The Life Initiative

I am so proud as to say that I have made the decent amount of choices in my journey and have collected the correct people to whom support and invest in my life, as I invest into theirs.

Now my problem.....

When do I invest in my own?

Now begins the "initiative to invest upon growing up"

It's easy to stop. It's easy to cry. It's easy to give up and choose to sit with a favorite film and fall into bliss, ignoring the world and it's continuation of life.

It's time for my life. It's time for the initiative. Call me sensable, call me selfish, call me ishmale. All things to which people could feel upon my decision to invest in my life and begin the ignoring of some requests to which I feel wont push me forword or help bring joy toward my journey. For that I apologise. But as I walk down the street. I create now, the meaning, and image, of why people will forever call me PJ.

My name is Patrick-James Boyd.
And as I sit here being inspired by a concert DVD of Paul McCartney - I nod my head to you. Follow your heart - and your inspirations. Don't dwell. Never find satisfaction. Find Joy. Find movement. Find adventure and triumph.

Time to start pushing forword............................ Now excuse me while I take a nap ;)

Where the Pen goes.

I resolve by being so grand as to say that using a pen is to truly write by the hand of God, the Universe, the all-knowing unknowable, etc. -  Jason Mraz

Transcending my thoughts from chaotic bliss into a merriment of combined words to create a thought, smile, or question - has been a real joy of mine on this blog.  

Though as my summer continues; and I find my thoughts - dreams - and energy, being spent on other forms of artistic release -- I have been working, dreaming, and living, out of a notebook.

So as an apology to the two Skat readers out there - I pray thee keep involved with your smiling - your dreaming, and your awareness of the world around you and the beauty it holds.  And I assure you - that when the moment comes - and my pen runs out of ink.  I will return.

Merry summer to you!

-take a listen to Matt Costa's "Sunshine" - have a smile today

Utopia or Bust

I have been away now for about 56 days.

Finding time to leave the bliss that is this camp (Ontario Pioneer Camp) and enter a city to which I love most dearly, hasn't been all too hard.  Quite decently it has been a slice of cake!  Though now I am in the pressure months.  The busy time - 2 more months.  Though amazing and will undoubtedly be unforgettable - still busy.

I do however hold true my Toronto heritage where ever I go.  I was born there.  Sure my fathers a newfy (one from the province of Newfoundland) - and when I talk with my lazy - usual sort of slur I sound Irish - especially when I grasp my greasy shag of a hair dew and thrust it into a pony tail - thus perfecting my "doppleganger" celebrity look alike (Colin Farrel).

I love the city.

The feeling of sitting amongst the 500 level of what will ALWAYS be known to Torontonians as the SkyDom - and watching a Blue Jays game.

The sun glowing and spot lighting you as you successfully get a seat on the bus.

The drive through "Bridle Path" - a street complete with Mansions and what can only be described as smaller than usual castles.  Still quite large! - though not large enough to put Cinderella to shame.

The walk along "The Beaches" cat-walk near Ashbridges Bay on a perfect sun setting night.

And of course - Sitting on a balcony - (beer optional) and watching - quietly - blissfully - and solemnly, as the CN Tower changes color amongst the night, giving Toronto that extra bit of excitement and beauty.

I have dreamt for a few years now - since the beginning of lighting up the entire CN Tower - to write the man who thought that up, and thank him.  Thank him/her for dreaming up a way to make our city look better.  Giving it more life - and allowing us to set focus to our identity.  

Though of course the more light we have polluting our skies along with the fumes, our stars have become almost dream.

I recall applying for Universities in Highschool and thinking to myself - "Gosh I gotta get outta here!  Go see some new town - this place stinks!  There's nothing to do here!"  But then after staying - and of course becoming an adult - I have seen the true faces of Toronto.  All of it's sides.  Some are gorgeous and undeniably mundane - and others.........?.....  For much of a better word, ugly.

There have now officially been 2 times where Torontonians alike - additional people from other cities included - have tainted parts of Toronto.  Giving it a disgusting and almost gruesome look to the rest of the world.

We try so hard to be a loving city - living out and CELEBRATING Equality.  Showing pride for our Country.  And welcoming people of all races and sexualities from all countries  into our city to live and to call it home.

But then - people take action.

Good on them.  Very proud to see people actually doing something rather than just joining a facebook group about how angry they are.

