Mr.Procrastinate

At work today (American Eagle) - the last shift of my non stop day after day week of A/E - and now on to my week off.... Not going to lie - I wish it was a little more spread out. But knowing my manager - she'll call me in for a couple of shifts while I'm off - so I'm not too worried. BUT if not - today was memorable enough to last a week of no work. I'll remember it for one specific reason..... A lady.... And not one of those times when you think "AND WHAT A LADY!" - but an elderly lady whom had one heck of a mind to her.

Now to inform this story I need to tell you that American Eagle has signs and other stylish assortment of things inside with really suggestive sayings on them. Now our motto is not - "Live your Life @ American Eagle". And along with each new collection of clothes for each season comes a special saying. We get a sign with the saying on it to post in front of our store with a model on the front of it wearing our new clothes in sexy ways that a lot of us only dream of being able to sport from day to day. But this sign simply says.......... "Free Your Legs"........... Now this little old dust bunny comes waltzing in with a little old grin on her wrinkled face of stories, comes straight up to me and asks "nooowwwwww what does free your legs mean?"

Innocent? You would think so... But if it were not for quick eyebrow twitch raising upward to assume the worst of this question - this little old nanny went from Mary Poppins aged 65 to Granny from next door on search for her last hurraaaahh...

But of course I kept my cool. No sense being creeped out openly - especially since this woman is lookin for some happy times.... SO professionally I begun to talk about our deal on selected "shorts" as part of our Summer collection..... She didn't care for it. She looked at me and said - "Oh, this doesn't look like a store for a woman like me" - she turned away and exited my life. Farewell you old bird!

-Mission 21- Procrastination Sensation

It has become a cycle of mine - Where my mind fully shuts off and I just can't bring myself to finishing anything until I see something finished.

I got into this blog deal from my role model - a Mr. Jason Mraz... His philosophy of life and gratitude and happiness encouraged me to begin writing again after a long Hiatus.

In high school I took a course called "Writers Craft". It was one of the most rewarding courses I took throughout my high school years. Except sadly and PAINFULLY there is a portion to each class where everyone has to take time and write a journal entry.

AFTER hundreds of these damn entries I couldn't take it. The stories started to lack and the haiku's begun to suck more coo then a pigeon whose lost it's voice.

Soooo I stopped it very quickly.

But it's been refreshing to write a few times per month to talk about what ridiculous moments I encounter that add up to my life.

Among all the scripts for plays and screenplays and musical ideas that have come round through my thoughts and RANDOM writing moments - I turned to music. Last Christmas my parents rocked my world with a Tenor Ukulele as my gift. I play that guy ALLLLL the time... I called her Tabitha - I've spoken about her a few times. She's my world haha. I have gotten pretty good. Nothing to go touring around the world with - but I have written music and come up with melodies with Tabi that therapeutically help chill life down. She's been a real doll.

BUT alas - I have never finished a song. I get the opening of a song and I write down a few dummy lyrics but for the LIFE of me, I just can't seem to finish a song. I have about 5 killer songs of mine that I play constantly - but I repeat the same ridiculous verses about heart break and the search for love sooo many times I'm just aching to find the end to at least one of em...

But I come close. Yes, yes I do. I really do come close to finishing those suckers. If it weren't for my RIDICULOUS procrastination! For most of the people who read this - you find times where you WANT to do something - anything - except for the one thing that you are supposed to be doing? You know what I'm talkin about - Don't act like I'm preaching to the choir - they will stand there in their robes and LISTEN AND ENJOT IT!!!!!!

Since I have been off of school for a couple of years now it is human nature to live your life the way you like and just fill in the blanks. Y'know - for example - when I would have homework - HA- and I would procrastinate and just pull off the art of "sitting" for most of my nights. Now that there has been no option too ignore homework for me I have lost my effort at writing on this blog.

It's not because I don't want to -But rather - I haven't done too much excluding the constant working. And as WACKY as that may seem to a few of you lifeless swines - it hasn't been adventurous.

And of course - along with my MALE cycle -ha!- There haven't been too many blogs written by the J-man himself to encourage/remind me of a theme to write about. This euphoria that has been my blog has been on some sort of shut down because of my lack of bloggage. It's like writing baggage - on the interweb........ ahem.... any way....

Finally the one I look too for some sort of release from this world wrote a blog.............. It was about Procrastinating........

C'mon!!! hahaha - I'm trying not tooo procrastinate any more myself!! Toss a brotha some inspiration!

But when a fan - such as myself.......... Not a spinning piece of plastic but rather someone who idolises someone AS WELL as God..... Yes yes, the bible tells us all not to idolise anybody but him - BUTTTTTT C'mon!!! As a human I try not to stress and to feel about certain things as if it were the Pirate Code ----- more guide lines.......

And soo ladies and......... MORE lady ;) - I ask you this .......................... I've got nothing.... But I wanted to give a shout out any way.................................... A Shout out to the laaaadies :D......

HA!

