Skats of Another Nature

I'm Driving Down a Long Road

2011-07-18T01:31:00.014-04:00

I'm driving down a long road. Not many cars. Not in comparison to the thoughts rushing through my head like any highway during rush hour at least. I am in a small country town inAlberta. My destination is Edmonton. Or at least, Edmonton International Airport. Am I flying out?

Heck no.

But they have something of mine. A piece of baggage.

Let me fill you in.

I have been hired as a Video Researcher & Summer Camp (news) Reporter for the companies of "Inter-Varsity Christian Fellowship" and the Television Network "CrossRoads

Communication".

This project I am working on is nothing short but amazing.

I am to travel to all of the Pioneer Camps and Circle Square Ranch Camps across the co

untry of Canada, and compile stories on videos and written profiles of the people giving their lives to the work at these Camps. The work of the ministry that is the base of these camps. To the children that fill up these camps - and to God, who watches over these camps.

Much like any journalist, I spent the first few weeks of this position researching all of the camps and dealing out all of the travel and itinerary details.

This was no easy task.

Imagine (if you will :-D) An elderly man. Passionate. Wise. And the sweetest thing since Angel food cake -- describing to you an adventure he had had. Sounds amazing right? But what you

are missing - is his feeling. The feeling that words can not describe. The feeling of flying over a set of clouds that are quite literally in the shape of castles perched strongly over a set of mountains. Or a sunset. A sunset soo beautiful, that the colors of white yellow and blue accent the sky soo perfectly that the echo of peach is a perk soo unworthy to our eyes that we lose the horizon and fall slowly into bliss.

I only had one movie on my computer - Forrest Gump. I watched it every night. And he was

right.

I wasn't sure where the Earth stopped, and Heaven began.

I'm driving down a long road.Newfoundland can take the culture, but Alberta took the land. The hills of Ireland h

ave cousins and they reside in Alberta.

The locals are either Prairie folk, or Mountain. The ones who live and breathe the Prairies reside by the philosophy that the Mountains are in the way. And I'll tell you, that though a flat ground sounds boring - I guarantee you that you will not be looking at the ground. But rather to the skies. And I tell you again - there is as much sky as there is land - and the flatter it is - the more beauty in solitude you will find.

The sky will smile back at you - just watch.

And as for the Mountains.

As a singer? I was a mute. For at least a little while.

There isn't a diaphragm in the word that can stand up to the first second you see a Mountain.

I'm not one to cry - but you see something like that - and all your thoughts turn into a burst of joy so powerful that speech itself becomes not but an audible breath of "yes".

I don't fully believe it - but I felt it - "Moving is living".

For the first time in more years then my young age should have allowed - I was living.

I'm driving down a long road.

An airline lost my checked baggage on the first flight out. This didn't upset me too much as I had only thought it was my clothes. And as a self proclaimed hippy - this adventure had just christened the clothes I had on - my new favorite pairs.

Though after a couple of days of awaiting my bags I had realized - Important pieces for my equipment were in my bags...... And thus began my spontaneous drive down the country side.

I borrowed a car and headed North East to Edmonton from "Rocky Mountain House,

Alberta". This was a fairly easy task. Thanks to of course the uncontrollably nice hosts of mine for lending me a car and a GPS - as well as the lovely folks at Tim Hortons, reminding me that joy is but a dollar 80 away. (depending on your location!! more on that later!)

I am close to half way through my trips and thus making a quick stop off at Home in Toronto to enjoy a quick cuddle time with my cat - and a catch up on life and digest the world I just experienced!

Life moves pretty fast - and though I stopped to look around for a long while - I need to hold on to it - or I truly did miss it.

(Donke Shoen)

I stayed in Sundre, Rocky Mountain House, Edmonton and I flew into Calgary Alberta. From there I went to Vancouver British Columbia. Transfered over onto an island oddly named "Thetis Island". Though I missed out of the wonders of British Columbia on the ground - I lived it out from the skies.

Alberta on the other hand - I lived out quite largely. Both are sooo beautiful. All thought and dreams of a woman to hold and a cat to pat as I cradle a Guiness was LONG out of my mind ;).

What I had before me was God saying "Welcome".

Here is something about me. When I find solitude - when I truly feel the most amount of Gratitude - and the time I wish to be no where else ---- I burst.

I try my hardest to not make a sound, so much so that my face breaks and a smi

le resonates from me like an outbreak of laughter. Uncontrollable. Undeniable. These were gifts to me.

The moment I was accepted into a University.

Walking to class with my friends.

Having an Actors "Moment Before" leading into my first full Lead in a musical.

Boarding a plane on my own as a Man.

Boarding a plane on my own with a mission.

Boarding a plane on my own - but with God pushing my lower back as if to lead me in a soft shoe waltz into a life long experience that would change my mind, heart and soul forever.

I have been very fortunate to experience this Country as a whole.

And a bit of Canadian Culture from Toronto. People are from EVERYWHERE over here. So much so that when you meet someone, it isn't long before they announce that they are 1 quarter English, or Scotish, or Dutch, or Greek - or in my case - Irish/Scottish (thanks Gran'pa) -- But tonight as I rest my head on my own pillow - here in the smoldering heat of Toronto (how fitting) - I thank God I'm Canadian. And I thank Him for not only the sights that I have seen - but the people that I NEVER would have met.

Those people whom have entered into my life for those short few days and made a life long impression. The people are as beautiful as the Country.

This Summer is still going on - and so are the stories.

I am grateful for where I have been, where I am going, and the strength and God who is leading me.

Momentum is up. Can't stop me now.

-pJ

Eyes of Gratitude

2011-02-22T01:22:00.003-05:00

While I lay here in bed - the clock has long past midnight - and the cheers to not only a new day - but the new year of my life has begun.

February the 22nd is by Birthday.

I am a proud baby of an early Birthday! - That's right Suckas! When we were in school - I was most certainly one of those kids who led the crowds because I played the "oldest card" ---

But now that I'm pretty and scared of damaging said face - I thank God I have lived this far.

Life is a blessing. And though I find myself sad an awful lot lately --- Today - I find myself looking at the world with the eyes of Gratitude.

-Mission 46- Twas the light before Gratitude

I woke up today at the home of some of my soul sistah's! Now I say that not in the meaning of the song "soul sista" where the lead singer of Train is most certainly singing about a lover --- I speak of the 3 most awesome Ladies that have befriended me through God's plan for me. Namaste to them! Our souls were most intended to meet - and through our friendship ..... I continue my story hahah.

It was the day before my birthday - and I woke up Sad as heck - I wont beat around any bush - not only am I not a gardner - but what drunken drummer plays a bush?? -- any way -- I woke up sad at the thought that I continue another day without a lady whom calls me their own - and relies on my "hello" to help them start the day with a smile - and I from theirs.

But (the most miraculously stunning word - wether blasting from ones mouth or from a pair of genes - "But" ;D) But I went to my favorite Coffee franchise and grabbed myself a joe before I hopped on my under ground subway train - bypassing the city and exiting closer to my home - knowing nothing of the world I had just shot passed like a 1985 Delorian.

But before I hopped on the subway - I began to smile at a near by Pub - whom reaches out to people in the morning by playing pleasant music by their entrance. Though I am not a middle aged single male looking to drown my sorrows - I smiled at this bar from its choice of the song "Sweet Child of Mine". It was stuck in my head all the way home --- but before I reached that comfort - that safety - that point where you settle in your contentment - I saw that gorgeous point! hahah - oh STOP IT!!! -- I live in Toronto - -and beyond the breach of a most architecturally gorgeous medieval church I saw the face of the CN Tower.

It's over done and seen more frequently then my shampoo bottle - but to me.... It represents soo much more. The color pink represents freedom. It means "Purity". The downtown Skyline looks like freedom to me. The CN Tower - it represent beauty - it represents passion - it represents individuality - It represents Me. And there it was - the perfect amount of it was peeking through the opening of this church tower - and as if the sun was guiding me to my destination and wishing me a blessed day of love - I stopped............................. And for the first time in a VERY long time...................... I looked at the world through Gratitude Eyes - and I saw the most Beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I opened up my heart - my mind - my sight - my soul - and I thanked God for this. This sight - this beauty - This moment where I was able to find peace and welcome in Gods Love where I didn't need the love another being on this world. I surrendered to him and I gave in to the moment that I needed to smile..........

You NEED to smile. Please don't make me say it again. I pray - I wish - I dream - I LONG for a smile on you face!

Please don't read this and go on tomorrow thinking that you are nothing more then what you see of yourself! You are much more. And you are beautiful -- and though I haven't felt that in a long time - So Am I! Have a great tomorrow!

Believe in yourself........... Believe in Me!--------- I'm Yours

-pJ

Nice to meet you.

2011-02-09T18:54:00.000-05:00

I'm not talking about my blanket atop of my messy unmade bed.... And I do mean messy - who else in this world sleeps each night beside his cat, his laptop and his ukulele.... Not to mention his really old blackberry under his pillow.

Allow this though to be my life's metaphor right now.

I do believe in many things.

First and foremost - there is a God.

Someday - perhaps - the Toronto Maple Leafs will win the Stanley Cup.... maybe.

You can't judge a book by its cover.... Really can't. Tease me as you wish - but "My Booky Wook 2" written as a sequel documenting the life of Russell Brand up to now- is a genius, brilliantly written, and most honest piece of work I have indulged in - in a long time. He speaks - the content is a perk. The brilliance, beauty and honesty that is in each page is a warm welcome into what he believes and what he loves. To speak with absolutely no irony is a thing I myself find hard to do.- This of course is excluding his silly joking.

I also believe that we all could help change the world if we begin to PRACTICE Gratitude. Not just say out please and thank you's. Thats the beginning. -- I learned this from Jason Mraz. Sure - you look at him - see him as just another singer. And I once shared a conversation with someone where she stated that he was disgusting and that he couldn't possibly have messages of goodness. This ignorance made me sad... But I do believe we all will become what he writes about. And I'm not just talkin of the love makin :D - that's the perk people.

And lastly. I believe that as the world spins - this progression is never ending. When it does - we'll all be dead! - but as the world continues to progress, so should we.

There is no life in pauses. Pain is easy to find.

As an actor - and as a believer and follower of Jesus Christ - I think the worst thing in the world is to be type-casted. Sometimes - for an unpaid - struggling actor, type casting could help pay the bills. But after that first initial step, you don't go anywhere.

Faith is growth. Satisfaction is poor choice to stop in both acting and faith.

You've got to move deeper. Deeper in faith, deeper into a character, and deeper into yourself.

I enjoy serving my time to volunteering. But alas, after years of doing so. I've lost that sense of giving. I can't feel like I'm expressing gratitude in it any more. I do still have a passion to serve like this. But at this point - I have given all I can in this role. In this way. As this person. The progression has stopped. The growth is paused.

I'm search for my progression. I'm not looking for a different role in life to play - or a character in a show to play..... What I'm looking for is to escape this type cast I have fallen into.

I have done soo many things with my life so far that I can feel grateful for. But people only see the small things that they witness. And after a while - as I struggle to break free - I am caught. Trapped. For far too long I have been seen as the silly PJ who acts in Musicals. I love acting in musicals - and the worst of puns makes me laugh. (ironically enough - though the bulk of my friends know me like this - I do have a select group of people I hang out with that would never see me like that. They have never even heard me sing.) ..... But it has come to the point where I fail to achieve work outside the Theatre world - due to this being all I have done with myself in the eyes of most people. I don't see this as a sign that I have to stay in theatre. I'd feel to sad about that to keep my passion going.

I sing. I dance. I write. I play musical instruments. I am a fair trampolinist. I edit films. I take pictures. I play sports. I have led teams. I have taught. I have directed and coordinated at Film Camps. I have gone on Service trips. I have handed out sandwiches and spare change late Christmas Eve's to people living on the street. I cut/dye/style my own hair. I can do impressions. I can put together an Ikea item like nobodies business! I have painted more walls then I can remember. I enjoy helping people move. I love driving friends long distances. I have helped with conferences. I never turn off my phone, and I'll answer it at any hour. I travel. I build things. I sketch things. I pray. I worship. I love.... And I hurt.

These are the things that I can look at my life and..... well...... Remember!

I have learned through schooling to be grateful and know any place any part in a show, is a good part.... But when it comes to all the friends I am grateful to have... There are few who know me. I am quite the surprise to most. And part of it being my fault - but I hurt, I hurt when I am that type casted friend. I even surprise my best of friends.

It has taken me longer then I have hoped to publish another blog. I have written 2 and a bit since last I posted. But those are for me. Those are for the moments where I feel more broken then I can express to anyone but God.

There is a song I remember from my days of Church dwelling - they went:

"I want to know you, I want to see your face. I want to know you more"

Who knows you? Who REALLY knows you? God :) - yeah that was the easy answer. But who else? Who truly knows you? Knows how you think? Knows how you feel? Knows how you cry, laugh, and dream?

IF you have that person - never lose them. IF you don't, - find that person who doesn't type cast you in this world. Find that person who unapologetically can finish your sentences.

Who knows me?

Well............... I'm pJ........ Patrick James.

It's nice to meet you.

"J"

2011-01-11T23:23:00.003-05:00

One Year ago - I was asked to leave a school I fell madly in love with - and it most certainly became my bliss while I was there. The reasons to my leaving are another story -- but within that story comes another ...... Happy New Year first of all. I hope you lived Gratefully this past month. I sure did :)

Last January. I went back to my school one afternoon for a meeting. This meeting was with a higher up within the office. I was still dealing with leaving School and wanted to see if it was the right thing to do or not - so I went for a meeting -- and When I arrived, I was greeted - and then asked a specific question. (A question to which I am curious if you have asked)

"Why do you spell your name with a lower case "p", and an uppercase "J"?

She began to say she noticed it in an email of mine and assumed it was a typo until she recieved a followup email of mine with the same signature.

I never knew why. But - I am a thinker - and looking at my life - and my insecurities - and obsessive behaviors and habits - I came up with this.

All things Good in my life, have come in "J's". They hold me up. They keep me strong.

There will be a moment in my life when I fall. When I reach for help - silently - but most definitely searching. And a "J" grips my hand, and lifts me up. Up to safety.

As I read a blog tonight - the writer ended with quickly writing (in 90 seconds) what he was thankful for over the last 10 years. What sprouted in his thoughts initially.

Though I wont do that just yet - I will however - in 90 seconds, respond to you with the "J's"

that have held me up - which have held Patrick up.

Jesus - No other thought is stronger. I am a man of Faith. I don't consider myself anything - denomination or religion, but pJ - a best friend of Jesus, my God.

Jordan - 21 and a half years of friendship. To quote Elton John - "I can't really Explain it. I haven't got the words." But he's been there.

Jason Mraz - People often tease me at the many occasion I quote/sing/mention Jason Mraz - but at a time where I was beginning something new - where I was searching for something new - he was introduced to me. Through my long drive sing-a-longs - I have found my singing voice through him - and my voice of Gratitude. --- People often tell me I am blinded when it comes to his music. But while people get scared off by his sexual lust for life - they miss out on his love for the human race and his compassion for the human race and his efforts of Gratitude to everyone and anyone. - Let's not judge a book by it's cover shall we?

I also find myself being easily attracted to acoustic rock and Jazz music -- and while I drift into bliss of music - I'd like to graciously make note of -- Jack Johnson -- John Mayer -- Jamie Cullum -- John Foreman -- Joshua Radin -- The musical "Jersey Boys" -- and most importantly --- John Lennon.

I was blessed this Holiday season with being able to travel into the City of New York - and say Hello to John at both his Memorial and his old home.

I am grateful for "J" -- it has done me well as a name - and as a friend. What are you Grateful for this year?

Cheers to a Very Merry New Year! -- I pray you are blessed - Like I have been. Thanks for the read ;)

-pJ

It comes from Sondheim

2010-12-15T02:40:00.004-05:00

Somethings coming...

From an amazingly difficult - but powerfully energetic and inspiring song from West Side Story - to the hope that fills me up to this day.

The night is darkest before the dawn. And quite frankly - this year has been quite awful. And tonight as I lay in bed - on of the last of the year (explanation coming) - I ponder my year as the events brought me to this moment. This moment where I sit - sipping rum and watching the Muppets Christmas Carol for about the 14th time in about 2 months..... I was challenged by a dear friend of mine to watch it 20 times before I go away...... I wont...... But ........ I might :)

But I have stumbled upon the year behind me.... And yes.... As I sit her - with the smile on my face - and the sadness in my eyes..... And the battle wounds on my heart (literally). I think... "That was the worst year of my life."

It's a sad statement. Especially since things have happened soo blissfully that I have gone through such amazing moments of joy. Like when I was welcomed into a wonderful cast of people - in a show that I was asked to play lead in. "Crazy For You" - A Gershwin musical that was sooo fun. And from there I was able to room with one of my closest friends for the entirety of the spring, as we helped serve a Camp whose sole mission is to bring joy to children from any life, background, or circumstance. And show them the joy and love, of people, of the world, and of God.

And yet - as I lay here now - though smiling at the times I was blessed with...... It is the times of pain that overtook my year.

It began with my best friend leaving for the year. Sure no biggy. We talked a lot - and due to him being in a separate city most of the year - it sometimes felt the same...... But where it felt different...... Where that door opened to....... It all started with an amazing role model passing from this life - to the next. In a media frenzy, I couldn't find the time to understand it all - especially with school on my hands. Though it still affects me sometimes when I take public transit - I know Gods hugging him - as he's high fiving me while I walk on the subway.

And then I was asked to leave a program to which I fell madly in love with.

I would walk into the halls as giddy as a 10 year old girl at a Justin Beiber concert - not realizing he's probably just some lesbian pretending to be a little boy from Stratford Ontario.

But - I'm not the greatest at Musical Theory - and this program is the best - it is the best because not only do they accept the best - train the best - and support the best - but they keep on the best. And with one failing mark - you walk..... And I do mean walk... Though the program you would think I would pirouette out of the building. This is no happy occasion... I was lost..... And to my worst enemy (ahemthesnuggie) do I wish this never to happen to... Being torn away from the life you love.

Not only was I asked to leave the school - I was sad to part from my new friends - most of whom I would lose contact with - and I would become nothing more then a brief memory of bandana's and bare feet to.

3 months would pass - and I would have an attack. So intense that my heart was physically bouncing up and down from my chess. You could see my body pulsating in ways even Elvis would think were too provocative. It was a bad night- filled with an emergency room visit where a nurse would giggle at me thinking I had to take off my pants - (they were looong taken off at this point) -- and a ton of blood work.

After a brilliant Spring came a summer I was depressed about being depressed. It seemed as though every night I was sad. And every night I wished for a place to call home. I was living in a place I never wanted to leave. But I found myself not wanting to be there at night - and being completely distraught about that feeling, because of how much I loved what I was doing and where I was. It was confusing, and depressing....... And from there came my heart surgery.

It took the cake..... It made the cake...... It is a story I will never shake.....

I assure you that due to my nature - none of these sad stories go without a ridiculously silly accompaniment. I just get into the funniest situations. And from having nurses giggling and asking me why I took off my pants - to a male nurse asking how my day was (immediately after getting heart surgery and while he is washing my gentiles...)

But this year is now over... I end it by leaving the country - to the Caribbean - and visiting New York to welcome in a breathe of fresh air.

And now as I take my rest at 3:15 in the morning - I continue to smile - because I know -- There is something coming for me. There is something good on its way - and I wont be afraid to go searching for it. With a year like this - there is nothing but the walk forward. There is nothing but picking yourself up and moving on to something that is bound to hit your way. But I think it's better to move towards it as it comes to you. Gets here faster ;)

This will be my last post of the year. And though over the last 2 months I have been rather stingy on the postings - I still thank you for reading on and caring about myself and these words.

Keep walking. Please. Trust me - I know how life can get shitty. I REALLY know! I did this whole year without a lovely little number to hold me tight at night - trust me I know. And I know something good is coming. Any day now. I can feel it.

There's something due, any day. I will know, right away. Soon as it shows.

Who knows.......

Somethings Coming.

Happy Christmas. And a Very Merry New Year to You! Cheers. Be happy - be well - and Practice Gratitude!

I'll see yah in the 2011

-pJ

Something on my mind/heart

2010-12-08T22:41:00.004-05:00

I wish to never have a Twitter account -- though - if I must - I must -- and by must I mean -- put my thoughts and life into as little words as possible -- I write --

"I'M HEALED"

Though - I write this not knowing if anyone out there follows these little blerbs of my life - I do wish to express Gratitude for you all whom thought kind thoughts of hope towards me and my recent cardiac endeavors.

But - good news -- as of November 30th - I've been declared - diagnosed - proclaimed -- HEALED.

My heart is back to full working order - and I am back to my full antics once again.

For the entire Holiday season, I am heading South to the Caribbean. And due to me sitting on my bottom for the past 4 months while all this has been going on - I have gained my fair share - and no longer have that tighter physique I was sporting throughout the summer -- SO -- thanks to a diet of - P90X every morning and every time I indulge in a serious act of junk food - I am hoping to be comfortable with myself - once again... And on that note -- It's Ab Cruncher time ;)

Salut my fair Skat followers!

A Letter to Friends.

2010-10-11T23:51:00.005-04:00

It has indeed been a while since I last wrote on this blog. And though I do not intend to allow my fingers to speak for me as I instantly think and blart out the inner thoughts of my mind - I leave you with a more "twitter" response of a blog message, and the message I wrote to a few friends regarding my time last week.

Me. Myself. pJ - am feeling saddened by my own torment. Depressed by my inner torment - and inspired by my forcefulness of "continue".

Here now is the message of my time last week. Please excuse the missing information (i.e. the fact this is a story about my recent Heart Surgery) And of course - forgive me for the simple comedic run on theme to chipper you up as you imagine my heart surgery -- my penis..... Continue at own risk :)

Surgery ended with our perfect goal achieved.

It was uber complicated though.. And you know me - so there's a bit of a silly story to be had from my past 2 days....

So to begin with --
I got there - they put me in the hospital gown - and this very saucy african princess of a nurse came in and told me....... She had to shave me............
:) that's right folks.

The way the surgery goes is that they need to have wires sticking through tubes in me - connecting to the heart - from my chest - and one in the lower groin region ;) - that would help give my heart the appropriate "ablation" which means - they set fire to the part of my heart they wanted to burn away.....

SO - I was shaved.... She was number 1 to see my goods...

After a bit - I was taken to the operating room and was stripped down to my shoe modeling outfit and was left laying on my back in a very uncomfortable way...
3 people would now be looking at "The Great and Powerful Oz" --- but at this point, I just didn't care.

They had to lay a covering over me that would have little square holes in them for the doctor to operate through... So one lucky nurse was put on "Hold Back" duty...... :)

Then the surgery commenced (this part gets serious... though I was still smiling for a while as I was figuring out if it was how small her hands were that made.....ahem.... never mind.....)

So the surgery was supposed to last an hour and a half. Mine had some complications.
Mine lasted a grand total of just over 4 and a half hours. This included them finding the source of the problem which was directly in the middle of my heart - and the fact that due to me not being sedated or put to sleep - the freezing began to wear off and the pain became too much to handle - which resulted in me throwing up. It was brutal.
Though - they took their time and did the job perfectly. My doctor - whose name is Dr. Mackenjee - pronounced (MACKIN-G!!! - NO LIE!!!!) - he was pretty pumped in his celebration at the end. He did good work.

2 new nurses came in to bandage me up -- making the total of peepers 6 - and 1 of them being added to the "held my penis" category.
I was brought back to my room and left there for a bit. While taking a nap, a nurse came in to inspect for bleeding (7 for peeps & 3 for held) then of course one came in to wash all the dried blood off my skin...... This person takes the cake for having gone to town with my goods people..... Though it made me really uncomfortable having this person clean me up down there... It was nice of them to due with all the blood -- but I'd rather a FEMALE nurse do it instead..... sighh... He was gentle though............blaahshjkr.

After this all went down - and I'm referring of course not the happenings of my day - but the erection that would never come back after this man violated me -- I was taken upstairs to the room I had to stay in for the night.

throughout the night I had constant nurse visits (all different female nurses) to inspect for bleeding and take my blood rate.. By the time I left, 11 people had peeped and 4 people had a story to tell that night for dinner.

There was more to my night (including a scary black woman who slept in the bed beside me) -- but all in all I'm alright. I have to take it easy for a while. But all will be great soon.
Thanks for being soo great.

And thank you all for continuing to read this ridiculous dribble - I will write again. Sometime. Soon..... Perhaps... :)

-pJ

The Life Initiative

2010-09-06T16:39:00.004-04:00

I am so proud as to say that I have made the decent amount of choices in my journey and have collected the correct people to whom support and invest in my life, as I invest into theirs.

Now my problem.....

When do I invest in my own?

Now begins the "initiative to invest upon growing up"

It's easy to stop. It's easy to cry. It's easy to give up and choose to sit with a favorite film and fall into bliss, ignoring the world and it's continuation of life.

It's time for my life. It's time for the initiative. Call me sensable, call me selfish, call me ishmale. All things to which people could feel upon my decision to invest in my life and begin the ignoring of some requests to which I feel wont push me forword or help bring joy toward my journey. For that I apologise. But as I walk down the street. I create now, the meaning, and image, of why people will forever call me PJ.

My name is Patrick-James Boyd.
And as I sit here being inspired by a concert DVD of Paul McCartney - I nod my head to you. Follow your heart - and your inspirations. Don't dwell. Never find satisfaction. Find Joy. Find movement. Find adventure and triumph.

Time to start pushing forword............................ Now excuse me while I take a nap ;)

Where the Pen goes.

2010-07-23T10:08:00.003-04:00

I resolve by being so grand as to say that using a pen is to truly write by the hand of God, the Universe, the all-knowing unknowable, etc. - Jason Mraz

Transcending my thoughts from chaotic bliss into a merriment of combined words to create a thought, smile, or question - has been a real joy of mine on this blog.

Though as my summer continues; and I find my thoughts - dreams - and energy, being spent on other forms of artistic release -- I have been working, dreaming, and living, out of a notebook.

So as an apology to the two Skat readers out there - I pray thee keep involved with your smiling - your dreaming, and your awareness of the world around you and the beauty it holds. And I assure you - that when the moment comes - and my pen runs out of ink. I will return.

Merry summer to you!

-take a listen to Matt Costa's "Sunshine" - have a smile today

Utopia or Bust

2010-06-26T23:22:00.015-04:00

I have been away now for about 56 days.

