Precocious Brotha!

It has been a long and intense journey. I remember the first time in fact. If there had been ANY memories to stick out as if it were the pin point of that relationship........ You all know what I talk about...... If any of you have been in a relationship with someone - you know there would always be that one memory..... That one time to which you remember everything that meant the most to you. Unfortunately the time that I remember isn't the time or any time for that matter - that I was with the person I thought I had loved......... Of course this was high school, so I won't deny there being love there. But y'know - out of what I have done since then - who I have loved since then - I will admit it was no True love. But the memory in fact was one where I knew I was all alone. I knew that this was it and that I was off to make my own in the world.

-not even a mission - it was the end but the beginning

It was a late night..... I stayed up late - after everyone was a sleep. I didn't want to in fact. I knew that everything I was holding back was best to hold on to. I had dated before - I had held on to feelings past - but the thing was that I would always know ----- (side tracked story)

I have a gift --- And it isn't the one some of my friends think I have.... I love you all for encouraging the Musical Theater talent you all tell me I posses - but this was the feeling - the knowing - and the unfortunate -- the regrettable - and the painful gift of knowing when you see someone (specifically your girlfriend) for the last time.

It was the drive...... I have been unfortunate enough to see a lot of "Goodbye" faces. The ones where y'know are the last ones...... I remember the only living Grandparent I have had...... Her name was Olive. The last time I saw her was when my mother and I visited her when I was somewhere around the age of 6.... I think ..... I had just finished the 2nd grade...

My mother was a School Bus driver.... "Like the Frizz, NO WAY!?" -- and we visited "grandma" as my mother was always wanting to know the "time" - y'know - the limited amount of time it would take to pick up every child and drop them off at school...... Sure to some this sounds brilliant - "wow you're mom really thinks a head" --- but if she is ANYTHING like myself or my brothers - or my hysterical Father - then this was just to figure out when / how long she could sleep in till - and then go and pick up all of these children....... But this day I decided to go with her. To scope out the new territory and to visit old ones... We stopped shortly and my "Grandmothers".... I don't know the feeling - and I hope not to for a long time - but the feeling she had - was one that knew - her youngest grandchild was there in front of her........... for the last time..... She offered me things like juice and cookies - almost in a desperate excuse to offer me everything I would have wanted at that moment .............................. To make me happy during those very last moments.................. I remember her face... That bandanna..... Later on (a few months) she passed from cancer..... And I remember that face....

-Mission 23 - What a "Beautiful Mess"

The last time I saw her face - I was driving away..... With her parents in the front seats I sat in the back staring back as the main object of the last few years of my high school life - turned from apparent - to shadow..... I sat there after sleeping most of my way through the northern cottage country of Canada "Muskoka"... I didn't know what to do really...... I watched her fade away as I teared up something fierce............. It's alright though - I wouldn't categorize this girl as being a great love - but she did change a few things...................... On the drive home - I had a lap top - and a few seasons of a show I had NOT even seen one episode of.................. MY partner in crime and his brothers were always big on the humorously eccentric television shows - and so in an attempt to rid myself of those embarrassing moments where they would quote an episode and I would sit there dumbstruck in awe at how they sounded hilarious and I would never be able to comprehend "WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT" ----- I asked to borrow one of their "seasons"....... This being one of their DVD box sets of a television series I had never seen............ And what they gave to me was.................... "Scrubs".....

This under rated sitcom has been the bain of a few of my close friends lives........ But to Jordan and I ---- and of course his family - this show has been the humour to which our lives really thrive from..... Sure we all have our original sense of play - but this was the starting point for me.

I wasn't old enough to drink - God bless me for that - even though at a high school finishing age - especially in Scarborough "Toronto" Ontario - I had - had my fair share of alcohol - I turned to a hysterical television sitcom called "Scrubs"...............

This became my LIFE! haha I would stay up late watching episodes... By the time I got into it - the 5th season was about to come out on dvd. I think I watched almost the first two seasons on the way home from dropping her off...

The humour and sense of reality and common emotions I shared with the lead characters kept me in a sane place of depression ..... I knew it was the end of my relationship - I really did. Hence why it was easy for me to go searching for love elsewhere after it had all ended.

But the next one (One being the next girl I dated) -- was great with this new obsession of mine.... "Scrubs" had become my only sense of relief..... Sure I had friends - and of course this girlfriend - but Scrubs brought me back to a happier place I felt - a place where I saw myself and my "partner in crime" really thrive off humour and life.......... This new girlfriend would remind me -- she would always know when I was watching Scrubs and not to bother me - or when I was missing Scrubs for her...... She was happiest then - and of course I thank her for those times.

And as a year and a bit passed - that time ended with her - and months later I had begun seeing someone new.... Someone who I will not expand on...... Not because it/SHE is still fresh in my mind - but rather it is a whole other story.... a whole other dream.

And skipping past that - I was still intense with this show... Over the writers Strike - and the RANDOM change in hair styles that the one actor went through -(unfortunately because of continuity errors through editing and programming) the show had become to be something of a drag....... The episodes began to be less entertaining and too much into "trying to release something on time" - but - I wouldn't stop watching.......

This finale season was a transition for the characters.......... The lead guy J.D - being with his "Dream Girl" really reflected how I wanted my life to be.......... And after a ton of AWFUL episodes where they introduced their new characters to carry on the "scrubs" name - there were a few episodes that truly embodied what made me love this show.

I don't know if it was the childish humour between the two lead best friends "Turk & J.D" or if it were the fact that it was coming to an end - that I sat at the edge of my chair watching as if this was some important presidential speech ---- But it came to tonight......

I taped it having a feeling I may watch it with Mr.Pipher tonight............. and I did........

And I wont lie to you... I am about to go watch it again.... Scrubs - Tonight - at 8 o clock on May 6th 2009 - came to an end - where the lead male "J.D" left the hospital...........

Sure they can carry on the sitcom with their new characters --- but this was the end for me... I wont follow it.....

And - as I begun to watch this show to forget the pains of my past and move on - I have oddly learned a lot from this television show...... I honestly DO NOT watch TV !!! I watch this show and "The Office" - but other then that NO dice... I do other things with my time like exercising - playing on my uke - writing - or telling myself "You know how that tastes like " DO NOT" eat that un fresh processed food that is unhealthy for you"...............

It was an emotional night for me.... Saying goodbye to people as if they were my friend for the last few years...... And coming to see that the ending of their run - still resembled the life that I still try to embody today......

Happiness - Humour - and Love.......... That's all I need or want..... What else is there?

We live in the Freshest of times............... There have been world wide problems forever..... Don't act like we are different from the rest of history.......... Let's try to reach for the stars as we have always tried to do............... Who said that a song goes out of date when a new song comes out?

What ever makes you happy is ALL you need........... You don't need to look past your own backyard if what really brings you joy is the sun beaming down on you as you read a book amongst the grass and the birds and the bee's.............

"I'd rather have an afternoon relaxin in the sand" if I could stay in this blissful happiness forever.

Embrace what you have while it lasts........ Stay thankful...... Gratitude is the best attitude ;)

see you soon

-pJ

(ps..... Sometimes you just need to accept the end..... "/" that picture was taken at Halloween a year and a half ago -- I look nothing like that now haha I was dressed up like "J.D" --- Yeahhh you love it ;D )