So amongst the last few days of my schooless - lifeless - life - I salute you all for reading this. I have gotten into a school as you have learned - for Musical Theater Performance. NOT BAD - but as much sd people would assume it'll get to my head - (just because of my humor) - I am terrified - It feels like I will constantly be at an audition - I'm really anxious to get in there and get comfortable - But it has all sunk in - and I will go in there open heatedly and feasting out some humble pie...... I think nervousness is overrated. Not to sound like a southern mother who lives on an alligator farm - "nervousness is the devil!" - haha.

C'mon folks...... Here it is... This is life... DO NOT try to show up other people.... It's hard not to be accepted or acknowledged when you work uncontrollably hard. But one thing that I took from how I held myself at my audition for my new school was that I went and I was myself.... If they didn't want me - then they didn't need someone like me. It's hard to take but why be someone else JUST to go somewhere? Will you REALLY have a good time? I went there and I was myself - there were guys singing triumphant opera tenor notes - They could overwhelm a moose - but that's not me..... I brought who I am to the table. I didn't go to beat anyone. I went to showcase what I have. I wasn't going to try to be someone else.... And yes - I got in. It's overwhelming and terrifying and amazing all at once....... But hey - this is life isn't it?

Procrastination is something I would love to put into the past with that sickly lady from the mall - and Thug masta G' from my audition - but things just somehow sneak back up to you - and sooooo Mr.Procrastination - I salute you - and ask you to get the CRAP outta my life - pJ's got some livin to do.....

-rock on folks - and hey! Go live your Life -

-pJ

Sense of Play

Do you ever find yourself being REALLY bored, then within an odd series of events you find yourself being oddly humoured with the SAME EXACT activity that you were doing that caused you to be so bored?

HERE is an EXACT rundown of one of my bored days.

Wake up around noon... Usually find myself forcing open my eyes as I feel a subtle sunlight spotlighting my face from the curtain cracks of my window. I like most society driven young people ---- sleep beside my laptop... Of course this being my mothers lap top - I usually swipe it and fall a sleep as I additively check to see if someone writes me that last minute "hello" at 3:30 in the morning.

And as I awake and find that within the last 7 hours no one has yet sent me a "hello" - I lay and stare at what is the fantastic Funk - shway of my bedroom... Now I don't spell it correctly because of two things.... The first and most important reason being - My room is in fact the single most Funkiest place in the world..... The second and most obvious reason being that I lack the knowledge of it's correct spelling................... yeah...... shut up!.. how about that?

As I continue to lay I turn on a movie to which will entertain me as I continue to lay..... Yes that is correct - amidst the funk is a dresser beside my Queen size bed... On this dresser is my favorite 20 DVDs - and at the very end of my bed is my brothers television and DVD player to which is tooo big to fit in his room.... In any case - a simple roll from my pillow to where my feet make rest night after night is all I need to do in order to begin my next DVD adventure.

Of course this lasts for only about an hour before I grow weary, and welll....... greasy... So I take my 1st of many showers. After this ends I take rest at all this moving on one of my rest days ;) - and I lay back in my bed and take ease as I continue to stare endlessly at my computer... Of course here is where the boredom becomes un-livable, so in hopes to feel better about my lack of anything to do. I get dressed.... But no no - not the clothes of the day.... I get Dee-ressed!

Now this is a particular study of style-class- and freshness... As I bust down to some "Beggin" the recent remake of The Four Seasons "Begging You" by hip hop artist "Madcon" I begin the process. I dress in my best Tux..... NOW although I just got a new one - Let me remind everyone of the 'style' aspect to it... No suit jacket for me. No no. Number 1 - I like fit. And in fitting clothes not only do I hope to look fit - I hope to keep that aspect of style hahaha :D.

Enough of that....

Today on this special of Toronto warm days - I took to the streets.. Keepin to the philosophy "Going to get a cup of coffee? Dress to impress" - I have mentioned this before - but honestly - Why not? It isn't fully intentional now that it has become a regular habit and what has slowly eased into my day to day style - But it was a nice day to rock some nice dress pants with a nice sweater.

And yes - when I walk - I walk with the same purpose.... Extra Large Double Double - Double Cupped..... Tim Hortons coffee $1.65 -- afternoon on the town to encourage my sense of play. :).... Of course on this particular afternoon walk I bumped into a good pal named Zach Correia. Yes - that would make his Zacharia Correia. Fun name... His initials spell out "ZAC" - Think his parents thought this over? Witty folks.

But alas on my walk home with "IIIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMM BEGGIIINNNN YOOOUUUU" burning through my thoughts I begun a text message blitz to folks in Toronto who may want to accompany me to an Art Gala tonight....(Fundraiser for mr.correia) And on my way home a gentlemen making a right hand turn honks. I look over - being unaware of what his problem was and I notice - that although I am on the opposite corner of the street - he is BLATANTLY waving at me...... Now I don't know this guy in ANY way.. Didn't recognise him and I knew that there was no way I could know this guy... It was a Truman Effect.

