a Port of Passage

Society - as I have learned...... and paid for ..... Has little ways of brainwashing us all!

Like how about all of us city boys with good intentions at heart. Y'know the kind I speak of - That cute fun loving boy who you think, "Is he too good to be true?" ....... Well yes! But rather he is too Untrue to be good. That boy is the way he is for one specific reason...... 90's Family sitcoms..

Every decade has their own Family Sitcoms - but the 90's - oh by the fiery depths of Nantucket did they ever! They gave us heart felt shows with really matters touch on by Family's (see where I'm going here before I repeat myself a second time?) - The shows I speak of are "Family Matters" and "Full House."

All those messages of well hearted jibber jabber just gets to me.

Changing the mode away from television - there is a way that "The Man" brainwashed into our heads year after year under our very noses...... Above our very smiles. Dancing abrupt our upper lip and criss crossing it's way past the eyes and throughout the nostrils.

Think back to old School photos.

Now at an early age you would have had to master a method or you were done for. Try your hardest not to smile as you go for an important photo op and the photographer begins to count down from 3. Or even up to 3..... Oh dear. I hope for your sake they count down....

As a keen observer of the human........ Of the human. I noticed today on an outing that I have been trained through the art of manipulation to always smile whilst someone counts down mere single digits before taking your picture.

It's a cruel world. I can barely stand by and take it.

This recent photo opportunity was very random.

-realising I was going away for this spring break I looked up things I may need........................ After dwelling on money for a week I awoke this morning thinking of my Passport. Now I first got my passport in 2004 - being the last time I needed to fly any where - I haven't fully had the need. So gazing at what was once a delightful photo of myself.....scratch that - a thunderously awful picture to which all matter of puberty woke up - took a look at me and then bitch slapped me for waking it up.

Well - This will hopefully be the only time I ever write down a mission without actually having yet accomplished it. But tomorrow - being a Friday - I plan to go in an do it. I plan to reapply for a Passport....... sigh... Oh boy.

-Mission 13- a Port of Passage

So wish me luck all you lucky punks whom passports will soon retire on a later date. For I shall awaken at the crack of dawn - fill my belly with caffeinated love - slap down a few transportation tokens and get on my way to whats going to be one of the LONGEST lines since Disney brought us such rides as both Splash and Space Mountain - And trust me folks, there are nooo rush tickets for this show - It's die or dead .............I mean......... Wait or............ sigh.... I'm going to be soooo tired...... :(


OUT WITH THE OLD
AND IN WITH THE NEW!

Now in my defense I am both horrible at taking photo's seeing how this was about my third try and the man kept counting down. "For the love of Mary & Joseph with his Technicolored dream coat STOP COUNTING!!!!"

And also every body takes awful passport photos. Excluding my Dad - He "quote un quote" (hah) looks very cool in his seeing how he has a giant Afro - a dashing smile - and a rockin peach fuzzy beard in his................. Now for those who know my father....... He is losing quite the amount of hair. Hasn't had a fro since he brought me into this world - and his beard is whiter than "Usher's" last album. I would say it is a TAAAD over expired.

Gosh I hate photo's -

too Hair is human

Hold on hold on.........................


Okay I'm ready now.... Stop...........................Okay...Wait........
AAANNDDDDDD, just a second....


OH!
Hey!
Didn't see you there!
Well alas, I am fine. I am. Been hanging on the coast - Y'know. Big time players - High Rollers. And............shit.

Oh C'mon like you have had stuff to do! You with your life and all. School, work, Significant other...... I could have all that too! In fact, if my job would give me more than one shift a week I would be rockin it old school with some MEAN THREADS......... (now for those playing the home game - "Mean Threads" is a slangatory word meaning - Nice clothes. When used as a compliment -eg. "Man those be some MEAN THREADS" - that would be used to emply that the person to whom you are complimenting are dressed very nicely.... Y'know...... Like Looking dope!....wiggety.)