Finding time to leave the bliss that is this camp (Ontario Pioneer Camp) and enter a city to which I love most dearly, hasn't been all too hard. Quite decently it has been a slice of cake! Though now I am in the pressure months. The busy time - 2 more months. Though amazing and will undoubtedly be unforgettable - still busy.

I do however hold true my Toronto heritage where ever I go. I was born there. Sure my fathers a newfy (one from the province of Newfoundland) - and when I talk with my lazy - usual sort of slur I sound Irish - especially when I grasp my greasy shag of a hair dew and thrust it into a pony tail - thus perfecting my "doppleganger" celebrity look alike (Colin Farrel).

I love the city.

The feeling of sitting amongst the 500 level of what will ALWAYS be known to Torontonians as the SkyDom - and watching a Blue Jays game.

The sun glowing and spot lighting you as you successfully get a seat on the bus.

The drive through "Bridle Path" - a street complete with Mansions and what can only be described as smaller than usual castles. Still quite large! - though not large enough to put Cinderella to shame.

The walk along "The Beaches" cat-walk near Ashbridges Bay on a perfect sun setting night.

And of course - Sitting on a balcony - (beer optional) and watching - quietly - blissfully - and solemnly, as the CN Tower changes color amongst the night, giving Toronto that extra bit of excitement and beauty.

I have dreamt for a few years now - since the beginning of lighting up the entire CN Tower - to write the man who thought that up, and thank him. Thank him/her for dreaming up a way to make our city look better. Giving it more life - and allowing us to set focus to our identity.

Though of course the more light we have polluting our skies along with the fumes, our stars have become almost dream.

I recall applying for Universities in Highschool and thinking to myself - "Gosh I gotta get outta here! Go see some new town - this place stinks! There's nothing to do here!" But then after staying - and of course becoming an adult - I have seen the true faces of Toronto. All of it's sides. Some are gorgeous and undeniably mundane - and others.........?..... For much of a better word, ugly.

There have now officially been 2 times where Torontonians alike - additional people from other cities included - have tainted parts of Toronto. Giving it a disgusting and almost gruesome look to the rest of the world.

We try so hard to be a loving city - living out and CELEBRATING Equality. Showing pride for our Country. And welcoming people of all races and sexualities from all countries into our city to live and to call it home.

But then - people take action.

Good on them. Very proud to see people actually doing something rather than just joining a facebook group about how angry they are.

Though the sad part is within the way they protest.

I take you back to December of 2010.

Not to long ago the Olympics were held in our Great Country. So classically we had the Olympic flame ran across our land.

This did cost a lot of money. It did create debt for our Country and not fixing other problems we have - such as the job market becoming increasingly tough to get a foot into.

BUT - to block and pull focus of a peace themed event is just not cool in my books.

People don't see it - or realize it....... The Olympics - though a competition - show glimpses of what Peace would be like. Countries from all over the world going to one place to party and celebrate who they are with people who are not from their land - but equally wanting to celebrate life with them.

Its a small glimpse. A very small glimpse..... But I'd spend all the money I could ever have to find more of these glimpses of pure life.

I'm a dreamer and a romantic - I know - Though I assure you that I am also a logical man whom doesn't do so - as to not stupidly waste his life. But I'm telling you - We have a saying it's better to have Loved and Lost then never to have Loved at all.....

Well I tell you this - It's better to die a poor man who's LIVED than to die a man rich with wealth and not a memory to satisfy his hearts need of a dream.

The 2nd has been today. Though it has now crossed over to the next day for me - I share with you this:

The G20/G8 is an event happening where 20 leaders from different Countries come together and discuss. What - I haven't a clue - but I know that such meetings are important to our world and we should be proud of our leaders going and taking a stand.

The money spent to advertise and set it all up is in the Billions. Outrageous. Again I say OUTRAGEOUS!

But listen -

The protest to stop all this money spending and to get them to sit down together like regular civilized business man, and just talk things out - shouldn't be this hurtful to your fellow man/city.

The Olympics gave Canada a glow - a beautiful one that told people to come and see out land....

Toronto protestors - getting out of control to the point of rioting and then looting - is in fact the worst of it all. Destroying windows of shops and small businesses? The fact that it got out of control to the point of police gassing a group too into their hate crime is undoubtedly going to be one of the contributing factors of striping our Country of its pride.

I am oddly enough in Muskoka - about 20 minutes away from where the G8 is happening. I'm sure Obama even flew over my head once amongst the giant fleet of jet planes and helicopters zooming throughout the Muskoka skies...... But here - we still find our peace.

This is one Canadian from Toronto calling out to all the others. Let's take action with love and peace - not hurt and destruction. Honestly - breaking windows and lighting police cars on fire are not mission statements that have people of importance take notice of you and hear you out. Try talking - try showing out of love WHY this hurts you. Don't create a war because you object. Object because you feel that what is happening isn't creating the best interest of the people.

Dear Toronto,

I miss you. Honestly, I do. Like the sun missing the moon after the rise of a new day - I feel our separation. I'll be home soon! And when I do, I know the first thing I'll want to do! Walk amongst the people at Asbridges Bay - and then sitting on a balcony to watch the CN Tower change colors from moment to moment - giving a loving send off as people drift off into sleep.

I love ya, see yah real soon Tdot.

-pJ

Lost in Tranquility

2010-05-26T20:20:00.003-04:00

There is a few things that life brings you. Take them as you will.

And as I lose myself constantly - I get punched back to reality - and while I enter these moods that ultimately depress me but fill my heart with a sort of passion that tells me "YOU ARE INVINCIBLE & LOVED" - I try hard now not to break it - or to distract me from where I am in life now ----

I wont live regretting - and with what I have been given - why would I shy away from who I am - who I want to be - and who my heart is SCREAMING at me to be.

I live through my eyes - I cry unapologetically - and I survive by keeping in mind that I AM loved - and with gratitude, friends, and God -- I am invincible - can you see me?

I play - I pray - I sing - and I act - and all together I read and say words that are given to me. And sometimes I sing a lyric soo much that I begin to sing the wrong thing. Now I don't mean lyrics -- I mean - SING WHAT THE WORDS THEMSELVES ARE SAYING! -- Look at your favorite song -- and even if it consists of a preteen singing the word "baby" over and over again - -- listen to his cry for his love and understand the lyric..... I looked into my heart - and the song that was singing is a song that I hear everyday in my head - one that friends of mine identify me with..... And for the first time in a long time do I see/feel the lyrics..... I sing them - and now -- I live them.

"I wont hesitate, no more, no more

This can not wait"

World?............ I'm Yours.

-pJ

Fresh bowl of Gratitude

2010-05-25T20:24:00.006-04:00

Here and now - then and again - I stumble upon once upon a times - and dream my little dreams. And as I open my eyelids from a freshly squeezed blink I begin my ponder as to why this state hasn't changed?

I rest my head in MANY places. Do I call them home? Perhaps. :)

Home is where the heart is - and I bring my heart where ever I go - not to be literal - but I follow it and rest it when need be - and as I bring my lust for life and love every which way - One place is for certain - amongst friendship - is where you will find me resting my head.

In an attempt to bring gratitude more into my life ( AND as EASY as that is as I live up within Cottage Country Canada - I need to write them down more)

So as I substitute my usual antics and stories of how we should all choose love - I can think of nothing better than to do my top five gratitudes of today.

-Mission 43- And over to a table at the Gratitude Café

Number 5:

Now not to make this my last - but rather labeling it this low due to it's rarity in Canada unless you are up where I am.

Riding in the back of a pick-up truck.

This is a rarity due to it's illegal standings on regular roads - but up here - on camp grounds - and as it being safely done - it is now one of my most favorite things to do.

Imagine laying down - and as you lay staring up at your ceiling - your roof is in fact the sky. The clouds - trees - sunlight and breeze all begin to hypnotize you into a dream massage of thought and wistful thinking. And thus giving me an opportunity to accomplish one of my "do's before I kick it" - Sing "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz whilst riding in the back of a pick up truck and feelin Flyyyyy --- All in all - it's a trance. One I am grateful to enjoy daily.

Number 4:

Accessibility to the InterHighWay. This one I will keep short due to the ridiculous need of technology as I am up in a woodland paradise - BUT - with internet, comes connection to the outside world. So as far into my dreams as I go - I always need to remember that there are others out there who seem to know my name and would enjoy a quick hello once in a while. And I as much as them need the quick moments of hello and salutations. So to have internet - I am grateful to have my ongoing interhighweb friendship connections.

Number 3:

My new/old bike Dorothy.

I have named her so due to her resemblance of the bike used by the Old lady whom soon was envisioned through the fantasy munchkin filled coma as the Wicked Witch of the West. Let's all take a moment to remember said dust bunny of a witch.........

Now this bike is quite awesome - and though I name it due to an angry old hag - I decided to segue the name from the witch to the very pretty young Judy Garland - Dorothy.

I am grateful for the freshness it is bringing to me as I begin to see extra sides of this land on my own with the access of a nalgene bottle within my basket.

Number 2:

Amongst the new scenery I have found many new things. One of them ..........................

................................................................................... And once again, the distractions kicked in.... I got lost there... and now as I have lost my train of thought and have begun to feel grateful for even more things as the sun draws to a new sleep - I apologize for the lack or ending to these blogs.

Though I pray you take it as a motivation. Go out and find your distractions. What are you grateful for?....... Go for a walk - and SEE - with new eyes... Breathe in the air. And feel fresh......

I am grateful for you!

-pJ

How I "Wigg-a-loh"!

2010-05-06T18:21:00.007-04:00

(skat) - Get back to the coffee shops,

I want to live again-

Get into new trouble

The root of your world

-Mission 42- Into the Woods

I have relocated. To say the least. I have gone from my city life, my thoughts, my comfort, my life, my pillow location - and into the wild.

I have been given a job over the next 4 months to work for a camp to which I have called home in my heart for half of my life now. Ontario Pioneer Camp. As a young camper I would run around taking notice of the councilors and who I could role model myself to -- slash -- pretend to be.

It's beautiful up here. Thats ALL I would need to say if the wind through the trees as the sun sets amongst the woodland isles and the sounds of the cutest most forgotten nestle into their grooves - and us - as human beings walk barefoot naked throughout this bliss - didn't all happen at once.

And up here..... They do.

Sister Earth is a beautiful thing - let's all stop - and look at the subtle pieces of Heaven that God has left for us.............

As I wrote this - the sun - the air - the trees and the friends I call family all at once summoned me away to a paradise that we all lose ourselves in - for it is our home. The most gratifying distraction.

Stay tuned..... I assure you - as the sun rises - Thoughts and dreams will come soon.

Heartfelt Moments

2010-04-13T15:32:00.007-04:00

It's been a long time coming.

All this blogging has taken a back seat to a few things in my life that I have placed a 1st place standing in my mind due to my lack of employment.

Though - it always come down to a life changing experience - to put - life - back in tact......right?........... Right?!

Here's my story:

-Mission 41- The Heart of Life

The night - going along like any other.... Me, sitting, and watching "Scrubs" on the internet. I indulged in a few Youtube clips that would satisfy my need of entertainment as MegaVideo decided to ever soo nicely cut out my video with ten minutes to go due to me watching too many minutes worth of free television that night.

Sooo Youtube seemed to be the most appropriate fit.

I had but only begun when my heart began to race.... I thought to myself how ridiculous this seemed due to me only laughing slightly at the blooper reel from the television show "Extra's" I was watching. But the heart kept going.

Racing heart was no longer the problem. IT began to beat harder and harder giving me a strange feeling that I can only best describe as your "foot falling a sleep.... but in your chest". The pain was no longer an issue due to it subsiding into an uncomfortable fuzzy feeling and my chest now pulsating up and down with every beat.

The pounding was hitting enough nerves that my stomach began to tense with every beat.... Scared now - I attempted to get up from my bed............ It didn't work.

I managed to roll off my bed where I immediately found out that my entire left side had become numb. I fell to the ground hoping to find some clothes and get myself downstairs to my mother where I could initially gain enough shock to get rushed to the hospital.

Staring at me long enough as the pain abruptly stopped and my breathe now coming back.

I was against the drama of an ambulance so I had my mother rush me quickly to the hospital.

They took me immediately upon arrival. After explaining what had happened they strapped me up to have en EKG scan of my heart. Things seemed fine there - it was as if I had come from a quick jog. - But of course I hadn't - so this was still a bit frightening but alas my heart rate was slowing down more and more.

The nurses took me to my own room and asked for me to put on the hospital gown they had left out for me and said they would be back in a few moments. I put on the gown and awaited the nurse to get back and either tell me what was happening - do some tests - lead in a doctor - or tell me to go home...... She sort of .... well........

SO she walks in......... Takes a long look at me and says ..... "ummm....errr... ahh ahem.. Mr.Boyd.... ummm...... You didn't have to ahhh............ You didn't have to take off your pants."

"hmm.... Boy I look foolish."

"Oh don't worry - I'll just take some blood! Do you have any fear of blood?"

"Nope... I do however have a fear of pain - though I'm rather comfortable here embarrassed without my pants."

...................... a few moments later.......

"Alright, I'm done here. The doctor will be with you in just a moment."

"okay! I'll just..ummm. Stay here....and uhh.... ahem put on my pants....cough"

The doctor came in a little while longer and began to ask me a few questions to establish my history of health and to find out if I had been taking any sort of med's at all. Her sense of small talk wasn't as great as the nurses.

"So I see you're 21"

"yep"

"What do you do?"

"Well I was studying Musical Theatre for a while there but now I am just taking it full time.. I went to......"

"Hold on a second"

She began to listen to my heart beat in several different places........... Then she left....

"Sheridan... ahem....... I went to Sheridan..........."

Took a while before she came back. My mother was now in the room waiting with me.

The Doctor came back and said they were waiting a few minutes as they were still deliberating whether or not to do a chest x-ray. So as we waited my mother explained to the Resident Doctor that her father (as well as all her brothers) all had heart diseases and died from heart attacks before the age of 50......

FANTASTIC mom.... That's just super! Me here now sitting on a hospital bed as Doctors are monitoring my heart.... Thats just.... fantastic...... Only if you had said this prior to me putting on my pants I wouldn't be soo worried about soiling myself...... sighh.

Alas, they let me leave with the information of taking it easy and not do anything like indulge in such heavenly wonders such as the sweet sweet taste of a Tim Hortons Coffee....... sighh...

My tests seemed to end with everything looking fine. Though I am still awaiting my blood test results and a call from some sort of Doctor to tell me what the heck is wrong with me.

I am.... at the moment - hanging out writing music and awaiting for a fun filled weekend where I have been hired to be..... TO BE -- we're talkin verbs here people...... Now to toss in my noun ...... ELVIS PRESLEY

Thanks for coming back to read a little Skat of another nature..... Thank you...ahem.. Thank'ya Verrry Much ;)

-pJ

ONE DAY WITHOUT SHOES

2010-04-08T02:02:00.002-04:00

FOR THE CAUSE ----

Millions of people live their lives without something as simple as SHOES --- TODAY - walk in bare feet for the day we spread awareness of such an overlooked cause that can be SOO EASILY remedied !

GO barefoot - spread the word -- make a difference.

I am Perfectly Imperfect.

2010-02-08T14:00:00.001-05:00

-you don't need to hurry love

-Mission 40- Practice Euphoria

So today in my usual p.J way - I took to the road in my usual fashion. Zipping amongst travelers as if they were nothing more then the air blowing through the shag I consider a hair dew.

Arrived alive, and way ahead of time. In a means not to waste my time I decided to go and refill my spirits with another hot cup of java.............. Well that wasn't happening. I sat in my car in an already packed parking lot of one of the most giving places towards my rejuvenation (tim hortons) and decided to skip on this caffeinated experience and open my mind heart and soul - and most importantly my windows - and just journey up the road in and toward a direction I had no idea of what was a head. I felt an openness and a freedom that filled me with a sense of "YES". This felt right. This was right. My heart was beating as this perfectly sunny day spot lighted my way down the road.

It's summer in my mind and heart - regardless of the temperature blowing though the windows and all together freezing my feet through my open toed flip flops. But I didn't care. I had the music that felt right in that moment blasting in and out of my car - and there was no one around to point me in any direction. It was all me....... I had a feeling of power that I had never actually felt before. I was flying away with no sense of up or down or a means to know what was ordinary. I was away from my thoughts and just - ever so simply - driving.

It was bizarre. But I was able to open my mind and just be blank and lose all thought or care as I drove down a street I had never been down before. Seeing things for the first time. Smiling at life as it shined it's worries away with a summer sun on a frosty day.

Time was coming to an end - for as early as I tend to be - life finds its way back to reality.... But the best part about driving away - is the drive back..... Things don't end because you find yourself facing life's obligations. In fact - the best things seem to spring themselves up as you begin the steps backs...... My cup of java.

This particular coffee shop had a gelato portion added to it - so as I stood in line I took one last breath of my 30 minute vacation and watched families stopping with their children for a sunday afternoon ice cream to sweeten an already perfect day.

I will one day just pack up and begin driving in a direction with no intended location in mind. But as sensibility goes - I will need to find first the means to accomplish this successfully. But some day I will. I know that now and I especially knew that driving. So as a word of the wise --- Go find yourself a Neverland under that horizon. I know I will.

- Those who live passionately teach us how to love. Those who love passionately teach us how to live. -Yogananda-

-pJ

Just Smile.

2009-12-31T00:53:00.001-05:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLZMCKWweJA

Selling Myself Short

2009-12-30T23:27:00.005-05:00

There are things in this world that will bring us down. They will bring us turmoil and hurt. Confusing pain that makes us think that this is somehow a dramatic real life creation of a soup opera - it will cause us to be forever bamboozled with life and it's deeds.

One day : Such an ordinary day --- You find yourself walking through the streets of your chosen city doing some errands and all together just frolicking amongst the world....... You arrive at a grocery store -- and as you are looking through the produce section trying DESPERATELY to convince yourself that you are a healthy person and that maybe someone will see you eat some fruit and comment at how amazing you look --- you see someone. They (to you) are absolutely nobody. But there is something about them..... It could be the hair, the distinct features of their face, or perhaps even the sweater they are wearing...... This one person (unintentionally) has now brought you back to that time in your life where you weren't soo free going. Where you were not as happy-go-lucky as everyone defines you as.

what do you do?

It's the hardest math question you will ever try to figure out. It's the question that even Einstein goes "Where the hell do I begin this equation?"

So...... Where do you start?! WHERE does your mind go? Do you fall into an immediate depression and lifelong doubt? Or do you continue on with your day?

What gets you there? Where is your E=MC2??

What is the equation to your answer?

There are a lot of people in this world - some of which philosophize that we CHOOSE to be depressed. Sure there are moments where we will become sad. Where we find loss, feel it, watch it. But full on depression is a word that STRONGLY amounts to a person and how they can NOT carry on in this day to day living the world is running on...... Words like Love and Depression are over run and over used..... People will tell each other they Love each other but later on that day discuss how so and so told you that person you "love" did something you don't like and then all of a sudden you no longer love them....... Some/a lot of people talk about being depressed because they didn't have enough change in the morning to buy their extra large double double coffee - yet then we find people living on the streets who sit with their heads down as the snow covers them and their sadness as they give up and no longer open their palm to receive even a nickel from people who don't even care if they spend their money on booze or not - but just as long as they find some sort of joy or peace in any single second of the day.

How do we bring ourselves back?

-Mission 39 - 69th blog

I found myself writing blogs shortly after I read one being published my Jason Mraz.

Anyone who knows me well - or even follows my blogs - know that I am a big fan of Jason Mraz. Though I do not glorify him and follow him as if he is the end all and be all - I do find peace in his music and his blogs.

He speaks about gratitude and love. Things that are important to him like surfing and water consumption in the world. A Green Earth, about saving all the children of the world and creating peace and harmony and equal rights amongst EVERYONE in this world - black/white/gay/straight/rich/poor.... EVERYONE.

I was talking to a friend tonight - her name is Colleen - I met her through my partner in crime. We had a moment where we talked about the "WHY". And the "WHAT" - And the "MRAZ" haha.

Why do I find myself walking towards meetings in my life - towards moments I don't want to be in - towards times when I know someone is going to be leaving me (even for a short while) - and I hum - or tune in to a Jason Mraz song...... Is this an obsession? Is this some sort of gross fetish? GOSH NO. It is some sort of PEACE.... Thats what it is.

It is a few minutes in my life that I find happiness - love - joy-gratefulness. Its in a lyric or in the inspiration of knowing I am being encouraged to be me and to love, and to create joy. That is "SKATS OF ANOTHER NATURE"..... I almost forgot that for a while there..... Sure I began this blog to be silly and to cause a few laughs... But that's just it.... Laughs - smiles - joy..... I began this to spread joy amongst even a few people. Even if it is in just the 3 friends I inform to every time I finish an entry ---- If I know I have added a smile to their day - I know the hours I spend on this computer are worth it.

I don't expect or believe I will get more then 8 followers on my blog - but since I HAVE 8 people who receive a message every time I make an entry - it is my spiritual/human/writers obligation to bring that smile or thought to them..... They have committed to me - and I them.

I find joy in the musical stylings of Jason Mraz -- I find inspiration and joy in the words written and sung by another...... How about you?

Where do you find it?!! I encourage you to find it. PLEASE! -- When you lose it - You can STILL find it. Trust me. We all have done it. Even if you can't explain it - find that moment in your life and just hold on to it. Try to find it every day of your life. YOU DESERVE IT! Why would you find joy in a moment and then toss it away?! It's like throwing away friendship or in some peoples cases money.... Those moments bring smiles and joy --- Your smile makes someone else smile.... Why can't we have a "National Smile" day? We have all these days in the world where we recognize things and give recognition - but we then find ourselves sitting down and finding a reason to turn on the Coldplay and sulk into those times where we think we have felt the most emotion.

I only really listen to soft acoustic style music. I know slow depressive tunes as much as the next person - but as long as you CHOOSE LOVE and JOY - you will be alright.

I want everyone to find a moment everyday where they can express love. Sincerity is the greatest weapon we have --- don't fake love - don't pretend to feel. You won't move forward - you won't find what it is you are looking for.......

I have found moments when I have been caught into a depression. ESPECIALLY when it's like you have been forced into it... I know I have found myself even now struggling with life and depression and trying to deal with the turning of the globe as I wake up day to day trying to think of a reason to get out of bed..... But I do. And though I find myself getting back into that bed in a less then satisfactory way -- I do. I do because I know when that sun gives me that good morning kiss to wake me up - I will be able to get up and experience love... Because that's what I search for. Not even so much in the romantic sense.... But I find gratitude and peace in sitting in a guest bedroom of my parents house watching a DVD of Jason Mraz singing a song that tells us all that "you got soul" - even if he is implying that you turn him on hahaha.

All I'm saying is ............ I don't even know anymore... It isn't for me. It's for you..... I'm not speaking a specific message and I'm not trying to give off a moral we should all live by..... All I'm trying to say is that there are people out there who love you - and you should love in the new year....

These blogs don't give one thought. We all have our own - whether it is "wow, I should do that!" or "Oh my god, what a loser! Who writes like this?!!"

I don't care.

Don't enter this New Year alone.... Please... Hug someone and embrace them tightly as you hit midnight and remind yourself that without you this world does NOT spin the same way... Without you - peoples lives will no longer be the same....

And so for my New Years -- I am entering it ....... With you.

Happy New Years

-pJ

Lets leave this world looking better then how we found it.

On This Very Christmas Night

2009-12-26T23:00:00.002-05:00

And so it begins.

Yet another Christmas eve I claim to my own. In spirit of not only the holiday season but more in a certain Broadway hit to which is gracing the streets of Toronto - I wish to raise my arms and in a NON christmas celebratory gesture - raise my arms and shout TRADITION!!

In previous years I make my night by a drink and a candle lit room as Christmas specials brighten my night as I darken it with deep thoughts and philosophical in put in what I have learned this past year. And this past one has been an adventure and a half. One where when I think back - I dream of living back in those moments where I just looked at the sky and said - "this is me. this is my life.... way to go PJ! You've done it!"

I had great moments this year.

For starters I started off this year being a musical production of Guys and Dolls playing opposite my best friend. It was like going on stage each night and being myself and being applauded for it.

Around that time I went with 3 of my most amazing friends to New York City. I wont forget that trip. It was amazing. And if I ever make my way back - in any form - I will remember those kodak moments.

....................................

Before I go any further.... I am stopping this New Years flashback to a year which I can think of beautiful moments filled with joy - happiness given by others, and even pain ----- I have done a lot of thinking and a lot of dreaming over the last year. And as I find myself on the same couch I have found myself on the eve of Christmas Day celebrating Christ's Birthday in my style of drinking myself silly while watching "White Christmas" and writing what ever comes to my mind - I have discovered something....... It's now December 26th..... Christmas Day has come and gone and I wasn't able to finish my train of thought.

HERE'S WHY

I found myself - for the first time in a long time - COMPLETELY lost...... Though I have had moments in my life and in the past year where I have looked at myself and questioned where is my place in this world - what am I doing? Why do I feel in such ways ---- I have discovered something about myself.

Like the Grinch I have learned over the last few years not to care what comes out of packages, boxes or bags. It has been in my friendships where I have found great joy. So over the last little while I have been able to go out to celebrations where giving is involved and just being able to find joy in the idea that someone is finding just as much joy watching me hold the thing that they bought to put a smile on my face.......

Though a very important thing to learn and feel when in a Christmas mood - I have wanted something...... This Christmas I have wanted something for the first time in a long time.

As I found myself sitting in the candle lit room as Bing Crosby in White Christmas filled the air ultimately having me miss a phone call from my Brother who has been un able to call home in Two months due to being on the Ocean with a failed satellite on his ship --- I have found the Christmas gift that I really wanted was...... A lady to share my moment with.

I wouldn't call myself a lonely guy, I am though of as a happy-go-lucky guy amongst my friends and though I don't have any woman in mind - I found myself really truly wanting someone to snuggle up to on this holiday and just sort of squeeze me all the harder as a way to say "Happy Christmas".

I understand I have passed up opportunities this year to have a chance to be with some amazing people in a romantic way - it wasn't meant to be. Who knows - I may find my way back into the life of one of my past heart throbs - but whom ever it is - I know the first thing I will do is embrace them all the tighter to show them how much they mean to me. Every day. That's Christmas... Every day do I feel we should take the person that we hold closest to our hearts and just squeeze em something fierce.