What is that you may ask?................... Glad you asked. :) How considerate of you to play along..... OF course you have no choice in the matter - this is my Blog and I can write what I want so go piss off will yah!..... No please don't ... Keep reading..................... Well not PLEASE don't ahem... I'm not desperate or anything.............................................................. OKAY FINE!!!!!! Just keep reading.

-Mission 20- The Truman Effect

Now the Truman Effect is based off of the 1998 Film "The Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey.

Now for those of you who don't know what this movie is about I'll give you a quick synopsis.... And I mean quick... This is my blog, there for the spotlight is on me..... AND NO ONE ELSE GOT IT!?!!!!! ahem..heeheee, anyway.

The Truman Show - Truman Burbank lives a happy life. However, what he doesn't know is that his life is actually the focus of a reality TV show aired since his birth. He's the star, his hometown is a giant set piece, and everyone around him is an actor going by a script. And as Truman is older he begins to discover this Studio life he has been living, and tries to discover the truth about his life.

It's actually quite the incredible tale. Now one of the things that proves to Truman that his life is some sort of conspiracy or something is how eventually people begin to "slip up" in their characters and call him "Truman" when they are supposed to be playing complete strangers. Or little children pointing or staring at him. And of course "the wave".

It begin 4 years ago.......

I was walking to a friends house for a band practice when I heard an EXTREMELY loud honk and the scream of someone yelling "hey". It through me off. I called my partner in crime and told him how I felt like Truman. He laughed it off and told me I was just crazy........ JUST like they did in the movie...... hmmmm.

I can't recall when but there was a time soon after when a car of girls did the same. I shrugged that one off. Because AS MUCH as I wanted to continue my strut a tad more cockier - I had a funny feeling they may have been teasing me. I couldn't put my finger on it. So my Strut although proud - turned into a confused - yet content driven swagger.

A few weeks ago.... As I was driving to hang out at my friend Kate's place in Oakville (the soon to be town residence of myself) I was turning off of the highway when a Large Truck pulled down his horn. Now I love these horns - so I slowed down to see what he was honking for. Perhaps a young chilled doing the traditional Tiger Woods elbow swing in order to get him to honk? Or perhaps an elderly gentlemen driving 20 below the limit in front of him with his blinker going non stop. Either of these options would humor me greatly. So I looked...... And of course, no little boy... And from my vantage point - no elderly gentlemen. In stead he was leaning over - looking out of his passengers window - WAVING to me!

Now I understand the whole "Cottage" life where you wave at anyone and everyone as you pass by on your boat. But this was getting RIDICULOUS! C'mon. I love and appreciate the waves. Brings us all closer together as a humanity - but WHY ME!? And in the most random times?! Did he NEED to wave to me as I was turning off the highway? Did that gentlemen NEED to honk and wave to me from across an intersection? What is it about me?

At my recent audition I was told I look VERY familiar....

So all in all I can only establish one thing. And although I would want to end this blog with some deep conclusion to my life that really wraps up how I have felt about all this... But I'd prefer to leave us all with a Quote by my favorite New Zealand Folk Bands......... The Flight of the Conchords.

"I've just got one of those faces I suppose"

-pJ

For once in my life!

So -

In my mind - I have been replaying certain things over and over again. Things like opening phrase Stevie Wonder sings "For once in my life" - and also scenes from the Sean Astin movie "Rudy" where he dreams of playing football for Notre Dame and he tries for years and does everything to make his father watch him and just be proud.... I've been running through my thoughts lyrics of songs I've written - prayers - and other show tune lyrics that bring a smile to my face.

For once in my life --- I feel worth something. I feel like I have something. I look at myself in the mirror now and can see the things people compliment me on. I'd do a musical and think to myself "oh what ever - I was alright. I made people laugh" - to myself - I wasn't acting. I was just being a contained silly that people seemed to enjoy. Like watching a friend be really funny in a party situation.

I don't know if this is a part of my self conscious way toward myself. - It's funny, I dress to impress haha :D - My friend once said to me "Goin out for a walk? - Wear a tie! Dress to impress!"

Not only have I taken him seriously - but I found when I dressed in a nicer side of fashion I hid away all my self consciousness. I wasn't worrying how I looked without that designer shirt on. Or how chopped up my teeth have looked since this past summer. I go into "PJ" mode. This was almost a character..... But now - I've been finding that this was no character.. This was me - just coming more alive. It wasn't the clothes hahaha. That is just a small thing towards it.

Out of the many times I've seen a friend hurting over something - Over the past couple of years I have seen old friends pass away - Camp friends/campers and even family members all pass. I have had more than my own share of emotional trauma over relationships and breakups. Through depression and self implosion which like most stereotypical person - drowning themselves in alcohol..... Which is kind of a confession to some people who (one in particular) asked me how I know soo much about alcohol. It's easy to become a connoisseur when the very thing that you know soo much about used to be very close and personal with you while everything else in the world seemed dark and closed off. God I have been rejected from the same Film program every year I have applied and I just cursed the world not understanding what I was doing wrong. Honing my skills just wasn't good enough. But I wasn't meant for that as it appears.

