmas Eve that I have done going on I think 6 years now... So look forward to my blog that night :D!  I know I will)

 

Java Joy

So my last blog got me thinking.....  Though I would LIKE to write another segment in 

--The Many Adventures of Jordan D. Pipher -- 

more specifically one where a stray cat continuously went to his front door every day and he gave it milk before it would leave and then do the same the next day - and so on and so forth.........  BUTTTTTT  of course this is no ordinary man here... This is Jordan D. Pipher.............  So when I say stray cat ...  What I mean is a Gangster man with very large bling.......  And by milk .... I mean money....... :D But I wont tell you that story.....  No no.  (mainly because most of it is within the plot alone --- No one likes to watch a movie and then realize that the whole story had been given away in the trailer!) 

But it was my talk about Starbucks that got me thinking......  I do enjo

y me a Venti Cafe' Mocha in the winta-winta time - or an Ice'd Chai any other time.  But it is the unity and joy that these places bring.  Honestly now.  Though it acts as any other fast food chain - A Starbucks sits there and doesn't fill you with grease that is going to blow you up 7 sizes by christmas.  There is class within sitting in a coffee shop and enjoy a quick pick-me-up of java while you talk to someone.  

I suppose it really doesn't matter where you are - just as long as the act of uniting and being and talking and friendship with another is happening.......  All I'm saying is that you're all a bunch of uncultured swines sitting around in Mcdonalds............. ahhh.... I feel better now.  Anyyyyyy hoooven.....  

I have been very lucky to have obtained the love/addiction to coffee :D hahaa.  Here me out.  I'm not American -- So I don't have a Starbucks on every corner.  A Starbucks is something that I treat myself to every once in a while.  It's not my favorite - it's just th

at rarity that is around and makes me go "hmmm, yes I WOULD like to pay a lot of money for coffee today when I could pay less!"

But as a Canadian I hold many things dear to my heart.....  Number 1 - the first and foremost thing that sets me a part from others....... I can wear flip flops in the middle of November and look badass doing it ;) ..... YESSSIREEE... hahaha.  But there is something all Canadians share alike.

Tim Hortons.

(apologies due to this post being posted before I realized to those of you who have seen the above part a few days earlier..... but in that case I call you freaking snoops and suggest you and your brown nose get off my blog at this very MOMENT!!!!! HARUMPH!)

-Mission 36- Lovin me Timmies

I have been very fortunate to have a coffee story every couple days.  And by coffee story I mean something as small as "went to a starbucks with Kate" or "some man smelled like poop in the line it was awful!  So I pretended to spill some of my drink on him to get a better smell on him."

But in the past week I have gone to a Tim Hortons way more often then usual.

IT happened on Thursday morning.  I had been up late into the night studying for a test I had, and of course every Thursday I indulge my taste buds / addiction buds - and jump face first into a giant cup of java.  Lucky for me that it is one of the only mornings I can bring a coffee into one of my classes.  So as I waited in line I was listening to a few awesome tunes from the latest cd/dvd from Jason Mraz haha cheap plug ---- And as I approached the counter the worker immediately recognized me.  Im usually all hairy with messy hair and a bandana.  So I asked for my usual XL double double - double cup'd (I don't deal with burnt hands in the morning -- maybe in the winter) She said "oh yes of course" as I asked for the 2nd cup haha.  And as she filled my cup of joy - she noticed there was a breakfast sandwich made and not given to anyone.  This perplexed her.  Not too much though - because just as quickly as she drew it from her mind - it was in my hand...

WHAT a start to a day when I have a test to do.  A FREE sandwich!!  C'mon folks - I'm a student!  This is HUGE!

After my test there was a bit of a break from the rest of my 3 hour lecture on Theater History today specifically talking about theater in 17th century France --- So off I ran to the other Tim Hortons....