And the other two I'm lost at. Haha. Not to say that in my time I have not been the scholarly type. In fact my head is filled with useless knowledge of all sorts. I'd be perfect to try it up again - But alas waiting is a priority seeing how the season of school is half past and I am swimming shamelessly without a PFD or even a paddle to keep me afloat in this pool known as school.
PFD - HA. Just a politically correct way to say life jacket.... In my case it'd be oversize water wings!)

ahhh yes... Then the third category... Significant other.......... I'd say no comment - but with a small desire of wanting to share and a small fear of being a little light with the juice in this blog (as I would be called out on by a dear ol friend whom already knows most of which and I would prefer him to keep his hands off my key board and wait loenrjwfhosfnfnjkljan stop kibrrh28929534#%^@#%@5545 wink wonk wackkhr839284%)

Alright alright.
History of myself and ladies haven't always been the same. In fact I have had at least one where I wasn't tossed around like a rag doll - or tossed out like that last piece of unforgettable cheese cake that you just can't take another bite from.

Tragic really - You dream of that cheese cake at the beginning of the meal. Hoping and wishing you'd make room for it. then you have it and you think it's the best thing ever. Nothing but that of a delicious cheese cake to get you to feel a brief thrill from your lips to you toes - until - you're stuffed.... And leaving the cheese cake as nothing more than the crusty end of remains, has always been the story of the cheese cake.

Much like a cow or pig - this cheese cake wishes not to be feasted on. Or at least not without that proper whip cream to fully top him off and complete the desert...... The cherry on top..... yet... not... Just the part before that..............cough
any way -

It's a wild thing not having an agenda during the week. Mind breaking. You get soo bored and lost in your thoughts and dreams. But not the good dreams - but rather those dreams that make you imagine yourself telling Hilary Duff "sorry but I'm not interested" or looking upon a giant audience thanking them for their support and God for allowing you too achieve such a tremendous award... You know - those ones.


-Mission 12- Just do it.


You know those times where you feel soo unproductive that you need to do something irrational? Even if the logic is not fully there?

Well when those moments come I find myself doing one of many optional choices. Get drunk and watch a chick flick. -(now you laugh but I usually buy one each time I do this and my DVD collection is filled with Chick Flicks... It's an interesting time waster)
Another thing I could do is write here on this blog as of last October. Tonight isn't the case. I felt like writing. Not being productive. But alas I get to feel both now any way so I win...
Another thing is to go out and do something. Even if it's just walking around. Seeing the world. Just something! Anything. You'll find it on the way.

Well a few nights ago - I was lost in my thoughts. I had taken 3 showers by 5pm and changed my clothes at least 6. Now I would have turned to a type writer and just gone to town. But what was I to write about? A musical using a Disney theme to play off through the characters story line and over all complete plot? C'mon!!!!!....................... I did that last year - It's called "As Dreamers Do" - It's quite lovely really. Witty - kinda cheeky .... But anyway....

So here's what I did.

September 1st - was an odd day in my history of 2008. I had been growing my hair into a nice summer shaggy doo. But alas summer was over and I was thinking of cutting out the grease build up..... Sigh... My favorite hair cutter - Her name is Tracey... She was on her little maternity leave.... skank...... Ha!... But I honestly thought I needed a cut - So I went to get one...... My hair wasn't the same... I hated it... didn't fulfill the pJ code of keeping things cool and shakin - you know ... like the song...... Polaroid picture and junk......yeaaaahhhhhh you know it..

So from that point on I was growing my hair...... Honestly did.
Now for a boy a few months can be a long time for hair.. Honestly can. You can have a nice shaggy dooo in like 3 months with typical white boy hair like mine. Otherwise known as Honky Hair or the White Boy Slick... But 6 months past and I was stilled keeping it long. By this time I was rocking a nice set of flowing locks and at times when I was bored and feeling adventurous, a nice Pirate ponytail... Now I say pirate because my hair was greasier than a Mexican hot dog stand itself and with a life long passion for Johnny Depp films - you couldn't look at me and not think pirate!...................Or Johnny Depp Creeper.......... One of the two.

