One foot in front of the Other

Its the calm befor the storm...

From a simple phone call I have been takin from a calm place.  Filled with blissful thoughts of movement and freedom through dance.... Then... Ring ring....

I haven't been able to move very well.
I'm a hell of a dancer haha not someone to brag about or mention in conversation - but I can blend in... BLEND in. Not hide.

A week ago I cut my foot on some glass and have been pretty slow moving - if that - since... It was an interesting day filled with pain, stress, and oddly enough walking. Life on the limp lane has been something to reflect upon...

-Mission 31- I will NOT walk 500 miles!

The rooster would have crowed its last crow this morning. Something about wakeing up this day was not something I wanted to do. Friday mornings are nobodys friends. But of course - you need friday morning before you get friday night. And we all know what happens then... So of course - we endure.
I endured. The constant polyphonic alarm clock ring of "Geek In The Pink" by Jason Mraz had played enough now. I was up.  It was time to spend my traditional morning routine of get dressed in 10 different outfits and distinguish that I look to fat in all of them so I'll put on my dirty old plaid shirt...... -:D- How I do this - study in a musical theater program - and am straight, is BEYOND me......  Literally - God man.....  Sometimes I'm curious......  Not BY-Curious - just curious about how I am the way I am................  I'm a walking question these days.....

I was on to my 5th or 6th outfit ;) - whose to know these days - but as I continued my 13 year old girl routine - I noticed a very cool looking "Guiness" glass fall to the ground and smash something fierce on the ground........ "FEW" - I would then think to myself - "It JUST missed my foot!  Man that would have put me on the side lines for a while!" ---- Little did I know that 2 shards of glass were now stuck to the ball of my foot just WAITING to make port within my blood veins.................. Shall I continue my story?....... :).... paying attention are we? (this next part is rated 18A)

"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Okay - I'm awake now..... My foot is bloody - and I officially can not walk a step without screaming something a tad more french then the above content.....  I tried for a few moments to pry what little bits I could see from my flesh - but as a dear dear friend of mine would say in a West Indian accent .... "NoOoOoOoOo!"  (I heart Somo)

For those playing the homegame ----- I am in a Musical Theater Program at Sheridan Collage in Oakville, Ontario, Canada...........  For those of you who have never been in a program like this - I urge you to think of boot camp.......  Liza Minelli boot camp to be exact......  From the first initial "Fuck" battle cry cursing my piggies for the pain they were feeling - I was a mere 20 minutes away from a morning Tap Dance class................  I apologize if this is way over your head - but in order to Tap Dance.... You need full accessibility to the balls of your feet.  Yes I said balls - Take a moment now to chuckle and continue reading as I think spiteful things for you :) ............................ (That was a test to see if you would laugh....... Test is also like testic........ ahem...... :).... sorry)

SO -

Im screwed.......  What am I going to do? -- The only thing a professional would do....... I limped my ass to school in my dance wear and put on one of my tap shoes as my foot bled through the superhero band-aid and Toronto Maple Leaf Sock.......

My program is amazing..... It reeeeaallly is.  It is about craft - and progress.  The result should be clear at the end of the journey - so the teachers/professors/choreographers/vocal coaches/ artists of MANY-A variety - are scared for my well being....  And my teacher in tap (bless her heart) sent me straight out to the nearest Walk in Clinic.........

Walk in Clinic?.............. Really?

Ohhhh yes....  Living as a starving artist this past month has taught me many things.  Number 1.  Cheap Soup is GOOOOOOOOD.  Number 2.  If it's between Coffee or Laundry - I'm going to always have nice smelling cologne around......  And of course -- YOU WALK EVERYWHERE!!!!

But today -- I limp....  

I waited for an hour until they finally saw me... Looked at my foot .....  They decided to dig around for a bit......  My foot had become a bloody diamond mine and this woman obtained the strength of all bloody seven dwarves - WORST PAIN ---  But alas - following a few squirms and manly coughs to show some sign of being a guy - she established there was no glass in my foot................ That she could see..... god damnit........  