Though the sad part is within the way they protest.

I take you back to December of 2010.

Not to long ago the Olympics were held in our Great Country.  So classically we had the Olympic flame ran across our land.

This did cost a lot of money.  It did create debt for our Country and not fixing other problems we have - such as the job market becoming increasingly tough to get a foot into.

BUT - to block and pull focus of a peace themed event is just not cool in my books.

People don't see it - or realize it.......  The Olympics - though a competition - show glimpses of what Peace would be like.  Countries from all over the world going to one place to party and celebrate who they are with people who are not from their land - but equally wanting to celebrate life with them.  

Its a small glimpse.  A very small glimpse.....  But I'd spend all the money I could ever have to find more of these glimpses of pure life.

I'm a dreamer and a romantic - I know - Though I assure you that I am also a logical man whom doesn't do so - as to not stupidly waste his life.  But I'm telling you - We have a saying it's better to have Loved and Lost then never to have Loved at all..... 

Well I tell you this - It's better to die a poor man who's LIVED than to die a man rich with wealth and not a memory to satisfy his hearts need of a dream.

The 2nd has been today.  Though it has now crossed over to the next day for me - I share with you this:

The G20/G8 is an event happening where 20 leaders from different Countries come together and discuss.  What - I haven't a clue - but I know that such meetings are important to our world and we should be proud of our leaders going and taking a stand.

The money spent to advertise and set it all up is in the Billions.  Outrageous.  Again I say OUTRAGEOUS! 

But listen - 

The protest to stop all this money spending and to get them to sit down together like regular civilized business man, and just talk things out - shouldn't be this hurtful to your fellow man/city.

The Olympics gave Canada a glow - a beautiful one that told people to come and see out land.... 

Toronto protestors - getting out of control to the point of rioting and then looting - is in fact the worst of it all.  Destroying windows of shops and small businesses?  The fact that it got out of control to the point of police gassing a group too into their hate crime is undoubtedly going to be one of the contributing factors of striping our Country of its pride. 

I am oddly enough in Muskoka - about 20 minutes away from where the G8 is happening.  I'm sure Obama even flew over my head once amongst the giant fleet of jet planes and helicopters zooming throughout the Muskoka skies......  But here - we still find our peace.

This is one Canadian from Toronto calling out to all the others.  Let's take action with love and peace - not hurt and destruction.  Honestly - breaking windows and lighting police cars on fire are not mission statements that have people of importance take notice of you and hear you out.  Try talking - try showing out of love WHY this hurts you.  Don't create a war because you object.  Object because you feel that what is happening isn't creating the best interest of the people.  

Dear Toronto,

I miss you.  Honestly, I do.  Like the sun missing the moon after the rise of a new day - I feel our separation.  I'll be home soon!  And when I do, I know the first thing I'll want to do!  Walk amongst the people at Asbridges Bay - and then sitting on a balcony to watch the CN Tower change colors from moment to moment - giving a loving send off as people drift off into sleep.

I love ya, see yah real soon Tdot.

-pJ

Lost in Tranquility

There is a few things that life brings you.  Take them as you will.

And as I lose myself constantly - I get punched back to reality - and while I enter these moods that ultimately depress me but fill my heart with a sort of passion that tells me "YOU ARE INVINCIBLE & LOVED" - I try hard now not to break it - or to distract me from where I am in life now ----

I wont live regretting - and with what I have been given - why would I shy away from who I am - who I want to be - and who my heart is SCREAMING at me to be.

I live through my eyes - I cry unapologetically - and I survive by keeping in mind that I AM loved - and with gratitude, friends, and God -- I am invincible - can you see me?

I play - I pray - I sing - and I act - and all together I read and say words that are given to me.  And sometimes I sing a lyric soo much that I begin to sing the wrong thing.  Now I don't mean lyrics -- I mean - SING WHAT THE WORDS THEMSELVES ARE SAYING!  -- Look at your favorite song -- and even if it consists of a preteen singing the word "baby" over and over again - -- listen to his cry for his love and understand the lyric.....  I looked into my heart - and the song that was singing is a song that I hear everyday in my head - one that friends of mine identify me with..... And for the first time in a long time do I see/feel the lyrics..... I sing them - and now -- I live them.

"I wont hesitate, no more, no more

This can not wait"

World?............ I'm Yours.