To those of you who are apart of the lucky world of love - I tell you this - hold them - and love them, any, and EVERY chance you get.

Even when they are being complete ARSES! You'll find that life is still worth while - when they are in your arms.

----------------------------

I have left my place of study. I am taking on this world head first and trying to get into a business of acting/singing/ entertaining by a means of just simply making someone smile - and perhaps even shakin their hips side to side with a funky tune. If I don't find success - I hope I find joy and love. If when I find myself performing perhaps one of my songs on a bar stage somewhere in a dodgy stage in the greater Toronto area - and I find the eyes of another connect to mine --- I hope for strength... Life's too short to pass up excitement and adventure.

Hold those close to you.

(I'd be holding my cat right now if he were not licking himself AS WE SPEAK)

But hold those - and love those around you.

The greatest gift you can give this holiday season - is love.

-pJ

(as a special shout out - the greatest part of my Christmas this year is to watch my friends Liane and Ken give themselves to each other through Marriage. Congratulations to them! I have been SOOOO excited for them for a long time!)

Brotherhood of Man.... one love.

2009-12-18T12:24:00.011-05:00

To begin this next Skat - I'd really just like to take it as a hat tip - a high five - or in their case some times - a salute - to Americans of the United States.

Like butter - you find them in every country. Sure some may not be as dignified as others. And some you may just want to order them to sit in the corner within the circular gym you are standing in.

Though I am proud of being Canadian and wouldn't imagine my life any differently. I do admire how much in love with their country they are. At least every other house on every other street has a ton of American national flags on their houses - or up a personalized flag pole. It's admiring to see how (though unnecessary in my eyes) they will continue to fight without end in view of their war against........ something..... I'm sure I'll read "America vs Iraq for dummies" sometime in my life. But for now - I'll sit blissfully twiddling my thumbs still bummed out about the lost of our King of Pop.

So right on - and keep it going. I only wish us Canadians - though known as the country of peace - could find identity and love in our own country while we bring in others and call them family.

-Mission 38- Night of Flames.

I have been one of the luckiest people in the world to be able to study at Sheridan (soon to be University) for musical theater performance... Though I have been blindsided with the amount of work I have had to do - I couldn't have it any other way.

There is usually nothing I miss about my old life. But thinking back to the summer - I have been feeling that drain - the lack of CITY in my life :D.

If love was interpreted by electric fixtures - when it comes to Toronto.... I'm a big fan :)

And I LOVE Toronto - and Canada. So to

have to move just a few driving moments outside of Toronto - I have been very sad not to see the glowing lights of the CN Tower light up from a smoggy distance. Still soo close - but yet - just far enough.

The last couple of nights I have had the amazing chance to go watch some friends from my program perform in one of Toronto's most well known gay bars. Buddies in Bad Times.

I don't have a television - and rarely find myself looking at news stories on the internet - and NEVER find myself walking somewhere to find a newspaper - so let's just say I'm in a closed box taped together with stickers of the Phantom of the Opera.

So as I frolicked amongst the streets of Toronto last night before retreating to the pub - I noticed quite the commotion. People were lining up all over Young Street in the downtown area. Here I had no clue what was going on so I simply sat with some friends - ordered some fries and enjoyed a quick meal.

THE OLYMPIC FLAME?!!??!?!

In a flash I was outside on the street freezing my butt off and awaiting the lucky runner of the torch. This was completely a THRILL to me! Who knows if I'll ever get to see it again?! Rather ironic to seeing how I kept trying to sneak a smile across to someone I seem to be feeling quite a flame for and the fact that my friends were performing in a gay pub tonight... Brilliant!

I was standing with my good friend James waiting anxiously until we saw the crowed getting bigger and bigger just down the street. In the excitement of it all we wanted to be a part of this crowd. This is a celebration right?!

guess not....

Protestors.......

Now - the point they had was this: Eliminate the Olympics - take the money from there and put it into creating new jobs.

Good on them for trying to get the government to push harder to help find and create more jobs for this overpopulated world..... BUT!

disgusting how they have to interrupt something as beautiful as the running of the Olympic Flame.

THE OLYMPICS folks -- are NOT just about the games. C'mon now! Sure we send out best thought of athletes to compete in a world wide competition to bring home the championship gold medal. But the OLYMPICS are much MUCH more.

How dare people. It sickens me.

The Olympics stand for PEACE.

CAN PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THAT?!

Peace and love is something we all are longing for in some capacity. What a selfish protest to ask for the olympics to be shut down to create a job for them.

YES it is important for people to be working. But there are other solutions. One being pick your ass up off the ground and listen to what mamma s

aid when you were a teenager and just get ANY job you possibly can to pay the rent and get you by. SURE you may not be happy with the job - but you will be in less of a rutt then you are in now.

Understand that jobs come and go - and it is us that have to pick ourselves up - find a suitable replacement and get your ass some money. The economy is in a rutt - yes - but it is events such as the Olympics that offer thousands among THOUSANDS of people jobs over the next few months of competitions. THATS SUCH A START! C'mon. Fight FOR jobs - not for eliminating something as proud driven and historically loved like the Olympics!

Im going insane with this topic. I just can't handle how heart broken I am at the attitude and the disrespect for ones country someone can have then to cause what inevitably is blasphemy against ones heritage to ask for something soo selfish. We need to understand that WE ARE THE HOSTS of this years Olympics. C'mon people. Does that not give you soo much joy in to think that the WORLD respects our country and tru

sts our country enough to allow us to host the worlds biggest competition.

Yes we have put a lot of money into building new stadiums and other sort of constructed plateaus for these winter events --- But could you possibly just take a second and think of how much money will be going back into our country with all those bloody freaking expensive ticket sales?!!!

So shocked and ashamed of my fellow Torontonians I walked back up the street to my original curbside and awaited the torch....

............ It never came...... The protestors marched bl

ocking off the entire street - police officers could do nothing but block them off from people who had come out with their families and their young children to watch a simple flame with hundreds and hundreds of years of history and beauty.

Breaks my heat to think of how the children standing there in their giant puffy coats missed out on something soo beautiful because of a selfish cause like the one last night.... I couldn't stand it. Being myself - I began to boo as they marched passed me. Ignoring the blatant screams coming from the marchers and all the fingers raised to express their anger towards me (someone whom was a form of little person) gave me the finger as well. Though this broke my anger and turned to laughter seeing how she was rather hilarious in her "Hello Kitty" childrens puffy coat and giving me the finger while wearing mittens.... hahaha. I understood what she was trying to get across - but it was like getting the fing

er from Frosty the snow man.... There are clearly not separated fingers there! haha

But I was back to my angered boo's and comments as they passed by causing a heinous act of rebellion.... I had done this for only a little while before I was spotted by a news team from CTV. Quickly they ran and asked me for my opinion on the matter being one of the only people in my general area protesting against their hate.

I expressed to the interviewer (while being filmed) how insulting it was to see their hate against something that stands for peace and love in this world where we have close to none!!! I couldn't say everything I wanted to due to it only being a quick word of opinion with them. But as expressing their ignorant rampage as being one uned

ucated protest - seeing how there are ways they could get that without ruining something so beautifully romantic in this world as the running of an olympic torch.

Our world is shaped with cynicism these days........ And it's sad. Truly is. Why can't people look towards beauty and light and love and peace rather than looking towards the dark and the need for greed and hate.

Truly am heartbroken by all of this. Spending the afternoon depressed at how the love and excitement I have for these games - the games to which I remember going over to my best friends house to watch as many competitions as possi

ble over 4 years ago and cheering on my Country as we celebrated peace and love in games that celebrate greatness amongst athletes and humanity.

This year my best friend is living in Europe and only through internet chats do I get to speak to him. This year I don't have a television set.... This year I will be online learning statistics and watching clips of these events. That alone saddens me. But never could I imagine people being as ruthless in their cause as to insult something so pure in this world.

I have been a Beatles fan for most of my life. As I grew up it was only the songs of The Beatles or The Beach Boys that I heard. And it took me almost 2

1 years to finally understand what John Lennon tried to tell the world through his song Imagine.

I end this post with his song..... Look through the lyrics. I know we all know them.... But lets UNDERSTAND them now..... More important.

Imagine by John Lennon :

Imagine there's no Heaven

It's easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today

Imagine there's no countries

It isn't hard to do

Nothing to kill or die for

And no religion too

Imagine all the people

Living life in peace

You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions

I wonder if you can

No need for greed or hunger

A brotherhood of man

Imagine all the people

Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer

But I'm not the only one

I hope someday you'll join us

And the world will live as one

-pJ

Come again : Here and then

2009-12-06T23:34:00.002-05:00

Tonight was spent eating cookies, drinking juice, listening to Christmas music and writing songs.

I haven't written a song since the summer. I think I have added in a few of my own personal lyrics or new hop step jump to a tune I have already in my head established. But I have yet to really sit down and just write.

Before I met my new life I walk day to day through I wrote a poem before I put down my pen....

Now I don't share my songs. One - I am embarrassed by how ridiculously sappy I get.... But when I was younger I always ate my vegetables. So I am a big fan of corn. And thusly I write songs simply towards the moods I am in. And in a simple subtle context and minor theme to my music -- I sing.. generically --- about Love.

For one time only folks --- If ever I become famous you MAY hear a line or two from this stolen and put into one of my songs -- but thats what my book here is for. For writing simple lines down - a poem or two - and hopefully some days a song. And when I come across a new strumming pattern in my head or a few chords that express how I am feeling - I may look back to my jotted skats and steal a line or two that best suit my poetical clauses.

This poem has NO name -- it simply came to me surprisingly and all at once just as fast as you can read it..... Enjoy...

(it may be a tad sad... depending on how you read it :D)

The heart of nothing else

The heart of ever more

My bliss of you spells out so true

From shore to southern shore.

Out from the wind I know your name

Out in the open I try to tame -

Tame the light

love

passion

and those secret glances.

How else could we be then in my dreams?

This.. My agony

A few lines in that sucker cry out for a hug I wont lie haha - But some lines make me think of sunsets and turtle doves - of moon beams and chocolate cakes..... I don't know about you - but a good line could turn the page and deck my halls for many days.

Indulge in tomorrow----- you'll find life.

-pJ

My Chemical Bromance!

2009-12-01T22:18:00.005-05:00

The wind brushing across my face in a cool autumn chill always gives its morning kick as a caffeinated hug from sister earth. The odd thing about this autumn breeze is it's presence in a Canadian December.

Don't get me wrong - it could have been snowing and I would have thought it summer with the tranquil up downs of the Bob Marley tune streaming from my Ipod to my brain. But it's this past monday - the 1st of our December 2009 - our first and last - where I found myself wearing flip flops to class. Sure it was past it's time and anyone would "think me odd" to find me frolicking like a Rasta up and down the streets of this suburban town. But to argue my place in this world --- it is the softness of the sun that kisses my skin that attracts me to this beach side fashion amongst the fall of the leaves.... But I kid you not - I have retired my flip flops for the season. Somewhat by choice. Poetically I had chosen to last to December the 1st and triumphantly shoebox them away for another summer - but as fate had it - My flips drew their last flop!! They tore in two quite un-triumphantly. I was sad. REAL sad. In my silliness I concocted their rebirth..... OR at least just a small catalyst to have them breathe one day more!

Nails :) With mine and the earth working together they rocked another day :D

I think I am a little mad to being bathing in this weather. I hear quite often from my friend how cold they are to be walking outside. I don't know if it is my choice in clothing or just my ability to take a cold chill after summers sleeping in northern Canadian forests. I do enjoy a good morning dew - and I mean the mist covering an open field just prime for a quick toss of a frisbee type of dew. I don't mean the muggy feeling of waking up to a moist bedroom - frozen - and knowing that when you open your door a wasteland of frozen tundra stands between you and a dance studio of sweat that only encourages pneumonia as you get out and mission it back to your apartment. And of course I don't mean a puddle of Mountain Dew.... If I want that I can walk up the street to the Taco Bell and become their first customer in the last 7 years!

Weather is great here is all I am saying really. I'm sure I could go on and on poetically extending the most famous small talk topic to a novel of heart felt nonsense... but when it comes down to it......... The weather up here is swell.... yes... thanks for asking......

There are a few titles this world has created that I disagree to.... Listen clearly now. I don't mean to talk about what elementary school kids call each other when little white boys like rap music - or if a girl likes a girl..... What I mean to talk to is the fairy tale titles we have poetically placed upon our home...... Earth..... Let's stop calling it "Mother Earth". I give great respect to which ever television producer at the BBC coming up with that for some Sunday morning programming -- but the time is really clear these days for us to take care of this earth. I know we take care of our mothers.... But think about it folks..... Imagine this earth as your sister..... You're younger sister. You are going to take care of her, love her, shelter her and watch out for her even when she gets old and is doing alright. You wont stop. You expect your mother to take care of you more than you her. I know we all love our mothers and will take care of them in any given circumstances. But in the long run it is us we assume to be taken care of when mothers are involved..... Let's take care of our sister and stop throwing things on her floor..... Thats step number one.

Now in a poetical sense I want to call the Sun my brother. The sun gives. Sure my brothers don't give me things unless it is on my birthday or something on those lines. But in stead of calling it "Santa Sun" -- I'm going to imagine my sun - the one that makes sure I look slick in the summer - the one that is looking down at the top of my head all the time lighting my way in the world it appears to know so well.... That's my big brother..... I don't know - I'm going to call it the Sun all the time.... But thinking in terms of how we can truly love and find life - romance and poetry in everything -- let's start looking at things a little differently. Who knows - it might turn out to be the right way for you. I'm finding my way in this world. You should too, you may learn something about yourself.

-Mission 37- Acknowledging

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about who I care most in this world about. Who I'd notice wasn't there in a group of people. Who I could start a barber shop quartet with......... ahem... well.. not that last one. But you understand where I'm aiming at.

Part of my gratitude lately isn't just laying back and basking in the beauty of visual sites of the world. But now as we approach a holiday of giving I begin to think of those that if I had any money (haha oh my) what I could really give them to show them that I truly appreciate them. That's what giving is, isn't it?

As we pack up the malls of this world and pack up the parking lots giving me the impression that you did this just to piss of my father and set him into a rant and make me realize that I forgot my wallet at home and have him drive me back and then return to the stampede of shopaholics that look to us as the inconvenient foreigners that are in their way of living and look absolutely stupid just standing there as a Gap Tourist. Which I would be - if I ever stepped in Gap other than to play the "Gap Game" where you try to walk to all four corners of the store without being asked ONCE if you need any help. Fun game and impressive salesmanship in a store that always gives me the impression that there is something they are not telling me.

But before we grow melancholy at our wallet sizes this season - let's look at the reasons. We are getting sad because we feel as though we need to buy

gifts for certain people. That is never a reason. Buying someone something because you feel the awkward obligation of having to hand them a bottle of lotion from "the body shop" just to say "hey... yeah... there you go".

Let's simply SHOW the ones we truly care about a happy holiday... And for me - that holiday is Christmas. So in no attempts to offend those who don't celebrate it - I am going to cut out the political correctness and begin talking Christmas.

And this Christmas I want to acknowledge friends of mine who put a smile on my face and take care of me just because they want to see that smile on my face. And when I think about it - those times a Christmas presents all in their own.... Interesting huh? Any how... Just a brief Thank you to my great close friend whom watches out for me like the sister I was never lucky enough to have in a house of all boys who somehow loved Boy Bands and Musical Theater....... cough***.. any ways......

Today I am grateful for many things. One of which is my friend Jake. I know a couple of Jakes. But this guy is an affection guy who cracks up everyone from a baby who is laughing at what every voice he is putting on - or an elderly lady for the mystery in his eyes that he is giving them just to chipper them up on the other side of the bench

with their caramels :D hahaha God Loves yah Somo!

So as I finish up what has been one of my more shorter blogs in the past year (HA!) - I'd just like to examine this year and acknowledge it coming to a close in a fashion of pure class.

The sun is up, the sky is blue, it's beautiful... And so are you........ Today I am grateful for beautiful sunsets.

Enjoy Global warming while you can. :) -

Happy tannnnnnn*ahem* Holidays!

-pJ

(on a side note... I have this tradition every Christmas Eve that I have done going on I think 6 years now... So look forward to my blog that night :D! I know I will)

Java Joy

2009-11-14T14:20:00.000-05:00

So my last blog got me thinking..... Though I would LIKE to write another segment in

--The Many Adventures of Jordan D. Pipher --

more specifically one where a stray cat continuously went to his front door every day and he gave it milk before it would leave and then do the same the next day - and so on and so forth......... BUTTTTTT of course this is no ordinary man here... This is Jordan D. Pipher............. So when I say stray cat ... What I mean is a Gangster man with very large bling....... And by milk .... I mean money....... :D But I wont tell you that story..... No no. (mainly because most of it is within the plot alone --- No one likes to watch a movie and then realize that the whole story had been given away in the trailer!)

But it was my talk about Starbucks that got me thinking...... I do enjo

y me a Venti Cafe' Mocha in the winta-winta time - or an Ice'd Chai any other time. But it is the unity and joy that these places bring. Honestly now. Though it acts as any other fast food chain - A Starbucks sits there and doesn't fill you with grease that is going to blow you up 7 sizes by christmas. There is class within sitting in a coffee shop and enjoy a quick pick-me-up of java while you talk to someone.

I suppose it really doesn't matter where you are - just as long as the act of uniting and being and talking and friendship with another is happening....... All I'm saying is that you're all a bunch of uncultured swines sitting around in Mcdonalds............. ahhh.... I feel better now. Anyyyyyy hoooven.....

I have been very lucky to have obtained the love/addiction to coffee :D hahaa. Here me out. I'm not American -- So I don't have a Starbucks on every corner. A Starbucks is something that I treat myself to every once in a while. It's not my favorite - it's just th

at rarity that is around and makes me go "hmmm, yes I WOULD like to pay a lot of money for coffee today when I could pay less!"

But as a Canadian I hold many things dear to my heart..... Number 1 - the first and foremost thing that sets me a part from others....... I can wear flip flops in the middle of November and look badass doing it ;) ..... YESSSIREEE... hahaha. But there is something all Canadians share alike.

Tim Hortons.

(apologies due to this post being posted before I realized to those of you who have seen the above part a few days earlier..... but in that case I call you freaking snoops and suggest you and your brown nose get off my blog at this very MOMENT!!!!! HARUMPH!)

-Mission 36- Lovin me Timmies

I have been very fortunate to have a coffee story every couple days. And by coffee story I mean something as small as "went to a starbucks with Kate" or "some man smelled like poop in the line it was awful! So I pretended to spill some of my drink on him to get a better smell on him."

But in the past week I have gone to a Tim Hortons way more often then usual.

IT happened on Thursday morning. I had been up late into the night studying for a test I had, and of course every Thursday I indulge my taste buds / addiction buds - and jump face first into a giant cup of java. Lucky for me that it is one of the only mornings I can bring a coffee into one of my classes. So as I waited in line I was listening to a few awesome tunes from the latest cd/dvd from Jason Mraz haha cheap plug ---- And as I approached the counter the worker immediately recognized me. Im usually all hairy with messy hair and a bandana. So I asked for my usual XL double double - double cup'd (I don't deal with burnt hands in the morning -- maybe in the winter) She said "oh yes of course" as I asked for the 2nd cup haha. And as she filled my cup of joy - she noticed there was a breakfast sandwich made and not given to anyone. This perplexed her. Not too much though - because just as quickly as she drew it from her mind - it was in my hand...

WHAT a start to a day when I have a test to do. A FREE sandwich!! C'mon folks - I'm a student! This is HUGE!

After my test there was a bit of a break from the rest of my 3 hour lecture on Theater History today specifically talking about theater in 17th century France --- So off I ran to the other Tim Hortons....

I'm not a cocky person in any form. I should be in this business that I have chosen to study --- but it brings me joy to watch other people become happy just from me doing something..... Especially if the thing I am doing is just simply being there!!! And as I approached counter number 2, the very nice Tim Hortons worker - more my age - unlike the one from counter scenario number 1---- But as I approached - BOOM -- Not a loud boom - I'm not being literal here - but just as I walked one step closer, her face went from a "sighh this is what I have to do for school" to "OH MYYY!!" hahaha. It was real nice to see a smile like that with the already amazing morning I was having. I skipped on back to class and informed my friend Charlie that Tim Hortons loves me :) So at the end of the day I ran off to a get a nice cup of coffee before I headed home to read over a couple of plays for the next day.......... CLOSED!?! JERKS! I HATE THEM!!!!!!!

I know I know - quick to turn. But man was I in need! sighh... Fine - I was still happy - but in any case I wasn't pleased with them closing no more than 5 minutes earlier!

The next day I was really late getting to school due to construction happening on my building and me having no curtains - therefore they can see yours truly changing with no more than a sheet of glass in between us...... I'm an actor folks.... but a poor one. SO NO FREE SHOWS!!

I hid in my washroom until they left..... I was still on time for class - I was just later then I usually get there, so there was no coffee getting.

Lucky for me and unfortunate for my Tap teacher - she had hurt her back and we were told to just work on our own thing instead for that morning. And so instead of sticking around to the many random tap's of other people on a morning without coffee --- I went home to shower and work on some homework and then head to a Timmies before my next class.

And as I do - I approached the counter - same one as #1 but let's call this #3 --- "Oh hello! Double cup?" --- why yes!

So she filled my cup as usual - it was a splendid feeling knowing I was getting a coffee. But me having no change was not too worried. I wasn't expecting anything free - I was just happy to know that Tim Hortons now takes credit card (mastercard specific) and her I am with one in emergencies like this! So I whipped out my card and smiled. "OH! I was waiting for someone like you" she said in her small little mid european way as she handed me my coffee. "Don't worry! This coffee is free"........................ sniff sniff...... I was soo happy :)

And as I do well - I skipped off with my cup and heart filled with some of that amazing Java Joy.

Now as my story comes to an end - I assure you that I did in fact go to a Tim Hortons again before the end of the day.

But for this end - I didn't get a smile as I usually do - no sir. I went to get a smile :). And as I received my cup of coffee I was very excited - not just for my sake. But for my bud Charlie as well........ Our favorite dance teacher was standing behind me ;D -- She doesn't teach us anymore - she was only in for a few weeks...... Let me just say Charlie and I miss her DEARLY hahaha.

And now - as I roll out of bed at a quarter after 2 in the afternoon on my first weekend day off in a long time - I simply reach for my nearest bandana........... And off I go .......... To get some Joy

Find Joy in everything - everything will seem that much sweeter!

-pJ

Here's lookin @ you...... Lanky!

2009-11-10T01:15:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like you're being watched?

Do you ever sit in a Starbucks wafting your Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte and just............. Watch?

What do you see?

Or better yet --- What are you thinking?

It's an honest question when you think about it......Op....Think?........ Honestly now -- It's the honest questions you really need to dig deep into what "deepness"/logic/poetic well being you have.

Are you a creeper? --- Are you the one sitting there watching as each person walks by and how amazing Christmas Cards to friends and families would look if they were by your side?............. Have you ever ran after them screaming matching sweater ideas for the cover?.........ahem...... me neither.......

Or do you sit in a sort of bliss as your Ipod takes you into a Utopia of sound that blasts an array of emotional melodies into your heart?......... I think it's safe to say..............

You're a creeper.... Drink your damn coffee and GET OUT!!

No honestly.

Watching...... Watching the world is something we all love to do. Don't lie to yourself. I'm here to tell you that it's alright! Give a spotlight to that chipmunk nestled under that cotton and twigs before realizing it was just road kill and that was rather just it's back fur and bones................ ahem..... bad thought..... cough*

Shine your attention to that man in the subway playing his heart out because he isn't giving up on a dream. That he is there to play music because his heart doesn't beat with the same passion as it does with each strum of his guitar. Toss him a quarter and a friendly hello next time wont'cha? Why do you need it? To buy a coffee just for the new "Christmas Cups" that came out 2 months to soon....... :)...... Fine.... do it. :) --- but buy him one huh?

Okay okay...... I'm a student -- trust me. I'll be the last one to go looking to give my money away. But as my partner in crime so stupidly does - he has rubbed off on me and I do find myself offering up my spare change to that man who could scare your nostrils into a rather burning sensation from a simple sniff of the urine scent in the air from him trying to keep warm on a cold winter night.

But that's just the obvious...... When you watch -- do you see "lost"?

No not the television show you twit! But I mean it as simply as - do you se

e someone who needs directions!? -- Are they in your city? -- Damn skippy you will offer them directions! That's the least you could do for someone who is visiting and idealizing your home..... But of course ----- as I preach of service --- I ask you to be wise............. HERE'S WHAT MY GOOOOD OL PAL DID GOING HOME ONE NIGHT FROM THE GREYHOUND STATION............ :)

(you thought I had forgotten hadn't you? You lanky little putz!)

-Mission 35- Watch your investment skip off into the night.

Alright --- so I'll start off by saying that sure...... His heart was in the right place by offering up a well rounded amount of funds to a man "in need". And even if he wasn't soo much in need, than "pulling off a scam" - my good ol pal lives and unwritten life. And good on him for offering to help........... the putz.

So now I turn your attention from my life to-----

The Many Adventures of Jordan D. Pipher

...... Sure there's another middle name in there - but I'm a man of words..... This just sounds better ;) - take notes. (also excuse me for this wont be 100% accurate due to me not being there - and me not sharing the story with Jordan's enthusiasm and his questionable logic towards this happenstance. --- I will also fail to add other details that may prove Jordan in the "right" -- but that is simply for my own enjoyment - especially for his annoyed reaction to this retelling :D)

So there he was.....................................................................................................

pretty good so far right?

Traveling by the Greyhound Bus Transit was a weekend thing for Jordan. He rocked it soo often that if he were allowed to earn frequent flyer miles and use them - he'd be on the moon right now. But going back and forth from Peterborough to Toronto and then a simple rinse and repeat deal was his life as he studied and came to Toronto for a musical.

He got off the Greyhound bus around a similar time each Sunday night. Rather late into the night - but not early enough to hear the bar keep shout out both a "last call" and the "morning specials".

And of course every good story needs a little drunk...... And into the scene he walked. :)

Stressed - and not fully in a state of inebriation where he needed some help with certain things like walking or talking - but it was clear he had come from a bar......... Mainly because he told Jordan this.

