My Funny Valentine

I'm going to say it straight up.

Without any care of the fabrications or the after affects in ANY way.
I don't care who reads this. Really don't -- But after all - this is my blog - and I can say this next thing freely without any trouble yet that of my commitment to how I feel.

I love Kristin Chenoweth...

What a Doll.

MAN!

LIKE - have you ever listened to her voice?!! C'mon!!!

She does theeee most beautiful version of "My Funny Valentine" and her song "Taylor the Late' Boy" although hysterical - her voice accents it in such a beautiful way.

People make jokes about hooking me up with someone after my small hiatus of dating. Well friends - Find me a Kristin.

-Mission YOU- Find me Java, find me Joy

Get'r done!

ps. Not to come across as a desperate stalker freak or nuffin - but this is all a part of my obsession with female vocal singers. Although Kristin's voice is beyond all I'd ever dream of to melt my soul into a thousand shoes - tear the tongue out and leave soul bare to the world.... ha! - but I also have come down with an obsession with very Jazzy voices. Listen to "Adele" - most amazing voice. If you don't know her - don't go researching her just yet. Before you learn how amazing it is that she sings so well for her age - just listen to the voice. Amazing!

There is also a blond on American Idol right now who rocks a similar voice. She's the OTHER single blond - the one with the tattoo's all down her right arm. I could be her baby's daddy! C'mon! I'm a catch! - Don't have much of a throw unless it's with a Frisbee - but I'm guaranteed to leave you spinning in your seat! FINE FINE FINE...................................................I'll stop.
FOX.......cough I mean - NOW - I'll stop.

Thought for the week.

I keep finding myself at a phase of utter laziness. I don't want to do what it is I KNOW I have to do. I have a lot of memorizing to do this week. Yet distractions like work at A&E and a ridiculously large check from the government is distracting me.
I am almost all better from my illness. I was on the boarder of getting a flu. A really bad cold had cursed 5 of my days that I should have been rehearsing. But alas I am left with no more than 4 days of memorizing and then I perform 2 songs and 1 monologue to a panel of judges that ultimately decide my fate for next year.... There's a huge difference with auditioning for school rather than sending in your grades and perhaps a portfolio with a resume of what you've done with your life. In an audition you step up and show them for who you are and how you feel you can give just as much as take from their program. I say feel - because as you show them what you think in an audition - your feelings become bare and everything is on the table for them to see. It is at your expense where you either triumph or fail. Not much to do but just give it your all. Nerves can't take a hold of anything. In fact I'm not even nervous. I am about having my lines memorized - yet when it comes to me showing everything - why fail? Why shake? Why break from your character when you want something soo bad? If I don't get in it will NOT be because I faltered or stumbled on my nerves as they took hold of me. No. It will be for the lack of their space in a program. I will not be the failed attempt.

I looked upon a friend no more than 4 minutes before we were to go on and perform in Guys and Dolls. They were nervous beyond all emotions. Tears spread from their eyes and a heavy breathing of doubt and fear filled them. I looked at them and told them this.

"In my case. I think of this as "not me" - I am someone else up there. If I were performing with a guitar showing off my vocals in my own written songs, I to would be terrified. Yet if they don't like what I do up there. I wont be saddened. in my mind - that's not me. That's the character. "

Even though this philosophy is filled with cracks and errors - it's what gets me through it all. My teacher told me to "Leave your drama at the door - enter as the actor - perform - then when you leave, don't forget to pick up your garbage"

hahaha - It stuck with me. And both of these methods helped me keep a steady head. Why fear what wont kill you? In this case I really do take what the Mraz man spoke about - (how not to stress about looking foolish in front of people and to rock out not thinking because you'll never see the people again - but rather in hopes you will see them again...) They will look upon you and see you as not that stuttering little person who cried during their audition because of being soo nervous - but rather that fearless actor who is really LIVING their life.

I'll write more in a week - I'm off to go live my life.

(sometimes you need to write it out and read it to REALLY know what it is that you need to hear)