So off I walked what should have been a 4 minute walk but turned into a 10 minute limp to this "X-Ray" office of some sort in the basement of some odd pharmaceutical building.  And just as quickly as they had wrapped up my foot in the clinic - this random woman who failed to mention her name had stripped the bandages right off........  Don't get me wrong - she seemed nice.  But I do prefer to be on a first name basis before somebody strips me down.

A few moments and foot movements later we were done.....  She walked out quickly and I was unsatisfied at the fact she didn't notice my glorious ballet point (;D) and her STILL not leaving me with a name or even a goodbye.  So in the assumption that I was all finished I hobbled up to the store and bought more bandages to wrap my foot in.....  Then off to class for the afternoon - sitting out and watching....  Lucky for me I had "POP" class - so I busted out my queen (Tabitha) and rocked that Ukulele to a version of "I'm Yours" with a little Bob Marley thrown in to spruce up my day!

Then off to my city of Toronto for a weekend away - I even stopped off to get some cologne.....  Was really tired this past week/needed my coffee.

And alas..... A week has passed.....  Sitting out from most of my dance classes - I get the call....  

Now I was told that if I didn't hear from them then I would be in the clear... "Hello Mr.Patrick - We would like to see you in the office to discuss about your X-Ray results...  Preferably tonight if you can."

I was allowed to leave class early and hobble my way to the doctors office.  Lucky for me I was tired and not wanting to go - so this was the beginning of an amazing evening..... sigh......  I took my seat in the waiting room and fell right a sleep.... I woke up to the giggles of pretty girls....  To my embarrassment I was making some of my sleeping noises..... Y'know...  just... don't ask... k?....  It's not gross.... but ..... Just don't....... sniff sniff...... ummmmmmmm...... cough.

"Patrick, you can come with us into the next room!"

I was quick to get up and answer in a manly voice to redeem some respect around the girls before dropping my hat and wobbling off as if I were some drunk off the street..... sigh....

It took a half an hour before the doctor finally got into the room and took a look at my foot.  He told me flat out that the X-rays came back saying I had glass in there still.  He gave me the option of just carrying on with my life and allowing the pain to heal although there would always be some sort of throbbing feeling I thought to myself......  SO I asked what was my option with this whole "Operation" he wanted to perform.

He told me I could simply book a time to come in and let him dig around to put it in a less than poetic fashion.....  Having a vision of my Voice and Tech in Acting class professor yelling at me to "get the damn thing fixed because you're a dancer god damnit!  That's your money maker!"

I told the doc to get me under the knife right then and there.

First thing out was a tiny little sparkle of glass.  We had a good laugh at the pain I could have felt over that....  Little did we know that the second bundle of joy to come into this world was a 2mm pointy piece of glass that had a nice red tint to it over the last week of my hot tub foot.  

We finished rather quick - cleaned me up - and I hobbled back home.... sigh....

Now the moral of my story is this.....................

Beyonce' had the BEST video this year!  Like C'mon people!

-pJ

(sighh, I hate Kanye)

A Very Merry Black Berry

You like that?

It's become me. Swallowed me whole. A sort of release in the most convenient of ways. Like a child I tend to it once every moment or two..... Yes sure we should watch over our children 24\7, but if I've learned anything from my recent lifestyle compared to taking care and entertaining children all summer long is that SLEEP IS IMPORTANT!!! Haha.

I have been in the process of writing a blog for sometime now.... There has been a lot on my mind\heart and body soul that has caused a lot of heart ache and distress- but in fact due to a new life style and new friendships my self concious kicked in ten fold and I have held back from those things most important.... Me.

I am about my friends... My grammar teacher would slap me across the face from that last statement - but its who I am. Its what I urge myself to be each day... In the last month I have been wakeing up to a - "how can I be?". Or in literal terms "to be, or not to be?"

There's my question folks... Although I ask it not in the traditional Shakespearean context of to live or not - I ask it daily on how I live. Who I am. What am I greatful for, and what I wish to do.

Don't confuse me with someone who doesn't know who they are or what they want.

I do know.... But as a human being I long for more. I long for help. I long for love.

And as P.J Boyd. Patrick James - son to Darlene and Gord - I long for God.

Take me as you will - as I am or what you wish me to be. I also long to live.... And to have you a part of my life is something more than a present...

We all have pains and troubles of many varietys. But it is up to us all to choose love.