Let's call this man "Howard" --- just for the hell of it..... I'm sure Jordan remembers this gentleman's real name - as he usually is good at (but to reaaaallllllyyyy test it I am now going to stress him out by getting him to remember the name of the man we found drunk on the street on New Years and helped him walk to a house party to which he offered us a fine assortment of cheap beer and women who had no clue they were being auctioned off.......... - he wont get remember ;D).

So Howard was in QUITE the pickle here! -- He was all dil

ld up and not happy (hehe) - For he was having a jolly good night with his fellow chaps at the pub - and they LEFT HIM!.... And oh no - they all lived out of town! That stinks -- I hate going to such a thriving city like Peterborough and indulging my taste buds at one of their world renown pubs ;) -- and then being left by such good friends...... Oh nuts!

But - this man was in need - and here before his eyes was a light post..... And beside the light pole was another.... oh wait ... nope - that's a man!

"I need your help" --- not what he said - but in the small talk he started with Jordan he inevitably got to the fact that he was in a tight jam and he needed help getting home in the means of money for a taxi - Because he was completely broke after a fun filled night in a Peterborough Pub! - Duhhh!

hmmmm.

So Jordan simply offers up the cash that he has...... Which equals to about ...... Nothing...... And so with little Cent's ;) - he offers to go to a bank machine and get what money he will need to get home.

This was an intelligent man! Howard..... For Howard knew exactly how much money it would take to get from their location to his home...... 40 dollars on the button! ---- what a knowledgeable man! :)

So this exchange happens and giddy as a school girl who is actually a man in third year musical theater school - he thanks Jordan for being the Saint that he is --- and he skips off into the darkness of an alley.................. wait a tick.......

Wasn't he grabbing.......... a ........ taxi?

Oh no worries Jordan would think to himself... He is probably going to grab a cab on the next street over - because there aren't that many near the Grey.........hound......... station.......

OH! He is probably going back to the bar to call home and tell someone he is going to be alright.... Yep that's it!

So off skipped Jordan to a bus stopped and waited to go home.

A bus came and Jordan hopped on board like a sailor on his long voyage across the ocean blue...... Though this was cement - and it is only about a ten minute bus ride to his house...... So really...... When you think about it...... It's nothing like that at all.... :)

So after a few moments Jordan is curious at why the bus driver is not doing what he does best - and driving.... Oh he is talking to someone outside....... Oh........ It's Howard! What a silly guy that Howard! THIS IS A BUS!....... Oh that Howard...... sigh :)

Howard gets on the bus..........................

Here's where Jordan ponders for a moment before raising the eyebrow and ask the fun question to himself.... " A WHAAAAAAA?!!!??"

After a few stops Howard notices Jordan and after what can only be assumed as a "oh shit" moment - he walks over to Jordan and thanks him again for his contribution in his life. He explains that it is better for him to get closer towards the campus and hitch a cab there in stead. Just to be on the safe side and making sure he has enough money to get him all the way home.

Oh that's alright then...........................

Not many more stops later Jordan and Howard parted ways - never to see each other again........

The End.

The moral of this story is this:

As contradictory as this story is to my philosophy of giving to those in need...... You cannot always choose how you are going to help in this world..... You simply have to live it out and keep your eyes open.

Now our dear Jordan --- To this day --- still believes t

hat our Friend Howard used that money to get home...... He's a good positive thinker. Trust me - If you are the worst type of person that really just treats everything and everyone around you horribly --- Jordan will think good things about yah..... Hell you could be a murderous jenga-hating man and love the Toronto Maple Leafs - and he'll think "you-da-man" :)

Very good person that Jordan...... Though his wallet sometimes appear to appear just as skinny as he is --- I salute his willingness to give and serve for the sake of just helping another --- no matter what they are secretly sniffing later on at his expense ;D

So with a last thought -- and last laugh at how I spent the last 2 hours of my consciousness before a full day of classes and a test - to tell you som

ething you should already know and insult my best friend in ways that only I can truly get away with -----

Think about the big picture folks..... Next time you are sitting watching the world go by - THINK to yourself -- Where are you in all of this? How are you helping it spin?

Have a good night -

-pJ

: on a side note - I actually really do like Peterborough - it's quite lovely :)

The Remedy

2009-11-04T21:44:00.001-05:00

I've gotten more and more distracted and torn from this blog spot --- but alas I am throwing all caution to the wind --- forgetting the fact that I just watched the horror film "From Hell" featuring Johnny Depp as an interesting detective in England trying to track down "Jack the Ripper" ----- Forgetting Sarah Marshall shall ease my spiked leg hair..... Not to mention the goose bumps up my back making friends with the zits that made port there causing a nice brail effect that I think is quite poetic..... A blind person once gave me a hug and was able to read "You're Welcome" from my back alone.......... :)

okay so I exaggerate --- But my back is a bit of a jerk this past week. Rather interesting story .... Allow me to continue this story with a humorous pause for thought.................................................

The "humorous" part being used as both an adjective and a moment for you to roll your eyes at me as you get hooked in your curiosity and continue reading no matter how obtuse or idiotic I may become in my writings :)........

Shall I continue?

GOOD!

So this past week has been an eventfully uneventful one..... Don't know if that fully makes sense - but allow me to elaborate.

My good friend Charlie came down to visit me. We would likely have an awesome week..... "Likely" being his last name ..... I couldn't resist........

We actually sat around for 3 straight days doing nothing except for watching movies. And now to those people out there in the "real world" thinking they are sooo busy that they would have killed for a week like that.......... I encourage you to take a stapler to your head and shoot a few swift ones into your skull........ We had a blast - not going to lie. BUT - the dream of something to do was never far from thought. But before those fine days of sitting - eating greasy food - and watching Charlie drink down 15 Canadians to himself :D (sorry ChaW-LAY --- I had to).

MY BACK

ahem - right right... There was a point to this story. -- I was staying over at my folks house for the beginning of this week, and since moving out - my room has quickly gone from the chilled brown painted (also called - "Audrey AUBURN" ;D) - comfortable bedroom to which I called "the cave" - now know as my mothers scrap book room.

And due to my recent move - all that called that room home - including my dvd's and more specifically my bed - has been taken with me to my apartment...... And this of course now leaves my mother with an empty room to call her own and to bunk me when I go to visit....... Bunk is hardly the word unfortunately..... "Bunk" in my opinion implies - FUN - or some enjoyment of what little nature I could come up with in my ridiculous mind..... But what lay there be no more than a terror amongst sleep. The enemy of Mr.Sandman - the Terminator of warm summers nap, The................ you get the point.

And unfortunately so did I. For not only did I understand what NOT to sleep on when I go to visit - but I also got this GIANT point - most likely a bar - into my back that caused one HELL of a sore back the next morning...... And yes, I know for all you young bachelors that go out on the town and wake up in another person's (hopefully over the age of 18)'s bed - with YOUR sore back...... You walk home proudly........ I on the other hand awoke to a back that needed some well rounded sentences that could only be expressed as "What not to say to anyone under the age of 15".

I however am a trooper and went and made myself the most manly breakfast I could come up with...................... A very large bowl of Cheerio's :).

But of course what better to go with Cheerio's then one of my many chick fli.......ahem.... Action movies I had left behind........ But HOW do you ask can I put on a dvd while holding what could only be exaggerated as a DAMN FINE looking bowl of cereal!?!!!!!!.......... Well I would place the bowl down, silly.

................................ The soreness of my back..... And the tense muscles that had been built up over a span of 20 years of not properly stretching in a consecutive fashion ----- .......... Enough of this gibberish ...... I tore a bloody F'in muscle in my back!!!!!

Not happy...... BARELY breathing actually..... And though the words coming to mind were not far off from those I spoke earlier - the only words I could get out with what little breathe I was achieving was "Help!"

And though I was raised by a father whom loves the Beatles - my brother should have bloody known I was not singing........ Took him 5 freaking minute to finally come! And I don't know about your - but 30 seconds not breathing properly on the ground with who knows what is going on with your body is WAY too long.

And so sure enough - as he came to my side - my mother had been called to get our freaking car back to her house and take me to a hospital.

Long waiting in uncomfortable chairs later I was given many-a drugs and sent on my way........... Happy Halloween PJ. Kids get a mars bar and I get Muscle relaxants.... Though if I were to take enough of them I don't think I would really mind......... Not making a sick joke implying death - I only mean I would get pretty freakin high!

And thus began my long week of sitting and watching dvd's. Which at the time seemed like the longest days I have ever spent - actually was the BEST thing for my back and health I could have possibly done......... I enjoy how things work out...... Don't you?.......................... Well fine... I don't care what you think then..............

Here's a quick personal note :

-Mission 34- a SKAT of a mission statement

So I have always tried to stay as honest as I could with this blog. Because although I do write them to be enjoyed by my friends and any random person of this earth whom finds it - I do express myself in these words in a sort of way that really relieves me and allows me to relax and now stress about things............ And of course because I don't want to be caught owning a diary - I turned to the nerdier side of life and created this blog.

For those of you Skat readers who have been with me from the beginning - I thank you and hope that this has made SOME sort of thought provoking lifestyle for you after reading each post.

And so now I have passed my one year mark for writing on this thing and I have found myself caught..... Like a bare trap I am stuck and not dumb enough like a fox to naw my own foot off.

My life is quite interesting right now. I am not a closed book. In fact I am more that Vanity Fair magazine you bought a long time ago for the cover and after reading it you really had nothing more from it - but there was that initial connection and that passed that makes you want to hold on to it forever..... So you don't throw it out....... Though this is making myself sound rather conceited I only refer to my holding nothing back - not my physical self or personality...... Though the word "cute as a button" has been tossed around quite a few times;)

But as I was saying I am trapped. I find that my life now is not just censored - but I have gotten to that place where things are becoming more Private. It's nothing personal. In fact I have found myself on more than ..... let's just say 20... occasions where I have told more secrets and more feelings then I probably should have...... But that's the thing.

THAT IS JUST IT.

In my life - I live as I NEED to.. What will get me by without feeling like crap when I wake up. And though I and EVERYONE else in this world finds themselves in a rutt that does in fact cause you to over think everything and cause a depression that you alone feel impossible of escaping - I ask you this........ I try to do many things in my life. But as of late - I try to cry un-apologetically..... I'm not a big crier. It just isn't the way I express sadness all the time...... I'm not robot of course I do and HAVE in the past little while have cried to either myself or to a friend...... But I let it out.......... If you got to let something out --- (thinking of my good friend Mr. Bradley Uppercrust the 3rd) - "LET IT OUT NOW".

And I will. I will let it out......... Just not so much on this anymore....

Don't get me wrong I am going to continue writing about my crazy adventures that if you have followed along have ranged from Camping out to meet Jason Mraz and then rubbing it in my friends faces - to selling my mothers gold tooth......... There will be many more stories to come.

I just have a few things - both good and bad things - that I can't allow just anybody to know.

We're all human and I know you - my reader understand.

So thank you again for being so rad and taking time out of your day to sit and read a few thoughts from this young man who honestly -- STILL - AFTER ONE YEAR (of blogging) - is living out Childish Adventures, through loose change.

let your light shine -

-pJ

Not Looking

2009-10-15T15:53:00.000-04:00

It's strange how ironical and absolutely necessary some days come together..... Or even a week.

We all have heard the term to stop and smell the flowers or however it goes (guess I clearly haven't heard it :D) but you know what I'm saying...... I am going to adapt the phrase to mean the EXACT same thing - but give you a whole new meaning for it ........ :) ..... Got it ?.......... Ready?......

Stop and hear the birds..........

The soft serenading tweet of a bird can really open your heart for a sort of uplifting boost that can ACTUALLY brighten your day..... You'll just have to take it in........ Now of course although I do love the songs of a bird every once in a while I mean particular things that people say - The world of "people" - your friends..... Your family --- and yourself... We all get the hello from a stranger that we KNOW we have met, but of course for the life of us we just can not pin point when and where or WHAT the hell their name is!!

But how cool is it that they (half the time not remembering you) say hello to you in a walk by through the halls of your school - the grocery store - in the elevator - or even on a random street.......

Well folks --- this week - Though I didn't (and have never actually) felt like I needed a good "REAL" heart felt compliment - I got one of the best kinds..........

The ones where the person giving the compliment doesn't mean to give it to you - but at the same time does....... conflicting yes......... But here's my story. :)

-Mission 33- Compliment Soup for the Theater Students Soul

Let's begin with the ending and work our way back.....

Yesterday (seeing how it's at this moment a quarter after 1 here in Toronto) I was in one of my many forms of acting classes.... - Because "acting" folks -- is not just simply "drama"... Crazy I know - yet my jaw bone and diaphragm thank me every night for the work out.......

So in this class we had a brief spontaneous chat with our professor about "insults" and how amazing we would all be through a little more complimenting in our lives.

She used the idea of telling a child that they are "stupid" or telling them to "shut up"....... Telling someone to shut up is of course the initial phrasing we use to make someone stop talking (initially) because we cannot handle what they are saying to us..... A shame really... To quiet someone - although in the general idea that they are saying something completely wrong or obtuse to what they should be saying --- We actually bring embarrassment on to the person talking and completely belittling them.... Causing them.... to feel "Stupid"...... Double whammy folks....... Though I found it funny how I had been called "stupid" in more a kidding (hopefully) flirty way - no more than 20 minutes prior to this discussion, I was left with the feeling of "damn why don't I understand things sometimes. I am soo useless" - and - "DAMN I hope she was flirting with me"....... The 2nd being the main reaction completely erasing the first thought - but the first one was encountered and there was an emotional response in those mere seconds....

Now we discussed how uplifting it would be to simply compliment. To get out of the addiction of talking "the bads" of people - but rather the "goods"........ Think about it...... Compliments don't NEED to be to a persons face or even directed at them personally..... The hardest but BEST way to get into a state of ease when it comes to complimenting is to discuss the goods of people in a discussion where their name happens to pop up...... Yes of course I know as a human race we NEVER EVER gossip - or bring someone up as the subject in our transitive sentence ;) -- but let's start creating our subject compliment in that sentence a tad more NICER! -- shall we?

(apologies - my weakest class in grammar -- you're gonna have to suck it for now.... and then of course excuse the poorly written sentences... :D)

A bit before this class - being of course a wopping 3 hours before hand - I was in Ballet..... Now you shouldn't fear Ballet classes gentlemen -- if you don't lose you're masculinity it is quite a sexy way of moving........ Now for myself..... I lost the masculinity.............. :D - So here's compliment #2 of 2..... (remember --- we're moving backwards ;))

My ballet teacher is of course a hilarious british lass with a phenomenal amount of training and experience in the art. --- now I say of course because I always stereotypically imagine a ballet teacher as being either - British - Russian or French........ The only REALLY different part is that I imagine all 3 of those cultures to teach and act like Ballet Nazi's.... :D But bless her heart - mine is funny......... And so to begin this compliment --- "You know the thing I hate about you P.J is..............."

Like it so far? I know I did.. Made me chuckle... (or if an old friend used to say "made me bum tremble" :))

She inevitably was telling me that "I" had a nice attractive body and that although I looked the part of a man...... I danced like a complete "poofter" :)

Take it as you can folks --- While some walk away with sadness over being called feminine as a man (dancing) -- I walked away with "damn pj! You're not as ugly as you think!!"

It was a nice moment for me........... I know we are all self conscious and it is nice to hear that "you look really good" line every now and again.... But due to growing up and having a ton of friends whom were girls and them always calling that random guy "gorgeous" --- It's nice to FINALY hear it about yourself...... not saying she called me gorgeous .... but for once I felt it.... you know?

Compliment number 1.

It was Tuesday afternoon and there was about 5 minutes left in class. this was a Vocal class for us to try out Musical Theater Solos.... AND BOOM..... I get called up..... Lame..... sigh... AAAALRIGHT.... I go up and sing "Where I Want To Be" from the Musical "Chess".... I sing the song.. Do my best.... About halfway through my ending I try desperately to get to that climactic emotion and push myself in the song..... But I don't do so well....

Now in this class the teacher will at this moment come up and do a quick exercise with you - varying from a squat position and her holding your jaw open to feel how it should be while you sing... Or get someone to come up and "seduce"/"make-out" with you .... This is of course depending on the context of your song... Mine isn't the make out type of song - so no dice for me.........

She simply came up to me ....... Grabbed my arms and said...... "PJ IS ENOUGH"...........

This is to of course get me to realize that I am trying to show too much emotion rather than keeping it more myself....... But WOW...... Put your own name in there and use it in other contexts!..........

I've had a really hard couple of weeks with the loss of a dear friend and having to sit out of a lot of classes due to a foot injury.... I am only know back into the swing..... (excuse the pun.......I swing dance..........ahem) ----- I failed a couple of quiz's the monday/tuesday after the big news of my friend popped up....... I have a pile of work now piled up and no time to do it due to this weekend being a mandatory attendance to the 2nd years "dance critiques"........... Where's the time?

It's not hard to say I'm stressed.... It's hard to feel it day to day...... But......... PJ..... You are ..... Enough.........

I can do it..... And I will do it....

SURE I'll be tired as hell...... But you need to sacrifice things and endure through the pain for those things you REALLY want...... I want the life I have....... I am NOT losing it.

PJ IS ENOUGH............................... Are you?

-pJ

Through my eyes

2009-10-10T17:42:00.007-04:00

There's something in a song.

We all know this vague statement to be true. EIther by a romantic feeling of bliss or some beat driven pound in the backdrop playing a quick wrestling match with your chest as it beats louder and louder in that cadillac driving past quite obnoxiously to say "This is what you should like - so suck it!"......

pfft - so suck it...... lame

There is something in a guitar string - preferably an acoustic - that beautifies moments and brings an odd sense of abyss to someone psyche.

And then of course there is something is a song that goes --- (pardon my french) -- "WAY TO RUIN A MOMENT YOU COCKTEASE!!"

Vulgar yes ---- but let's think for a second..... Although disturbed that I mentioned a rooster right there - How many songs did you think of that made you go "If only they had..............."

Okay none seeing how I mentioned a Penis ....... But C'mon - let's face it folks -- we know what we like and sometimes what we like makes us believe we know what's best for a song.

Like Reggae.

It's slowly becoming my favorite genre.... But of course - like an afro --- There is an original --- and a white boy version ..... :)

I know I know --- I usually discuss on Jason Mraz every few blogs but this time I wont.......... as much :)

-Mission 32- Sean-a Paul Somi-da-somthin!

HOW do people not hate it when an artist screams out their names at the beginning of a song - or even in the middle or ending ..... OR how about during a performance?!!?! -- C'mon people -- Not only is this a tacky technique in order to get an audience member "into the song" (lazy fricken "artist") -- but also it actually takes away from the song ..... IN MY OPINION of course.... There are in this world people who enjoy being swoon off their feet to some gentlemen of sorts screaming out their own name in a song - this of course gives them the fortunate opportunity to drive down a city block with the bass blowing both their car speakers and their ear drums out just to say "YEH - SHAGGAY!"

Don't get me wrong - I love Shaggy -- He tickles my fancy when I feel like turning on some of the sexy music to get into a jive of sorts - but please ..... Unless I was listening to the radio and didn't hear the introduction to the song by the DJ - THEN and only THEN will I appreciate a little eminem style of "hi my name is" --- but thats only if it's a good song.

Not to say it's much better - but thinking back to music I don't listen to - "JaRule" if we all remember that bald headed minstrel - he would be a bit of a tease - as to not say his name but to ask you what it was..... You all know what I speak of ...... (again - sorry for my foreign language) "What's my Mutha Fuckin name?!" - He would shout..... This was clever for the sole purpose of getting people to love him more and more through his cockiness - because he KNEW he didn't have to announce his name as if to enter a room full of strangers - but instead ask each and everyone of us - "who's our mack dadday?" --- And he knew - it would be him...... What a guy.... Man of my own heart --- yet in the wrong business :)

So in light of my deep hatred to an "artist" attempting to write poetry through the over abundance use of their own name --- I entitle this next piece

"The Beach Boyd"

haha not even going to ..... But I could have done something similar and wrote "Backstreet Boyd" -- but honestly people - I don't know how to really get my point across! -- It's like hearing the lyrics :

"Imagine there's no heaven - it's easy if you try.

No hell below us. Above us only sky --

JOHN LENNON MUTHA FUCKAAA!"

Ruins it don'tcha think?

Poetry.... - It's compassion through the educated? No... not quite..... Is it a bit of scripture that teaches us romantics? ------ No ....

It's in living. Loving - --- Poetry is about touching another. To move. To live. To write.

Kid you not - I love poetry - not in the sense where I could quote Keats or talk to you about the fine beauty in Angelou's writings or Whitmans incredible beard behind the words....

I write this because I see art in everything ..... Even in the plastic bottles that litter our world --- and when I see beauty - I see Poetry.......

These are the things I see in my eyes... My eyes see the romantic things... It's who I am... You may be the one who sees a painting or a song from the clouds in the sky or the child skipping to the beat of traffic.......

(hint - click on link below)

WE DAY - teaches us to love everyone and to help everyone.... What is better in love then to help? - C'mon - What is a stronger way to love someone than to help them? Whether it's to put a smile on their face or to give them a hug...... it helps.

I know for the students of this world that struggle to buy that loaf of bread and skippy peanut butter - to help support a child in another country or to support a charity is something we can only think of as a nice thing --- I say - use your recourses and love each other. Help the people close to home if the people far away you feel are not in reach.... I encourage you -- and even MYSELF - to reach out as far as you can go -- but if the person beside you is the person in need......... DO NOT hesitate - No more - Noooo More - This is our fate............... The WORLD is ours..... Let's clean it like a kitchen ;)

-Funny how I can go from crappy rap singers to helping the world huh???

-it's how I do;)

-pJ

no.

2009-10-03T23:38:00.004-04:00

No is my intention......

I say no to this next blog......

I say no to my thoughts and to what I want to feel.

A man once said we choose to feel sad or depressed. I don't fully agree with this man when it comes to the unsuspecting situations that throw you off of any ship into an ocean you REALLY can't swim in.

Daniel Macivor wrote a play called "Never Swim Alone"......... I wont be.

And until (finishing off my metaphor/bare with me) I return home - I am not writing what is on my heart right now.

I always try to write what is on my mind or heart or what has been tampering with my soul - but in the last week I have been flip turned up side down and am taking a moment to find my peace.

Never Swim Alone....... you will drown.... I'm drowning now...... But when that last breathe comes I will reach out for that hand - and I know one will be there for me to grasp.... And for that I am thankful.

-pJ

(I think I shall write next about the consumption of toilet paper :)... Think tossing a candy wrapper on the ground is littering? - People - Our asses are the biggest world destroyers of em all.... Wipe cautiously until next we speak ;) )

One foot in front of the Other

2009-10-01T16:06:00.007-04:00

Its the calm befor the storm...

From a simple phone call I have been takin from a calm place. Filled with blissful thoughts of movement and freedom through dance.... Then... Ring ring....

I haven't been able to move very well.
I'm a hell of a dancer haha not someone to brag about or mention in conversation - but I can blend in... BLEND in. Not hide.

A week ago I cut my foot on some glass and have been pretty slow moving - if that - since... It was an interesting day filled with pain, stress, and oddly enough walking. Life on the limp lane has been something to reflect upon...

-Mission 31- I will NOT walk 500 miles!

The rooster would have crowed its last crow this morning. Something about wakeing up this day was not something I wanted to do. Friday mornings are nobodys friends. But of course - you need friday morning before you get friday night. And we all know what happens then... So of course - we endure.
I endured. The constant polyphonic alarm clock ring of "Geek In The Pink" by Jason Mraz had played enough now. I was up. It was time to spend my traditional morning routine of get dressed in 10 different outfits and distinguish that I look to fat in all of them so I'll put on my dirty old plaid shirt...... -:D- How I do this - study in a musical theater program - and am straight, is BEYOND me...... Literally - God man..... Sometimes I'm curious...... Not BY-Curious - just curious about how I am the way I am................ I'm a walking question these days.....

I was on to my 5th or 6th outfit ;) - whose to know these days - but as I continued my 13 year old girl routine - I noticed a very cool looking "Guiness" glass fall to the ground and smash something fierce on the ground........ "FEW" - I would then think to myself - "It JUST missed my foot! Man that would have put me on the side lines for a while!" ---- Little did I know that 2 shards of glass were now stuck to the ball of my foot just WAITING to make port within my blood veins.................. Shall I continue my story?....... :).... paying attention are we? (this next part is rated 18A)

"FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Okay - I'm awake now..... My foot is bloody - and I officially can not walk a step without screaming something a tad more french then the above content..... I tried for a few moments to pry what little bits I could see from my flesh - but as a dear dear friend of mine would say in a West Indian accent .... "NoOoOoOoOo!" (I heart Somo)

For those playing the homegame ----- I am in a Musical Theater Program at Sheridan Collage in Oakville, Ontario, Canada........... For those of you who have never been in a program like this - I urge you to think of boot camp....... Liza Minelli boot camp to be exact...... From the first initial "Fuck" battle cry cursing my piggies for the pain they were feeling - I was a mere 20 minutes away from a morning Tap Dance class................ I apologize if this is way over your head - but in order to Tap Dance.... You need full accessibility to the balls of your feet. Yes I said balls - Take a moment now to chuckle and continue reading as I think spiteful things for you :) ............................ (That was a test to see if you would laugh....... Test is also like testic........ ahem...... :).... sorry)

SO -

Im screwed....... What am I going to do? -- The only thing a professional would do....... I limped my ass to school in my dance wear and put on one of my tap shoes as my foot bled through the superhero band-aid and Toronto Maple Leaf Sock.......

My program is amazing..... It reeeeaallly is. It is about craft - and progress. The result should be clear at the end of the journey - so the teachers/professors/choreographers/vocal coaches/ artists of MANY-A variety - are scared for my well being.... And my teacher in tap (bless her heart) sent me straight out to the nearest Walk in Clinic.........

Walk in Clinic?.............. Really?

Ohhhh yes.... Living as a starving artist this past month has taught me many things. Number 1. Cheap Soup is GOOOOOOOOD. Number 2. If it's between Coffee or Laundry - I'm going to always have nice smelling cologne around...... And of course -- YOU WALK EVERYWHERE!!!!

But today -- I limp....

I waited for an hour until they finally saw me... Looked at my foot ..... They decided to dig around for a bit...... My foot had become a bloody diamond mine and this woman obtained the strength of all bloody seven dwarves - WORST PAIN --- But alas - following a few squirms and manly coughs to show some sign of being a guy - she established there was no glass in my foot................ That she could see..... god damnit........

