8:14 Friday night. Bottle of water/scotch and The Office.
Hysterically enough I am going out.
Not fully sure how its funny. Can't fully understand the joke there. But the alone on a friday night is just the whipped cream flowing up towards the cherrie. The cherrie of course is just me getting out on the town.
This is more a place for me to laugh at myself with all the weired adventures I go on, sometimes with other people, and even on my own.
:two and half weeks ago:
-Mission 1- The Golden Sale.
Sitting at home is a daily ritual for me. Not much to do other than jive away on my drumkit. The car is hardly parked for more than an hour with my house so the chances of me getting out quickly for a timmies coffee is not going to happen. Strange enough by noon the car had returned as if never to have left. Strange? Yes. Yes it was, thats why I said it. My mom unceremoniously walks through the door with her hand over by her cheek. Assuming she was talking on the phone I went on to grab myself a soooda. With a small twinkle in her eye which I would later realise to be a tear from all the pain, she stopped and stared at me. She throws me a very small container. Says the simple words "here's a present". Initially I think this is the best moment of my life. Honestly, it's September. Christmas is still months away, my birthday even further. WHATS THE DEAL?! Alright now I'm suspicious. What is in this thing. She has already given me a ring with my initials carved into it.
YOU KNOW WHAT?! I don't want it.
"It's my tooth. The dentist just pulled it out."
Oh good god.
No sooner was that tooth hurling through the air as she said the word "pulled".
What sick humour.... I love it!
"No no, it's a gold tooth. Dentist said you could get 30-40 bucks for it.
I was in my car moments later driving up to a jeweler 7 minutes up the road to see how much I could get for this honkin tooth. Of course I didn't open it to see that there was still tooth connected to it and blood causing what could only be described as a smell that comes straight from a dead pimp who had the unfortunate last moment on landing on a skunk.
The man to which I presented this tooth to could not speak english. Interesting man really. I said I was selling gold, he responded with - "yes yah mmhmm, silver yes yes"..... Nice guy really. He didn't turn out to be that nice when he asked me to please leave. He must have memorised that phrase or something.
Wait.... WHAT AM I THINKING?! Russel Oliver.... You know "I give you cold hard cash for gold gold gold!!" I drove quickly to his location on the very fine Toronto corner of Avenue rd and Eglington.
The door in its own was something of great majesty. Big old swinging door by a portrait of himself. I walk in and there was a two step distance befor I hit another door. Yet on this door I hear a voice. "Are you selling something?" umm yep. "Is it Gold?" Oh ho yah it is! *beep*...
I'm in. The room is COMPLETELY empty. There are glass display cases lineing the sides of the room. There's nothing in them. Not long befor a very tall man walks out. Its the Oliver! sniff what a star! He looks at me. "You 18?" Nope. Older!. "Alright lets see whatcha got." "well ummm ahem, your goldness, I heard that you are lookin in the market for any sort of gold. how-ahem-how much you give for teeth? "Ten bucks"...................................
Damn dentist........
-pJ
(I of course took the money. Not like I was going to use the thing anymore.)
Hysterically enough I am going out.
Not fully sure how its funny. Can't fully understand the joke there. But the alone on a friday night is just the whipped cream flowing up towards the cherrie. The cherrie of course is just me getting out on the town.
This is more a place for me to laugh at myself with all the weired adventures I go on, sometimes with other people, and even on my own.
:two and half weeks ago:
-Mission 1- The Golden Sale.
Sitting at home is a daily ritual for me. Not much to do other than jive away on my drumkit. The car is hardly parked for more than an hour with my house so the chances of me getting out quickly for a timmies coffee is not going to happen. Strange enough by noon the car had returned as if never to have left. Strange? Yes. Yes it was, thats why I said it. My mom unceremoniously walks through the door with her hand over by her cheek. Assuming she was talking on the phone I went on to grab myself a soooda. With a small twinkle in her eye which I would later realise to be a tear from all the pain, she stopped and stared at me. She throws me a very small container. Says the simple words "here's a present". Initially I think this is the best moment of my life. Honestly, it's September. Christmas is still months away, my birthday even further. WHATS THE DEAL?! Alright now I'm suspicious. What is in this thing. She has already given me a ring with my initials carved into it.
YOU KNOW WHAT?! I don't want it.
"It's my tooth. The dentist just pulled it out."
Oh good god.
No sooner was that tooth hurling through the air as she said the word "pulled".
What sick humour.... I love it!
"No no, it's a gold tooth. Dentist said you could get 30-40 bucks for it.
I was in my car moments later driving up to a jeweler 7 minutes up the road to see how much I could get for this honkin tooth. Of course I didn't open it to see that there was still tooth connected to it and blood causing what could only be described as a smell that comes straight from a dead pimp who had the unfortunate last moment on landing on a skunk.
The man to which I presented this tooth to could not speak english. Interesting man really. I said I was selling gold, he responded with - "yes yah mmhmm, silver yes yes"..... Nice guy really. He didn't turn out to be that nice when he asked me to please leave. He must have memorised that phrase or something.
Wait.... WHAT AM I THINKING?! Russel Oliver.... You know "I give you cold hard cash for gold gold gold!!" I drove quickly to his location on the very fine Toronto corner of Avenue rd and Eglington.
The door in its own was something of great majesty. Big old swinging door by a portrait of himself. I walk in and there was a two step distance befor I hit another door. Yet on this door I hear a voice. "Are you selling something?" umm yep. "Is it Gold?" Oh ho yah it is! *beep*...
I'm in. The room is COMPLETELY empty. There are glass display cases lineing the sides of the room. There's nothing in them. Not long befor a very tall man walks out. Its the Oliver! sniff what a star! He looks at me. "You 18?" Nope. Older!. "Alright lets see whatcha got." "well ummm ahem, your goldness, I heard that you are lookin in the market for any sort of gold. how-ahem-how much you give for teeth? "Ten bucks"...................................
Damn dentist........
-pJ
(I of course took the money. Not like I was going to use the thing anymore.)
No comments:
Post a Comment