So flipping through pictures on IMDB.com I had found a few styles I would one day love to own myself in the hair department. But not soon.
Every Sunday though - as you may remember from earlier blogs - is rehearsal day. Dance has been a main theme of most of the recent rehearsals - and I don't know about you but it sure is hard to dance with long flowing hair...... Sure okay yah - if you're a girl blah blah blah.. Sweat like a man and come to me after - hyuck hyuck hyuck.... haha honestly. - I'm constantly living as if I have just gotten out of the shower. IT can be chaotic at times. But like my humor I am dry most of the time.

So There it was the typical Ewan McGregor picture that I had stumbled upon many times..... And poof...... There was that feeling........ I should get a hair cut! "NO! Don't do that! The masta wont like that!!!" - Shut up Smeagul!........ I should definitely get a hair cut!!! -
Now these feelings don't come around too often. Who really wants a hair cut all the time? IT's agonizingly painful to watch as you were once semi comfortable with how you looked (yet not thrilled) into a situation where who knows whats going to come out the other end! This black hole of emotions is far too much for one person to deal with on a monthly basis. But I had to go for it.....

As I sat in the chair with a quick hello and nod from the hair cutter ladies who were working (Tracy is back - but the stinkin wench was home until Wednesday!!! Who knows if I'd feel this way then!... Gosh the woman is a tease!)

Too my luck as the first few snips began my uncomfortable mood - a depressing love/break up song came over the radio blasting through the place. I can't for the life of me remember the song. It'll come to me in a cold sweat of a dream I'm sure - but it didn't matter at this time. It could have very well been "Love let us Here" from The Muppet's Treasure Island for all I cared - it was still making this haircut EPIC and unbearable!

In my head I was apologizing for ever snip and every drop of hair. "Goodbye my loves. I'll see you in my dream dream dream dreamssss....... (thats my version of trying to write an echo... :) )

I was finished.......

Not like the picture. And although I was some what satisfied - my hair stood on end as if to say "Look at me now!.....Pig!"

My hair wasn't happy................................... But then again - what did I care?............... I felt goooooooooooooooooooooooddddddddd ;)

-hot stuff comin through! - This Cheesecake is headin out on the town lookin for some Icecream on the side!.... ha!
-pJ

-Life happens when you're busy making other plans.

-John Lennon

Happiness, is a warm Gun

I think ---- When I do think -- That it takes talking, and it takes remembering - and it takes a new friend to remember who you are, and what about you defines you - to remember. To remember that when you do think, and you do remember, you remember the good times and the great times - and those times where you can look back and feel that sort of gratitude of living - and feel that thankfulness that one feels for living their life to the fullest of their capabilities. You know when one thinks "Wow I could totally be traveling the world and falling in love in Paris - and having a romantic boat ride in Venice or perhaps a quick horse ride in the countryside ...."

Sure wishing is fun -- But don't forget the things you are doing that just make you, you. And that fill with joy in the here and now.

It took feeling the feelings I felt (haha you heard me) and it took re living in my mind the most wonderful experiences I have had to remember that "worth living" had been amongst my many self quotes that has kept me from feeling depression or sadness in any form.

There has been so much put forward for even me to experience, and I am not even 21 yet.

I have it playing constantly through my mind that success is for the living and for those who have reached legal age to do so in the fullest. Now I'm not talking about legal age to drink - but I am thinking of that age where you have no limitations to follow your dreams. Now I have seen people who have the crazy "My child is going to be famous" mom's, and I have witnessed first hand what that can do - but although I know someone can follow their dreams at any age --- I have given myself something that I never thought I could have while I was younger........ Patience. I'm awful at it.. C'mon - I have snooped at my Christmas presents every year since I was about 7 living in Malvern (aka. Gangster hood in Scarborough, Toronto Canada --- Think the Bronx is bad??? ................... Well it is.. But this is also bad :D )

I owe a lot to how I live my life - and how I decide what will make me happy. And for that I know my choices in life are right. Even if EVERY sign points to wrong.

And if I were to leave this world tomorrow - I would hope that if I were to leave behind anything - it would be that --- to live your life in the happiest and most gratifying way you can - Is THEE way of living.

I know people search Scripture and search every Science made by man -- But if someone were to ask me - What is the reason man is on Earth............ I'd say ............... "To live."

Even though that is EXTREMELY not answering what most people would find a satisfying answer.