So off I walked what should have been a 4 minute walk but turned into a 10 minute limp to this "X-Ray" office of some sort in the basement of some odd pharmaceutical building. And just as quickly as they had wrapped up my foot in the clinic - this random woman who failed to mention her name had stripped the bandages right off........ Don't get me wrong - she seemed nice. But I do prefer to be on a first name basis before somebody strips me down.

A few moments and foot movements later we were done..... She walked out quickly and I was unsatisfied at the fact she didn't notice my glorious ballet point (;D) and her STILL not leaving me with a name or even a goodbye. So in the assumption that I was all finished I hobbled up to the store and bought more bandages to wrap my foot in..... Then off to class for the afternoon - sitting out and watching.... Lucky for me I had "POP" class - so I busted out my queen (Tabitha) and rocked that Ukulele to a version of "I'm Yours" with a little Bob Marley thrown in to spruce up my day!

Then off to my city of Toronto for a weekend away - I even stopped off to get some cologne..... Was really tired this past week/needed my coffee.

And alas..... A week has passed..... Sitting out from most of my dance classes - I get the call....

Now I was told that if I didn't hear from them then I would be in the clear... "Hello Mr.Patrick - We would like to see you in the office to discuss about your X-Ray results... Preferably tonight if you can."

I was allowed to leave class early and hobble my way to the doctors office. Lucky for me I was tired and not wanting to go - so this was the beginning of an amazing evening..... sigh...... I took my seat in the waiting room and fell right a sleep.... I woke up to the giggles of pretty girls.... To my embarrassment I was making some of my sleeping noises..... Y'know... just... don't ask... k?.... It's not gross.... but ..... Just don't....... sniff sniff...... ummmmmmmm...... cough.

"Patrick, you can come with us into the next room!"

I was quick to get up and answer in a manly voice to redeem some respect around the girls before dropping my hat and wobbling off as if I were some drunk off the street..... sigh....

It took a half an hour before the doctor finally got into the room and took a look at my foot. He told me flat out that the X-rays came back saying I had glass in there still. He gave me the option of just carrying on with my life and allowing the pain to heal although there would always be some sort of throbbing feeling I thought to myself...... SO I asked what was my option with this whole "Operation" he wanted to perform.

He told me I could simply book a time to come in and let him dig around to put it in a less than poetic fashion..... Having a vision of my Voice and Tech in Acting class professor yelling at me to "get the damn thing fixed because you're a dancer god damnit! That's your money maker!"

I told the doc to get me under the knife right then and there.

First thing out was a tiny little sparkle of glass. We had a good laugh at the pain I could have felt over that.... Little did we know that the second bundle of joy to come into this world was a 2mm pointy piece of glass that had a nice red tint to it over the last week of my hot tub foot.

We finished rather quick - cleaned me up - and I hobbled back home.... sigh....

Now the moral of my story is this.....................

Beyonce' had the BEST video this year! Like C'mon people!

-pJ

(sighh, I hate Kanye)

A Very Merry Black Berry

2009-09-26T12:19:00.002-04:00

You like that?

It's become me. Swallowed me whole. A sort of release in the most convenient of ways. Like a child I tend to it once every moment or two..... Yes sure we should watch over our children 24\7, but if I've learned anything from my recent lifestyle compared to taking care and entertaining children all summer long is that SLEEP IS IMPORTANT!!! Haha.

I have been in the process of writing a blog for sometime now.... There has been a lot on my mind\heart and body soul that has caused a lot of heart ache and distress- but in fact due to a new life style and new friendships my self concious kicked in ten fold and I have held back from those things most important.... Me.

I am about my friends... My grammar teacher would slap me across the face from that last statement - but its who I am. Its what I urge myself to be each day... In the last month I have been wakeing up to a - "how can I be?". Or in literal terms "to be, or not to be?"

There's my question folks... Although I ask it not in the traditional Shakespearean context of to live or not - I ask it daily on how I live. Who I am. What am I greatful for, and what I wish to do.

Don't confuse me with someone who doesn't know who they are or what they want.

I do know.... But as a human being I long for more. I long for help. I long for love.

And as P.J Boyd. Patrick James - son to Darlene and Gord - I long for God.

Take me as you will - as I am or what you wish me to be. I also long to live.... And to have you a part of my life is something more than a present...

We all have pains and troubles of many varietys. But it is up to us all to choose love.

Choose love and break free from this depressed lifestyle. I can say that heart break and death has been in my past. But I can say joy and love soon followed.

Like I said, I have been in a very long week of pain and drunken reflections followed by lonely nights with my black berry - but like my past - my history - it WILL follow soon with the joy and love I do long for....

Life is hard. But living is easy.... If you choose love.

I chose.

-pJ

(know I wrote this ON my blackberry waiting for a "Go" train.... The grammar is not something that comes accessible in the tiny keyboard)

Gratitude

2009-09-14T10:50:00.000-04:00

Through the beautiful world of technology - I have found internet on my phone, and thus now writing my appreciation for the world and all its wonders.

Me
Myself
A blackberry
And ten minutes befor ear training.

Pause for thought today and find something you can truly be thankful for. It will brighten your day.... Trust me.

Find the beauty.
-pJ

Better Left Unsaid

2009-08-29T02:32:00.004-04:00

(past blog)

The things we choose not to say usually affect us the most I find... Not to impugn or belittle the feelings we receive from the words we hear another say such as the overly used but oddly not enough "I love you"..... The stuff I talk about are those last few thoughts. Those things that dwell on your mind and never seem to escape those air wholes in your face for a brief moment of release....

This Blog is way over due - and for that I apologize. Here I am thinking that the only people who read this thing have been living with me over the last two months.... HA!....... Or at least - here in the Forest of ClearWater I would hope someone else in this global land of love to find time to take a gander into my life. my thoughts. my dreams hopes and loves.

This is the finale night of an amazing camp summer.

I know I know - "cool" doesn't come to mind when you think of "camp". But I assure you that nothing is cooler or more beautiful then a lake glistening with the mist of a morning dew as you awaken to breathe in air that welcomes your day in the freshest of ways.

I am a city boy through and through - but come summer I bear down and release my inner Canadian as I live through dirt-bugs-aches and pains - and through a community that not only embraces the gratitude - but loves unconditionally.

I find my self staring Sister Earth in the face and awing at how she comforts me as a loving older sibling as I the younger destructive brother - trash down and litter upon her soils.

You take in a lot when you have the time and the environment.... But for a pause for thought - I urge anyone and everyone to walk through their towns and find those environmentally beautiful places that make you go "oooo - aaaaa".... Now don't think of this as a World Wild Life Federation type of environmental - but I believe that although our towns may not be as green as the grass that blows on the summer plains of a forest - or inhabits creatures as beautiful as even the bluest blue jay scoping out new territories.

It takes a lot to find beauty in the things you find regular or amongst the status quo. But fella's - I'm living. Are you?

Take a look at the sky - tell me what you see?

It takes a lot to give and to take.... This summer I both gave and took what inevitably became a most uplifting summer.

But the hardest part of it all is to end. I'd better leave it unsaid ------ HA!

Have you ever known me to be someone to hold something back?.................... Okay sure maybe that one ti............... Alright ..........................shut up.

Goodbyes suck.... There's soo much poetry in it - but unless we are looking for a good cry on the sofa - actually busting one out is not the heart uplifting thing as one might assume.

Goodbye Camp Friends... Ontario Pioneer Camp friends and family. I welcome you all to my interactive online contact service of love and care... The moment I can (and I will) WILL WILL WILL email you back...... Keep safe - and see you in the summa summa time!

-pJ

(be advised all my Skat readers ---- I wrote a lot during the summer. A couple of 1 hour blog blitz writing moments.... So keep posted and you'll be in for many a treat! ---- I begun with the last one due to the relevancy of it still being rather close....... Goodnight!)

You're pure Candy.

2009-07-05T16:16:00.004-04:00

I'm a lifesaver..... haha.

This term loosely playing off the pun of candy and the moment someone up here in Campland told me I was a lifeguard...... But most specifically a "B"Guard. This is completely absurd! But how COOOOL IS THAT?!

I have been giddier than most of the little girls mistaking me for Zac Efron. Imagine that.... Not the Zac Efron thing.... please... just ... don't..... BUT imagine me holding down the fort?! The fort of course being the Waterfront and the "holding down" would be me pretending to be the captain of a very large ship. But of course we are at a camp to which SOME people --- these people still of course being kind hearted and responsible to what they want their children to experience - Do not believe "PIRATES" should be in a loving environment where small children dwell...... So I am a captain of an expedition ship sailing across the clear water of this land.

I have made continuous jokes to the guard team who have been in disbelief since the news of "THIS GUY" - MR.Funnyman was handed the responsibility of taking care of a ton of peoples well beings in a very large lake.......

MUAHAHAHAHA I AM SOOOO EXCITED!!!! Us Guards need our sleep though - so I better finish this sucker later!

ahoy or aloha or w/e sailor captains say at times of "Goodbye" - but.... I am off below decks!

---------a few days later---------

sooooooo...... ahem...... APPARENTLY you need to have some sort of "guard" training - as well as a competency of lasting more than a few moments in the water without feeling like you are going to drown yourself in order to be a "guard".......

BAD FORM!!!! (this is my remark to replace the word "lame" - here at camp)

So I am no longer a lifeguard --- pfft - who NEEDS a Bronze cross or a Bronze star or what ever to be a lifeguard! C'mon!! people.. Apparently life guards need them! sniff.. fine! see if I care!.------ I would have looked DAMB good in that red muscle shirt! damn good :(

But I am able to live my life knowing I do have the responsibility when I choose to accept it to save the life of many other people. I have been trained in the area's of CPR and First Aid. Specifically the CPR C/B area and the Emergency and Standard First Aid variety.

So although I can no longer strut around this campsite flaunting the fact I'm a hot Lifeguard - I can strut around knowing that I am a rather dashing young Life Saver. ;)

A Life Saver is apparently the title to which my qualifications are attached to.

-Mission 30- Busting out "The Fray"

How to Save a Life.

Humans - earthlings - people of this land! Let's actually "choose" love and STOP to help people when they need it.... We find ourselves sitting in front of our television sets in awe and feeling this world sadness of watching people suffer in this world. AND suffering through the tears after hearing about people dyeing on the street DAILY across (SPECIFICALLY) U.S.A and Canada.

C'mon people!!! SHUT UP! - Don't feel sad unless you can DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. If us as a community of this world cannot come up with a way to save the people of this team then we can feel sad and think of them in our hearts with fond thoughts.... But don't spend week after week of your summer going "I'm bored" and NOT going out and taking some sort of first aid training!!! I truly madly deeply feel that we all should in some way know how to help each other! - We are all apart of this world. We can be happy and supportive of the fact we are all moving into an accepting world - but WHY CAN WE REJOICE IN A BLACK PRESIDENT WHEN YOU WONT HELP A BLACK MAN LAYING ON A SIDEWALK IN NEED OF HELP!?

C'mon folks. - IMAGINE saving a life.... Can you? Just think of how in those small vital moments you save a person's life - and CHANGE it for that matter! That is the biggest thing we all should be here to do.....

Now of course through physical first aid help isn't the only way to save a life. I salute Jason Mraz DAILY for his beautiful words of compassion and love - that CONTINUALLY saves me from myself.

Let's take the words from an amazing artist - man - and human being - and live our lives accordingly... He has left this world - but let us learn from his music and make this world a better place to live...

"We are the world. We are the children - We are the one's who make a brighter day - So let's start livin'. "

-pJ

r.i.p Michael Jackson.

happiness postmarked.

2009-06-30T16:01:00.002-04:00

It's a very merry month of June where not all the flowers bare their blooms for all to embrace amongst the summer breezes. Yet someday/somewhere their pollinating sunrise will bring them anew amidst the world of uncanny love.

Punchdrunk a little today. Not in the ordinary way I would suppose. Yet I find it hard to describe in one word how among the secret pain I have been piling on my heart and the sickness/headache I have begun to battle with what was the last of my Tylenol 3's from my week of dentistry - I find gratitude and joy out of the place I have recently been calling home.

"We're Only Human" - I am busting out the Jason Mraz as I have just recently found computer time to chronicle my thoughts out onto this Skat-a-blog. My journals have been ink stained a lot more in the last week since I have been without much technology. But I find it perfect at this moment to be rocking out to the one person I usually soften my heart with day to day............. But some days - within trials and tribulations - happiness and gratitude - there are moments where your heart and brain seem to sync together perfectly and make that sunny glow from my window absolutely perfect.

For those just tuning in - I am spending the next two months within the Muskoka world. 'Round the corner from cottage country and just north of hick town. I have been up for only a week now and it has been a blast. Sunny burns from an array of glorious sunshine and fresh air bringing light to my lungs and soul.

It's been a wild ride thus far. Filled with spiritual uprising and music that really does touch home to the soul. Anywhere else in the world would be inferior.

I do miss the sunny smog filled town of Scarborough. My friends whom spent my last few hours in Downtown Toronto a memorable one - and of course my conscious cuddle buddy - Tigger - my orange striped Tabby.

This for now - I'm off to see about a friend.

Yours for the thinking -
-pJ

In us to Give

2009-06-22T14:56:00.004-04:00

I was driving last night in my car just jamming along to the songs in my mind as I stumbled upon something that really begun to make me think.

There was a man who had collapsed on the side of the road. By the looks of it the sunny beautiful day got the best of him through dehydration and he fell off of his bike.

By the looks of it he may have been with others - for there were other bikers surrounding him. He was on his back and there appeared to be someone sitting beside him holding his hand as he lay awaiting what was most likely going to be an ambulance.

I was on my way to a finale dinner with my partner in crimes family - that always turns out to be something of a spectacle by the end of each evening --- this one ended in a fierce match of what was a quasi lego version of Capture the flag. Sweaty and out of breathe - it was officially summer.

But back to the driving.... Now I have my fair share of training in health and safety. Working along side the Parks and Recreation organization for the past 2 and a half years - I have been trained and hold a certificate/license of a sort in Emergency First Aid - as well as CPR B - and also my Standard First Aid with CPR C....... And a few days of training in First Alert......

But in school do you ever find yourself learning something and then after years and years of knowing it - you just forget it? Like a name of a friend even? I find highschool is mere brain training. Just to build up your brain to hold on to a mass amount of knowledge and grow it to a point where it can hold on to the things you wish it too. These Safety training days - I most definitely forgot.

I continued to drive passed the man knowing just by looking out at the other people surrounding him that none of them knew what to do. Who knows what may have happened to this man? Perhaps he is fine and now at home enjoying a nice tall glass of lemonade on his rockin chair outside on this beautiful afternoon..... Or.... In a worst case scenario - he is in the hospital - possibly suffering from a massive heat stroke..

You ever feel like helping? Even just to stop - role down your window and say "I am trained in First Aid - do you need any assistance?" --- But the lack of my memory stalled that heroic reaction and kept me driving along a busy street that I probably shouldn't have taken to begin with......

I think everyone should be trained in First Aid. It should be done every year in High Schools in my opinion. Obviously younger children should not be trained and obligated to help out in an emergency - but perhaps teach them what not to do when little timmy has a bone poking out of his esophagus.

Our favorite super heroes are not superheroes due to the fact that they hold super powers of many varieties. Hell - they would just be super cool. But it is what they choose to do with that power that makes them those lift up into the air and cheer heroes.

We all have abilities. Sure they may not be the ability to fly - or the ability to read minds --- But WE ALL have the ability to love....... The ability to raise a smile or cause happiness to encourage if not create another persons happiness.....

Let's all take time to think (every morning) - what can I do to cause happiness - or even a subtle encouragement to another being.

Love is the greatest power of all. Do you have the power?

Sure we all feel scared or shy at one time or another? Yet - I feel hopeless not to have stopped for mere moments to find out if my life.... My ability ..... MY power - could have helped another person live their life --- And I will - after letting go -- never know - if I could have made a difference in ONE persons life.......... Can you save a life?

YES ----- yes you can....

Tomorrow - I am going to make someone laugh - maybe even help someone belong.... That is going to be my super power tomorrow...

I have finished writing this blog at officially - 3 am on Tuesday morning.. I have to wake up at 7am tomorrow morning... Yet through my lack of sleep - and lack of energy - I am going to make a difference in the world.... Make a difference in someone else's life.... World.

True love is upon us all. It isn't reserved for the marriage in this world.

I have friends - and I have a family - and I have a responsibility to take my happiness and share it with my fellow man....... Power to live. Power to love.

Power to make a difference.

It's in us all.

-pJ

I choose happiness and love. What do you choose?

My Cavity Search

2009-06-21T03:25:00.000-04:00

A lot of people take pride in their appearance. Of course it is natural for a person to feel self-conscious about something or another. For most it is how they look. In fact for all. Even those who are completely comfortable with their body.

I used to be very self-conscious about my large toes. heehee. Not like most people who find their toes unattractive - no dice. Mine are very sexy - BUT - as unfortunate as I was when it came to be in a decline when it came to sports at the age of 13 - I begun ------ (hold on to your hats folks) I begun to have ingrown toe nails. ---- GOSH - some boys have puberty issues and growing pains! -- BUT ME! - I get stuck with freaking Ingrown Toenails!

Pretty gnarly right? And I mean that in of course the raunchy idea of those bloody sausages balancing me up from day to day..... And not of course in the surfer term I use quite religiously. Especially when it comes to certain cooking. It's fun in that case due to no one really knowing what I am truly thinking about their cooking...... :) "I assure you it's good!" - I will laugh as I gobble down what is left of the sour dough cupcake left on my plate........ ahem ..... any way.

So these ingrown toe nails were killer. They hurt soo bloody much (disregard all the puns I may make with "bloody" I use this in connection to show how much they hurt - and also to explain how bloody in fact they were every day of my life) It wasn't long before my mother took me to a doctors office and he recommended me to another doctor just across the road to do an operation on me in North York General Hospital. I went to the operation which was no more than just him freezing my toe and pulling out the nail. (what is this the dentist!?!!! =for-shadow teehee) - But what was done was done and I was off to live my life again as a rambunctious grade 8 student thriving for a skateboard and a coca-cola every 10 minutes.

Of course - with my luck - the nail grew back in a brutal strike of revenge, spanning on both sides of my big toe! - This was pain folks! Stairs were nazi torture for my feet. Non stop - every step I take - every move I make - those freaking toes would hurt like hell!!!!!

Back to the doctors - back in the bed - froze the toes - and then .......... YANK!

Marching out in a hobble only familiar to a penguin and half of the white hip hop population - I was not in a happy mood. --- These bloody bloody freaking toes I would think! God I hated them. - Ever "damn" your own toes? Or feet for that matter? I was a pro at this.

Thinking this was the end of the battle - my toes decided to strike down into a war again Poland (my other big toe) and tore apart both sides of it as if it owed it child support! - WHAT did this toe do to deserve such a beating?! It was the other one that had the problems with the toe nails!!! What the heck!?

So - Back to the Doctors - back in the bed - froze the toes - and then.......wait..the toes wouldn't freeze..... hold on a second doc... WAIT... Just hold on a second Doctor!!!!............ TEAR!

bastard.

I assured myself in that pain - "I would never be back there again".

As if I had any choice in the matter..... After that last bit of Sweeny Todd for the toe - I was back to get a check up on my toes.

And sure enough Skat Cats - Both big toes were now becoming infected once again and becoming ingrown on both sides............................ This was now personal!

I went to extreme measures for this one. No more was I to wait hand and....ahem... knee? for these feet! - I was sick of praying to the heavens for an easier day (or perhaps an elevator) when ever I saw stairs in what was now my highschool - 2nd year in.

I was sent to a foot specialist............. Ahem --- a Foot Specialist...... Sorry I had to repeat that to myself because of how obtuse it really does sound to me. A man - staring at feet.... Alllllll day/every day..... I guess it's not soo obtuse to me seeing how a friend of mine is a special doctor who looks upon a Gentlemen's .....ahem..... I apologize - there are ladies reading this!

Anyhooven --- I was in this special office - covered in footprints on the walls and oddly shaped shoes on little shelves placed all around the room. A man and his wife it appeared ran this office. They explained to me how this would be a laser surgery - and after this surgery - These toe nails will never be able to grow back - again.............. MUAAHAHAHAHAHAHA SUCK IT NAILS! VICTORY IS UPON THE ALLY'S - MUAHAHAHAH!!!!

Before beginning - the Doctor looks at me. "We will not allow you to watch the surgery - so we will have a curtain up over top of your ankles blocking off your vision to your feet..... Is that alright?" - "Do your thing Doc!" - I smiled...... He responded with.... "No before we begin I need to ask you a few questions........ Do you feel this? (poking my toe after freezing)" - "nope" - "How about this?" - "No sir!" - "Good good - now last question............ Do you like Comedy?"

Ahem........ WHAA?! hahaha I laughed and assured him I was definitely hip and with it and down with the comedy. "Good!" he said. "Well I know it is a bit offensive, but my wife and I are quite partial to the comedy stylings of Robin Williams! Do you like him?" - HELLLS YES! - "Well I hope you don't mind if we put it on and play it during your surgery - you can just lay back and watch it!"

God bless this man! Bless this man and his disgusting little feet fetish! - What a great guy. Told those toe nails who was boss - and treated me like a king! All I had to do was lay back and watch some television as someone else went off and handled my problems!!.... For that hour and a half -- I was George W. Bush.

The war was done. I became champion. I smiled at myself in the mirror in a victorious manner. I was triumphant! I was the big cheese! I was......... I was....... I ............ What is that???......................... A CAVITY?!!!!!! Oh SCREW THIS!

-Mission 29- My Cavity Search

Not gonna lie - my dentist has always been a REAL ass! Although I would always walk in to the office looking like a real bum - he sure didn't hesitate to begin my cavity search and cause a real shit of my day!

He was an older guy. Always picking on me and telling me how bad my teeth were. Never really helping me out or trying to baby me into getting it down... But rather putting me down and using me blindly like toilet paper - making a mess of everything! What a real ass whole! I'll tell yah! - Man oh man! Diggin away in that whole and finding a new reason to treat me like a real Donkey!

I stopped going after a while. I didn't like the ridicule. Not going to lie. Sure I brush my teeth- as much as a teenage boy (at that time) did every night after his shower then brief cry at how miserably awful his skin looked!

But - the time had come. I am an adult now - and as much as it pains me to go back to that pain in the ass for another check up - I needed to go. I knew from that small cavity years ago I was in some deep doo doo if I didn't get it looked at any further.

Heck - my partner in crime and at LEAST 3 other people whom I consider quite good friends of mine most recently got out their wisdom teeth! freaking idiots! I'd be petrified! haha But they had something I did not..... Well a few things for that matter.. 1 being their wisdom teeth. The second being courage!

But this cowardly Lion was going to march up that yellow brick road and bitch slap Dorothy back to Kansas! I was going to suck it up and go for my --- what would inevitably become - my cavity search.

"Oh pJ! There's a new Dentist there now. The other one retired!"

OH Thank the Moons, tides and Mr. Clean!!! I was free from that jerk!

This was a relief! Really was! Sure I would have to go under the drill no matter what - but at least I would get a clean start!

"WOW" - was the first word my new dentist said to me as he began to examine my teeth.

He speculated that these cavities I had were.......... Pretty shitty.

He brought me into another room and sat me down on the big dentist electronic chair.

"This is some real Dentist work! You actually need real work done! Wow, wow, wow!"

I suppose I was happy to make someone feel good that day. Although I was sitting in the chair most recognized as the 2nd most painful chair to sit in - leaving the famous electric chair in a reigning first - I was happy to give this guy the pleasure of doing some real work in stead of the boring chore of cleaning peoples teeth day in and day out.

The first count... 3 fillings and half a root canal. That was my first visit on a sunny tuesday afternoon........... A mere hour later from then - another filling...... OUCH... I would think. Sure I was sore - but more tired feeling.. This Root Canal thing wasn't soo bad. I was feeling pretty good about myself. My teeth were actually looking a lot better!!!

Wait what?..... I have to come in again on Thursday to finish the root canal? sigh..... At least then I'll be done............... I'll be done right?..... Finished RIGHT?!!!!!!

Now Skat Cats - BEFORE this day -(the dentist tells me)- I was strutting around with - 4 cavities - 3 of which were on the front 3 teeth. AND another whopping 4 Root Canals!

Oh for the love of Ronald Mcdonald! C'MON!!!!! sighh..

Day 2 came upon me in a cloudy day - of course I thought positive - HECK cloudy days are my friend Jovi's favorite day! -- I got on the bus with a positive attitude - listening to some Jason Mraz - and I was happy. Generally and fully. It was going to be a good day :D!

Hopped into the chair and said "Do yo Thang!" and within an hour I was out of the chair with that root canal all done.... Of course I was in the chair a tad longer due to the fact that during this root canal he actually didn't have much tooth left over - so he rebuilt me a new one! He made it bigger - stronger - HE HAD THE TECHNOLOGY!

This was a good day.. It didn't even hurt! I was feeling great! - Marching out of the office with a grin on my face I hear - "Oh Patrick! -- I have a cancellation! How about you come back in a bit more then an hour and I start on that 2nd root canal?!"

SURE! - My happily blissful words returned as I continued on my way to sit amongst a city street eating Soft Green Apple Licorice. I was having a grand ol time. I made a ton of phone calls to friends who were in awe at how up and excited I was sounding! It was great! I assured my friend Katie who also needs to go in for a root canal that it wasn't soo bad! She just needed to bite the bullet and get on in there! The thought of it hurts more then the actual operation I told her!

And not too long later - I walked back to the office. I got there about 45 minutes early so I could read a bit and listen to my Ipod.

"Don't get too comfortable! I can take you now!"

OH! Convenient! I suppose more Mraz Tuneski's will have to wait...................

OUUUUUUUCHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?! This rotten bloody tooth (all proper adjectives :D) was hurting soo bad during the operation! Why was it hurting soooo much right now!!! AHHH what is Katie in store for?! What have I done?! Why didn't the first one hurt like this!?!! By the BEARD OF ZUES This was hurting soooo bad!! YOWZA!

I got out of there and prayed to the heavens to pour down raindrops of Tylenol 3's. - I met up with my father and picked some up quickly as I went home and passed right out.

This truly was a pain in my ass! Man oh man!