And alas - I look in the mirror and I know NOW - that although I am just getting on my way - I feel something big could happen. My life is just beginning. Hell I am only twenty. I have so much more to do - and now I can. I am filled with gratitude and joy and I see the world as an obtainable goal. I'm running forward and to quote Freddie Mercury "you, Can't Stop Me Now"

I'm in. Acknowledge me now as a Theater student. No matter what happens in my life now - I am in the profession. Musical Theater - WOW - still blows me away.

-Next up for me - and something for you to look forward to - I am in the process of YES finishing my songs.

I'll keep you posted my beloved SKreaders. And as for now, of course ............................................. I dance ;D

-pJ

ps..... Practice Gratitude -

Thank you Warren for your amazing knowledge of this world of Acting and the hilarious monologue you handed off to me. All my wonderful camp friends whom I really don't consider "camp" friends but rather my BEST FRIENDS - all your support has pushed me to levels I only dreamed about. You all make me fearless as I step out into this intimidatingly horror film of a world. I love you all - and together you all make this a fresh world to live in! - power to you all - Live-Laugh-Love-Eat Kraft Dinner!

I came - I saw ---- I took Ballet.

It's a funny thing when a man walks into a video store looking for a film to just take his mind off of things.... And yet he finds himself buying a movie that he wouldn't normally buy but he somehow finds himself being drawn to it. As if it were his own personal brand of heroin.........

yes ladies I did it........ I bought "Twilight".

Okay fellas - so sue me! I'm a sucker for romantic chick flicks. I own special edition copies of "The Notebook" - "Wimbledon" - "Ever After" - and other copies of "The holiday" and "Music & Lyrics". And yes of course there are many more in this combo but
I'll stop while I'm down. :D

Now I wont go as far as "Pride and Prejudice" ...... BUuuuuuuuuut my mother owns it so there's no need to :)

Oh stop that. Don't tell me fellas that you don't enjoy it when you're all cuddled up on the couch with YO woman and she's all gitty from a good love story. SURE you are aching for a good punch in the face to the main actor every so often - BUT C'mon!!

-Mission 19- I came...........I saw............... I took ballet.

Saturday was a big day in my life.

For almost a round 2 wopping years have I been out of school with no more than a High School Diploma. And although for most in my area - a nice HSD is hard to get yet livable - I need more. I have been aching myself. Not for more love trauma in both my life and dreams (although some would make for a more interesting time) I yearn for more school. For something more. School is just the easiest to reach for :D. If I had the gonads I would be out touring around with my Ukulele and a band of people I have yet to recruit for a band I would love to have - BUT school is something that I would very much like to fill my time with now as well.

So let me tell you a little something about Ontario Canada...... THERE ARE CLOSE TO NO Musical Theater schools. I think there are about 3. And the one closest to me is called "Sheridan College". Now I am a film guy - yes - BUT - over the last many blogs you have learned about my obsession with Musical Theater and Music all together - so I would LOVE to indulge in a little musical theater education!

And this Saturday was the BIG audition..... But before I get to that - allow me to take you on a journey (as I do most blogs riiiiiight?;D) - But let me take you on my journey...

March 16th. I had finished the Production of "Guys & Dolls" with the amazing "ClearWater Players" and I was now in Peterborough Ontario spending a few days with my partner in crime @ his place there. But the 16th was my deadline. This was the day that I had given myself to pick my 2 contrasting songs - one up tempo musical theater song - and a Musical Theater Ballad - as well as a monologue........... I didn't do this :) . In fact - I did NOT choose my songs until the Monday after - being the 23rd!! The 28th of course being my audition date I was a little scared.... Now I had a ton of song ideas - but it was not until that Monday where I met up with a past Vocal Coach to help me choose the finale pieces and actually work on them and their presentations.

I was unstoppable. Like a running freight train I was sky rocketing forward with only one stop on schedule. I worked the LONG hours with a lot of tea - trying to nail down these songs which out of the mix turned out to be - "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from the Musical Les Mis and as my up tempo - from my recent performance on stage I decided to go with the song "Guys and Dolls" from the musical "CATS"...................................:)................... no no I'm lying...... It's from Phantom of the Opera............ cough anyway.

I became a close friend with Starbucks this week. Run over quite frequently and just sit there with my Venti Chai tea trying to memorize word after word after not after note while I complain that my tea is BURNING hot - so I more just sat there looking cool with a Starbucks cup as I memorized part after part.

And of course my monologue was still left in the toss up. I was given 2 pieces of work from a good friend of mine (warren) and I had decided on a certain one that was ultimately a professional Golfer whom was mocking and interviewer who asked him the question "Don't you think Golf is boring?".
After trying to learn this with as many Starbucks outings as I could afford I decided something.
"With today being Thursday (night) and my audition being Saturday morning - I'm going to change my monologue!!! But alas I need to make sure I wake up and learn what is/was the OTHER piece my good buddy Warren had given me and memorize it and stage it and ultimately do it as the romans do - to the best of their capability and to leave a mark in history ;).