But living life doesn't have to be satisfying. Happiness is to be satisfied and I wouldn't live any other way.

(To end this blog I wanted to say that although I write this to get everything jam packed in my brain out -- This wasn't just for the reader - but rather for me. Not only does it take talking to someone about life - but also writing it for yourself.. For I know that it's not a personal thing - but rather a worldwide thing - that to find yourself and really understand who you are....... It takes saying out loud in any form to fully hear it.

Who cares if you think it? If you hear it... REALLY hear it........... Then.... and ONLY then... Will you know it.)

Happiness is a warm gun. Don't hold back...... Live it.

Thank you Friend :)

(ps.... don't limit what you do..... live.. be happy - happiness isn't exceeding - exceeding is happiness)

Tie me a River

I have never been SOOOOO tired. But for some reason I just can't sleep.

Y'know - I'm not even sure it's totally a sleep system that I have trained my body to do. It's been happening for a while. But I become less and less able to just pass out and dream of bed knobs and broom sticks......... Or red bombs and room chicks..... The dream possibilities are ENDLESS people ENDLESS! And here I am wasting away like a sucker.

Now I don't want to misconstrued this as some sort of illness or symptom from stress. Because Frankly........ THERE'S NOTHING going on in my life that could quite possibly stress me out.

I am a part of an amazing cast whose soul purpose is to bust a move in a production of Guys and Dolls. And then of course my ever soo lovable retail job where I get close to no shifts excluding the time where I was meant to spend a week with my family and celebrate some sort of Jesus Holiday - something like his Birthday and holy-est day of the year blah blah...... sigh.... But God bless them - I worked every day that week........... Y'know thinking about it - God may not bless them for forcing me to miss his birthday. He may be a tad mad. I'm usually a good part of a party - I can do a MEAN "Carlton Dance".

(Now for those playing the home game - The "Carlton Dance" is in reference to the 90's hit Television show entitled "The Fresh Prince of Bell Air". I being a late 80's baby lived most of my childhood in the 90's celebrating such television shows like "Full House", "Family Matters" and of my favourite of all............ Actually that was pretty much it....

Here's a little topic I like to call - Little Old People 101 -

I can't help it. I just can't imagine myself as an old toot. I just don't wish to be old haha. I see myself more as that really young looking 65 year old who people think is really 50 so he gets all-a-da ladies and then I just kick the bucket.

Due to me living my life with absolutely no grand parents except for one of my Grandmothers who died when I was really young - Which I like to think of my favorite one. No no - NOT because she was the only one I ever knew - Have to show some respect to those whom doweled before my time - but the one that I knew was not a quitter with Love. That woman went to town and managed to marry herself three men. Good on her - I hope I can rock one of em soon. Paint the town red like Grandma!

But I haven't been fully comfortable with the "elderly" type. Don't know why. But I haven't been one of those people to just think "Cute!" when ever I see one strutting down the block in classic timberland attire back when it was for old white golfing men and not for people who want to look like their feet were made for construction working yet the rest of them were made for.................................. ummmmm........ thuggin it "old skooool" ?

A few days ago I was walking home from my regular Thursday babysit when a nice little old neighbour came a callin. Don't know if you caught that....... Little Old.......

Caught me off guard the little dust bunny did. But she was nice. I can not recall her name - but it was definitely one of those names you would expect a little brittle old lady to have....... Like Elanor.... :)

She's sweet. Short and sweet - just like ........ Unsure really..... The preferred Oscar speech on television? Small British children?......... Gummie Bears? - But in any case - She has been suffering from what everyone in this world does - Loss. Her husband - struggling from a long time battle with a disease from our world. Now she has a ton of spirit this little lass does - and she is trekking on.

But she has caught me walking onward toward my homestead with a big ol smile and a shovel...................................... If this were any other woman the shovel would have scared me something fierce - BUT - she was like Yoda skipping up to me with news of the world.

But this news was not more than her wishing to pass along a bit of her husband to my side of the world. Ties.

Her husband had a cunning fashion sense. :) And who am I to not accept the inheritance of a wise man.