Tuesday June 23rd I leave for my job up north - I will be leaving with very nice teeth - and a few peaceful months away working with great friends and then moving into my new home in Oakville Ontario before beginning my new Musical Theater program..... But first.... Tuesday June 23rd --- before I leave at 1:30pm - I will return --- at 8 am ---- for my 5th visit within 1 week - to Dr.Hoppe (Hop-pee) and finish this Root Canal.......

I leave you now to no more then the sound of my heart beat pounding and the echo's of drills and scratching at a leather chair become closer and closer.

1 more step to go.... Not much of a leap - not even close to a sheep. But I will drive through it to my destination of hope - joy - and happiness.

Think Gratitude! - it's summer ;)

-pJ

The Case of the String Quartet

2009-06-12T15:08:00.005-04:00

It's been an intense couple of hours Skat cats.

And for a long time I've been aching for some sort of closure on this - and this being an aching agonizing search for love, art, and rock and roll........ I have found the answer to my prayers and have begun the final step to my achieving ultimate satisfaction in:

THE CASE OF THE STRING QUARTET!

Alright so before I go into what will become my "mission 29" I need to inform this story. Not literally ahem - as in tell a "story" some information - yet ... rather..... well... YOU GET IT C'mon!!

4 and a half years ago.

I was a very fortunate young lad to have a plethora of friends. Many friends - in many different places. Yet that was life in High school. Many friends - out all the time. You walk away from high school not with the "knowledge" to advance into the real world - or at least not at mine you didn't. You picked up what you could - through likes and dislikes and "street smarts" you learned what you wanted to get into....... Through my learning - and my friendships in highschool --- I had two distinct groups of friends.

School friends:

Church friends:

Now this story takes place with a certain Church friend..... A certain Matt Linblad. I also call him Matt Mayhem haha - a nickname/stage name I suppose he gave himself. He's a pretty rockin guy..... Quite literally - Rock star and all. And before he moved back to his home land of "the United States" of America haha (Orange County California) - I and he went on a little road trip.

The trip.

I was on my way to school - the last day before Spring Break. *ring ring* "hark, I do believe that is my phone!" - I thought to myself. Sure enough it was good ol Matt. Within a second of silly hello's he began telling me about how he was not looking forward to his family trip to Disney World - all by himself. Sure he'd have his loving family with him - but he wanted a good pal to be by his side............ ;) I'm a good pal.

In a flash I called my mom and told her the good news. She was thrilled for me being a frequent Disney vacationer herself...... And I mean that - she goes every year - SINCE it first opened! Now I do believe there was about a 10 year split where she was only able to go about 1 time seeing how we took to the beaches and overwhelmingly intense mini putt courses of Myrtle Beach. (my favorite was the Peter Pan one!).

As I was hearing details from my mother I am still standing at the bus stop waiting to go to school that morning and (foreshadowing) my friend Mike Mackenzie (who also is now moved away - Vancouver B.C) drives up to me "need a lift?".......... CAN THIS DAY GET ANY BETTER?!

I get a ride to school and the whole day flashes past as a complete blur - nothing is getting through to me except for the extreme trip at hand.

The next morning I wake up really early and get a drive to Matt's house. We pack up his care and head out...... This is of course learning that this a REAL road trip. None of that straight on driving until we get there - which can still be fun - EXCEPT - when you can stop and see new places and live out their individual beauty's - it's soo amazing.... Our first stop was simple. Just a night over in Kentucky....... WHICH by the way I did not see a SINGLE KFC...... I think it's a bloody myth. There are KFC killing us slowly all over the world - EXCEPT for in Kentucky... I think it's a conspiracy...... Sure I didn't see ALL of Kentucky ....... But I swear!!!

Next stop was Atlanta Georgia. HOME OF THE COCA-COLA FACTORY!!! haha. We didn't see it. We decided to take on a more historical look around. We went to the very Church that Rev. Martin Luther King spoke at - and right across the street is a church named in his honor. Right up the street was the very house he was born in. Of course this is where I learned about "shot gun houses". Pretty intense stuff. And then of course the memorial itself of Martin Luther King.... It said "here lies" - but I feel as though he may be berried some place else..... After that we traveled to more residential area to visit a friend of their family. It was nice and also a bit weird for me to be walking through a random house in a completely different country. A new experience for me. We debated staying there for the night - but onward we did go. We made it to Disney. We stayed in a hotel just off the Disney location. Now ANYone who is ANYONE knows when staying at Disney - you STAY at Disney - but we had more things in mind than just simply going to Disney world.

We went to of course the best location on earth "The Magic Kingdom" - and spent an entire day embracing out child sides and the magic and fun that really is there.

The 2nd day Matt and I decided to stay around the hotel - not tooo far from the hotel was in face "DownTown Disney", which is a fun place for shopping and then later at night turns into a club district. There is also a very large building which is an enormous arcade. We spent our day mostly in there.

But while shopping - we ventured into the huge "Virgin Records" store..................(here it comes) .................... Just sitting there. Facing me as if I were a bus and he were a child racing forward at me in a game of "chicken" on no more than a child's scooter. (Did that once)

At the time I was into many different sorts of punk bands - and there sitting in front of me was a CD of Sum 41. But this was not the Sum 41 I knew of.... It was their music - but reworked. Now I say reworked and not "remixed" because this was no beat thugged out version of their songs.... This was a String Quartet Tribute cd to the band.

Now this was by far the funniest and most intriguing thing I have ever seen.... BUT - being in high school - I was short on Cash. And was able to make only 1 more purchase. Should I buy it? OR should I buy either a Keith Richards Bobble head ORRRRRR a Fork that extends to become a foot long?

IT HAD BECOME THE HARDEST DECISION OF MY LIFE! a Rockin cool cd? A funny lookin Bobble head? Or and Extendo Fork?!

But I left with my head held high........... AND MY FORK HELD EVEN HIGHER!!!

Golly! It was sooo cool before it broke a month later! sighh...

But ever since then - that album has been on my mind - and who made it was beyond me. I never thought to write down the bands name and download it when I got home or try looking for it to legally purchase it back in Canada...... So for 4 and a half - almost 5 long years - I have spent the odd couple of nights trying to track them down.

Most recently I have been downloading television episodes online with my "bit torrent" application - and while trying for the life of me to download the cd soundtrack to "Billy Elliot" the Musical --- I remembered the cd.

I tried it out in the search..... It didn't come up.

But a name did...............

The Vitamin String Quartet.

Who?! - I thought. But in a flash I opened up another one of my illegal search ..... download..... application....... thing.

I punched in the name - and like wild fire - more and more songs streamed down. Anywhere from "Bohemian Rhapsody" to "Welcome to the Jungle", "Ironman" and "Clocks" by Coldplay... It was about my 20th song downloaded before I searched up more albums online...... and there I found it. "Fat Lip" by Sum 41. I downloaded it quickly and jammed to it embracing every beautiful pluck of the strings.... Then it occurred to me....... Do they have Jason Mraz triubutes??!!! I searched and searched and nothing came up. I was almost finished before it popped up on Google...... "I'm Yours" Tribute by The Vitamin String Quartet........... Jaw open - palms sweaty... Bed time nearing...... Mission starting.

-Mission 28- I'm Yours

Searching more and more I could not find me. Trying different variations to my search patterns - and even researching the same links in hopes something new will pop up. I was able to find new songs such as "Nowhere Man" by the Beatles and "Where is my mind" by the Pixies - but no sign of "Im Yours".

I had downloaded about 30 songs at this point - all of em being beautiful in sound but still not "I'm Yours".... Ironically enough by about 5:30 am I really just thought that this song was not going to be mine.... (teehee)

I gave up with my finale download of "Mr. Brightside" by the Killers and "Dare you to move" by Switchfoot....... And as I put my computer to the side of me - I fell a sleep to those blissful strings playing the most TRIUMPHANT music anyone could hope for at 6:10 in the morning.

I woke up at noon. Yelled at my phone to shut the hell up - then woke up at a quarter to two - of course putting my healthy sleeping to shame - but I woke up - did my usual teeth brush shower - doggy shake dry routine and I was back to it! - well thats a lie. I went outside to get some sun. Didn't work out. I got about ten seconds before the clouds covered up that joyful array of skin cancer! And so inside I came. Still saddened by the lack of my songs (although 30 would hold me over quite nicely) - I posted a message on my facebook - "Anyone want to buy me a single song on Itunes?! Im desperate with NO Itunes account!" -- Within seconds - my good buddy "MIKE Ma(f'in)ckenzie" was BACK in the game! Always popping out unexpectedly to help me out!! -- It wasn't more than a few seconds before I told him the song I wanted and that he was a king among - not - kings - but still a great human being.

I HAVE THE SONG!!! man oh man! That message encouraged other people like my friend Sara to join in on the pJ love and get me a song that was only available to purchase on Itunes like "Freebird" ---- sigh..... I am rolling in the tuneskies! I busted on "I'm Yours" and danced around my room screaming with joy - jamming along. Music is beautiful.

Long live Music! - ps. Take a look at The Vitamin String Quartet!

-pJ

UP to no Good.

2009-06-11T05:00:00.005-04:00

Not going to lie.

I say that a lot now don't I? Whether in some sort of anecdote about some odd behavior I have been attributing to the world - or in some complete obtuse statement that has - as of most recent - ended in me yelling at Spock........

Now for those playing the home game - Spock the first mate if you will - of the U.S.S Enterprise A. Ncc1701 - is a Vulcan.... This being the original Star Trek. And kudos on the remake movie. Truly madly deeply, you went above and beyond in my expectations. Quite literally --- you see it takes place in space and well err... ahem........ any way.

But I truly wont lie to you. I find it a little ironic to write a blog about your own life and feelings and completely lie about it..... Kind of defeats the purpose don'tcha think? Not to mention the pure reality of knowing that I took great fun in trying to sell a rotten golden tooth to Russell Oliver the "Loan Arranger" of Toronto. (HA!) - or my dwelling on the Massey Hall premises trying to meet Jason Mraz....... Which I did..... I didn't lie...... And of course all of these tales you can read about in my past blogs.... Which I oddly only remember in a flash of recollection. I for the life of me cannot understand these things some times. I will write one of these blogs - and mere moments later it is out of my mind. Couldn't even tell you what I wrote about in my last one..... Which according to me looking back on it now really sort of eliminates me doing a lot of those shopping cart "to do" ideas I had diligently come up with and intended on doing.......... Heck - on many occasions I have asked my partner in crime to read back to me some of my past quotes when he calls me up to laugh about some witty pun I had written....

If I think about it --- and I have --- I suppose these blogs are my inner thoughts.... Oddly enough I am well spoken and witty in these blogs and in real life I am no more than a silly singing white boy from Toronto..... But who cares. Sure I may not sound like the most clever son of a broadcaster on the phone - but add me to some sort of online messenger and watch me match a British old gent.... I'll match him GOOOD I will!! Yes sir yes sir!

-Mission 28- UP to no Good

I've got the Brit's on me mind!!! - yes all British people collectively are on my mind..... That is EXACTLY WHAT I MEANT!!!!!!!! --- gosh I don't know why you are still here... sighhhh...

ANYWAY! -- I just finished watching "Wimbledon". It's a cute little Tennis film that makes me think two things...... I want to learn how to be a kick ass Tennis player...... Now I mean that! A KICK ASSSSS one... Not just some little pansy who can wave around a racket! No no - I'll leave those elderly folk to the beaches of Florida with a Badminton racket... I'm talkin a good ol chap who can raise an eye brow when my cute little toosh in those white shorts makes it's way to win myself a match! - If I could - I'd dress to play every day of my life...... But you know what they say about Labour Day don'tcha???? Most boring day of the year it is!

The second is first and foremost -- I'm gonna marry me Kirsten Dunst. Now now - I have not forgotten about my dream woman - Miss Kristen Chenoweth --- But a man can dream - and dream I shall....... To quote a Musical Tune ---- One that I don't necessarily consider the most uplifting or even life learning -- but in this case - all I can think are the simple and most gentlemanly lyrics :

Standin on the corner watchin all the girls go by!

Standin on the corner givin all the girls the eye!

Oh no you can't go to jail for whatcha thinkin!

Or for the 'Oooooo' look in your eye!

You're only,

Standin on the corner watchin all the girls

Watchin all the girls

Watchin all the gir-irls

Go by!

Musical masterpiece! Truly is!

But you find me now - at 4:28 am Toronto time - typing to you on this lap top - just simply being "UP" - which is not good..

You see I have had an interesting time trying to sleep these days. I don't know what sparked it. But one night - not too long ago - I found myself awake just typing away until the wee hours of the morning - and since then I have not been able to shake it! I just can't do it! It's like taking an owl - moving it to Australia - and telling it to adjust to the time zone!

IT'S A FREAKING OWL YOU JERK!! WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! - you may ask :)

To prove a point simply. - I will laugh.

Isn't that REALLY what has driven "man" to create and to build it's society? To prove a point. Sure in some cases not to rub into the unbelievers face - but more just to prove that "YES WE CAN!" - hahaha hooooooOBama....

I just can't fall a sleep.

When I was younger - let's say 5 - I had remembered drinking Chocolate Milk for the first time. And when I thought about it (one night in my whinnie the pooh sheets) I just couldn't fall a sleep.... Sure back then this was me being put to bed at 8 and still trying to fall a sleep by 10 - but C'mon - 2 hours for a five year old is a bloody life time! And of course looking at my Miss Piggy stuffed animal toy - I simply shook my head and said - "This stuff keeps you awake! I need to cut back!"

Hahah YIKES - story of my wife............ (she's got a problem)

But any way --- Tonight - or ahem Rather - This morning - I have decided to break the trend for these few reasons that don't seem like a big deal now - but is guaranteed to kick me in the arse quite soon.

Reason #1

With late bed times comes late wake ups... Who want's to wake up an HOUR AND A HALF before dinner?! Could you imagine? Oh man!

Reason#2

I begin my job at Ontario Pioneer Camp (I assure you we do regular camp things and not "Pioneer" things..... I don't churn butter!) and at this camp we send the kids off to bed and expect them to be out cold by 11 o clock.... Then of course comes the quarter to 7 wake up everyday

Reason #3

This sleep schedule really just disgust's me to no end. How unhealthy is this!? I feel like I'm killing myself quite quick. Quite DAMNIT!!!!

So here I am staying awake really late in order to try and break the trend!!!!......................... sniff.......................... ahem - dumb you may think..... BUT I disagree! I being well bodied and drastic, have decided to take DRASTIC measures................ And well bodied :)

I am staying up! I will not sleep. And allllll nighter and then tomorrow I will go to sleep at a DECENT hour. And thus breaking the trend.......... Leaving me of course in a day of blissful disillusion and fatigue - BUT! It is for the cause!

I dare ye not try this at home young Winston! But wish me luck! A gentlemen's promise!

-pJ

- aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa screw it I'm goin to bed!!! BUT - I will wake up Extra early just to insure I am nice and sleepy at a reasonable hour! Hail Malthus!!! AND GOODNIGHT!

The 11 o clock Number

2009-06-07T23:00:00.005-04:00

Tell me if this is just a guy thing - but guys seem to consume heat a lot easier than woman do. I don't intend this to be a statement of fact or assumption - I am merely stating that men - not woman - seem to discuss this both openly and in annoyance.

C'mon now - I am sitting here virtually naked .... Virtually because I'ma Computah - and I have the ceremonious one leg out of the blanket. I don't know how - the physics or the emotional balance of it...... But one leg truly madly deeply does the trick. And as much Green Ice Tea as I may consume in it's frozen state, along with my ceiling fan blasting as fast as it can go (which isn't all that fast to begin with) - nothing can compare more than one simple slip of the covers to bare my naked naked hairy leg.

It's heaven. Really is. Don't get me wrong - Heaven is in fact Heaven - some sort of Samsara - Nirvana - Mcdonalds - or what ever spiritual after death paradise you believe in is in fact heaven - but this is something of pure glory.... Slap me thrice and send me to me momma - it feels GOOOOOD!

And I don't mean the offensive yet always satisfying slap on the bee-hind - but more one of those - "Have a seat and listen to your favorite song as I massage you"............ That's right - Massage you.... The world renown back-hand shake that creates friendships within the biggest enemies.

"Want a massage?"

"Sure! Let's be friends!"

See how easy that works? You feel good? - I feel good, Michael Buble feels good - is the world feelin good?

Here's how I'm gonna feel good this week.

-Mission 28- Celebration Sensation!

(just a side note to those of you frequent readers --- If my blogs were a built on a realistic place and the organization of it was some sort of style ---- I am really digging the feng shui)

Now other than the typical work days that I am attending/enduring this week - I need to keep myself on some sort of key routine that keeps me in some sort of positive mood. Flip flopping my way through yin and yang this week is not something I am wanting to do being soo close to moving away.

FOR THIS IS -- the finale 2 weeks of me living in Toronto as a permanent resident...... Scary as heck........

(I move to Port Sydney, Muskoka in Ontario Canada - and then to Oakville, Ontario) --- sigh. I'll miss the city - yet I am close enough to enjoy me some weekends!

I have 2 songs at the moment to which I WISH to record....(hard sentence to speak out loud - awkward huh?) -- And my mission - dare I choose to accept it - is to record 4 before I go away... Don't yet know how I will accomplish said mission - but C'mon - I'll do it. No worries there.

So to begin

-1. To feel - To sing - To play - To write - To record........ Then To Myspace I shall place :)

Furthering my week I have a few things to accomplish work wise - one of my last shifts with that clothing company I have referred to in the past - and 1 shift as a freelanced photographer taking photos at some outdoor concert in eastern Scarborough.... Of course I'll have to find a compensatingly professional looking camera to show off with. And then to a possible opening shift at the clothing store.

Before Intermission

-2. Finish work - Find camera

A day off isn't as fun as it sounds after 2 years being built on a series of days offs. Sure this is SUPPOSED to be what life is like. But this is not LIFE. Not yet at least. Im not in any age or state to want to stay put and sit on my butt every few days. These days as I have said have been directed towards writing. And of course trying to tighten up the nerves - take that pre-show dump (shout out to Adam Miller) then take ten and sing to whom ever it is watching...... When I can do that - I can move forward with this passion of mine...... And of course - the finale number - what used to be the 7 o clock - now become the triumphant last number 11 o clock blast --- I end off with a meeting this Sunday at my great friend Katie's house. This meet is based to bring up fun ideas for this summer with all of our hilariously fun Leadership Team members.... Im excited and impatient all at the same time.

It's like a race my teacher would tell me.... End strong.

I have a week to make mistakes - break routine - and feel sorry for myself. But before curtain call I am ending strong. Giving what's left of me as an all or nothing. If the plane goes down - make sure to make your finale impact (no pun intended..... thats a lie - all puns intended).

-3. Bust a Lance Armstrong --- Live Strong. - (end strong)

Looks like it's going to be a fun week.

-pJ

Wit's all been done before!

2009-06-04T01:04:00.009-04:00

There have been soo many inspiring moments ---

key moments to which if I had just simply stopped and observed as I usually do - I would have been some how moved and un-forceful in moments necessary to what HAPPINESS I try to obtain day to day.....

Thats a bit sad.. Obtaining sadness.. And a bit of a lie on my behalf. I apologize...........ahemjerk....

But have you ever stopped and smelled that brisk fuel filled air?........... Not very nice no..... But have you ever stopped - sprayed fabreeze in your room -- assume it's then clean -- and then smell??......................... Pretty amazing right?

But I've been influenced in my happiness. As most people are - with a simple hello - or perhaps the wave of thanks when you allow someone to enter your lane in front of you while you're driving on the highway.

And for me - if you have been a blog follower of mine - you would know I reference back to a blog that I am quite fluent in..... "Freshness Factor Five Thousand" - the blog written by Jason Mraz....... He writes about some of the most inspiring things - its phenomenal how he captures my attention.... He last wrote about toilet paper. And how REALLY bad and wasteful it is to the world. It's IN FACT ruining our world with every wipe we take! --- How clean are we REEEAAALLLLY if the world is in fact dirty............... Think about it.

But it's a blog like that - that I have set out to make.... The last few ones that I have written have been both hilarious in grammatical certainties - and ironic in the content. And although I enjoyed writing them - I have completely strayed from what I set out to do.... Let out my thoughts and days of hysterical trauma that you expect to see in a sitcom undoubtedly starring Shia Labouf.... Or how ever you spell his last name...... Alright folks - off topic..... But Shia used to be a really funny guy -- I saw him on the MTV Movie awards and he's all tough and hip........ More like --- All Lame and .... really just not.... not terrific.. No sir... Him and the bane of my existence Miley Cirus were on that show..... God... Why did you curse the world with that annoying teen??

Any way --- On topic...... HAVE YOU EVER HEARD HER SPEAK!? AHHH!!!!!!!

cough..... sorry... sorry................ Sor............... SHE'S SUCH A DENSE LITTLE TWIT! ...... I mean....

SOOO I was walking home from work -- and there are a few things I am planning to do to really just retrieve this "happiness" ---- I am going to TRY for the life of me.. To go camping.... Real just - sit in a tent in the middle of no where with nothing but a little frosted cooler of hot dogs and water - as well as my uke..... I wish I could just leave and do that....... But nope.. not here in the city.... And definitely not in hicksville -- just outside Toronto.... MAN! I just hate Miley..........

Sombre and courteous. I don't want to have to think! I want to think because ideas are coming to my head - because I am appreciating something. Not like I have been in the last little while.. That thinking is bad news bears. It's not healthy to carry on. It's not healthy to stress about things not needing to be stressed about.... My mother has been on my case about next year and money -- She asked me tonight what's my deal - why am I not freaking out like her?! --- I looked at her simply and said.... "Think about it this way....... Among the money - just for classes - among getting a loan - or a government bersary - I'm heading into that place homeless and with no more than 3 and a half days to buy everything I'll need for those classes - I'm not going to think of everything at once."

And I wont. They are all on my mind. But never at once. What one person wants those stresses? They are apparent to me yes, but it is senseless to sit in ruin and disguise the beauty of the sunny outdoors with pondering what is about to happen. Let's ponder about what's happening right now shall we? Perhaps over a glass of wine? Oh ma chere Mademoiselle - ooh la laa where are my manners? If we are stressed then it is fine dining I suggest............... What do you say?.............................

OH SECRE BLEU!! There I go again -- Forgive me mon ami........ heehee.

-Mission 27- Wit's all been done before!

Trying to find the perfect dilemma to talk about -- I have found myself tumbling over thoughts back and forth - and forgetting the good ones as I spent the last twenty minutes searching up the correct spelling to french words.

And my conclusion - my - how you say - cake and taters --------- yes ... my cake and taters....... MY flow back towards a more simpler mind set - a calmer and more solemn mind stream is just the simple phrase "to live."

That's all I'm looking for. We are at check points in our lives where we have to look at ourselves and try to see some sort of "life". Don't go withering away with details in the fabric - you're not even good at hemming. I -- at this time - am anxiously awaiting a very happy filled summer -- I will then go into the most intense form of living I can even imagine.... (got my time table in ..... who thinks theirs is worse??? Try me.)

All in all is all Im saying......All............ All together now lets just embrace in some sort of thanksgiving - look upon bliss and tell it to suck it..... I'm embracing now and the how. What comes next for me is to come next - I'll embrace it then..... Not now.. There's too much out there to really dwell on the past or to worry my life away. To quote a very enchanting musical in my mind "Bye bye Birdie" --- "I've got a lot of living to do"........... SO I'm off to do some....

Care to join me? Ma belle, Mademoiselle.......

- Adieu

Iraqis need Musical Theater

2009-06-02T02:00:00.003-04:00

A few highlights I failed to mention in my previous blog.

-Mission 26- Mission Previous

So I have spoken out about the new laptop - to which I have named "Tabitha the virgin Queen".

haha - this of course being because of my naming EVERYTHING "Tabitha"... I really do. It's sort of become something of a need to be done christening.......(God shouting down from the heavens) "In order for this to be good - it shall be called Tabitha.... Then..... IT shall be GOOOOD!"

And so it was God........... And so IT WAS!!!

Other "Tabitha's" include

Tabitha Chenoweth - Tenor Ukulele

Tabitha with the big White Ass - my deceased Dodge Caravan

Tabitha the bouncy yet bashful - My queen sized bed

Tabitha of Rock - My American Fender Bass Guitar

Tabitha the White - my first Car - '92 Oldsmobile

And then of course the very firsts:

Tabitha

Tabitha the 2nd - MY ultimate Frisbee's from Ontario Pioneer Camp as a camper.....

And these girls have been a part of my life long since I was the shaggy haired man you read

about today!

But wait......... Wait right here......... WHAT'S THAT!? Mac has a new deal?!!!! Well what is it Mr.Quinto from the hit Television show Heroes and the Summer thriller "Star Trek" in theaters now??

Macs are giving away what now????

FREE IPOD Touches?

Are you sure?

Well we both know how correct you were about Kirk trying to explain about the intercepted Klingon distress call - and the only reason of agreeing with him was because of the confirmation of Language specialist Uhura agreeing with Kirk........ And because you wanted to "hit that".....................THINGS WORKED OUT NOW DIDN'T THEY!? SOOOOO perhaps I may just have to look into that .....(God shouting down from the Heavens) "PEEEEJAAAAYYYYY - IT is GOOOOOOD"!....

Sigh..........

You got lucky Spock..... Damn lucky!

Well taaa deee daaa off I skipped to the Apple store --- and looky right there - that damn gremlin resembling vulcan was correct.....

SO in I walk with me mommy..... Yes... me mommy... And we show the bill and say - "We heard about the new Ipod rebate with school purchases of Laptops......... We got this three days before the sale"......... The lady smiled at me a nice handsome smile --- and handed me my new........ brandspankingly shiny --------- bill...

damn it!!...... Oh wait - Rebate means I get the money back!!!! -- SWEET BEANS!!!

UP YOURS SPOCK!

Spock: but I was trying to....

UP YOURS!!!!!!!

Welcome to the world

Madam Tabitha - Duchess of sound...... Just call her Madam Tabitha -- She's a lady you see!

Enough of my lady loves ---

I've been a huge admirer of speed.... Checking out Motorcycles a lot as of recent -- mainly after my friend Kyle told me he got one and then sold it to buy a boat........... WAIT ....

.. hold that thought --- I have a mustache growing out of my nose ---- need a quick trim........ Don't you drive away now!