I awoke Friday March 27th to an empty bliss of just fatigue. I had been awoken by the sound of my phone going off and a friend of mine needing some opinions on a video audition she is trying to get done. I got up and begun to help her. While talking outside for the first little bit I had noticed my mothers car still in the drive way. Curious - "That woman should be at work!" I thought. What a sneak - whats she up to?

Turns out -

My Uncle Guthry had died... Not blood relative or uncle in the right context - but a close friend of my family and my families family for a long time. I haven't had a Grandfather - he was the right age and the proper fitting character and so although we called him Uncle - I thought otherwise. My mother who like my Father lost her father at a younger age - so he filled in on the old Walk her down the aisle on the big day. Just more than a month ago was my Birthday - although he was undergoing surgeries like no other and struggling in the Hospital he still found time to send me a twenty and a rather feeling of saying "I'm thinkin of yah".
I had a feeling that I wasn't going to see him again. And I in fact struggled a bit with that as I worked and performed on Guys and Dolls - just fearing that I would miss those last moments and and even his funeral because I would be in a show. And I am happy to have known at least one form of Grandfather.

I am 1 day away from an audition. TO be hit with such a brick is pretty painful while you have the stresses and emotional toll of a life changing audition on your shoulders is probably one of the hardest things I have ever been faced with. You'know there are always those stories you see in the movies or hear on the television of pain and struggles - and I know I have seen my fair share of people pass - it has never come across another struggle. It wasn't bearable as I heard his funeral would be at the same time as my Audition. And even a phone call to the Coordinator of the program requesting a rescheduling or perhaps a video audition couldn't help me. It was Saturday or nothing.... So the unbearable became the bearable even without me wanting it to.
I left my house and was on my way to a very last vocal coaching before I was on my own to prepare mentally for my audition.

It went great. I felt comfortable with the songs. I had them down. And I was at ease with my vocals.

As I left to go home I decided to enjoy the sunny day. After a quick stop and a joke from a video clerk about how I am the first male he has seen purchase a copy of Twilight I continued to walk up the busy street of "Young". I walked and walked. And just thought to myself. This was me finding my peace before this audition. Blocking out my grieving was not something I wanted to do - but I felt there was nothing more I could do within 24 hours and do my best. After about 2 hours of walking I stopped at..yep... A Starbucks.... And excuse my French - but fuck the extremely hot tea. Screw the fact I needed to be cautious about hurting my throat before the audition! I wanted to sit - I wanted the biggest fucking Cafe' Mocca they had - and I wanted to sit there and dream before I was to begin what was to become my 8 straight hours of work on my monologue..... This was happening....... I'm not stopping....

THE AUDITION:

The Audition begun with dance. After an intense warm up with the most flexible person I've seen in a dance class - we begun to do Ballet. Understandably it is hard for people to get places on time - we were constantly interrupted by people arriving late.... I arrive and act professionally from start to finish. I was there way early.... And not this thugged out tanned guy who walked in sporting the WRONG attire for an audition. He bothered me.
I would tell you what exactly I did for this part of the audition but me trying to spell French words for the different dance moves - but let me just say grace is something I don't lack ;) - but of course the obvious spelling lacking I also lack balance when on my tippy toes for long periods of time :D. - And of course thug boy didn't try to dance the pieces they were testing us on - he decided to rock the "robot"...... the stress of this audition was already excruciating - why was he here!?
- Next came the Jazz dancing. I didn't do the choreography perfectly. There were a lot of mistakes in me - but I committed to it. My mistakes did not show on my face. I was present and in the moment. I gave'r my all.

Next was the Musical Theory test................. ZOOOOM...... thats it flying over my head with another thing I lack.... Knowledge of Musical Theory...... You know screw all my math teachers who told me I'd need it in my future - I SOOO don't. And now I'm left imagining my Folk Rocking Musical teacher Mr. Tom Leighton and good ol Mr. Bob Johnson LAUGHING at my pain due to the lack of commitment I gave towards their agonizingly painful Theory lessons.
MY Ear test went over alright. This girl clapped faster then I have ever seen before in my days as a drummer. I could NOT keep up. I swear she was secretly screwing with me! - And of course my favorite Thug boy was there to lighten things up as he lifted his head during the test and says "Wait..... You don't give us a monologue to perform?"........................................................ That was the last I saw of Thug Boy. May he Thug in Peace....

Next up was the big one. My vocal and acting portion... I was one of the first due to my name beginning with a stout "B".