I'm not a cocky person in any form.  I should be in this business that I have chosen to study --- but it brings me joy to watch other people become happy just from me doing something..... Especially if the thing I am doing is just simply being there!!!  And as I approached counter number 2, the very nice Tim Hortons worker - more my age - unlike the one from counter scenario number 1----  But as I approached - BOOM -- Not a loud boom - I'm not being literal here - but just as I walked one step closer, her face went from a "sighh this is what I have to do for school" to "OH MYYY!!"  hahaha.  It was real nice to see a smile like that with the already amazing morning I was having.  I skipped on back to class and informed my friend Charlie that Tim Hortons loves me :)  So at the end of the day I ran off to a get a nice cup of coffee before I headed home to read over a couple of plays for the next day.......... CLOSED!?!  JERKS!  I HATE THEM!!!!!!!

I know I know - quick to turn.  But man was I in need!  sighh...  Fine - I was still happy - but in any case I wasn't pleased with them closing no more than 5 minutes earlier!

The next day I was really late getting to school due to construction happening on my building and me having no curtains - therefore they can see yours truly changing with no more than a sheet of glass in between us......  I'm an actor folks.... but a poor one.  SO NO FREE SHOWS!!

I hid in my washroom until they left.....  I was still on time for class - I was just later then I usually get there, so there was no coffee getting.

Lucky for me and unfortunate for my Tap teacher - she had hurt her back and we were told to just work on our own thing instead for that morning.  And so instead of sticking around to the many random tap's of other people on a morning without coffee --- I went home to shower and work on some homework and then head to a Timmies before my next class.

And as I do - I approached the counter - same one as #1 but let's call this #3 --- "Oh hello!  Double cup?" --- why yes!  

So she filled my cup as usual - it was a splendid feeling knowing I was getting a coffee.   But me having no change was not too worried.  I wasn't expecting anything free - I was just happy to know that Tim Hortons now takes credit card (mastercard specific) and her I am with one in emergencies like this!  So I whipped out my card and smiled.  "OH!  I was waiting for someone like you" she said in her small little mid european way as she handed me my coffee.  "Don't worry!  This coffee is free"........................ sniff sniff......  I was soo happy :) 

And as I do well - I skipped off with my cup and heart filled with some of that amazing Java Joy.

Now as my story comes to an end - I assure you that I did in fact go to a Tim Hortons again before the end of the day.

But for this end - I didn't get a smile as I usually do - no sir.  I went to get a smile :).  And as I received my cup of coffee I was very excited - not just for my sake.  But for my bud Charlie as well........  Our favorite dance teacher was standing behind me ;D  -- She doesn't teach us anymore - she was only in for a few weeks......  Let me just say Charlie and I miss her DEARLY hahaha.

And now - as I roll out of bed at a quarter after 2 in the afternoon on my first weekend day off in a long time - I simply reach for my nearest bandana........... And off I go .......... To get some Joy

Find Joy in everything - everything will seem that much sweeter!

-pJ

Here's lookin @ you...... Lanky!

Do you ever feel like you're being watched? 

Do you ever sit in a Starbucks wafting your Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte and just............. Watch?

What do you see?

Or better yet --- What are you thinking?

It's an honest question when you think about it......Op....Think?........  Honestly now -- It's the honest questions you really need to dig deep into what "deepness"/logic/poetic well being you have.

Are you a creeper?  --- Are you the one sitting there watching as each person walks by and how amazing Christmas Cards to friends and families would look if they were by your side?............. Have you ever ran after them screaming matching sweater ideas for the cover?.........ahem...... me neither.......

Or do you sit in a sort of bliss as your Ipod takes you into a Utopia of sound that blasts an array of emotional melodies into your heart?.........  I think it's safe to say..............

You're a creeper.... Drink your damn coffee and GET OUT!!

No honestly.

Watching......  Watching the world is something we all love to do.  Don't lie to yourself.  I'm here to tell you that it's alright!  Give a spotlight to that chipmunk nestled under that cotton and twigs before realizing it was just road kill and that was rather just it's back fur and bones................ ahem..... bad thought..... cough*

Shine your attention to that man in the subway playing his heart out because he isn't giving up on a dream.  That he is there to play music because his heart doesn't beat with the same passion as it does with each strum of his guitar.  Toss him a quarter and a friendly hello next time wont'cha?  Why do you need it?  To buy a coffee just for the new "Christmas Cups" that came out 2 months to soon....... :)......  Fine.... do it. :) --- but buy him one huh?