Alright I'm back now........ hahaha - oh no -- I wasn't trimming my nose hairs..... a

ha noo...... I......................... Okay that was a lie I was trimming my nose hairs.... still ...... But any way --- SPEEED.

As I said before I was at a cottage this weekend with my friends from highschoo

l to which I LOVE VERY MUCH -- MUCHOS MUCHOS AMORE thrown their way ..... BUT - at one point of the weekend we got to ride a boat.... Didn't know the guy - he seemed really cool - He turned on some Michael Jackson as we cruised down the lakeshore of cottage country.... It was amazingly chilled - We were on a Kodak moment overload... I think we took about a hundred photos from that part of the trip alone.... But there was this moment where he literally asked us all to get off from the edges of the boat and hold on...... In his words "Watch out for your tits"....... He was a nice guy...............

SOOOO as we all settled in our breasts --- ahem --- He took off in a flash... Drivi

ng about 70 Mph swerving around this lake - tearing it up as if it owed him money.... It was amazing. My face was something that only an astronaut can look at and go "What a trippy Mirror". I recall looking down and saying "I feel the need - the need for speed" - yet as cool of a reference as that was - everyone behind me was curious over the dirt from the lake that had appeared to have stained my underpants.......... sigh........... Damn lake..... IF you don't get me with freezing me to death - you take away my smoothness with the old dirt in the fanny trick...... Bastard...... Did Spock tell you to do that?......... sigh.... damnit spock.

Alright -- so big day tomorrow. Im headed into work - and from Work I shall be running down within the town to make it to a Toronto Performance of "Sound of Music"...... Im not going to lie to you.... I wouldn't that to such a distinguished group of passionate PJ lovers - and Im never one to knock someone's love for me.... I embrace it....... Literally...... I was just sorta thinkin..... After this do you think I could get a hug or something from you?.......... just sayin......

I saw a comedian - Sean Cullum -- apart of his improve he mentioned that he would feel the musical theater stylings of "Cats" the musical would calm down the terrorists who appear to be taking wrath from the states - but of course he felt they would be more inclined to see it if they were to make a sequel named "Mat's"........ Afghan rugs and such.... Man --- Tap dancing for Terrorists..... I see minimal flaws.... and loses. Only the actors..... But who needs em right?... Have you ever eaten with one?

-pJ the squire of Notre Lamp - Located near Bible Camp...........

Ahoy! Sunshine

2009-06-01T14:00:00.000-04:00

My hands smell like bacon.

I've been looking for some sense of play as of late. And take that in as what ever comes - but for me - I've been looking (in a less poetic way) for something to do.

Depression can creep on someone fast. Things build. Doing nothing can haunt someone. Especially in a time and season where you notice friends going off into the world. Sure my time is coming to get out of this city and live something new. But it's the anticipation and the agony that stretches you thin.

This year I will be working up at a camp. Doing fun little acting games with children. I'm the drama guy. Not as in this "new" slang where drama means everything bad. Or Luggage - DON'T YOU HATE THAT!? Who the hell refers to someones emotional capacity or problems as "luggage" ? - I despise the word. Even when I'm packing. I call it my pack or my sack......... For obvious reasons I usually call it my pack. OR bag is a good one. But I find myself insulting people as "an old bag" so the rarity of it is quite unique.

To pass my time I have been running. Hasn't done a thing to my physical appearance other than when you see me walk I complain constantly about my legs being as sore as a mans lip with herpes.

Other things have been finishing up those darn songs I have had dwelling in my mind for a long time. I wrote this little chord pattern that I have turned into a chorus. I really enjoy it. I almost don't want to play the full song. I love it. I'm sure if you are someone reading this that will also be at the same camp as I am - you will hear it. I wont identify it as being apart of one of my songs. But you'll hear it.

I was lucky enough to bring up my tunes to a cottage this past weekend and really get into them in front of some nature. Some peacefulness - some ------- some................. Bacon.

-Mission 25- "My hands smell like Bacon"

Not going to lie. I have been in a serious rut for the past couple weeks. It finally got to me at the beginning of last week. It's odd how you can have a REALLY great night filled with excitement - joy - entertainment - art - friendship - and even some love - and wake up the next day feeling depressed. It's an awful cycle of things to go through. A nice little outing to the Distillery District here in Toronto with a few friends who keep me in some of the most level headed states I ever seem to be in.

It was a fun night with art beaming from every corner. The show was casual. So casual that we didn't even realize it had begun. With music growing as loud as the crowd - randomly - dancers began to move within different areas of the crowd. From there we heard some amazing music varying from acoustic rock - to indie rock. After a few spoken word pieces and some Old Timey Vaudeville Comedy from my friends - It was mingle time. Beer was expensive - but it didn't stop us from having a fun time. Sure the performers all drank for free - and I just to happened to be with a group of people who performed - so we were all enjoying ourselves.

It's funny. I've been single for well over a year now - and although I do miss the compassion and love - I don't go looking for it these days. But that night - although I wasn't searching - It found me.

I had some great conversations - and although I left with no real outlook on seeing them - no phone number to reunite in some coffee shop for some caramels or anything - it was a great night........ Apparently I am slowly turning into "Zac Efron". My buddy Matt whom was looking for a good conversation or two wasn't pleased with my easy ability over the evening. hahaha We had a good laugh about it on the way home. Haha - or at least I did :D

So the week had passed with nothing happening. Quite literally. I was alright with this due to my brand new spankin Mac Laptop. My mom found it necessary to kick me off her computer and give me one of my own. Obey thy mother and thy father I felt - so I went along with her idea ;)

Tonight we are planning to pretend to return it because they failed to mention to us that if we bought it a week later, I would get a free Ipod. So we are going in to get me that Ipod :). Mom's lookin out for number 1.... Me.

But among the week of nothing - I came to the weekend. A 2 night stay away at my good old friend Danielle's cottage. Few of us from the original core high school group from back then went. It was intended to be a small group.

I was a part of the early group. We arrived and took to having a good time quite religiously. It was hours before the final group of people showed up. We were already set on hitting our designated bedrooms..... Mine was of course the couch in the main living room - seeing how I was one of the only ones there without a significant other. This I did not mind, it was just the staying up to the endless hour of 6:45am until the last of the latecomers had gone to sleep.

Not going to lie. There was some personality clashing that weekend. We have all been great friends for years. But something just was off. And as much fun as we had.... The tension caused it not to be the relaxed weekend I had intended.

But I did however get time just rocking out to some of my songs. Playing some old ones. It was great.

Ever play the game "Signal" - it's a card game. I suggest you learn how to play and have one killer night of it.

That was my favorite part of the weekend. I teamed up with this girl Bailey, and we faced off against her boyfriend Arthur and ma sistah girl Jack-star miss Jackie Dell.

Bailey and I had an early start with winning - but Arthur and Jackie came back in a hurricane of Signal death - looking out for nothing but triumph. Toook us out they did. BUT - the others who were not playing wanted to play another game and wanted us to be a part of it. Not really wanting to break this hilarious match we decided to do one more finale round...... Bailey and I were eyeing them down to make sure they didn't slip a finale signal without us looking......... I had 3 "5's"!!! One more and we had it... I picked up a 4 in hopes to throw them off..... Buzzed as I was didn't see the other 4 sitting down on the table.... They all had a good laugh over me no way fooling them...... But I was in this to win haha... I found the 5..... I took it very casually giving off the feeling I was going to begin going for 5's. Arthur looked at me and full out guessed I had 3 of the same cards - I tried to look sly by taking a casual sip of my drink..... This of course also being mine and Baileys signal... His eyes grew as the cup got closer to me.... I stopped and begun to laugh - Bailey noticed and was getting ready for me to finally take that sip....... "Take a sip" hahaha Arthur said to me - I laughed but took my sip - before he could call a block and win the game - Bailey shouted out "SIGNAL" and WE TOOOK IT HOME!!!!

Booo yah grandma in a barn of glory!!! We were the winners. haha. If we had continued to play we wouldn't have become victims of a serious buzz kill. Haha. But the night ended early. Everyone went to sleep. We woke up and it was my turn to help make breakfast........ 36 pieces of bacon later - we had eaten breakfast - cleaned and decided - sure we have another full day..... But amidst the awkward grouping - we left.

Dyeing to be home - I stormed into my house tearing my pants off to allow a pants free zone for the rest of my day I went straight for the shower.

RELIFE I felt being cleansed of more than just dirt. I sat at my mac and turned on the third installment of "Back to the Future" and settled in for the end of my night........ Within minutes of turning on the dvd - still quite damp from my shower - Ted - a friend of mine - comedian - invited me to see a well known stand up comedian "Sean Cullum" downtown with him...... Pants were back on - and I was off on the town......

Now I'm excited. I ended off strong on an almost buzz killed filled weekend. And a head of me is a summer filled with amazing friends. Great days filled with laughter and fun..... And a bliss I long for every summer..... I'm not yet there. But I can see this land from my crows nest quite clearly now. 22 days..... Camp Ho!!! Ahoy! Sunshine.

-yar

oh HAPPY day

2009-05-20T23:53:00.004-04:00

So it has been a rather enlightened day. I wont say I have been in a slump. Because I don't care for em. Slumps --- or mumps for that matter. Don't like em.

But beyond all the insufferable banter about life and trying to come up with yet another humorous story about how I took it upon myself to create a -MISSION- out of my life - questioning boundaries - living life to the edge of reason and maturity --- I slow things down and for once - turn into a typical blogger who just simply.................... Wants to talk about his day.

-his day-

I awoke - not early - but not enthused to be awake at the breaking hour. I lay in bed as I do most mornings contemplating how I will move that one leg under my blanket on to the floor to hurl me to my feet while the other leg - known as my "it's too F'ing hot in my room so this leg will lay outside of my blanket to bring me a nice breeze"............... A long name.... But I feel it is suitable..... Much like the name of Olga for a German woman - or perhaps Carol for a singer.... (Ironically enough I have taken many-a vocal lessons with a woman names Carol ;D)

But I got up and showered - and ran to the closest coffee shop for ................ NOT a coffee (tune in to find out way on a blog that has yet to be written) - but rather a fairly LARGE Chocolate Milk..... It was boiling today - and although milk WAS a terrible choice.... I rocked it.... :)....

Work - like most - was lame within the first few moments... I have a new boss who oddly enough sounds like Miley Cyrus when she talks..... She seems pretty down to earth though.. I feel bad because the last few minutes of my shift I was talking on my phone to an old friend name "Graeme" and she completely called me on it..... In my defense I was in the back room taking off my things to go home... Yet I was talking on work time..... Although I did begin 20 minutes earlier and not clock in until my usual time --- sooooooo 20 minutes minus two minutes..... Any way..... No need to fuss or bring up any hard feelings of course.... Although in a court of law I feel like I could kick some butt......

ahem..................................................... ANY WAY... :)

I got back to my homestead with the hottest day of our Toronto Summer '09.... Lay out on my deck listening to some "Waiting for my Rocket to Come" ...... Oh Hell yes!....... I am pretty dark already for a little white boy from Canada - but what else do you need with the soft breeze kissing your skin and the sun beams down a glorious burn to your pours?? (Not a big fan of laying out in the sun??? ---- Don't call me this summer... We wont be able to hang out)

This was all an inevitable wait until ----- sigh--- I'll admit it......... American Idol.

I have gotten pretty intense with this show... I find myself SKIPPING the whole season up until about the finale 11... I catch the last person get knocked out and not make it to the TOUR group top ten and then I choose who I think will win...... Soon to follow was my choice of who should win - but I'm not the 1 million American voters - what do I know?!!

But I stayed true to the show and watched for the simple reason of enjoying performances and the fact that I rock a v-neck just as well as Simon Cowell ;) - oh yeah babyyyy!!! haha

But I watched and I typed - as I was supposed to do a blog interview with some friends, for our camp that we work for each summer.... Just to get people PUMPED for giving back to the world and the fun people they get to work with...

Now - MR.Mraz - always rocking as he does, showed up and performed as one of the many amazing Music Superstars on Idol for it's Finale.

Props to him. A man who went from posting a message on his website about "If you have a place I can perform at tell me" to performing in front of a thousand people in person and MILLIONS among MILLIONS live -- It's pretty amazing to see the growth of a singer. Wish him the best.

And the show ended with me screaming for my NEW favorite contestant Kris.....

That is ALLLLL I will say about a television show... I know I have gone into a huge deal about "Scrubs" ending - but that had some human touching warmness and some relevance to my life... This is just pure entertainment.

During Idol - I got that all too familiar feeling - this man needed a drink...... So running to my closest liquor store, I went in a flash.... Grabbing what I had already contemplated in getting --- the woman at the desk took one look at me and said...............

"Lemme guess - Your girlfriend dresses you"

SAYYYY WHAT!? haha

No way lady.

I couldn't help but laugh.

What could you say to that?

Me................ Oh ..... haha I had something to say.... hahaha

Being a young white single male from the streets of Toronto, there was only one thing to say........

"I work at American Eagle"............................... sighhhh.

Witty.... Nope.

Clever even? (that's the same as witty who am I kidding)

I begun to think of similar clothing stories as to give you a clever little blog that brings you back through out the life of me and tells the story of my many phases in life and outfits I have worn - including a FULL orange outfit including a vest and visor" - but - to be fluent and care free and among all ---- --------------- me.

I wrote what was in me to write/feel.....

I'm still living the way I have wanted to. And among the months to come that WILL change my life.... I am waiting and willing... I am loving and keeping gratuitous thoughts of the people who have loved and helped me along the way....................

I hope and sit impatiently sweaty for another day like this.

Good morrow to you all I suppose haha. It's how I'll end it off here. MY day has turned to night - and I am excited for tomorrow.

Nothing like it...... LIFE.

This is my partner in Crime............ Today was his Birthday..... oh Happy Day Brother!

Live Long and Prosper

2009-05-17T17:40:00.003-04:00

There are a ton of idiosyncrasies that I have noticed about myself. Varying from hiccups - to a laugh for absolutely every occasion or person.

It's a little odd. A lot of people believe me to have a fake laugh. One of those "polite" or "Okay, I'm going to laugh now yet my eyes are shouting at how uncomfortable this moment is" - you know these laughs..... But generally I have not yet found that common base to my laugh. Not even for the "GOD WHY ISN'T THIS OVER?" laugh.. I generally laugh at everything. Honestly - I'm a pretty silly guy with not too many worries in my life. Sure there are stresses and complications that turn my life upside down - but I try not to worry my life away.... It's a little bad of me. I wont lie.

A lot of you who read that will think "oh what a laid back fella" - That is of course if you think of me as a heavy weighted pre teen ....... please never call me "fella" - Thank you ever soo much. But thinking about it - without a lot of worrying and intense "stressing" there may not be a logical way of doing a few things..... Chilling out and taking things as they come keeps me in a "happy" state - even when I am depressed about something or other - but hoooowwww much do I really ................................. ahem.... Y'know, I don't care.... hahaha No need to hurry - no need to make up my mind about all this.... Who REALLY wants to worry about something? C'mon - I know a lot of you feel as though you are not getting anything done.... But I don't know... This is "How I do" haha. I don't knock the way another guy lives his life. Or at least I try every day not to. But life is a constant struggle with something or other - so I've been taking it in stride - the gum... Absolutely Delicious - you only need one little sliver of that minty cancer as you travel to your designated destinations.... :)

Another little "me" thing I have been told and have actually begun to feel a little self conscious about is my voice.... Not the singing portion to my voice - I will never feel FULLY comfortable to just bust out a song - especially on cue. No dice. Not me. I ain't no stool pigeon.. BUT - my talking voice.

When I was younger - sayyyyyyy Grade 9? -- I was a mumbler.... My voice was never one to crack on me - no no - a sissy I may have sounded like - but an ass I did not.
As I grew older I ALWAYS sounded deeper in my own head then I did out to everyone else. Ever hear your own voice talk on recording? YUGHHHKK... Tell me about it right!? YOU SOUNDED AWFUL!!! haha ahem .... umm , I mean I did ..... he..hehe...ha.....ahem

But the most recent "trend" with my voice has been a tad............ how might I say.... Irish?
HONESTLY people hahaha. I tell my partner in crime about this every time someone jumps to the conclusion that I am in some way Irish... Yeah sure - I am - in a small capacity. My Father is the all Canadian Irishmen..... Meaning a "Newfy" - one from the province of Newfoundland.... I swear - The English got to this land and did all the trading and the battles with the natives while the French came in and got comfy.... And then came the Irish..... Man oh man - They spotted the FIRST bit of land they could - made port and got drunk.......... For those of you who have yet to visit Canada - they have yet to Sober up.... God bless em.

Yea yea I know this is in no way a historically accurate line of Canada's past - but you can call something on paper all you want - in the hearts of the individual of these lands - we know the real truth ;) --- pfft Call the SkyDome what you wish ---- It's the SkyDome you rich bastards.

This little Voice of mine has brought me a long way. Through humor and song - I have made a life for it..... Which makes sense at how I would freak out and feel a complete loss when I go and lose my voice this past week..... sighh... Oh bother.........

-Mission 24- Tune HE hums

So I haven't written in a while because of many things.... 1 - I haven't had anything to write about - this is partly true .... Because 2 & 3 have to do with being incredibly busy this past week. So as I could have written a short melancholy article at my take with the Killer Queen of my existence (rum) - Or perhaps the visit from a far off Friend from the French land of Canada - or the fantastic Baseball game I indulged in - or....................... Well that's the ending ... you have to wait to find out........... :)

WELL yes ma'am I did have a friend from Quebec come and visit these parts - let's name her "Diddy" ..... And when I say let's I mean thats already her nickname..... Don't like it? ... Wanna Fight about it?!!!!! That's what I thought.......

Much like a few of my good friends - Diddy is moving into the downtown region of Toronto to begin pretty much the best life ever - and as I am sadly moving away to a region that I will leave blank ........bloody empty town of nothing....... I was DEFINITELY going to help show her the sites and sounds of this glorious place.

(now one comes to enjoy their own city after eagerly trying to escape it as a young lad. And then of course coming into a manhood/and realizing that everywhere else just leads back here... haha)

She - my partner in crime and I took to the streets and headed south t'wards the "Distillery District" - a very pretty place edging off the map of downtown Toronto - there I indulged in a very delicious (my favorite) dishhhhhhh - worldly known as "Fish and Chip"........ This of course being a battered fish with fries .... It was maybe my 2nd out of 3 Fish and Chip meals for that week..... So for those of you who don't know --- I'm big on the dishhhh... ;D

NOW - from there was quite delightful... We walked around the town that is down and hit up a few nice spots to rustle up some grub and then found a nice park to rest our heads a while.... NOT going to lie - but if I had the strength and patience and ENDURANCE most of all to run as much as some of those people could do - man I'd be a tank! - I named one "Pilsner" Him and I go way back... Jordan and I cheered constantly for this man as he lapped us time after time. He's a freaking man! oh man oh man... haha
We hit up a ridiculously depressing yet informational film based off the Rwanda Massacre, happy I went. Wasn't impressed with the film itself but it did give me the history first hand at what had gone one down there... The night coming to an end I took a last look at a close by movie set of the next hit Michael Cera film and then headed to visit a friends place in Kensington.... Moments after arriving to my own homestead I fell a sleep.. I was about as out as Lance from Nsync.
The next day was killer - tanned the day away just listening to some old records and cd's I have - A lot of Beatles - Relient K and Blink 182 for old time sake -- Then off to a BLUE JAYS game!!!
Again - you can call them "The Jays" all you want on their jerseys and have a dumb mascot named "ace" --- but in reality - and forever in the hearts of all fans - they will be the "Toronto Blue Jays" with "BlueJay Birdie" as their team mascot. SO THERE!

This is where the voice began to fade. The screaming and yelling at Madonna's A-Rod and the rest of the Yankees as they woop'd our butts and the usual cheering when we ALMOST made a decent play.... Worth it? yes.... but the voice didn't fully kick out until of course the next day.....

MTV apparently has a Canadian television station haha. Me not being a fan of such shows like "The Hills" would never know about this - so you would believe my surprise when I heard my good buddy Shawnny Dell and his band "The Great Bloomers" were performing on their MTV Live segment.

I think my voice packed it's bag and took off leaving behind no more but a shadow of it giving me the finger.... Non stop was I screaming "WOOO GREAT BLOOMERS!!! I WANT A BLOOMER!!" - They're a really great band - check them out on :

http://www.myspace.com/greatbloomers

Dwelling downtown for a few extra hours - I ended my night with a few drinks with some friends before heading back to my distant hour travel away home.... sigh... Transit.
Wake up - wait...... Plenty of movies watched and then back out on the town........ This train was not movie... yet that morning I felt the vast finale blow of my voice fade away...... LAME - and sure enough - I was on my way to a party that was bound to be loud.... Really fun party - but I don't think the Tequila helped to soften my throat and rest my achy breaky voice.

This has now come down to my solitude in my room today as I begun to master the famous song "Hallelujah" by Leonard Cohan on Tabitha Chenoweth........... That's right - Tabitha has a more "Fuller" name now after I read the autobiography entitled "A Little Bit Wicked" by Kristin Chenoweth...... :)
Either way - a voice would have been appreciated as I sung the sad sorrowed twangs on my uke and the solemn beats of my heart ACHING to be able to sing some of those beautiful words and just for one instantaneous moment feel like a rock star....... But nope..... I sound like I ........ Well.. Nothing .. air didn't even come out... To be ironical.... It blew.

I have the next few days to rest..... And that I plan to. Or at least - my voice .... :) .... Can't stop this train.

When was the last time you belted out? Was it worth it? - yeah - me too :)

-pJ

Precocious Brotha!

2009-05-06T23:56:00.001-04:00

It has been a long and intense journey. I remember the first time in fact. If there had been ANY memories to stick out as if it were the pin point of that relationship........ You all know what I talk about...... If any of you have been in a relationship with someone - you know there would always be that one memory..... That one time to which you remember everything that meant the most to you. Unfortunately the time that I remember isn't the time or any time for that matter - that I was with the person I thought I had loved......... Of course this was high school, so I won't deny there being love there. But y'know - out of what I have done since then - who I have loved since then - I will admit it was no True love. But the memory in fact was one where I knew I was all alone. I knew that this was it and that I was off to make my own in the world.

-not even a mission - it was the end but the beginning

It was a late night..... I stayed up late - after everyone was a sleep. I didn't want to in fact. I knew that everything I was holding back was best to hold on to. I had dated before - I had held on to feelings past - but the thing was that I would always know ----- (side tracked story)

I have a gift --- And it isn't the one some of my friends think I have.... I love you all for encouraging the Musical Theater talent you all tell me I posses - but this was the feeling - the knowing - and the unfortunate -- the regrettable - and the painful gift of knowing when you see someone (specifically your girlfriend) for the last time.

It was the drive...... I have been unfortunate enough to see a lot of "Goodbye" faces. The ones where y'know are the last ones...... I remember the only living Grandparent I have had...... Her name was Olive. The last time I saw her was when my mother and I visited her when I was somewhere around the age of 6.... I think ..... I had just finished the 2nd grade...

My mother was a School Bus driver.... "Like the Frizz, NO WAY!?" -- and we visited "grandma" as my mother was always wanting to know the "time" - y'know - the limited amount of time it would take to pick up every child and drop them off at school...... Sure to some this sounds brilliant - "wow you're mom really thinks a head" --- but if she is ANYTHING like myself or my brothers - or my hysterical Father - then this was just to figure out when / how long she could sleep in till - and then go and pick up all of these children....... But this day I decided to go with her. To scope out the new territory and to visit old ones... We stopped shortly and my "Grandmothers".... I don't know the feeling - and I hope not to for a long time - but the feeling she had - was one that knew - her youngest grandchild was there in front of her........... for the last time..... She offered me things like juice and cookies - almost in a desperate excuse to offer me everything I would have wanted at that moment .............................. To make me happy during those very last moments.................. I remember her face... That bandanna..... Later on (a few months) she passed from cancer..... And I remember that face....

-Mission 23 - What a "Beautiful Mess"

The last time I saw her face - I was driving away..... With her parents in the front seats I sat in the back staring back as the main object of the last few years of my high school life - turned from apparent - to shadow..... I sat there after sleeping most of my way through the northern cottage country of Canada "Muskoka"... I didn't know what to do really...... I watched her fade away as I teared up something fierce............. It's alright though - I wouldn't categorize this girl as being a great love - but she did change a few things...................... On the drive home - I had a lap top - and a few seasons of a show I had NOT even seen one episode of.................. MY partner in crime and his brothers were always big on the humorously eccentric television shows - and so in an attempt to rid myself of those embarrassing moments where they would quote an episode and I would sit there dumbstruck in awe at how they sounded hilarious and I would never be able to comprehend "WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT" ----- I asked to borrow one of their "seasons"....... This being one of their DVD box sets of a television series I had never seen............ And what they gave to me was.................... "Scrubs".....

This under rated sitcom has been the bain of a few of my close friends lives........ But to Jordan and I ---- and of course his family - this show has been the humour to which our lives really thrive from..... Sure we all have our original sense of play - but this was the starting point for me.

I wasn't old enough to drink - God bless me for that - even though at a high school finishing age - especially in Scarborough "Toronto" Ontario - I had - had my fair share of alcohol - I turned to a hysterical television sitcom called "Scrubs"...............

This became my LIFE! haha I would stay up late watching episodes... By the time I got into it - the 5th season was about to come out on dvd. I think I watched almost the first two seasons on the way home from dropping her off...

The humour and sense of reality and common emotions I shared with the lead characters kept me in a sane place of depression ..... I knew it was the end of my relationship - I really did. Hence why it was easy for me to go searching for love elsewhere after it had all ended.

But the next one (One being the next girl I dated) -- was great with this new obsession of mine.... "Scrubs" had become my only sense of relief..... Sure I had friends - and of course this girlfriend - but Scrubs brought me back to a happier place I felt - a place where I saw myself and my "partner in crime" really thrive off humour and life.......... This new girlfriend would remind me -- she would always know when I was watching Scrubs and not to bother me - or when I was missing Scrubs for her...... She was happiest then - and of course I thank her for those times.

And as a year and a bit passed - that time ended with her - and months later I had begun seeing someone new.... Someone who I will not expand on...... Not because it/SHE is still fresh in my mind - but rather it is a whole other story.... a whole other dream.