Choose love and break free from this depressed lifestyle. I can say that heart break and death has been in my past. But I can say joy and love soon followed.

Like I said, I have been in a very long week of pain and drunken reflections followed by lonely nights with my black berry - but like my past - my history - it WILL follow soon with the joy and love I do long for....

Life is hard. But living is easy.... If you choose love.

I chose.

-pJ

(know I wrote this ON my blackberry waiting for a "Go" train.... The grammar is not something that comes accessible in the tiny keyboard) 

Gratitude

Through the beautiful world of technology - I have found internet on my phone, and thus now writing my appreciation for the world and all its wonders.

Me
Myself
A blackberry
And ten minutes befor ear training.

Pause for thought today and find something you can truly be thankful for. It will brighten your day.... Trust me.

Find the beauty.
-pJ

Better Left Unsaid

(past blog)

The things we choose not to say usually affect us the most I find...  Not to impugn or belittle the feelings we receive from the words we hear another say such as the overly used but oddly not enough "I love you".....  The stuff I talk about are those last few thoughts.  Those things that dwell on your mind and never seem to escape those air wholes in your face for a brief moment of release....

This Blog is way over due - and for that I apologize.  Here I am thinking that the only people who read this thing have been living with me over the last two months....  HA!....... Or at least - here in the Forest of ClearWater I would hope someone else in this global land of love to find time to take a gander into my life. my thoughts.  my dreams hopes and loves.

This is the finale night of an amazing camp summer.

I know I know - "cool" doesn't come to mind when you think of "camp".  But I assure you that nothing is cooler or more beautiful then a lake glistening with the mist of a morning dew as you awaken to breathe in air that welcomes your day in the freshest of ways.  

I am a city boy through and through - but come summer I bear down and release my inner Canadian as I live through dirt-bugs-aches and pains - and through a community that not only embraces the gratitude - but loves unconditionally.

I find my self staring Sister Earth in the face and awing at how she comforts me as a loving older sibling as I the younger destructive brother - trash down and litter upon her soils.

You take in a lot when you have the time and the environment....  But for a pause for thought - I urge anyone and everyone to walk through their towns and find those environmentally beautiful places that make you go "oooo - aaaaa"....  Now don't think of this as a World Wild Life Federation type of environmental - but I believe that although our towns may not be as green as the grass that blows on the summer plains of a forest - or inhabits creatures as beautiful as even the bluest blue jay scoping out new territories.

It takes a lot to find beauty in the things you find regular or amongst the status quo.  But fella's - I'm living.  Are you?  

Take a look at the sky - tell me what you see?

It takes a lot to give and to take....  This summer I both gave and took what inevitably became a most uplifting summer.

But the hardest part of it all is to end.  I'd better leave it unsaid ------ HA!

Have you ever known me to be someone to hold something back?....................  Okay sure maybe that one ti...............  Alright ..........................shut up.

Goodbyes suck....  There's soo much poetry in it - but unless we are looking for a good cry on the sofa - actually busting one out is not the heart uplifting thing as one might assume.

Goodbye Camp Friends...  Ontario Pioneer Camp friends and family.  I welcome you all to my interactive online contact service of love and care...  The moment I can (and I will) WILL WILL WILL email you back......  Keep safe - and see you in the summa summa time!

-pJ

(be advised all my Skat readers ----  I wrote a lot during the summer.  A couple of 1 hour blog blitz writing moments....  So keep posted and you'll be in for many a treat!  ----  I begun with the last one due to the relevancy of it still being rather close.......  Goodnight!)

You're pure Candy.

I'm a lifesaver..... haha.

This term loosely playing off the pun of candy and the moment someone up here in Campland told me I was a lifeguard...... But most specifically a "B"Guard.  This is completely absurd!  But how COOOOL IS THAT?!  

I have been giddier than most of the little girls mistaking me for Zac Efron.  Imagine that.... Not the Zac Efron thing.... please... just ... don't..... BUT imagine me holding down the fort?!  The fort of course being the Waterfront and the "holding down" would be me pretending to be the captain of a very large ship.  But of course we are at a camp to which SOME people --- these people still of course being kind hearted and responsible to what they want their children to experience - Do not believe "PIRATES" should be in a loving environment where small children dwell...... So I am a captain of an expedition ship sailing across the clear water of this land.