Okay okay......  I'm a student -- trust me.  I'll be the last one to go looking to give my money away.  But as my partner in crime so stupidly does - he has rubbed off on me and I do find myself offering up my spare change to that man who could scare your nostrils into a rather burning sensation from a simple sniff of the urine scent in the air from him trying to keep warm on a cold winter night.

But that's just the obvious......  When you watch -- do you see "lost"?

No not the television show you twit!  But I mean it as simply as - do you se

e someone who needs directions!?  -- Are they in your city?  -- Damn skippy you will offer them directions!  That's the least you could do for someone who is visiting and idealizing your home.....  But of course ----- as I preach of service --- I ask you to be wise.............  HERE'S WHAT MY GOOOOD OL PAL DID GOING HOME ONE NIGHT FROM THE GREYHOUND STATION............ :)

(you thought I had forgotten hadn't you?  You lanky little putz!)

-Mission 35- Watch your investment skip off into the night.

Alright --- so I'll start off by saying that sure...... His heart was in the right place by offering up a well rounded amount of funds to a man "in need".  And even if he wasn't soo much in need, than "pulling off a scam" - my good ol pal lives and unwritten life.  And good on him for offering to help........... the putz.

So now I turn your attention from my life to-----  

The Many Adventures of Jordan D. Pipher

...... Sure there's another middle name in there - but I'm a man of words..... This just sounds better ;) - take notes.  (also excuse me for this wont be 100% accurate due to me not being there - and me not sharing the story with Jordan's enthusiasm and his questionable logic towards this happenstance. --- I will also fail to add other details that may prove Jordan in the "right" -- but that is simply for my own enjoyment - especially for his annoyed reaction to this retelling :D)

So there he was.....................................................................................................

pretty good so far right?

Traveling by the Greyhound Bus Transit was a weekend thing for Jordan.  He rocked it soo often that if he were allowed to earn frequent flyer miles and use them - he'd be on the moon right now.  But going back and forth from Peterborough to Toronto and then a simple rinse and repeat deal was his life as he studied and came to Toronto for a musical.

He got off the Greyhound bus around a similar time each Sunday night.  Rather late into the night - but not early enough to hear the bar keep shout out both a "last call" and the "morning specials".

And of course every good story needs a little drunk...... And into the scene he walked. :)

Stressed - and not fully in a state of inebriation where he needed some help with certain things like walking or talking - but it was clear he had come from a bar.........  Mainly because he told Jordan this.

Let's call this man "Howard" --- just for the hell of it..... I'm sure Jordan remembers this gentleman's real name - as he usually is good at (but to reaaaallllllyyyy test it I am now going to stress him out by getting him to remember the name of the man we found drunk on the street on New Years and helped him walk to a house party to which he offered us a fine assortment of cheap beer and women who had no clue they were being auctioned off..........  - he wont get remember ;D).

So Howard was in QUITE the pickle here!  --  He was all dil

ld up and not happy (hehe) - For he was having a jolly good night with his fellow chaps at the pub - and they LEFT HIM!.... And oh no - they all lived out of town!  That stinks -- I hate going to such a thriving city like Peterborough and indulging my taste buds at one of their world renown pubs ;) -- and then being left by such good friends...... Oh nuts!

But - this man was in need - and here before his eyes was a light post..... And beside the light pole was another.... oh wait ... nope - that's a man!

"I need your help" --- not what he said - but in the small talk he started with Jordan he inevitably got to the fact that he was in a tight jam and he needed help getting home in the means of money for a taxi - Because he was completely broke after a fun filled night in a Peterborough Pub! - Duhhh!

hmmmm.

So Jordan simply offers up the cash that he has...... Which equals to about ...... Nothing......  And so with little Cent's ;) - he offers to go to a bank machine and get what money he will need to get home.

This was an intelligent man!  Howard.....  For Howard knew exactly how much money it would take to get from their location to his home...... 40 dollars on the button!  ---- what a knowledgeable man!  :)

So this exchange happens and giddy as a school girl who is actually a man in third year musical theater school - he thanks Jordan for being the Saint that he is --- and he skips off into the darkness of an alley.................. wait a tick.......

