..... Can't sleep.

Can't sleep, clown will eat me.... Can't sleep, clown will eat me..............

(sigh, oh simpsons.)

So If you've been keeping up with my blog - I haven't been getting much sleep. Which has been causing me to feel very sick.

I don't know why out of all the nights I can't sleep now. I really REALLY want to. It's just all these thoughts and emotions and ideas and Emoticon's keep jumping through my mind like an endless cup of coffee, caffeinating me into an endless awake like state.

It's bothering me. (as I sneeze on my mothers lap top)

There's not much running through my mind now as I try to write other than "God I have a 5 hour shift tomorrow before I am to be social at a New Years Party..... Damn"

Yet when I try to sleep, thoughts of all sorts come rushing through my head. Dreams that I am having of simply thinking them in hopes they may put me to sleep are becoming wishes as if a whole bunch of sleep dust will rush over my body and zap me into a deep hibernation. Yet sadly the thought of me sitting beside Johnny Depp at the Oscars is not quite putting me to sleep. And the saddest thing is I only Won Best Supporting Actor in my dream/thought. Not even lead!!

I suppose if I were to think of anything to put me to sleep - it'd be either a song or.......... oh no..... I guess I have to now..........

-Mission 11- a bedtime story

Once upon a time, there was......................... Scratch that........................

In a dark and gloomy town, where all whom lived were at rest - there was one. A small and insignificant mouse named Pickford Jack.

Pickford Jack had dreams of laughter and of love. He would wish upon every star on every night before bed - and as he would lay - his dreams would take him away to such places where Pickford Jack would not want to come back from.... This was a happy place.

Now the town that Pickford Jack lived in was fine to say the least - but nothing like the one he would dream of.

In this Dream - Pickford Jack was not only just a hero among his friends and family - but he was like a star whom people would pay thousands just to see him. And in this dream Pickford Jack did not stray into his celebrity status as a mean person - but rather as someone who tried to do good for the land to which he loved so much.

Pickford Jack loved going to this place.

But in his real town - Pickford Jack had many things. Things to which he was more than grateful for. He had friends - a family - means of entertainment..... But there was something missing. Something that he had once had, but was now gone. Almost like dream. But not one to which Pickford Jack would love. This missing thing had come and gone faster than any night - and more abrupt than any surprise.

Pickford Jack grew sad. It wasn't like he really needed this thing. It was merely that he had had something to which he had loved and cared for so deeply - and now it was lost. He had lost it.

Now Pickford Jack was a happy sort. No one would know he was unhappy - not even the closest of people. In fact, even Pickford Jack would forget and go about his daily routines and not remember this thing to which caused him such angst. It was only on the deepest of nights - when all else seemed at peace - where nothing seemed right in Pickford Jacks head - where this thought would creep back into his head.

"No", Pickford Jack would think. Brush it off and go to a warmer place. I don't need this - I don't want this. All it will do is bring me back to a place where I don't feel like being.......

I think Pickford Jack needs a vacation...... Go see the world.... Find his own way about life. Stop dreaming and begin doing.

Jason Mraz said in his most recent blog

" If you have the dream of traveling, I suggest packing your bags and having them with you when the clock strikes 12. Really show the universe that your intention is more than a thought. It is an action! "

I know it's a corny/odd reference. But I like the romance of living life in a way like no other. To really push yourself to love life regardless of your love lost, trials and tribulations. Really show the universe who you long to be and how you want to live. It's really just a beginning of getting a move on "you".

I believe that to truly get passed something - to live through it - you must express it in your own way - in a way where you are not trapped.

My New Years Resolution.................. Is Live.