I have made continuous jokes to the guard team who have been in disbelief since the news of "THIS GUY" - MR.Funnyman was handed the responsibility of taking care of a ton of peoples well beings in a very large lake.......

MUAHAHAHAHA I AM SOOOO EXCITED!!!!  Us Guards need our sleep though - so I better finish this sucker later!

ahoy or aloha or w/e sailor captains say at times of "Goodbye" - but.... I am off below decks! 

---------a few days later---------

sooooooo...... ahem...... APPARENTLY you need to have some sort of "guard" training - as well as a competency of lasting more than a few moments in the water without feeling like you are going to drown yourself in order to be a "guard".......  

BAD FORM!!!!  (this is my remark to replace the word "lame" - here at camp) 

So I am no longer a lifeguard --- pfft - who NEEDS a Bronze cross or a Bronze star or what ever to be a lifeguard!  C'mon!! people.. Apparently life guards need them!  sniff..  fine!  see if I care!.------ I would have looked DAMB good in that red muscle shirt!  damn good :(

But I am able to live my life knowing I do have the responsibility when I choose to accept it to save the life of many other people.  I have been trained in the area's of CPR and First Aid.  Specifically the CPR C/B area and the Emergency and Standard First Aid variety.

So although I can no longer strut around this campsite flaunting the fact I'm a hot Lifeguard - I can strut around knowing that I am a rather dashing young Life Saver. ;) 

A Life Saver is apparently the title to which my qualifications are attached to.

-Mission 30- Busting out "The Fray"

How to Save a Life.

Humans - earthlings - people of this land!  Let's actually "choose" love and STOP to help people when they need it....  We find ourselves sitting in front of our television sets in awe and feeling this world sadness of watching people suffer in this world.  AND suffering through the tears after hearing about people dyeing on the street DAILY across (SPECIFICALLY) U.S.A and Canada.

C'mon people!!!  SHUT UP!  - Don't feel sad unless you can DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.  If us as a community of this world cannot come up with a way to save the people of this team then we can feel sad and think of them in our hearts with fond thoughts....  But don't spend week after week of your summer going "I'm bored" and NOT going out and taking some sort of first aid training!!!  I truly madly deeply feel that we all should in some way know how to help each other!  - We are all apart of this world.  We can be happy and supportive of the fact we are all moving into an accepting world - but WHY CAN WE REJOICE IN A BLACK PRESIDENT WHEN YOU WONT HELP A BLACK MAN LAYING ON A SIDEWALK IN NEED OF HELP!?

C'mon folks.  - IMAGINE saving a life....  Can you?  Just think of how in those small vital moments you save a person's life - and CHANGE it for that matter!  That is the biggest thing we all should be here to do.....

Now of course through physical first aid help isn't the only way to save a life.  I salute Jason Mraz DAILY for his beautiful words of compassion and love - that CONTINUALLY saves me from myself.

Let's take the words from an amazing artist - man - and human being - and live our lives accordingly...  He has left this world - but let us learn from his music and make this world a better place to live...

"We are the world.  We are the children - We are the one's who make a brighter day - So let's start livin'. " 

-pJ

r.i.p Michael Jackson.

happiness postmarked.

It's a very merry month of June where not all the flowers bare their blooms for all to embrace amongst the summer breezes. Yet someday/somewhere their pollinating sunrise will bring them anew amidst the world of uncanny love.

Punchdrunk a little today. Not in the ordinary way I would suppose. Yet I find it hard to describe in one word how among the secret pain I have been piling on my heart and the sickness/headache I have begun to battle with what was the last of my Tylenol 3's from my week of dentistry - I find gratitude and joy out of the place I have recently been calling home.

"We're Only Human" - I am busting out the Jason Mraz as I have just recently found computer time to chronicle my thoughts out onto this Skat-a-blog. My journals have been ink stained a lot more in the last week since I have been without much technology. But I find it perfect at this moment to be rocking out to the one person I usually soften my heart with day to day............. But some days - within trials and tribulations - happiness and gratitude - there are moments where your heart and brain seem to sync together perfectly and make that sunny glow from my window absolutely perfect.