Wasn't he grabbing.......... a ........ taxi?

Oh no worries Jordan would think to himself... He is probably going to grab a cab on the next street over - because there aren't that many near the Grey.........hound......... station.......

OH!  He is probably going back to the bar to call home and tell someone he is going to be alright....  Yep that's it!

So off skipped Jordan to a bus stopped and waited to go home. 

 A bus came and Jordan hopped on board like a sailor on his long voyage across the ocean blue...... Though this was cement - and it is only about a ten minute bus ride to his house......  So really...... When you think about it...... It's nothing like that at all.... :) 

So after a few moments Jordan is curious at why the bus driver is not doing what he does best - and driving.... Oh he is talking to someone outside....... Oh........ It's Howard!  What a silly guy that Howard!  THIS IS A BUS!....... Oh that Howard...... sigh :)

Howard gets on the bus..........................

Here's where Jordan ponders for a moment before raising the eyebrow and ask the fun question to himself.... " A WHAAAAAAA?!!!??"

After a few stops Howard notices Jordan and after what can only be assumed as a "oh shit" moment - he walks over to Jordan and thanks him again for his contribution in his life.  He explains that it is better for him to get closer towards the campus and hitch a cab there in stead.  Just to be on the safe side and making sure he has enough money to get him all the way home.

Oh that's alright then...........................

Not many more stops later Jordan and Howard parted ways - never to see each other again........

The End.

The moral of this story is this:

As contradictory as this story is to my philosophy of giving to those in need......  You cannot always choose how you are going to help in this world..... You simply have to live it out and keep your eyes open.  

Now our dear Jordan --- To this day --- still believes t

hat our Friend Howard used that money to get home......  He's a good positive thinker.  Trust me -  If you are the worst type of person that really just treats everything and everyone around you horribly --- Jordan will think good things about yah..... Hell you could be a murderous jenga-hating man and love the Toronto Maple Leafs - and he'll think "you-da-man" :)

Very good person that Jordan......  Though his wallet sometimes appear to appear just as skinny as he is --- I salute his willingness to give and serve for the sake of just helping another --- no matter what they are secretly sniffing later on at his expense ;D

So with a last thought -- and last laugh at how I spent the last 2 hours of my consciousness before a full day of classes and a test - to tell you som

ething you should already know and insult my best friend in ways that only I can truly get away with ----- 

Think about the big picture folks..... Next time you are sitting watching the world go by - THINK to yourself -- Where are you in all of this?  How are you helping it spin?  

Have a good night -

-pJ

: on a side note - I actually really do like Peterborough - it's quite lovely :) 

The Remedy

I've gotten more and more distracted and torn from this blog spot ---  but alas I am throwing all caution to the wind --- forgetting the fact that I just watched the horror film "From Hell" featuring Johnny Depp as an interesting detective in England trying to track down "Jack the Ripper" -----  Forgetting Sarah Marshall shall ease my spiked leg hair.....  Not to mention the goose bumps up my back making friends with the zits that made port there causing a nice brail effect that I think is quite poetic.....  A blind person once gave me a hug and was able to read "You're Welcome" from my back alone.......... :)  

okay so I exaggerate ---  But my back is a bit of a jerk this past week.  Rather interesting story .... Allow me to continue this story with a humorous pause for thought.................................................

The "humorous" part being used as both an adjective and a moment for you to roll your eyes at me as you get hooked in your curiosity and continue reading no matter how obtuse or idiotic I may become in my writings :)........

Shall I continue?  

GOOD!

So this past week has been an eventfully uneventful one.....  Don't know if that fully makes sense - but allow me to elaborate.

My good friend Charlie came down to visit me.  We would likely have an awesome week..... "Likely" being his last name ..... I couldn't resist........