The plethora of ties has been a wonder to look at. And as much as I stared at this huge bag of them - the more I decided to dig deeper in the bad to find more glorious neck crowns. But to my surprise - the ties faded out and on came the handkerchiefs. Now I have no REAL use of a hanky - but to make things a tad easier for my musical theater friends - perhaps I shall bring along 1 or 2 of them to wipe off my forehead...... Or a towel.......... Probably a towel........... Yeah a towel would work much better thinking about it now.

Digging deeper into my emotions..HA.... I mean the bag of glorious ties - I came upon something I had not in more than my fair share of moon falls.

Classic Aviators

They are beauts! 2 pairs - and a long time of "cool" blessed on my doorstep...... Or rather my nose step..... Tip of my nose........ step...

Nice old lady. Nice little........ She's a great woman. And my thoughts and prayers are with her and her late husband........ And as I think back to her and her great contribution to my late night fashion adventures............ ha. late night nothing.. I'd wear a tie in the middle of a hot summer day and a mere t-shirt being rocked under neath. :)

keep it snazzy folks........

aroo?

It's almost 4 in the morning here in Toronto.... And I'm still awake and rekindling my relationship with chocolate..... Somethings different......hmmmm

A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the Hips.

Sometimes.....cough.... So when ever I eat these days, I've been thinking "Health". And what "Health" means to me. And what it doesn't mean to me.

Now what it doesn't mean to me is a lot of things. Like how to feel happy. I know I find happiness through being healthy and doing healthy-esc things. But eating certain things or how I eat isn't going to define me. I can't let it y'know.

I am a very cautious eater. I feel terrible - almost as if I am being dumped the moment I put that Canadian Meat Lovers slice of Pizza Pizza in my mouth. But I've been a good boyscout when it comes to these things. I eat mainly salads and enjoy them. Not many people can say they ENJOY salads. Even vegetarians... C'mon tree hugger's! Who you foolin? Salads are lame! But lame as they are - I like em. The variety isn't as extravagant as let's say a burger where you can mess with the toppings as if it were a sundae. Or even a Sundae where you could... well... umm.........y'know......... Like the burger.......ha..ha....cough

Now what I seem to love about health is this .........................................im not sure ...........................................

Health to me is like an unending obtuse story about a man and a woman.

You want it - you crave it. But the minute you have it you just have NO clue what to do with it. How to keep up with the perfection of this happiness that you have created for yourself without slipping - because ultimately - one slip and you're going to be hurting yourself. And the crave for it to come back will become such a mission that it's pain will cause you a rougher terrain to battle through. And no battle cry could ever be heard with as much woe as one from a tossed aside - a hurt - lover.

1 minute someone can be on top of the world. The second they are down in the dumps.. Why? Because what becomes of them when they transform that one happy thought into their entire world. As FANTASTIC as that one happy thing may be - it has to be filtered. Because when it's gone - what are you left with except for a few measly scraps of agony that will be stung on you with much hurt. Let it go - for although you feel you don't want to for that briefe minute - it will scar you for a lifetime.

"It's a fine, fine life" we live in. Not one to judge - but I have lived it as much as I have been able to thus far...... That's a lie..... Who really ceases the moment these days? I have tons of time on my hands during my days off - yet I sit and dream beside my musical instruments of one day just singing out a love song into a crowd in hopes to move them in such a way that makes me that much more complete with myself...... Yet it's hard to live out DEM dreams when my 4 chord knowledge of the Ukulele can only help me play a few songs and write by the tones to which they are plucked.

Here's a ponder - with all the trials and tribulations you live by day to day - overcoming and enduring through - have you sat down recently and just stared off out of a window and just breathed? No stipulations or rules to this people... Just sat and appreciated? Not even appreciated - but rather just sat anf acknowladged some beauty?

I think that's where I have found some of my happiness. In the adventure and romance that is this world. The snow - the Sun and the clouds. All that makes up my town and it's ridiculous amount of people.

I'll see the world. But not yet. I have come to realize that anything worth seeing or doing - is worth doing when the time is right. And waiting is half the adventure.

Oh yes I'll see the world. And I shall sing to it............. Perhaps a happy or love song.... Depending on what I have done that week. Or what I may have eaten befor :)