They were happy chums the panel of judges they were. There were three of them. And at a calm breathe I was at ease and ready to perform. I announced my audition pieces and I was off. Like a racehorse.................................................................................... Not long after was I waiting outside the door as they spoke about me and asked me to re enter the room. They spoke kind words of my audition and told me that - yes - they like me. They thought I brought charm and humor - they wanted more - they found I was rushing in the heat of the moment and that I should give more time in my pieces to allow them to laugh........... They pushed me forward to what was my now CALL BACK.... Or rather "RDA" as they called it. God I feel stupid - I left still not know what "RDA" stood for. I like to think it stands for "REAL DAMN ACTOR" - and well only the REAL DAMN ACTORS get to do this portion :D - because in reality there were only about 15 of us and there were well over 40 kiddies running around. (thinking about it now I think it was actually "RDF" - but screw it.... This man is a REAL DAMN ACTOR and will commit to his actions - even if they aren't exactly right. ;D)

I waited patiently for it to be my turn. Luckily I know one of the most amazing performers out there due to going to high school with her. She is a few years younger then I am - a close friend to the brother of my partner in crime - so it was a great relief to have a friendly face around. For the both of us. My Call back went alright.... Only Alright to be honest. I do not believe I left them thinking what an amazing voice that guy had or what great acting he did. But rather what great presence he had. Much like the dance - I was there moving towards one goal - I was in the moment as I try o be in my life everyday. I committed. And with that - I don't turn back with regret - this thankful train moves forward.

And now as I think back to the emotional binding weekend I experienced I am THANKFUL to be done with it :D. And as soon as Tuesday and or Wednesday hits I will know my fate.

And now at 2:30 in the morning of Sunday night/Monday morning - this train makes its exhausting stop.

And in the morning.................................................................................................... I shall dance :)

-pJ ..............................................Goodbye Uncle Guth.....

My Funny Valentine

I'm going to say it straight up.

Without any care of the fabrications or the after affects in ANY way.
I don't care who reads this. Really don't -- But after all - this is my blog - and I can say this next thing freely without any trouble yet that of my commitment to how I feel.

I love Kristin Chenoweth...

What a Doll.

MAN!

LIKE - have you ever listened to her voice?!! C'mon!!!

She does theeee most beautiful version of "My Funny Valentine" and her song "Taylor the Late' Boy" although hysterical - her voice accents it in such a beautiful way.

People make jokes about hooking me up with someone after my small hiatus of dating. Well friends - Find me a Kristin.

-Mission YOU- Find me Java, find me Joy

Get'r done!

ps. Not to come across as a desperate stalker freak or nuffin - but this is all a part of my obsession with female vocal singers. Although Kristin's voice is beyond all I'd ever dream of to melt my soul into a thousand shoes - tear the tongue out and leave soul bare to the world.... ha! - but I also have come down with an obsession with very Jazzy voices. Listen to "Adele" - most amazing voice. If you don't know her - don't go researching her just yet. Before you learn how amazing it is that she sings so well for her age - just listen to the voice. Amazing!

There is also a blond on American Idol right now who rocks a similar voice. She's the OTHER single blond - the one with the tattoo's all down her right arm. I could be her baby's daddy! C'mon! I'm a catch! - Don't have much of a throw unless it's with a Frisbee - but I'm guaranteed to leave you spinning in your seat! FINE FINE FINE...................................................I'll stop.
FOX.......cough I mean - NOW - I'll stop.

Thought for the week.

I keep finding myself at a phase of utter laziness. I don't want to do what it is I KNOW I have to do. I have a lot of memorizing to do this week. Yet distractions like work at A&E and a ridiculously large check from the government is distracting me.
I am almost all better from my illness. I was on the boarder of getting a flu. A really bad cold had cursed 5 of my days that I should have been rehearsing. But alas I am left with no more than 4 days of memorizing and then I perform 2 songs and 1 monologue to a panel of judges that ultimately decide my fate for next year.... There's a huge difference with auditioning for school rather than sending in your grades and perhaps a portfolio with a resume of what you've done with your life. In an audition you step up and show them for who you are and how you feel you can give just as much as take from their program. I say feel - because as you show them what you think in an audition - your feelings become bare and everything is on the table for them to see. It is at your expense where you either triumph or fail. Not much to do but just give it your all. Nerves can't take a hold of anything. In fact I'm not even nervous. I am about having my lines memorized - yet when it comes to me showing everything - why fail? Why shake? Why break from your character when you want something soo bad? If I don't get in it will NOT be because I faltered or stumbled on my nerves as they took hold of me. No. It will be for the lack of their space in a program. I will not be the failed attempt.

I looked upon a friend no more than 4 minutes before we were to go on and perform in Guys and Dolls. They were nervous beyond all emotions. Tears spread from their eyes and a heavy breathing of doubt and fear filled them. I looked at them and told them this.

"In my case. I think of this as "not me" - I am someone else up there. If I were performing with a guitar showing off my vocals in my own written songs, I to would be terrified. Yet if they don't like what I do up there. I wont be saddened. in my mind - that's not me. That's the character. "

Even though this philosophy is filled with cracks and errors - it's what gets me through it all. My teacher told me to "Leave your drama at the door - enter as the actor - perform - then when you leave, don't forget to pick up your garbage"

hahaha - It stuck with me. And both of these methods helped me keep a steady head. Why fear what wont kill you? In this case I really do take what the Mraz man spoke about - (how not to stress about looking foolish in front of people and to rock out not thinking because you'll never see the people again - but rather in hopes you will see them again...) They will look upon you and see you as not that stuttering little person who cried during their audition because of being soo nervous - but rather that fearless actor who is really LIVING their life.

I'll write more in a week - I'm off to go live my life.