We actually sat around for 3 straight days doing nothing except for watching movies.  And now to those people out there in the "real world" thinking they are sooo busy that they would have killed for a week like that.......... I encourage you to take a stapler to your head and shoot a few swift ones into your skull........  We had a blast - not going to lie.  BUT - the dream of something to do was never far from thought.  But before those fine days of sitting - eating greasy food - and watching Charlie drink down 15 Canadians to himself :D (sorry ChaW-LAY --- I had to).

MY BACK

ahem - right right...  There was a point to this story. --  I was staying over at my folks house for the beginning of this week, and since moving out - my room has quickly gone from the chilled brown painted (also called - "Audrey AUBURN" ;D) - comfortable bedroom to which I called "the cave" - now know as my mothers scrap book room.

And due to my recent move - all that called that room home - including my dvd's and more specifically my bed - has been taken with me to my apartment......  And this of course now leaves my mother with an empty room to call her own and to bunk me when I go to visit.......  Bunk is hardly the word unfortunately.....  "Bunk" in my opinion implies - FUN - or some enjoyment of what little nature I could come up with in my ridiculous mind.....  But what lay there be no more than a terror amongst sleep.  The enemy of Mr.Sandman - the Terminator of warm summers nap, The................ you get the point.

And unfortunately so did I.  For not only did I understand what NOT to sleep on when I go to visit - but I also got this GIANT point - most likely a bar - into my back that caused one HELL of a sore back the next morning......  And yes, I know for all you young bachelors that go out on the town and wake up in another person's (hopefully over the age of 18)'s bed - with YOUR sore back...... You walk home proudly........  I on the other hand awoke to a back that needed some well rounded sentences that could only be expressed as "What not to say to anyone under the age of 15".

I however am a trooper and went and made myself the most manly breakfast I could come up with...................... A very large bowl of Cheerio's :).

But of course what better to  go with Cheerio's then one of my many chick fli.......ahem.... Action movies I had left behind........  But HOW do you ask can I put on a dvd while holding what could only be exaggerated as a DAMN FINE looking bowl of cereal!?!!!!!!..........  Well I would place the bowl down, silly.

................................  The soreness of my back..... And the tense muscles that had been built up over a span of 20 years of not properly stretching in a consecutive fashion ----- .......... Enough of this gibberish ...... I tore a bloody F'in muscle in my back!!!!!

Not happy...... BARELY breathing actually.....  And though the words coming to mind were not far off from those I spoke earlier - the only words I could get out with what little breathe I was achieving was "Help!"

And though I was raised by a father whom loves the Beatles - my brother should have bloody known I was not singing........  Took him 5 freaking minute to finally come!  And I don't know about your - but 30 seconds not breathing properly on the ground with who knows what is going on with your body is WAY too long.  

And so sure enough - as he came to my side - my mother had been called to get our freaking car back to her house and take me to a hospital.

Long waiting in uncomfortable chairs later I was given many-a drugs and sent on my way........... Happy Halloween PJ.  Kids get a mars bar and I get Muscle relaxants....  Though if I were to take enough of them I don't think I would really mind.........  Not making a sick joke implying death - I only mean I would get pretty freakin high!

And thus began my long week of sitting and watching dvd's.  Which at the time seemed like the longest days I have ever spent - actually was the BEST thing for my back and health I could have possibly done.........  I enjoy how things work out...... Don't you?.......................... Well fine... I don't care what you think then..............

Here's a quick personal note :

-Mission 34- a SKAT of a mission statement 

So I have always tried to stay as honest as I could with this blog.  Because although I do write them to be enjoyed by my friends and any random person of this earth whom finds it - I do express myself in these words in a sort of way that really relieves me and allows me to relax and now stress about things............  And of course because I don't want to be caught owning a diary - I turned to the nerdier side of life and created this blog.

For those of you Skat readers who have been with me from the beginning - I thank you and hope that this has made SOME sort of thought provoking lifestyle for you after reading each post.

And so now I have passed my one year mark for writing on this thing and I have found myself caught.....  Like a bare trap I am stuck and not dumb enough like a fox to naw my own foot off.