-pJ

Fresh bowl of Gratitude

Here and now - then and again - I stumble upon once upon a times - and dream my little dreams.  And as I open my eyelids from a freshly squeezed blink I begin my ponder as to why this state hasn't changed?

I rest my head in MANY places.  Do I call them home?  Perhaps. :) 

Home is where the heart is - and I bring my heart where ever I go - not to be literal - but I follow it and rest it when need be - and as I bring my lust for life and love every which way - One place is for certain - amongst friendship - is where you will find me resting my head.

In an attempt to bring gratitude more into my life ( AND as EASY as that is as I live up within Cottage Country Canada - I need to write them down more)

So as I substitute my usual antics and stories of how we should all choose love - I can think of nothing better than to do my top five gratitudes of today. 

-Mission 43- And over to a table at the Gratitude Café

Number 5:

Now not to make this my last - but rather labeling it this low due to it's rarity in Canada unless you are up where I am.

Riding in the back of a pick-up truck.  

This is a rarity due to it's illegal standings on regular roads - but up here - on camp grounds - and as it being safely done - it is now one of my most favorite things to do.

Imagine laying down - and as you lay staring up at your ceiling - your roof is in fact the sky.  The clouds - trees - sunlight and breeze all begin to hypnotize you into a dream massage of thought and wistful thinking.  And thus giving me an opportunity to accomplish one of my "do's before I kick it" - Sing "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz whilst riding in the back of a pick up truck and feelin Flyyyyy ---  All in all - it's a trance.  One I am grateful to enjoy daily.

Number 4:

Accessibility to the InterHighWay.  This one I will keep short due to the ridiculous need of technology as I am up in a woodland paradise - BUT - with internet, comes connection to the outside world.  So as far into my dreams as I go - I always need to remember that there are others out there who seem to know my name and would enjoy a quick hello once in a while.  And I as much as them need the quick moments of hello and salutations.  So to have internet - I am grateful to have my ongoing interhighweb friendship connections.

Number 3:

My new/old bike Dorothy.

I have named her so due to her resemblance of the bike used by the Old lady whom soon was envisioned through the fantasy munchkin filled coma as the Wicked Witch of the West.  Let's all take a moment to remember said dust bunny of a witch.........

Now this bike is quite awesome - and though I name it due to an angry old hag - I decided to segue the name from the witch to the very pretty young Judy Garland - Dorothy.

I am grateful for the freshness it is bringing to me as I begin to see extra sides of this land on my own with the access of a nalgene bottle within my basket.

Number 2:

Amongst  the new scenery I have found many new things.  One of them ..........................

...................................................................................  And once again, the distractions kicked in....  I got lost there... and now as I have lost my train of thought and have begun to feel grateful for even more things as the sun draws to a new sleep -  I apologize for the lack or ending to these blogs.

Though I pray you take it as a motivation.  Go out and find your distractions.  What are you grateful for?....... Go for a walk - and SEE - with new eyes...  Breathe in the air.  And feel fresh......

I am grateful for you!

-pJ

How I "Wigg-a-loh"!

(skat) - Get back to the coffee shops, 

I want to live again-

Get into new trouble

The root of your world

-Mission 42- Into the Woods

I have relocated.  To say the least.  I have gone from my city life, my thoughts, my comfort, my life, my pillow location - and into the wild.

I have been given a job over the next 4 months to work for a camp to which I have called home in my heart for half of my life now.  Ontario Pioneer Camp.  As a young camper I would run around taking notice of the councilors and who I could role model myself to -- slash -- pretend to be.

It's beautiful up here.  Thats ALL I would need to say if the wind through the trees as the sun sets amongst the woodland isles and the sounds of the cutest most forgotten nestle into their grooves - and us - as human beings walk barefoot naked throughout this bliss - didn't all happen at once.

And up here.....  They do.

Sister Earth is a beautiful thing - let's all stop - and look at the subtle pieces of Heaven that God has left for us.............

As I wrote this - the sun - the air - the trees and the friends I call family all at once summoned me away to a paradise that we all lose ourselves in - for it is our home.  The most gratifying distraction.

Stay tuned..... I assure you - as the sun rises - Thoughts and dreams will come soon.

Heartfelt Moments

It's been a long time coming.  

All this blogging has taken a back seat to a few things in my life that I have placed a 1st place standing in my mind due to my lack of employment. 