For those just tuning in - I am spending the next two months within the Muskoka world. 'Round the corner from cottage country and just north of hick town. I have been up for only a week now and it has been a blast. Sunny burns from an array of glorious sunshine and fresh air bringing light to my lungs and soul.

It's been a wild ride thus far. Filled with spiritual uprising and music that really does touch home to the soul. Anywhere else in the world would be inferior.

I do miss the sunny smog filled town of Scarborough. My friends whom spent my last few hours in Downtown Toronto a memorable one - and of course my conscious cuddle buddy - Tigger - my orange striped Tabby.

This for now - I'm off to see about a friend.

Yours for the thinking -
-pJ

In us to Give

I was driving last night in my car just jamming along to the songs in my mind as I stumbled upon something that really begun to make me think.

There was a man who had collapsed on the side of the road.  By the looks of it the sunny beautiful day got the best of him through dehydration and he fell off of his bike.  

By the looks of it he may have been with others - for there were other bikers surrounding him.  He was on his back and there appeared to be someone sitting beside him holding his hand as he lay awaiting what was most likely going to be an ambulance.

I was on my way to a finale dinner with my partner in crimes family - that always turns out to be something of a spectacle by the end of each evening --- this one ended in a fierce match of what was a quasi lego version of Capture the flag.  Sweaty and out of breathe - it was officially summer.

But back to the driving....  Now I have my fair share of training in health and safety.  Working along side the Parks and Recreation organization for the past 2 and a half years - I have been trained and hold a certificate/license of a sort in Emergency First Aid - as well as CPR B - and also my Standard First Aid with CPR C.......  And a few days of training in First Alert......

But in school do you ever find yourself learning something and then after years and years of knowing it - you just forget it?  Like a name of a friend even?  I find highschool is mere brain training.  Just to build up your brain to hold on to a mass amount of knowledge and grow it to a point where it can hold on to the things you wish it too.  These Safety training days - I most definitely forgot.

I continued to drive passed the man knowing just by looking out at the other people surrounding him that none of them knew what to do.  Who knows what may have happened to this man?  Perhaps he is fine and now at home enjoying a nice tall glass of lemonade on his rockin chair outside on this beautiful afternoon..... Or.... In a worst case scenario - he is in the hospital - possibly suffering from a massive heat stroke..

You ever feel like helping?  Even just to stop - role down your window and say "I am trained in First Aid - do you need any assistance?" ---  But the lack of my memory stalled that heroic reaction and kept me driving along a busy street that I probably shouldn't have taken to begin with......

I think everyone should be trained in First Aid.  It should be done every year in High Schools in my opinion.  Obviously younger children should not be trained and obligated to help out in an emergency - but perhaps teach them what not to do when little timmy has a bone poking out of his esophagus.

Our favorite super heroes are not superheroes due to the fact that they hold super powers of many varieties.  Hell - they would just be super cool.  But it is what they choose to do with that power that makes them those lift up into the air and cheer heroes.

We all have abilities.  Sure they may not be the ability to fly - or the ability to read minds --- But WE ALL have the ability to love....... The ability to raise a smile or cause happiness to encourage if not create another persons happiness.....

Let's all take time to think (every morning) - what can I do to cause happiness - or even a subtle encouragement to another being.  

Love is the greatest power of all.  Do you have the power?

Sure we all feel scared or shy at one time or another?  Yet - I feel hopeless not to have stopped for mere moments to find out if my life.... My ability ..... MY power - could have helped another person live their life --- And I will - after letting go -- never know - if I could have made a difference in ONE persons life..........  Can you save a life?

YES ----- yes you can....

Tomorrow - I am going to make someone laugh - maybe even help someone belong....  That is going to be my super power tomorrow...

I have finished writing this blog at officially - 3 am on Tuesday morning.. I have to wake up at 7am tomorrow morning... Yet through my lack of sleep - and lack of energy - I am going to make a difference in the world.... Make a difference in someone else's life.... World.

True love is upon us all.  It isn't reserved for the marriage in this world.

I have friends - and I have a family - and I have a responsibility to take my happiness and share it with my fellow man.......  Power to live.  Power to love.

Power to make a difference.

It's in us all.

-pJ

I choose happiness and love.  What do you choose?