(sometimes you need to write it out and read it to REALLY know what it is that you need to hear)

Snuggled up somethin Fierce

A few years back....... Lets say 4 - I was sitting at home on the computer........(things haven't changed much) ..... But it was at a time when the hit R&B singer "Akon" was making his break through debut within the wonderful world of remixed music with his hit "Lonely" covering the smash 1960's hit Mr.Lonely. It was with this song that I created a trademark sound with my partner in crime. The sound is trademarked by a simple Charlie Brown head raise to the ceiling and with a quick breath - out comes a depressed "AAWOOOO WOOO woooOOOoOOO!"

This sound is often heard in times of depression while the other is around - or when we jokingly call the other one Lonely. We usually do it in the joking manner. Yet don't just assume we are joking - There's always a hint of truths in our jokes......... Or at least mine....... Jordan not so much...... He's a liar............ I mean............. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaBIG liar!

So it was last night. I found myself sitting in my own depression with the sting of loneliness watching show after show on the tube and always seeing the power house love couples. Thinking about it is probably the worst.

Now before I indulge you any further - allow me to describe the next part through a little lesson.
Comfort comes from SOO many different places. And now I wouldn't call this person a blanket of care and compassion - but they are one hell of a comforter.

My cat.

That's right.

I have always heard about how pets can be your best friend, always there and blah blah blah - but my cat the little suck has been there to snuggle up to me, help me feel a bit better about myself. Just "BEING there". It's odd how an animal can do soo much just by the cuteness of their face when it takes a friend a series of long and touching words to help make you better. I know it'd work the same as say the smile of your child or even just the feelings you see within the eyes of your significant other. But for me - one without a child or significant other, find myself having found a warmth inside the curious furry face of my cat Tigger.... Also known through out my household as "Tigger Toad".

I don't understand where the "toad" came in - I just recall my mother saying it a ton and its stuck. Much like a pet name..... for .... a pet.....with a name....... cough.

But Tigger has taken on a few human characteristics as of late. One time when my mom forgot to flush the toilet tigger ran on in there and flushed it..... Oddest moment. My mom had a grand ol chuckle over the event waking up the entire household. He gets annoyed too when you don't acknowledge him when he sits down beside you. If you don't pet him while he gives you the luxury of sitting beside him - he gets annoyed and very slightly with his paw he begins to poke you until you look over and give him a nice little pat. He has also taken on polite eating habits - instead of shoving his face into his bowl as if to be a pig and a troff - he now sits down - rests his hands on either side of the bowl and then begins to chow down.... Yet the stupid little diva has begun to mope around and cry out at us a lot more if he does not get his 5 square meals a day.... bloody hobbit....... Now I say square as more of an inside pun to myself to make myself laugh..... you see his food is in the shape of a square.... cough... anyway...


So to rewind ----- I was sitting in my living room.

Depressed out of my mind - busting out the "ahwooo" --- my cat jumps down on to the couch beside me knocking my uke on to the ground and cuttle's up to me. I think this is cute, but continue on with my little self indulgent bliss. Realising he didn't give me the push as I needed - I feel - very gently, a tiny little paw rest on my hand. I look down and his paw was just resting on top of my hand as to say that's alright. I looked at him and he was just merely staring up at me. It was one of those serendipitous moments where it was just soo perfect and whimsical that he cheered me right up.

You can find comfort in many things. A song - a friend - an warm blanket - or even in the absolute WORST case - food. Of course in the usual case I have found it within the music of Jason Mraz as I have mentioned several hundred times within this blog. But as the sting and the feeling of miss came about - it was great for something new.

-And as the years pass and I find myself stumbling towards the computer much like I have done in the past - and making that all to firmiliar sound of "ahwooo" like I have for years - I will continue to find comfort in the gratitude of being alive and able to live in this carefree, completely random and soo (I'll say it again) serindipitous lifestyle. It's been a joy. Even without that heart throb...... that.....heart.......sniff......


AHWOOO WOOO WOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooo...............

Smile

tho'

your heart is aching,

Smile

Even though it's breaking,

When there are clouds in the sky-

You'll get by,

If you

Smile through your fear and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through-

For you.

Light up your face with gladness,

Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,

Altho' a tear may be ever so near,

That's the time you must keep on trying,

Smile-

What's the use of crying,

You'll find that life is still worthwhile,

If you just smile.

-by Charlie Chaplin

Pony Voice - Just a little Hoarse

After a week long of amazing show perform-ag, it is feeling really good to lay back in my bed and suck back a few Peach Cups as I download musical number after musical for an upcoming audition.

Although I can't sing a long right now - it's putting ease to my stress to look at songs and see songs to which I could actually succeed in.................. Hold up........ Rewind.............. Feeling lost? Welcome to my world. But then again that would be a completely separate lost to which you may be encountering now......... And now I've confused us both.

Let's turn back the clock - count to three - then start again.