Though - it always come down to a life changing experience - to put - life - back in tact......right?........... Right?!

Here's my story:

-Mission 41- The Heart of Life

The night - going along like any other.... Me, sitting, and watching "Scrubs" on the internet.  I indulged in a few Youtube clips that would satisfy my need of entertainment as MegaVideo decided to ever soo nicely cut out my video with ten minutes to go due to me watching too many minutes worth of free television that night.

Sooo Youtube seemed to be the most appropriate fit.

I had but only begun when my heart began to race....  I thought to myself how ridiculous this seemed due to me only laughing slightly at the blooper reel from the television show "Extra's" I was watching.  But the heart kept going. 

Racing heart was no longer the problem.  IT began to beat harder and harder giving me a strange feeling that I can only best describe as your "foot falling a sleep.... but in your chest".  The pain was no longer an issue due to it subsiding into an uncomfortable fuzzy feeling and my chest now pulsating up and down with every beat. 

The pounding was hitting enough nerves that my stomach began to tense with every beat....  Scared now - I attempted to get up from my bed............  It didn't work.

I managed to roll off my bed where I immediately found out that my entire left side had become numb.  I fell to the ground hoping to find some clothes and get myself downstairs to my mother where I could initially gain enough shock to get rushed to the hospital.  

Staring at me long enough as the pain abruptly stopped and my breathe now coming back.

I was against the drama of an ambulance so I had my mother rush me quickly to the hospital.

They took me immediately upon arrival.  After explaining what had happened they strapped me up to have en EKG scan of my heart.  Things seemed fine there - it was as if I had come from a quick jog.  - But of course I hadn't - so this was still a bit frightening but alas my heart rate was slowing down more and more. 

The nurses took me to my own room and asked for me to put on the hospital gown they had left out for me and said they would be back in a few moments.  I put on the gown and awaited the nurse to get back and either tell me what was happening - do some tests - lead in a doctor - or tell me to go home......  She sort of .... well........

SO she walks in.........  Takes a long look at me and says ..... "ummm....errr... ahh ahem.. Mr.Boyd.... ummm......  You didn't have to ahhh............ You didn't have to take off your pants."

"hmm.... Boy I look foolish."

"Oh don't worry - I'll just take some blood!  Do you have any fear of blood?"

"Nope...  I do however have a fear of pain - though I'm rather comfortable here embarrassed without my pants."

...................... a few moments later.......

"Alright, I'm done here.  The doctor will be with you in just a moment."

"okay!  I'll just..ummm.  Stay here....and uhh.... ahem put on my pants....cough"

The doctor came in a little while longer and began to ask me a few questions to establish my history of health and to find out if I had been taking any sort of med's at all.  Her sense of small talk wasn't as great as the nurses.  

"So I see you're 21"

"yep"

"What do you do?"

"Well I was studying Musical Theatre for a while there but now I am just taking it full time..  I went to......"

"Hold on a second"

She began to listen to my heart beat in several different places...........  Then she left....

"Sheridan... ahem....... I went to Sheridan..........."

Took a while before she came back.  My mother was now in the room waiting with me.  

The Doctor came back and said they were waiting a few minutes as they were still deliberating whether or not to do a chest x-ray.  So as we waited my mother explained to the Resident Doctor that her father (as well as all her brothers) all had heart diseases and died from heart attacks before the age of 50......

FANTASTIC mom.... That's just super!  Me here now sitting on a hospital bed as Doctors are monitoring my heart.... Thats just.... fantastic......  Only if you had said this prior to me putting on my pants I wouldn't be soo worried about soiling myself...... sighh.

Alas, they let me leave with the information of taking it easy and not do anything like indulge in such heavenly wonders such as the sweet sweet taste of a Tim Hortons Coffee....... sighh... 

My tests seemed to end with everything looking fine.  Though I am still awaiting my blood test results and a call from some sort of Doctor to tell me what the heck is wrong with me.

I am.... at the moment - hanging out writing music and awaiting for a fun filled weekend where I have been hired to be..... TO BE -- we're talkin verbs here people...... Now to toss in my noun ......  ELVIS PRESLEY 

Thanks for coming back to read a little Skat of another nature.....  Thank you...ahem.. Thank'ya Verrry Much ;) 

-pJ