My life is quite interesting right now.  I am not a closed book.  In fact I am more that Vanity Fair magazine you bought a long time ago for the cover and after reading it you really had nothing more from it - but there was that initial connection and that passed that makes you want to hold on to it forever.....  So you don't throw it out.......  Though this is making myself sound rather conceited I only refer to my holding nothing back - not my physical self or personality...... Though the word "cute as a button" has been tossed around quite a few times;)

But as I was saying I am trapped.  I find that my life now is not just censored - but I have gotten to that place where things are becoming more Private.  It's nothing personal.  In fact I have found myself on more than ..... let's just say 20...  occasions where I have told more secrets and more feelings then I probably should have...... But that's the thing.

THAT IS JUST IT.

In my life - I live as I NEED to..  What will get me by without feeling like crap when I wake up.  And though I and EVERYONE else in this world finds themselves in a rutt that does in fact cause you to over think everything and cause a depression that you alone feel impossible of escaping - I ask you this........  I try to do many things in my life.  But as of late - I try to cry un-apologetically.....  I'm not a big crier.  It just isn't the way I express sadness all the time...... I'm not robot of course I do and HAVE in the past little while have cried to either myself or to a friend......  But I let it out..........  If you got to let something out --- (thinking of my good friend Mr. Bradley Uppercrust the 3rd) - "LET IT OUT NOW".

And I will.  I will let it out.........  Just not so much on this anymore....  

Don't get me wrong I am going to continue writing about my crazy adventures that if you have followed along have ranged from Camping out to meet Jason Mraz and then rubbing it in my friends faces - to selling my mothers gold tooth.........  There will be many more stories to come.

I just have a few things - both good and bad things - that I can't allow just anybody to know.

We're all human and I know you - my reader understand.

So thank you again for being so rad and taking time out of your day to sit and read a few thoughts from this young man who honestly -- STILL - AFTER ONE YEAR (of blogging) - is living out Childish Adventures, through loose change.

let your light shine - 

-pJ

Not Looking

It's strange how ironical and absolutely necessary some days come together.....  Or even a week.

We all have heard the term to stop and smell the flowers or however it goes (guess I clearly haven't heard it :D)  but you know what I'm saying......  I am going to adapt the phrase to mean the EXACT same thing - but give you a whole new meaning for it ........ :) ..... Got it ?.......... Ready?......

Stop and hear the birds..........

The soft serenading tweet of a bird can really open your heart for a sort of uplifting boost that can ACTUALLY brighten your day..... You'll just have to take it in........  Now of course although I do love the songs of a bird every once in a while I mean particular things that people say -  The world of "people" - your friends..... Your family --- and yourself...  We all get the hello from a stranger that we KNOW we have met, but of course for the life of us we just can not pin point when and where or WHAT the hell their name is!!

But how cool is it that they (half the time not remembering you) say hello to you in a walk by through the halls of your school - the grocery store - in the elevator - or even on a random street.......

Well folks --- this week - Though I didn't (and have never actually) felt like I needed a good "REAL" heart felt compliment - I got one of the best kinds.......... 

The ones where the person giving the compliment doesn't mean to give it to you - but at the same time does....... conflicting yes......... But here's my story.  :)

-Mission 33- Compliment Soup for the Theater Students Soul

Let's begin with the ending and work our way back.....

Yesterday (seeing how it's at this moment a quarter after 1 here in Toronto) I was in one of my many forms of acting classes....  - Because "acting" folks -- is not just simply "drama"...  Crazy I know - yet my jaw bone and diaphragm thank me every night for the work out.......

So in this class we had a brief spontaneous chat with our professor about "insults" and how amazing we would all be through a little more complimenting in our lives.

She used the idea of telling a child that they are "stupid" or telling them to "shut up".......  Telling someone to shut up is of course the initial phrasing we use to make someone stop talking (initially) because we cannot handle what they are saying to us.....  A shame really...  To quiet someone - although in the general idea that they are saying something completely wrong or obtuse to what they should be saying --- We actually bring embarrassment on to the person talking and completely belittling them.... Causing them.... to feel "Stupid"......  Double whammy folks.......  Though I found it funny how I had been called "stupid" in more a kidding (hopefully) flirty way - no more than 20 minutes prior to this discussion, I was left with the feeling of "damn why don't I understand things sometimes.  I am soo useless" - and - "DAMN I hope she was flirting with me".......  The 2nd being the main reaction completely erasing the first thought - but the first one was encountered and there was an emotional response in those mere seconds....