I have been on a journey and back. Travelling up to a neighboring town called Mississauga - the last week I performed in a Musical Production of "Guys and Dolls". Now if you are a frequent Skats reader (I call you Skreaders -Sk-reed-er-s) then you would have known over the last few months I have auditioned and rehearsed often for this production. Way to be on top of the game for those of you now understanding what I'm talking about and alas welcome to the conversation....cough... I mean blog............................................. oh shut up.

But of course this last week went by faster than a single apple in an all meat buffet filled with vegetarians..... What an unfortunate situation. any way.

We performed from Wednesday to Saturday - including 2 matinees on Wednesday and the 2nd on Saturday.

I played Benny Southstreet - one of the comedic little bottom feeders that follows around the lead male "Nathan Detroit" in their hopes to win copious amounts of lettuce (50's slangwich for money) in a Crap Game that changes location each time in hopes not to be caught by the police....-I'm a tad hungry - think I may go make me a slangwich with lettuce - ..............

We sold out completely a few of the nights. But even with the theater not fully packed - the crowds were phenomenal. They were brilliant. Always into it. Ready for what ever we through at them...... One part of the show one of our Hot Box girls actually fulfilled that idea quite literally and threw her hat into the crowd. Unintentional I assure you...... Except for the person whom was hit in row c seat 10 who wouldn't shut their yap................................ ahem....Ahem...

Other than a stressful quick change from a line where I say "But maybe it won't come! Maybe he took that doll to Havana" to 47 seconds later where I walk on stage wearing a completely different outfit and a fake mustache in order to dance as a sexy Cuban man I name "Juan" -(HhhhHhh-Won) the show was EXTREMELY fun! And I have been in at least one musical production if not 2 or 3 per year over the past 6 years, this show was by far the most fun.

I honestly would do another show in seconds if ANY of my fellow cast members asked me. They were all more than a joy to work and play and all together just be around.

I will post pictures as soon as they are available to me.

But as the week ended. Same with my sleep. Ironic huh? I have time now to sleep and yet I haven't fully gotten any. I find myself waking up in the beginning hours of the afternoon unsatisfied with my slumber.

I stayed with my partner in crime "Jordan" (hhhhhhHhhhh-Jord-an) in his place located in Peterborough Ontario and I found myself leaving with an INCREDIBLY sore throat today..... Well, yesterday. Lame. I probably could have stayed later - I found out as I begun my drive home that my boss had cancelled my shift at work for today. Hence why I am still awake now. I'm thinking all nighter? Yes? You think so? YEAH!?!!!!!!

Fine then I wont....

But the problem you see is that I have yet to find those songs.... Remember?

"After a week long of amazing show perform-ag, it is feeling really good to lay back in my bed and suck back a few Peach Cups as I download musical number after musical for an upcoming audition."

Gosh you forget easily.. You are worse than..................... ANY way.

I'm thinking all nighter? Yes? You think so? YEAH!?!!!!!!

Fine then I wont....

So I take you back to the beginning.

-Mission 18- One Song Glory

So I have an Audition coming up in a little less than 10 days. This audition is for The Musical Theater Performance School of "Sheridan Collage" located in Ontario Canada.

I am pretty stressed about it seeing how I haven't A. Been in school for almost 2 years and need to get started again. And B. I need to sing and dance and all that jazz in an intimidatingly life breaking/or making moment where all your cards get laid out and only the people who sit before you judging hold the dice.

Can you tell I just finished "Guys and Dolls" - So as I was saying -

I have been struggling over some song selections for the last little while. It begun with me choosing to sing the song "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from the Musical "Les Miserables". This caught peoples attention. haha. My friends have been great with sending me ideas and telling me songs - or rather singing me songs that I should audition with. And STILL I have yet to figure out what to sing. I told myself that I would find my Musical Ballad and Up Tempo Musical selections my Monday night..... The time on my clock as we speak is 2:11am Thursday morning........... Damn.

But I got home last night from Peterborough with Musicals on the Brain. I went through my musical repertoire and other more direct methods of finding a song - i.e - Youtube.

Of course I would be again no where without those close to me - so I sent out a few dozen emails to try and figure out what my friends though about my selections. Of course I have had a few shrugs and a couple "I LOVE that one" and the ever lovable always encouraging "you'll be great in what ever you do" - I have come down to a conclusion.

I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SING!!!!

I have a couple I am leaning to. And at that I am very happy. It means I can begin learning the one I am MOST positive about and worry about switching the other if need be in due time. Of course all I can do is just go out there and do what I do regardless of what ever it is going through my head.

I find if I go out there and fully just lose myself in the song and character I wont be nervous. Or at least I wasn't during "Guys and Dolls".

So what I shall do is just sit at home and practice until I know the songs to which I will choose within the next 24 hours endlessly (I SWEAR!!!!!!!! -ice-wear) and I will be fully prepared for this audition. I'll do my best - and go back to school! Because if I don't - I'll be stuck at home for another god forsaken year..............

I feel like I should have heard a trombone doing the comical "womp waawwwmp" at the end of that last sentence.

Any way. Time to go and get my practice on! Tune in next time to......................... Wait.... I have a ridiculously sore throat!!!!!!!

WOMP WAAAAWMP