And skipping past that - I was still intense with this show... Over the writers Strike - and the RANDOM change in hair styles that the one actor went through -(unfortunately because of continuity errors through editing and programming) the show had become to be something of a drag....... The episodes began to be less entertaining and too much into "trying to release something on time" - but - I wouldn't stop watching.......

This finale season was a transition for the characters.......... The lead guy J.D - being with his "Dream Girl" really reflected how I wanted my life to be.......... And after a ton of AWFUL episodes where they introduced their new characters to carry on the "scrubs" name - there were a few episodes that truly embodied what made me love this show.

I don't know if it was the childish humour between the two lead best friends "Turk & J.D" or if it were the fact that it was coming to an end - that I sat at the edge of my chair watching as if this was some important presidential speech ---- But it came to tonight......

I taped it having a feeling I may watch it with Mr.Pipher tonight............. and I did........

And I wont lie to you... I am about to go watch it again.... Scrubs - Tonight - at 8 o clock on May 6th 2009 - came to an end - where the lead male "J.D" left the hospital...........

Sure they can carry on the sitcom with their new characters --- but this was the end for me... I wont follow it.....

And - as I begun to watch this show to forget the pains of my past and move on - I have oddly learned a lot from this television show...... I honestly DO NOT watch TV !!! I watch this show and "The Office" - but other then that NO dice... I do other things with my time like exercising - playing on my uke - writing - or telling myself "You know how that tastes like " DO NOT" eat that un fresh processed food that is unhealthy for you"...............

It was an emotional night for me.... Saying goodbye to people as if they were my friend for the last few years...... And coming to see that the ending of their run - still resembled the life that I still try to embody today......

Happiness - Humour - and Love.......... That's all I need or want..... What else is there?

We live in the Freshest of times............... There have been world wide problems forever..... Don't act like we are different from the rest of history.......... Let's try to reach for the stars as we have always tried to do............... Who said that a song goes out of date when a new song comes out?

What ever makes you happy is ALL you need........... You don't need to look past your own backyard if what really brings you joy is the sun beaming down on you as you read a book amongst the grass and the birds and the bee's.............

"I'd rather have an afternoon relaxin in the sand" if I could stay in this blissful happiness forever.

Embrace what you have while it lasts........ Stay thankful...... Gratitude is the best attitude ;)

see you soon

-pJ

(ps..... Sometimes you just need to accept the end..... "/" that picture was taken at Halloween a year and a half ago -- I look nothing like that now haha I was dressed up like "J.D" --- Yeahhh you love it ;D )

John Hancock

2009-05-02T23:20:00.001-04:00

So here's the thing.

I am pJ Boyd. Patrick, James (the bullet) Boyd.......... hahaha - no bullet.... BUT wouldn't that be cool?

Or how about - PJay the Rain in Spain Boyd!!! OUI OUI?! --- They speak dutch in Spain right?

But over the years - and when I say years I mean the entirety of my life - I have been given nicknames. Going into Kindergarten I was just simply - Patrick Boyd. The young cute - short little white boy whom has dimples that could melt your ice cream into a cup - re freeze itself - and then be in my hand to eat it and then of course have it drop on the floor as I do a child's single tear in the most adorable way possible at people wanting to cuddle me from my pain.

Then of course - come SENIOR Kindergarten - my father - picking me up on the odd days - yet oddly ALWAYS sticking out in my mind - called me PJ............ That's where it came from... Sure sure any monkey or junky could think up calling me PJ after hearing my full name had "Patrick James" in it! BUT - it was me being let out into the small courtyard all fenced up for us young-ens and me running up to my father (Gord) and him simply reaching out and saying "Hey PJ!!" Who knows - it could have been one of those "I don't care what "the woman" wants to call him - this boy will be a hockey playing Man's man! And I will call him what I want and have him love it too! PJ, it is!!!" - But of course all though I've stuck with the name - I hardly watch sports enough to love it - I train and study in Musical Theater - and I own about every chick flick known to man....ahemm.... Woman......

But that's where PJ is from. I think that's why it never faded. Sure, it's a fun name - not to many people go by it. But for me - there is a bit more significance to it then just simply being a way to sign my name.

Which oddly enough for those who know me - KNOW- that I sign my name - P@ Boyd.... But in a nicer way. The "@" overlapping the "P" and the Boyd being as messing as a greasy 14 year old boys hair. BUT that's "how I do".

PJ has been me for my entire life. And as I grew up - and as puberty - and my "apparent" subtle Irish accent hit - it became harder to understand as I introduced myself....

"Hi I'm PJ!"
"Peter?"
"No no, PJ"
"PerrJay?"
"PEEEE - JAAYYY"
"OH! Alright Josh nice to meet you!"
"sighh"

But amidst the confusion - I've cared less - so I have stuck with PJ for my whole life.

And of course this NOW replacing my name of PATRICK - other nicknames for me begun to sprung up like a groundhogs.

One of my earlier ones was "Spade" - hahaha - This was my GRAFFITI name. My good friend whom which I haven't seen in sooo long I hate it (Micheal Valentine) - vacationed together with our family's. (On a side note - know that my family ONLY ever vacationed to Myrtle Beach South Carolina & Disney World Orlando Florida).

So IN one of our Myrtle Beach vacations (we usually do Disney as a solo family - we take out fun at Disney quite seriously) myself and Mike were in the pool. We were unseperable at this point in our lives - and while we had to switch hotels due to tooo much renovation happening in our usual hotel "The Patricia Grand" - we stayed in the "Camalot Hotel" which was brand new that year. BUT in the pool - conversations hit inbetween our competitions of "who can hold their breath under water the longest" or the "what am I saying under water" - we decided to give each other nick names.

He was "Ace"
And I was "Spade"

At the time our friend and still the COOLEST guy I know - who on a side note looks sublty like "Jason Mraz" - my partner in crime diss agrees with me - Matt Donne was into and REALLY great at "Graffitti". And in an attempt to become the next cool gangsta and tag our wicked rad graffitti names everywhere - we gave ourselves these names..... Take in mind I would have only been about 11 - and he was 10.

That faded for us by the time we hit the roads back to Canada.

And then the years past. We both went to Camp - "Ontario Pioneer Camp" - as young kids - and due to me being older - ended first and decided to become a staff member. This "Leader in Training" program (LIT) was a great experience. Although not the "overwhelming spiritual" journey as I thought and was told it would be - NOT due to my leader - whom which I owe soo much of my strength in faith to (matt W.) But it didn't rock my world as I would have hoped it to.

Within this LIT training - you go on a canoe trip with a small percentage of the people doing the training. This is done to of course to bring the groups closer together - to open them up in a small group and get them comfortable to grow in both a spiritual and of a stronger and more stable way to take care of children at the young ages of 16/17.

The first nickname I got was - "Che". This was my FAVORITE thing ever! haha. This came around a little oddly. Within this 3/4 day Canoe trip I ALWAYS sat in "The Princess Seat". Now to those of you who are not the "survivor" type - "the princess seat" is the seat right at the front of the canoe. Pretty much the seat which needs the less amount of effort while rowing. hahaha. I was very comfortable up there. Of course this was noticed. Not hard not to. And our "tripper" the one of course Trained to canoe us around safely - thought it'd be funny to call me "Princess"........ "yeaaahhhh thats not happening" hahaha. So as cool as that COULD(?) have been - she suggested "Princhepessa" - (apologies if I spelt it wrong) - but this was "Princess" in Italian.... She had just spent a year in Italy.... Go figure.... But "Princhepessa" was a little toooo long for a name - so she shortend it down to "Che".

I went by "Che" for the rest of our trip and for the rest of our "LIT" training. But of course my great friend and fearless leader Matt "rev" W. Was on a mission to name me something better. How could I not let him? He meant a lot to me and this meant a lot to him - soo this was happening. And amidst all the names I could have been called - ALONG with his obsession (and I mean obsession) with the movie "Top Gun" and naming people from that movie - He knighted me as "Hollywood".

This worked perfectly due to my acting and film studying and knowledge.

That's my name every summer as I go up to camp. "hollywood" - I love it and it will always be a part of me in both THAT significant way - and because in many ways I'm just a straight up DIVA! hahaha.

And now - as I sign my name - I think it loooooks a lot cooler - to write my name as pJ. hahaha I know I know REALLY lame...... I personally think it looks a lot cooler than PJ. But to be a bit more DEEPER I spell it as soo to SOMEWHAT symbolise the capitol "J" holding up the "P"...... Now for my partner in crime who will read this later - DO NOT get all cocky with me - but I like to think that "J" holds me up when I'm down. And the way the J scoops the rounded end of a lower case "p" I think it works great...................... yeaaahhhh shut up hahaha.

But this is me. This is who I am...... Now among the few stories that I seem to repeat to my dearest friend Jackie Jay allll the time over and over again to show how crappy my memory is - FOR THE LIFE OF ME - I am terrible with names....... Names that are not mine of course :

-Mission 22- Timone: "Oh, whats in a name!?"

I have always been really bad at names. I never thought I was. I just assumed I was pretty stellar - BUT - as of late I have noticed more and more that I really am just getting out of hand with the lack of names I know.

On weekends I work as a Film/Photography teacher to rich children whom parents want rid of them in the morning - and although I work with these children during 9 week periods at a time - I have told them straight off - "Although you may learn something - and remember these classes always - I probably will not know your name next weekend. Or the next." - I even do this in the summer time when I work at a Film Camp where I see these children non stop every day for weeks at a time - I DO NOT remember too many of them.... Now this isn't because I do not care about these children or watch out for them......... But Jimmy is called Paul by the end of the week - the short little black kid who called me "dumb dumb" is then named "night at the museum" - and the short sad looking girl is named "eeyore". When I am at "OPC" being a camp councilor I seem to be a tad better at remembering kids names because of the HOURS and HOURS with them non stop - eating beside them - sleeping in the next bunk - and FORCING them to at LEAST jump in the lake to get some sort of batheing before their parents pick them up at the end of the week!!!

But not just children - no more than - YESTERDAY - was I introducing myself to some really stellar people whom I will be working with this summer - But within 5 minutes I couldn't even point out to you who they were. Sigh.... I don't know if that was just simply I couldn't remember - OR - I'm just a jerk..... But if I saw them I know I would be able to be like ..... "HEY.....You!"..... But thats about it.

Call me what you will. I know I know - I should try harder - and I will. This is my mission - this is my "What's in a name" mission where I will try to be better at remembering names - especially those of who I will be working with the ENTIRE summer. It's going to happen..... And please to those of you who don't see me too often try and contact me and say - "HEY! Who am I!?" For starters it'll say who you are as I get the messege - so it'll be of no use - and secondly I will probably ask to see your wallet.

So my mission is clear - I will remember you ALLLL...... Slash - see a TON of really cool wallets.

signed..................... you know..........ahem.

Mr.Procrastinate

2009-04-27T02:52:00.001-04:00

At work today (American Eagle) - the last shift of my non stop day after day week of A/E - and now on to my week off.... Not going to lie - I wish it was a little more spread out. But knowing my manager - she'll call me in for a couple of shifts while I'm off - so I'm not too worried. BUT if not - today was memorable enough to last a week of no work. I'll remember it for one specific reason..... A lady.... And not one of those times when you think "AND WHAT A LADY!" - but an elderly lady whom had one heck of a mind to her.

Now to inform this story I need to tell you that American Eagle has signs and other stylish assortment of things inside with really suggestive sayings on them. Now our motto is not - "Live your Life @ American Eagle". And along with each new collection of clothes for each season comes a special saying. We get a sign with the saying on it to post in front of our store with a model on the front of it wearing our new clothes in sexy ways that a lot of us only dream of being able to sport from day to day. But this sign simply says.......... "Free Your Legs"........... Now this little old dust bunny comes waltzing in with a little old grin on her wrinkled face of stories, comes straight up to me and asks "nooowwwwww what does free your legs mean?"

Innocent? You would think so... But if it were not for quick eyebrow twitch raising upward to assume the worst of this question - this little old nanny went from Mary Poppins aged 65 to Granny from next door on search for her last hurraaaahh...

But of course I kept my cool. No sense being creeped out openly - especially since this woman is lookin for some happy times.... SO professionally I begun to talk about our deal on selected "shorts" as part of our Summer collection..... She didn't care for it. She looked at me and said - "Oh, this doesn't look like a store for a woman like me" - she turned away and exited my life. Farewell you old bird!

-Mission 21- Procrastination Sensation

It has become a cycle of mine - Where my mind fully shuts off and I just can't bring myself to finishing anything until I see something finished.

I got into this blog deal from my role model - a Mr. Jason Mraz... His philosophy of life and gratitude and happiness encouraged me to begin writing again after a long Hiatus.

In high school I took a course called "Writers Craft". It was one of the most rewarding courses I took throughout my high school years. Except sadly and PAINFULLY there is a portion to each class where everyone has to take time and write a journal entry.

AFTER hundreds of these damn entries I couldn't take it. The stories started to lack and the haiku's begun to suck more coo then a pigeon whose lost it's voice.

Soooo I stopped it very quickly.

But it's been refreshing to write a few times per month to talk about what ridiculous moments I encounter that add up to my life.

Among all the scripts for plays and screenplays and musical ideas that have come round through my thoughts and RANDOM writing moments - I turned to music. Last Christmas my parents rocked my world with a Tenor Ukulele as my gift. I play that guy ALLLLL the time... I called her Tabitha - I've spoken about her a few times. She's my world haha. I have gotten pretty good. Nothing to go touring around the world with - but I have written music and come up with melodies with Tabi that therapeutically help chill life down. She's been a real doll.

BUT alas - I have never finished a song. I get the opening of a song and I write down a few dummy lyrics but for the LIFE of me, I just can't seem to finish a song. I have about 5 killer songs of mine that I play constantly - but I repeat the same ridiculous verses about heart break and the search for love sooo many times I'm just aching to find the end to at least one of em...

But I come close. Yes, yes I do. I really do come close to finishing those suckers. If it weren't for my RIDICULOUS procrastination! For most of the people who read this - you find times where you WANT to do something - anything - except for the one thing that you are supposed to be doing? You know what I'm talkin about - Don't act like I'm preaching to the choir - they will stand there in their robes and LISTEN AND ENJOT IT!!!!!!

Since I have been off of school for a couple of years now it is human nature to live your life the way you like and just fill in the blanks. Y'know - for example - when I would have homework - HA- and I would procrastinate and just pull off the art of "sitting" for most of my nights. Now that there has been no option too ignore homework for me I have lost my effort at writing on this blog.

It's not because I don't want to -But rather - I haven't done too much excluding the constant working. And as WACKY as that may seem to a few of you lifeless swines - it hasn't been adventurous.

And of course - along with my MALE cycle -ha!- There haven't been too many blogs written by the J-man himself to encourage/remind me of a theme to write about. This euphoria that has been my blog has been on some sort of shut down because of my lack of bloggage. It's like writing baggage - on the interweb........ ahem.... any way....

Finally the one I look too for some sort of release from this world wrote a blog.............. It was about Procrastinating........

C'mon!!! hahaha - I'm trying not tooo procrastinate any more myself!! Toss a brotha some inspiration!

But when a fan - such as myself.......... Not a spinning piece of plastic but rather someone who idolises someone AS WELL as God..... Yes yes, the bible tells us all not to idolise anybody but him - BUTTTTTT C'mon!!! As a human I try not to stress and to feel about certain things as if it were the Pirate Code ----- more guide lines.......

And soo ladies and......... MORE lady ;) - I ask you this .......................... I've got nothing.... But I wanted to give a shout out any way.................................... A Shout out to the laaaadies :D......

HA!

So amongst the last few days of my schooless - lifeless - life - I salute you all for reading this. I have gotten into a school as you have learned - for Musical Theater Performance. NOT BAD - but as much sd people would assume it'll get to my head - (just because of my humor) - I am terrified - It feels like I will constantly be at an audition - I'm really anxious to get in there and get comfortable - But it has all sunk in - and I will go in there open heatedly and feasting out some humble pie...... I think nervousness is overrated. Not to sound like a southern mother who lives on an alligator farm - "nervousness is the devil!" - haha.

C'mon folks...... Here it is... This is life... DO NOT try to show up other people.... It's hard not to be accepted or acknowledged when you work uncontrollably hard. But one thing that I took from how I held myself at my audition for my new school was that I went and I was myself.... If they didn't want me - then they didn't need someone like me. It's hard to take but why be someone else JUST to go somewhere? Will you REALLY have a good time? I went there and I was myself - there were guys singing triumphant opera tenor notes - They could overwhelm a moose - but that's not me..... I brought who I am to the table. I didn't go to beat anyone. I went to showcase what I have. I wasn't going to try to be someone else.... And yes - I got in. It's overwhelming and terrifying and amazing all at once....... But hey - this is life isn't it?

Procrastination is something I would love to put into the past with that sickly lady from the mall - and Thug masta G' from my audition - but things just somehow sneak back up to you - and sooooo Mr.Procrastination - I salute you - and ask you to get the CRAP outta my life - pJ's got some livin to do.....

-rock on folks - and hey! Go live your Life -

-pJ

Sense of Play

2009-04-11T18:20:00.001-04:00

Do you ever find yourself being REALLY bored, then within an odd series of events you find yourself being oddly humoured with the SAME EXACT activity that you were doing that caused you to be so bored?

HERE is an EXACT rundown of one of my bored days.

Wake up around noon... Usually find myself forcing open my eyes as I feel a subtle sunlight spotlighting my face from the curtain cracks of my window. I like most society driven young people ---- sleep beside my laptop... Of course this being my mothers lap top - I usually swipe it and fall a sleep as I additively check to see if someone writes me that last minute "hello" at 3:30 in the morning.

And as I awake and find that within the last 7 hours no one has yet sent me a "hello" - I lay and stare at what is the fantastic Funk - shway of my bedroom... Now I don't spell it correctly because of two things.... The first and most important reason being - My room is in fact the single most Funkiest place in the world..... The second and most obvious reason being that I lack the knowledge of it's correct spelling................... yeah...... shut up!.. how about that?

As I continue to lay I turn on a movie to which will entertain me as I continue to lay..... Yes that is correct - amidst the funk is a dresser beside my Queen size bed... On this dresser is my favorite 20 DVDs - and at the very end of my bed is my brothers television and DVD player to which is tooo big to fit in his room.... In any case - a simple roll from my pillow to where my feet make rest night after night is all I need to do in order to begin my next DVD adventure.

Of course this lasts for only about an hour before I grow weary, and welll....... greasy... So I take my 1st of many showers. After this ends I take rest at all this moving on one of my rest days ;) - and I lay back in my bed and take ease as I continue to stare endlessly at my computer... Of course here is where the boredom becomes un-livable, so in hopes to feel better about my lack of anything to do. I get dressed.... But no no - not the clothes of the day.... I get Dee-ressed!

Now this is a particular study of style-class- and freshness... As I bust down to some "Beggin" the recent remake of The Four Seasons "Begging You" by hip hop artist "Madcon" I begin the process. I dress in my best Tux..... NOW although I just got a new one - Let me remind everyone of the 'style' aspect to it... No suit jacket for me. No no. Number 1 - I like fit. And in fitting clothes not only do I hope to look fit - I hope to keep that aspect of style hahaha :D.

Enough of that....

Today on this special of Toronto warm days - I took to the streets.. Keepin to the philosophy "Going to get a cup of coffee? Dress to impress" - I have mentioned this before - but honestly - Why not? It isn't fully intentional now that it has become a regular habit and what has slowly eased into my day to day style - But it was a nice day to rock some nice dress pants with a nice sweater.

And yes - when I walk - I walk with the same purpose.... Extra Large Double Double - Double Cupped..... Tim Hortons coffee $1.65 -- afternoon on the town to encourage my sense of play. :).... Of course on this particular afternoon walk I bumped into a good pal named Zach Correia. Yes - that would make his Zacharia Correia. Fun name... His initials spell out "ZAC" - Think his parents thought this over? Witty folks.

But alas on my walk home with "IIIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMM BEGGIIINNNN YOOOUUUU" burning through my thoughts I begun a text message blitz to folks in Toronto who may want to accompany me to an Art Gala tonight....(Fundraiser for mr.correia) And on my way home a gentlemen making a right hand turn honks. I look over - being unaware of what his problem was and I notice - that although I am on the opposite corner of the street - he is BLATANTLY waving at me...... Now I don't know this guy in ANY way.. Didn't recognise him and I knew that there was no way I could know this guy... It was a Truman Effect.

What is that you may ask?................... Glad you asked. :) How considerate of you to play along..... OF course you have no choice in the matter - this is my Blog and I can write what I want so go piss off will yah!..... No please don't ... Keep reading..................... Well not PLEASE don't ahem... I'm not desperate or anything.............................................................. OKAY FINE!!!!!! Just keep reading.

-Mission 20- The Truman Effect

Now the Truman Effect is based off of the 1998 Film "The Truman Show" starring Jim Carrey.

Now for those of you who don't know what this movie is about I'll give you a quick synopsis.... And I mean quick... This is my blog, there for the spotlight is on me..... AND NO ONE ELSE GOT IT!?!!!!! ahem..heeheee, anyway.

The Truman Show - Truman Burbank lives a happy life. However, what he doesn't know is that his life is actually the focus of a reality TV show aired since his birth. He's the star, his hometown is a giant set piece, and everyone around him is an actor going by a script. And as Truman is older he begins to discover this Studio life he has been living, and tries to discover the truth about his life.

It's actually quite the incredible tale. Now one of the things that proves to Truman that his life is some sort of conspiracy or something is how eventually people begin to "slip up" in their characters and call him "Truman" when they are supposed to be playing complete strangers. Or little children pointing or staring at him. And of course "the wave".

It begin 4 years ago.......

I was walking to a friends house for a band practice when I heard an EXTREMELY loud honk and the scream of someone yelling "hey". It through me off. I called my partner in crime and told him how I felt like Truman. He laughed it off and told me I was just crazy........ JUST like they did in the movie...... hmmmm.

I can't recall when but there was a time soon after when a car of girls did the same. I shrugged that one off. Because AS MUCH as I wanted to continue my strut a tad more cockier - I had a funny feeling they may have been teasing me. I couldn't put my finger on it. So my Strut although proud - turned into a confused - yet content driven swagger.

A few weeks ago.... As I was driving to hang out at my friend Kate's place in Oakville (the soon to be town residence of myself) I was turning off of the highway when a Large Truck pulled down his horn. Now I love these horns - so I slowed down to see what he was honking for. Perhaps a young chilled doing the traditional Tiger Woods elbow swing in order to get him to honk? Or perhaps an elderly gentlemen driving 20 below the limit in front of him with his blinker going non stop. Either of these options would humor me greatly. So I looked...... And of course, no little boy... And from my vantage point - no elderly gentlemen. In stead he was leaning over - looking out of his passengers window - WAVING to me!

Now I understand the whole "Cottage" life where you wave at anyone and everyone as you pass by on your boat. But this was getting RIDICULOUS! C'mon. I love and appreciate the waves. Brings us all closer together as a humanity - but WHY ME!? And in the most random times?! Did he NEED to wave to me as I was turning off the highway? Did that gentlemen NEED to honk and wave to me from across an intersection? What is it about me?

At my recent audition I was told I look VERY familiar....

So all in all I can only establish one thing. And although I would want to end this blog with some deep conclusion to my life that really wraps up how I have felt about all this... But I'd prefer to leave us all with a Quote by my favorite New Zealand Folk Bands......... The Flight of the Conchords.

"I've just got one of those faces I suppose"

-pJ

For once in my life!

2009-04-02T02:09:00.001-04:00

So -

In my mind - I have been replaying certain things over and over again. Things like opening phrase Stevie Wonder sings "For once in my life" - and also scenes from the Sean Astin movie "Rudy" where he dreams of playing football for Notre Dame and he tries for years and does everything to make his father watch him and just be proud.... I've been running through my thoughts lyrics of songs I've written - prayers - and other show tune lyrics that bring a smile to my face.

For once in my life --- I feel worth something. I feel like I have something. I look at myself in the mirror now and can see the things people compliment me on. I'd do a musical and think to myself "oh what ever - I was alright. I made people laugh" - to myself - I wasn't acting. I was just being a contained silly that people seemed to enjoy. Like watching a friend be really funny in a party situation.

I don't know if this is a part of my self conscious way toward myself. - It's funny, I dress to impress haha :D - My friend once said to me "Goin out for a walk? - Wear a tie! Dress to impress!"

Not only have I taken him seriously - but I found when I dressed in a nicer side of fashion I hid away all my self consciousness. I wasn't worrying how I looked without that designer shirt on. Or how chopped up my teeth have looked since this past summer. I go into "PJ" mode. This was almost a character..... But now - I've been finding that this was no character.. This was me - just coming more alive. It wasn't the clothes hahaha. That is just a small thing towards it.

Out of the many times I've seen a friend hurting over something - Over the past couple of years I have seen old friends pass away - Camp friends/campers and even family members all pass. I have had more than my own share of emotional trauma over relationships and breakups. Through depression and self implosion which like most stereotypical person - drowning themselves in alcohol..... Which is kind of a confession to some people who (one in particular) asked me how I know soo much about alcohol. It's easy to become a connoisseur when the very thing that you know soo much about used to be very close and personal with you while everything else in the world seemed dark and closed off. God I have been rejected from the same Film program every year I have applied and I just cursed the world not understanding what I was doing wrong. Honing my skills just wasn't good enough. But I wasn't meant for that as it appears.

And alas - I look in the mirror and I know NOW - that although I am just getting on my way - I feel something big could happen. My life is just beginning. Hell I am only twenty. I have so much more to do - and now I can. I am filled with gratitude and joy and I see the world as an obtainable goal. I'm running forward and to quote Freddie Mercury "you, Can't Stop Me Now"

I'm in. Acknowledge me now as a Theater student. No matter what happens in my life now - I am in the profession. Musical Theater - WOW - still blows me away.

-Next up for me - and something for you to look forward to - I am in the process of YES finishing my songs.

I'll keep you posted my beloved SKreaders. And as for now, of course ............................................. I dance ;D

-pJ

ps..... Practice Gratitude -

Thank you Warren for your amazing knowledge of this world of Acting and the hilarious monologue you handed off to me. All my wonderful camp friends whom I really don't consider "camp" friends but rather my BEST FRIENDS - all your support has pushed me to levels I only dreamed about. You all make me fearless as I step out into this intimidatingly horror film of a world. I love you all - and together you all make this a fresh world to live in! - power to you all - Live-Laugh-Love-Eat Kraft Dinner!