Now we discussed how uplifting it would be to simply compliment.  To get out of the addiction of talking "the bads" of people - but rather the "goods"........ Think about it......  Compliments don't NEED to be to a persons face or even directed at them personally.....  The hardest but BEST way to get into a state of ease when it comes to complimenting is to discuss the goods of people in a discussion where their name happens to pop up......  Yes of course I know as a human race we NEVER EVER gossip - or bring someone up as the subject in our transitive sentence ;)  -- but let's start creating our subject compliment in that sentence a tad more NICER!  -- shall we?

(apologies - my weakest class in grammar -- you're gonna have to suck it for now.... and then of course excuse the poorly written sentences... :D)

A bit before this class - being of course a wopping 3 hours before hand - I was in Ballet.....  Now you shouldn't fear Ballet classes gentlemen  -- if you don't lose you're masculinity it is quite a sexy way of moving........  Now for myself..... I lost the masculinity.............. :D - So here's compliment #2 of 2..... (remember --- we're moving backwards ;))

My ballet teacher is of course a hilarious british lass with a phenomenal amount of training and experience in the art.  --- now I say of course because I always stereotypically imagine a ballet teacher as being either - British - Russian or French........  The only REALLY different part is that I imagine all 3 of those cultures to teach and act like Ballet Nazi's.... :D But bless her heart - mine is funny.........  And so to begin this compliment ---  "You know the thing I hate about you P.J is..............."

Like it so far?  I know I did.. Made me chuckle...  (or if an old friend used to say "made me bum tremble" :))

She inevitably was telling me that "I" had a nice attractive body and that although I looked the part of a man...... I danced like a complete "poofter"  :) 

Take it as you can folks --- While some walk away with sadness over being called feminine as a man (dancing) -- I walked away with "damn pj!  You're not as ugly as you think!!"

It was a nice moment for me...........  I know we are all self conscious and it is nice to hear that "you look really good" line every now and again....  But due to growing up and having a ton of friends whom were girls and them always calling that random guy "gorgeous" --- It's nice to FINALY hear it about yourself......  not saying she called me gorgeous .... but for once I felt it.... you know?

Compliment number 1.

It was Tuesday afternoon and there was about 5 minutes left in class.  this was a Vocal class for us to try out Musical Theater Solos.... AND BOOM..... I get called up..... Lame..... sigh... AAAALRIGHT.... I go up and sing "Where I Want To Be" from the Musical "Chess"....  I sing the song.. Do my best.... About halfway through my ending I try desperately to get to that climactic emotion and push myself in the song..... But I don't do so well....  

Now in this class the teacher will at this moment come up and do a quick exercise with you - varying from a squat position and her holding your jaw open to feel how it should be while you sing... Or get someone to come up and "seduce"/"make-out" with you .... This is of course depending on the context of your song... Mine isn't the make out type of song - so no dice for me.........

She simply came up to me .......  Grabbed my arms and said...... "PJ IS ENOUGH"...........

:) 

This is to of course get me to realize that I am trying to show too much emotion rather than keeping it more myself.......  But WOW......  Put your own name in there and use it in other contexts!..........  

I've had a really hard couple of weeks with the loss of a dear friend and having to sit out of a lot of classes due to a foot injury....  I am only know back into the swing..... (excuse the pun.......I swing dance..........ahem) ----- I failed a couple of quiz's the monday/tuesday after the big news of my friend popped up.......  I have a pile of work now piled up and no time to do it due to this weekend being a mandatory attendance to the 2nd years "dance critiques"...........  Where's the time?

It's not hard to say I'm stressed.... It's hard to feel it day to day...... But......... PJ..... You are ..... Enough.........

I can do it..... And I will do it....

SURE I'll be tired as hell......  But you need to sacrifice things and endure through the pain for those things you REALLY want......  I want the life I have....... I am NOT losing it.

PJ IS ENOUGH............................... Are you?

-pJ